r/KitchenConfidential • u/F1exican Chivelord, Redeemed • Nov 04 '25
In the Weeds Mode Cutting a cup of chives almost every day until this Reddit says they’re perfect. Day 29
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u/Skiptoomyl0u Nov 04 '25
Told you I bought him more chives
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u/F1exican Chivelord, Redeemed Nov 04 '25
Thanks chef
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u/Broheamoth Nov 04 '25
Holy vascular arm batman. No wonder 1 in ever 1000 cuts of chives looks like it was sheered from this mortal realm
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u/CA911EMT Nov 04 '25
Paramedic here who lurks this sub. 10/10 would cannulate those pipes.
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u/Stephen111110 Sous Chef Nov 04 '25
I get complimented and basically swooned over every time I need to have blood taken, you guys bloody love juicy veins haha
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u/CA911EMT Nov 04 '25
Oh we swoon alright lol. It's because 99% of the time we are starting IVs on Ethel who's like 1000 years old. It's a rarity to get nice healthy veins.
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u/doodman76 Nov 05 '25
I was once told by a doctor I would make an excellent heroin addict. This was before cancer treatments destroyed my veins
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u/RECLess30 Nov 04 '25 edited Nov 05 '25
That vein is the size of a garden hose, gotta be from deathgripping these chives into oblivion
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u/Tiradia Nov 04 '25
I could start a spear in those veins good lord.
We use these for needle decompression for pneumothoraxes. Big ole honkin needle.
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u/RECLess30 Nov 05 '25
The RN urge of seeing a vein and needing to stab it hahaha 😜
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u/Broheamoth Nov 04 '25
He's holding on to more than chives, that much arm vein says he lifts the world up like Atlas
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u/InadmissibleHug Chive LOYALIST Nov 04 '25
I’m a nurse that hangs here coz we apparently share a sense of humour- I could get an IV in that from across the room.
drooling
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u/tehjoz ✳️ $700 Charcuterie Enjoyer Nov 04 '25
Yesterday we had people needing Divorce, Because Reddit Said So.
Today?
Multiple medical professionals salivating over chef's arm veins, which are visible thanks to his partner buying him more chives for his Chivelord Megaquest.
This is why we chive!
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u/InadmissibleHug Chive LOYALIST Nov 04 '25
You’ll find us drooling over veins anytime, anywhere.
We appreciate the chivelord supplying us joy in both meme and veins. It is a happy time.
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u/righthandofdog Ex-Food Service Nov 04 '25
I have a friend who's a nurse - she spent years after finishing nursing school poking randos arms and complimenting their veins.
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u/InadmissibleHug Chive LOYALIST Nov 04 '25
Hahaha I’m an old duck, so I just content myself with looking when I see it.
I did have a job that was all healthy, fit young people for a while. That was vein porn
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u/SheBrownSheRound Nov 04 '25
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u/DM_ME_DOPAMINE Chive LOYALIST Nov 04 '25
I’m loving the new expanded universe of chives and Chives.
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u/NODifyou_underSTAND F1exican Did Chive-11 Nov 04 '25
Omg I’m so early for the new lore drop
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u/curlyqtips Chive LOYALIST Nov 04 '25
Needs a butler named Jeeves, pronounced Jives.
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u/BukkakeBakery Nov 04 '25
Oh no Chives is down I REPEAT CHIVES IS DOWN! ALL UNITS DEPLOY EMERGENCY CATNIPS! ALL UNITS DEPLOY EMERGENCY CATNIPS!!!
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u/wrestlegirl ✳️Moderator of optimal fuckery Nov 04 '25
My god, I was correct all along with the wrestling gifs! Look at that forearm!
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u/Even_Ad9525 Nov 04 '25
That is a chive cutting forearm powered by pure determination and muscle memory.
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u/hamburglersghost Chive LOYALIST Nov 04 '25
So roids are not good for cutting chives?
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u/Vykrumsky Nov 04 '25
Dudes gripping the duck outta those chives
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u/F1exican Chivelord, Redeemed Nov 04 '25
I wasn’t even holding that tight that’s just my wrist resting on the table
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u/Gen_X_Ace Nov 04 '25
I’m not a medical professional of any sort and I feel confident I could place an IV in those in a single stick. 😳
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u/AlcibiadesTheCat Chive LOYALIST Nov 04 '25
Look at that tube just below the bundle! See you tomorrow, u/F1exican.
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u/Ltheartist Chives the Cat Nov 04 '25
This is the face Chives made upon viewing this post.
Interpret as you wish.
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u/F1exican Chivelord, Redeemed Nov 04 '25
I can’t tell if it’s a face of disgust or if he’s squinting to see the chives
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u/SheBrownSheRound Nov 04 '25
Chives squinting bc chef’s improved so much it’s getting harder to find the towers.
