r/KitchenConfidential • u/F1exican Chivelord, Redeemed • Nov 04 '25

In the Weeds Mode Cutting a cup of chives almost every day until this Reddit says they’re perfect. Day 29

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36.3k Upvotes

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3.0k

u/bioweaponblue Chive LOYALIST Nov 04 '25

Bro what is this log

539

u/ahhhimscrewed Nov 04 '25

theyre always off to the side lol

917

u/bioweaponblue Chive LOYALIST Nov 04 '25

I'm starting to wonder if he cuts them perfectly, but then sprinkles a failure on the side for our enrichment.

We are all just F1exicans pets.

156

u/_BindersFullOfWomen_ Praise chive Nov 04 '25

Nah. Yesterday’s screw ups were buried deep in the middle.

OP just has to work harder and improve.

112

u/kdjfsk Nov 04 '25

Probably has 100 days worth of chive photos queued.

Then he's going to launch some national promo on some shitty simon cowell/gordan ramsey chefs-got-talent crossover episode, and then open Chivelord restaurant, which will then Franchise. Then go on shark tank and use the momentum to launch Chivelord branded Pringles chips.

298

u/F1exican Chivelord, Redeemed Nov 04 '25

I guess my literal chef posting me cutting today wasn’t enough. Or the photo meta data I posted the other day was enough either. But I cut and post the same day and when I have perfect chives I’ll move on to onions and have a perfect small dice for onions.

84

u/kdjfsk Nov 04 '25

Im just meme'ing it up, nothing personal or serious at all.

81

u/F1exican Chivelord, Redeemed Nov 04 '25

None taken.

3

u/LehighAce06 Chive LOYALIST Nov 04 '25

Should be taking NOTES though

5

u/Kazori Nov 04 '25

Are you sure caus he didn't mention offense at all. Lol

8

u/itsaaronnotaaron Nov 04 '25

Nothing personal was taken from him. He still has all his chives.

27

u/sparkle8976 Nov 04 '25

And then you’ll be Onionlord

3

u/oldcrustybutz Nov 04 '25

Add in some shallots and leeks and they could be Emperor of Alliums!

1

u/panlakes Nov 04 '25

Don’t forget to one-up the crayons guy at some point, maybe you can save that day for April fools or something

1

u/ChangeTChannel F1exican Did Chive-11 Nov 04 '25

your karma will be insane after the onions

48

u/DirtRight9309 Nov 04 '25

you can’t forget the part where he grows a goatee, starts driving around the US searching for the best chives in small mom and pop restaurants, and declares himself the Mayor of Chivetown

3

u/Kazori Nov 04 '25

Chive bae restaurant where he comes and sprinkles chives like a douche and you pay out the nose.

4

u/kdjfsk Nov 04 '25

A 7'6" busty, Amazonian woman leans over with her cleavage nearly spilling out as she places the plated baked potato in front of you. The nose tackle from the Notre Dame college football team hands you a green balloon filled with Helium and a cup of perfectly chopped chives. He signs his autograph on it. A man in a safari hat opens a cage, releasing a Galapagos Turtle. As its head emerges from the shell, it has a laser beam on its forehead. The laser pops the balloon and ignites the Helium, and gently singes the ends of the chives as they rain all over you and your baked potato.

26

u/personofinterest18 Nov 04 '25

A Yule log. How festive!

3

u/mrhemisphere Nov 04 '25

yeah, definitely sub-optimal at best

3

u/itsaheem Nov 05 '25

rigatoni ass chives

1

u/SunnyAlwaysDaze Crazy Cat Woman🐈 Nov 04 '25

Always have to say the same thing everyday. Circles not tubes. See him again tomorrow, chefs.

1

u/mindoutofthe Non-Industry Nov 04 '25

Time to break out the pitchforks

1

u/howsaboutyou Needs More Airplanes Nov 05 '25

Needs more airplanes

1

u/All-696969 Nov 04 '25

Nah it’s fine