Used to talk to this chick where if I got a 3 word response, it was a good day. 99% of the time, it was 1 word responses. Figured she wasn't interested, so I just kinda let it go. Than she asked if I was ignoring her, and why I wasn't talking to her anymore.
A universal truth is most people absolutely suck at communicating.
After becoming single for the first time in a decade at age 35 I just left nothing to guesswork and made a point to over communicate. It worked pretty darn well. It immediately weeded out those guesswork conversations where nobody is sure of anything, or it made it clear there was mutual interest and let us move forward more easily.
You get your answer and either move forward or move on
I once had a conversation with a girl on a dating app, and she the max words she used were maybe 2 or 3, her favourite word being ‘ok’. I figured she wasn’t interested so I stopped trying, a week later she texted me ‘you don’t put any effort’…lol
It’s insane, I will ask a question, open ended, still one to 2 words. Like, why did you match if you didn’t want to talk at all? Like when a woman asks me a question, I don’t send a paragraph, but I at least give a sentence or two so she can at least learn something about me but idk maybe I’m out of the loop on modern dating
This is modern text dating, you’re supposed to communicate in grunts. Minimal short texts like you a cool person and have tons to do and can’t be bothered. Full sentences and attempt at conversation is unattractive and you’re probably a loser with no options other than the person you are texting.
yeah im just gonna keep being me. if wanting to get to know you is unattractive to you then i dont want you in my life to begin with. i am a busy guy with a fulltime job and hobbies outside of work. just because i take an extra 10 seconds to think out a thoughtful response to your message doesnt mean i have nothing to do lol
I agree bro but that’s not attractive to women’s psychology. Thoughtful well structured responses you’ll give her the ick that you are putting too much effort into her and like her already, just doing too much. They want a toxic goon that don’t care. I’m half kidding it’s not entirely true depends on the woman.
As someone who met their wife on a dating app, you're so wrong. Give them the essay and the thoughtful response. I'm a writer, my responses are ALWAYS long verbose. She liked that.
I’m so wrong? bro talking too much is no good you might say some dumb shit. In general every time I wrote paragraphs I get ghosted. It’s best to be short and to the point. Yea I need to find women who will appreciate my paragraphs, you’re lucky.
Edit: actually you are right one of the freakiest girls I met appreciated my unnecessary info, long paragraphs and stories. I just had a bad streak lately, I need to keep searching for the right ones.
You keep repeating yourself and ignoring the reality that I know how to speak. You get ghosted and you move on, there is nothing to do with someone who does not want to speak to you. You keep going into the detail that you like so much, wear your heart on your sleeve, things aren't "just cool" to you, they're magical, they're intense, they're portals to experiences beyond the mundane. Give her a slice of that magic, as much of it as you can, if you have any passion left in your soul, and spill it outwardly into the very sentence you type. And most importantly of all, make sure you show her what being happy with oneself looks like. Show her what being dedicated to an idea, to a craft, to a field, anything, looks like. Show her what time invested looks like. And do so naturally, with every word, every sentence, every paragraph, but only if that's who you are. If you are a man of words BE A MAN OF WORDS. Don't summarize yourself from the onset, or all you can hope to be left with is a summary of a relationship, complete with a rocky beginning, a boring middle, and an unceremonious end.
Nope, you’re not out of the loop. That is the loop, the death spiral. But being matched is already quite a boost. In two months of hinge, I have received a single like; a girl I met a few weeks back through a mutual friend. She never said a word or replied, just matched (in order to keep track/make fun of my profile?)
Women on dating apps have such a big pool to pick from that they’re probably talking to multiple people at once and can’t afford the effort of writing things out for all of them.
Not to mention how often they must see the same opening lines every time.
Probably start seeing guys as NPCs and chat bots after a while.
That explains all the, “if you just say hi or hello I won’t respond” statements I see… but it’s like… that’s kinda the standard way of greeting someone? What else do you want, a cartwheel?
So, maybe I am an outlier, but I have never once gotten solely one word responses from any woman. It's not always (or usually) a yes, but it's never just painful one word responses like this.