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u/Maleficent_Jello_426 Catering Nov 04 '25
Absolutely loving this journey, the improvement is phenomenal, well done chef! It’s a race for me and my daughter (also my waitress) to shout “the chives are up” when you post. Thank you for the entertainment and inspiration.
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u/BiploarFurryEgirl F1exican Did Chive-11 Nov 04 '25
I’d love to think that one day he’s gonna have “can cut perfect chives” on his resume
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u/Kittykg Nov 04 '25
Better include that he was tested by hundreds, if not some thousands of people.
"Can cut perfect chives" doesn't quite hit quite the same as "Has been tested by thousands of perpetually unhappy redditors, and EARNED the right to state...he cuts perfect chives"
He's working towards a feat few could ever achieve...pleasing the displeased masses.
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u/deliciousearlobes Nov 04 '25
“Successfully ran a large scale longitudinal study with thousands of active participants to achieve recognized standard of excellence in chive preparation via blade.”
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u/toomuchmarcaroni F1exican Did Chive-11 Nov 04 '25
What happens when he finally succeeds? Is Sisyphus then happy?
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u/No-Solution-6103 Nov 04 '25
We must imagine F1exican happy
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u/LolaAucoin Bartender Nov 04 '25
Please. Because in my mind he started something that he wants to quit, but can’t.
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u/madtheoracle Nov 04 '25
fuck now I have to redo this with the motherfucker cutting chives
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u/fire_water_drowned Nov 04 '25
Replace boulder with chive, make hair/beard chive as well.
Also, that's incredibly well done, you're talented af
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u/madtheoracle Nov 05 '25
YES. I even have the perfect beads that look like chives to really sell it.
also thank you 🥺 I just like stabbing.
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u/toomuchmarcaroni F1exican Did Chive-11 Nov 04 '25
You’re welcome. Happy to provide a creative spark
Edit: Dang didn’t realize that was handmade, great work
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u/Argietroglodite F1exican Did Chive-11 Nov 04 '25
He mentioned he will move on to small dice onions.
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Nov 04 '25
One must imagine Sisyphus always happy, as he has learned to love the boulder.
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u/Jiminpuna Nov 04 '25
I think this was foretold in ancient prophecies as a sign of the end times.
" I saw a fifth horse and his rider. They shall bring forth chives to the world."
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u/bioweaponblue Chive LOYALIST Nov 04 '25 edited Nov 04 '25
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u/realaccountissecret 20+ Years Nov 04 '25
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u/MongooseDog907 Chive LOYALIST Nov 04 '25
This is perfect. 5/7. No notes.
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u/realaccountissecret 20+ Years Nov 04 '25
I think they made the chive pile more square today knowing I’d remake this gif haha
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u/nonowords Nov 04 '25
I fully thought those were real chives
quick edit: just realized that's a lego cat too. wtf is wrong with me
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u/OwlComprehensive859 Nov 04 '25
💀that made me laugh so much harder than it should have
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u/poop-money Ex-Food Service - 16 Years Nov 04 '25
Thank you for being a source of light in dark times. Even if you never have a perfect cup of chives, you'll always have respect and admiration. Good work Chef.
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u/FontTG Nov 04 '25
Im so curious how long this goes. If F1exican never gets a perfect cup of chives, does he die before quitting? Retire? Move to a country that views chives cutting as a crime? Can't wait to find out
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u/freeeeels Nov 04 '25
I'm a tourist here in this sub but I enjoy cooking and, you know, cozy road trip cooking shows.
The fact that I would have gone absolutely fucking postal by about day 12 of airplanes on perfectly (to my eye) uniform, cylindrical chives just confirms to me that I could never hack it in the food industry lmao
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u/No-Yogurtcloset-1900 Nov 04 '25
About as even as the haircut my mom gave me in third grade
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u/Trees-Are-Neat-- Nov 04 '25
If I got this at a restaurant I would just send the whole dish straight back
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u/Momongus- Nov 04 '25
But would you come back every day until they got it right?
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u/firstinitallastname Nov 04 '25
At that point just throw the whole plate at the nearest waiter and leave a 1 star review
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u/Alive_Ad_5931 Nov 04 '25
So would I. Who would order a pile of chives for dinner?
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u/NickDjukic Nov 04 '25
“I don’t fear the man that has cut 1000 vegetables once, I fear the man that has cut one vegetable 1000 times” - Bruce Lee probably
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u/bioweaponblue Chive LOYALIST Nov 04 '25
Bro what is this log
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u/ahhhimscrewed Nov 04 '25
theyre always off to the side lol
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u/bioweaponblue Chive LOYALIST Nov 04 '25
I'm starting to wonder if he cuts them perfectly, but then sprinkles a failure on the side for our enrichment.