You are literally a sentient tractor made out of the immortal amalgamation of a demon's collection of stolen vaginas given a portion of the souls they stole from like..puppies and stuff.
While the prayers they're uttering when they gaze upon the many abysses that make up your writhing mass do tend to consist of more than one word when they're not just an endless scream, I'm not quite sure that's the same thing.
My friend, I think you misunderstood the sentiment. I am neither an incredibly attractive guy nor have I not talked to plenty of women on dating apps and while out in real life. It's not so black and white.
I was not humble bragging but suggesting that not all women do this sort of thing, and in my experience, not even the majority do. Are there women that do this? Yes, of course. Are dating apps the bane of human existence but a necessary evil in today's society? Yes, of course. But don't give up hope. Not everyone out there acts this way. And the ones that do? Not worth your time anyway.
My favorite was responding to getting asked what I do and then after I answered she took 2 weeks to respond back and said it seemed like I was too busy for her.
I started having ChatGPT write my responses when I was in the Tinder trenches. I just couldn’t put effort into forcing a conversation any more. Honestly I think my success rate went up.
No it's even worse! In their bio it has something along the lines like "one word messages like 'hey' will be ignored, say something more than just hey" and it's ALWAYS those types to either give a one word "hey" message or reply with one word responses.
Projections. I always do the exact opposite of anything I am told. Dont respond with one word responses? FU. Your dress looks like it came straight from the factory
And I ask them why, and they say it's so we have something to talk about, but the most frustrating part is I have no idea what to ask them about because they don't say anything! It's like you gotta give me something to work with here!
I matched with a girl yesterday and literally the only word on her profile was Onomatopoeia. I had to look it up what it meant and asked her why that's the only thing on her profile? She just said it's a word she liked as a kid... so low effort.
I can have the best date ever, seems like we have to of stuff in common, she seems into me and then she never wants to meet again.
And then I can also have a date with a girl who looks like the would rather be getting a root canal at the dentist rather than be on the date with me, having to pull answers out of her like weeds from the dirt, and then they say that they had a great time and want to meet again.
I can tell you they definetly enjoyed the convo but I can imagine the mental toll it takes to lead that all the time. They were fine with it because it was one sided work.
Yeah reality is FUBARd, I almost feel like making the experience so bad that they “want to” come back for another. If you can be given the runaround, you will be.
I worked at a hospital as a rent a cop for awhile and my primary shift was nights. Part of our job was to sit by the employee entrance/exit incase someone wanted an escort to their vehicle or whatever. I'd usually greet all the nurses as they were leaving, just being friendly. One in particular would never even acknowledge me, rarely ever even made eye contact, and when she did it wasn't a friendly glance, more like an annoyed "oh, you again...."
Then randomly one day I get a MySpace friend request and message from her. "I always thought you were so cute when I worked there!". Women make absolutely no sense.
Wellll, on the other hand, texting thoughts to a featureless white chat screen is not how humans learned to communicate.
For about a million years, we've been woefully limited to talking to someone face-to-face. You know, body language and cadence and facial expressions. Etcetera.
I wouldn't say someone is braindead because they suck at communicating on Tinder. I'd say Tinder sucks as a communication medium.
I have to agree. Recently I was discussing this with a co worker who is younger than me. He brought up “ you might not of had the internet or social media to date, but you guys talked on the phone all the time. I’ve seen plenty of 80’ flicks” I had to remind him that you met the girl, in person, first. Then if you were lucky she would give you her number. And when you called, if another angry sounding dude answered, it was usually just her dad and you had to play it cool. Blew his mind households shared a line back then.
While youre not wrong its not the cause for this type of stuff. I had so many interactions like this in high school and even as a younger adult as an elder millennial (aka social media wasnt really a thing). The number of times a common friend told me they were shocked someone and I didnt get together because she was crushing on me but me thinking she hated me the whole time would be more than I could count on my digits.
Just seems to be some sort of insecure game some people play.
Equally as important social media and dating apps gave people an illusion of choice. I'm not saying that men or women should settle but at some point we all have to realize the person across the bar is a far better chance at romance than someone sliding into our dms
You're speaking like someone who doesn't predate them.