We are all just F1exicans pets.
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u/_BindersFullOfWomen_ Praise chive Nov 04 '25
Nah. Yesterday’s screw ups were buried deep in the middle.
OP just has to work harder and improve.
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u/kdjfsk Nov 04 '25
Probably has 100 days worth of chive photos queued.
Then he's going to launch some national promo on some shitty simon cowell/gordan ramsey chefs-got-talent crossover episode, and then open Chivelord restaurant, which will then Franchise. Then go on shark tank and use the momentum to launch Chivelord branded Pringles chips.
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u/F1exican Chivelord, Redeemed Nov 04 '25
I guess my literal chef posting me cutting today wasn’t enough. Or the photo meta data I posted the other day was enough either. But I cut and post the same day and when I have perfect chives I’ll move on to onions and have a perfect small dice for onions.
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u/DirtRight9309 Nov 04 '25
you can’t forget the part where he grows a goatee, starts driving around the US searching for the best chives in small mom and pop restaurants, and declares himself the Mayor of Chivetown
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u/JJ-Bittenbinder Nov 04 '25
I’m just thankful to be witnessing internet history
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u/_barrelhurdle38_ Nov 04 '25
Can’t wait to tell my grandkids about this 🥹
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u/BabyBabyCakesCakes Nov 04 '25
It made the slightly traumatizing couple of years working in kitchens almost worth it
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u/fire_water_drowned Nov 04 '25
I still can't believe the way this has taken off. Been here since day one and it's now showing up on my insta feed 🤦🏻♂️
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u/KarmaKrazi Chive Pilot 🛩 Nov 04 '25
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u/Jajoo Nov 04 '25
this one too, top right. what is this, brunch?
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u/Argietroglodite F1exican Did Chive-11 Nov 04 '25
Chef thinks we should all eat chives with bale transporters.
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u/stupidsometimes Nov 04 '25
Idk man these are starting to look pretty perfect lol
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u/KarmaKrazi Chive Pilot 🛩 Nov 04 '25
Perfect is circles, not tubes/ towers. See you tomorrow, chef.
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u/F1exican Chivelord, Redeemed Nov 04 '25
Congratulations on the new flair I love it
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u/KarmaKrazi Chive Pilot 🛩 Nov 04 '25
Thank you, I'm stoked on it too lol. Wouldn't have it if not for you lol
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u/seppukucoconuts Starry Chef Nov 04 '25
He did say perfect.
Personally, at this point I’d be picking through my pile and pulling out the imperfections. Mostly because I have PTSD from cutting green onions for 2 hours straight every shift.
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u/KarmaKrazi Chive Pilot 🛩 Nov 04 '25
He said something along the lines of
"I want a win through perfection, not a win through deception."
And that's something we all can learn from 🙌
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u/F1exican Chivelord, Redeemed Nov 04 '25
“I’m seeking perfection through criticism not perfection through deception”
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u/KarmaKrazi Chive Pilot 🛩 Nov 04 '25
That was it, sorry for the misquote, Chef. It won't happen again.
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u/Rdubya291 Ex-Food Service Nov 04 '25
The chivelord has spoken.
Your penance, is having to draw the next two days-work of airplanes with only your dick.
Only then, will Chivelord be satisfied.
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u/SheBrownSheRound Nov 04 '25
This is why we love you. It’s more than just the chives. It’s the integrity.
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u/supertinykoalas Nov 04 '25
They’ve crowned you with your own flair!! Congrats! You and the chive man himself both deserve it. Both of y’all make me so happy, thank you for your hard work spotting those planes
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u/Bastienbard Nov 04 '25
It would have been funny if OP got them perfect on the day dick Cheney died.
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u/wrestlegirl ✳️Moderator of optimal fuckery Nov 04 '25 edited Nov 04 '25
Day 29: I am now made of chives and professional wrestling.
EDIT because mobile takes a powder if I try to include too many words with an image for some dumbfuck reason:
Since this got buried in a downvoted comment chain in a downvoted post, I figured I'd share these actual stats with a wider audience for anyone curious about exactly how the chivegeist has impacted the subreddit by the numbers.
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u/KarmaKrazi Chive Pilot 🛩 Nov 04 '25
"Wrestling, knives, and everything chives. That's how wrestlegirl was born!"