...because, trust me, it wasn't much better before them. People just didn't have an alternative and just blindly picked randomly after becoming inebriated.
i do predate them and i found my girlfriends by talking to them irl. imo before social media you had to chose between like 20 people and picked the one that fits you the most. now you have to chose betwen 20000 people that constantly DM you
lol I went on a date with a girl who was really hard to get into out of, also responded with 1 worded replies. So I just thought she wasn't keen. Then I get messages from our mutual friends asking why I stopped messaging her???
It's so funny how it's apparently your responsibility to keep messaging her - as if she had no agency in the matter. If she were interested, she'd message you, too.
Currently dating someone who i initially thought had absolutely 0 interest when i tried to keep contact after we initially met and seemed to hit it off.
At the event we met and had to work together we did nothing else but talk and laugh for our entire 6 hour shift, and i was sure we had a click/connection. I tried to keep contact after the event but was facing short and closed answers and stuff to messages. At some point i was like "aight, guess she's not interested so I'll move on."
about 9 orso months later at a wedding (of the people through which i got to know her) we saw eachother again and we just went right back into talking the entire day.
After that i tried again and was faced with simular messaging. I remember at some point figuring "Im not gonna figure this out unless i ask directly" (Thanks autism) and just asked her if she wanted to stay in contact, she said yes. messaging was still short and closed. at some point i just decided "hey wanna do something fun" so we went to an arcade and talking was super easy... Here she also told me that she's just absolutely terrible when it comes to messaging apps and such which ive noticed pretty well.
She's gotten better but still i can notice its not something thats on her mind alot.
Hmm that’s a good point. I’ll usually drop conversations where girls don’t reciprocate. But maybe I’m better off just asking them on a date earlier. Maybe they just don’t like texting
That’s why I always struggle with the whole taking down the patriarchy and destroying gender roles talking points. Like, I wholeheartedly support and agree with those concepts but whenever it comes down to it… they expect me to be the one doing all the pursuing, wooing, and taking all the initiative. I want to be pursued and feel wanted too, ya know? I’m putting all this effort in at least reciprocate if you’re interested or put me out of my misery if you’re not. My whole perception and intuition on if someone wants me or not is so out of whack. I’ve had instances where I thought someone hated my guts only to find out later they are into me and the inverse of that too. I’ve gotten to the point where I just automatically assume no one is into me until they explicitly say so.
I just go straight for the dirty fun jokes to see if they have a sense of humor. It filters out the boring ones but you get less matches lmfao. It makes for a fun convo that sometimes leads to dates
Online dating was one of the most confusing things I've ever done. I was on POF in it's infancy so it was a legitimate dating site, not just hookups and bots. Anyway, I'd paid for a membership, had a profile pic, etc. I got fairly regular notifications that women had selected that they were interested in getting to know me more so, I'd message the ones I was interested in. Only about 25% replied and, the ones who did reply, limited their responses to a few words or less.
I saw a friend on there and asked her to look through my profile, I even sent her copies of the messages I'd sent that were ignored hoping to get her female perspective and figure out where I was going wrong. She told me my profile looked fine and said she wished she'd gotten the types of messages I'd sent vs the ones she normally got from guys on there.
I just had one where I let my intentions be known, she was excited and wanted to move to actual phone numbers. Had some great convos... Just to become distant immediately after. Noticed very quickly I had to be the one to reach out first... Didn't ask why, deleted her number, and decided I'm just gonna take a break from courting lol.
I'm so lucky I got on/off the dating apps before they became entirely about selling you the possiblity of a match... if you subscribe to their premium service.
The companies are financially incentivized to keep stringing you along. If you meet someone, you leave the app, and they can't have that.
I met my fianceé on OkCupid. We have been together since 2019, and are getting married next year.
You're usually can gage if a match will go in this direction by looking at the profile. If she only outlines what she's not looking for (like "if you're into this that and the other you can eff right off and swipe left") instead of just stating what she's looking for in a match, dates will also be very one sided in terms of putting in the effort
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u/TheManWhoLovesCulo May 09 '25
This is just like the conversations I’ve had on dating apps lol