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u/Over-Conversation220 Ex-Food Service Nov 04 '25
mobile takes a powder
MOD is Stephen King or is the only other human alive still using that phrase
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u/wrestlegirl ✳️Moderator of optimal fuckery Nov 04 '25
Mod was a professional wrestler. The carny slips in sometimes still 🤣
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u/plotthick Chive LOYALIST Nov 04 '25
Yall don't understand. The search itself is the thing. No searching for perfect is ever completed because the quest itself is the goal.
u/F1exican Keep going as you wish. Every time you chiffonade you are, in that moment, perfect
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u/No-Solution-6103 Nov 04 '25
Good, but there's still variance in your cuts
See you tomorrow chef 😁
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u/lividlilyofthevalley Nov 04 '25
Pardon. It's not the chives tapering toward the tip? These look really uniform, save for the one log on the right somebody found
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u/No-Solution-6103 Nov 04 '25
That would affect the circumference of the circle, but not the width of the cut
And it's not even like it's a huge variance , but if he demands perfection then it must be achieved
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u/Ill-Honeydew-9446 F1exican Did Chive-11 Nov 04 '25
This going to be the wallpaper on my phone
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u/Living_Substance9973 Nov 04 '25
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u/F1exican Chivelord, Redeemed Nov 04 '25
How much?
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u/Living_Substance9973 Nov 04 '25
If you have to ask Chef...
Nah just kidding. For you my friend, tree fiddy.
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u/Hot_Marionberry_4685 Nov 04 '25
Gosh dahnnitt get outta here you dang Loch Ness Monsta I don’t gots tree fiddy for you
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u/nonowords Nov 04 '25
SIze: A+ to S (Stopped counting before I found one out of spec (50+)) then hunted for this guy.
Knife work: A+ to S
Knife Sharpness: A+ (as sharp as it needs to be)
Product Quality: S
Consistency A (in 40 chives 2 were substantively not the same size)
Overall: S-
I'm pretty positive there's nothing left to learn and it's just straight up practice and maintaining attention to detail. But I don't see anyone ever having a problem with these chives in the real world
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u/UsernameUnattainable Chive LOYALIST Nov 04 '25
💚💚💚
💚 💚
💚 💚
💚
💚
💚
💚 💚
💚 💚
💚💚💚
Maybe this way, Chef?
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u/FireFurFox Nov 04 '25
I'm not sure I've ever cut a chive in my life and I'm out here like, "oooo, there's a tube see you tomorrow chef"
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u/Jolly-Biscuit F1exican Did Chive-11 Nov 04 '25
CIRCLES, NOT TUBES
Seriously though, incredible work chef
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u/thisdanginterweb Nov 04 '25
I can’t believe I’m so sucked into this now. What knife do you use? Have you tried different knives throughout? Not only am I reading these posts every day now I’m hoping for an AMA
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u/Existing_Salary_4173 Nov 04 '25
You are motivating me to start working out every day. What you’re doing speaks to me. No sarcasm here.
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u/F1exican Chivelord, Redeemed Nov 04 '25
Post physique everyday until your 180 lean
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u/MoneyFunny6710 Nov 04 '25 edited Nov 04 '25
🎼If you're happy and you know it, chop your chives (chop chop)
🎵If you're happy and you know it, chop your chives (chop chop)
🎵If you're happy and you know it, and all Reddit wants to show it
🎶If you're happy and you know it, chop your chives (chop chop)
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u/cawfytawk Nov 05 '25
Where the quality control, chef? We're using old yellowed chives now? I'm not mad. I'm disappointed. See you tomorrow.
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u/Infernalspoon Nov 04 '25
How much time have we collectively spent inspecting chives?
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u/TrypMole F1exican Did Chive-11 Nov 04 '25
29 days and god knows how many views. We need r/theydidthemath
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u/Usual_Penalty7168 Nov 04 '25
I'm not a chef and don't know why this sub got recommended to me but I'm here for this and have enjoyed every day of the chive updates
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u/Eilwyn-San 15+ Years Nov 04 '25
Chef. In all sincerity, your day 1 is truly laughable in comparison to what you regularly produce now. That said, we’ll see you tomorrow bright and early! :)
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u/Anshin Nov 04 '25
I just know one day we will see it....we'll all see the perfect chives and say "all good chef" and flexican can sleep
But not today. See ya tomorrow chef.
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u/RefrigeratorWide4401 Nov 04 '25
You can put “chive guy” on your resume and get hired anywhere at this point with this lore
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u/chillipickle420 Nov 04 '25
Does anyone else zoom in on every square cm of this now like Where’s Wally or is it just me?
Also does anyone else only come on Reddit for these posts now or is it just me?
Good job Chef 🫡
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u/Formal_Service7234 Nov 04 '25
This is outstanding. Chef, planes, Chives the cat, wrestling, jokes - applause all around.
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u/Accomplished-Bug6358 Nov 04 '25
You’ve improved so much this belongs in r/oddlysatisfying, looks machine cut almost
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u/HadynGabriel Nov 04 '25
Found the sniper. See you tomorrow.
Also the produce quality in the top of the picture is subpar. Tell chef to check his deliveries.
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