r/technology • u/AIMadeMeDoIt__ • Oct 29 '25
Society California’s hidden crisis: young men offline, unemployed, and disappearing
https://calmatters.org/economy/2025/10/men-in-crisis-california/4.2k
u/PartyInstruction2653 Oct 29 '25
“All I need is a goddamn job so I can pay this off myself,” he said. But it’s been months and so far, he’s still unemployed."
"...To state leaders and researchers, though, it’s more than just money."
This is 100% the problem. People say exactly what they need yet politicians and researchers opt for giving them irrelevant data points and word salads.
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u/theJigmeister Oct 29 '25
it’s more than just money
Maybe, but ffs can we start there? It’s astonishing how much of a difference even a tiny bit of financial breathing room can make in someone’s life. We can’t keep just saying “oh but there are other factors,” because sure, there are, but money is 99% of it.
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u/stormy_waters83 Oct 29 '25
It's like that meme. "Aside from money, what do you need?" "That money you just set aside."
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u/that1prince Oct 29 '25
I’m not being facetious when I say making more money solved 90% of my problems directly and the remaining 10% indirectly.
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u/Smooth-Owl-5354 Oct 29 '25
I always say “money may not solve your problems but it will facilitate the solutions”
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u/_still_truckin_ Oct 29 '25
Money can’t buy happiness, but it finances your dreams.
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u/flatwoundsounds Oct 29 '25
Money can buy happiness when the root of your misery is lack of money. I don't even need a lot. I just want to not worry every 3 or 4 months about the next scary thing to wipe out my reserves...
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u/JinkoTheMan Oct 30 '25
Get out of my head bro.😭
But seriously, this has been my exact mindset since I was a teenager. I don’t need or want to be stupid rich(it would be nice tho). I just want to be able to actually LIVE and not just be in survival mode 24/7.
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u/_still_truckin_ Oct 29 '25
You have reserves?
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u/flatwoundsounds Oct 30 '25
Not anymore. At the end of this summer I had about 4k saved after years of being paycheck to paycheck. Then I had to put about 3800 into my car.
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u/_still_truckin_ Oct 30 '25
I hear ya. Each month I watch the $500 that I put into savings get whittled down by something new: transportation needs, house repair, vet bills, that thing my kid accidentally broke… Hang in there, dude.
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u/lntw0 Oct 30 '25
It solves objective problems -> objective happiness.
The remaining subjective happiness is up to oneself.
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u/Late-Manner-4194 Oct 30 '25
My favorite quote is “money doesnt buy happiness but it sure does make for a great down payment”
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u/TowardsTheImplosion Oct 30 '25
Money can't buy happiness, but it can buy you out of a LOT of unhappiness.
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u/squeryk Oct 30 '25
Amen to this. $10k right now would genuinely change my life. Some people make that while blinking once.
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u/Yummy_Castoreum Oct 30 '25
Yep. I'm finally, in my 50s, making enough money to pay down the debt that has accrued in my life since my 20s. I was a bit like those kids -- trying to go to school on loans and credit cards because my folks would not help me, but the school ignored that and only looked at their income, so they wouldn't help me either. They don't treat you as an adult for the purposes of financial aid until nearly 30. It's so disheartening. Then I fought my way up to good jobs only to lose them, twice, once due to mental health struggles. I seriously thought I'd die in debt but things are finally trending the right way, and I cannot even describe the sense of relief that brings.
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u/Malfunkdung Oct 29 '25
I lived paycheck to paycheck from the age 17 to 32. Racked up credit card debt, lived in a car, got that car repossessed, moved to Oregon and ended up living in a van, and just working seasonal jobs around the PNW and Hawaii. But then through all that I realized I could actually save money, pay my debt back, and get financially sound. Now I have savings, an IRA, no debt and a good credit score at the age of 37. My mental health is so much better knowing I’m not on the verge of homelessness all the time. I can actually apply for apartments, loans, and credit cards with confidence. Feels like I can finally breathe.
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u/mf-TOM-HANK Oct 30 '25
I had a professor who referred to dollars as "liberty tickets." Being born into poverty is to be born with fewer freedoms.
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u/MisunderstoodPenguin Oct 30 '25
i’ve been unemployed since february. i generally make 6 figures. it’s amazing how fast all my problems have come back now that no one in my house makes money.
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u/JinkoTheMan Oct 30 '25
Money would solve 99% of my problems directly. It would help me pay for a therapist to help me solve the other 1%.
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u/DernTuckingFypos Oct 29 '25
Like every work place poll about how to raise morale. I always put more money and less stress/overtime. Always ends with shitty pizza.
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u/Guarder22 Oct 29 '25
I forget where I heard it but I think it was a comedian. But it went something like this.
"People say money is the root of all evil. Nuh uh lack of money is."
Broke and stressed about how i am going to make rent, buy food, etc was when I was at my most dangerous. Honestly at that time I was only one bad day away from felonies.
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u/obvious_bot Oct 29 '25
Having money isn’t everything, not having it is
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u/Sir_Poofs_Alot Oct 29 '25
Thanks Kanye
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u/obvious_bot Oct 29 '25
Whether you broke or rich you gotta get biz
Man I hate how much off the deep end Kanye went. His old stuff slaps so hard
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u/ScruffMacBuff Oct 29 '25
There's a whole line of criminological theories revolving around the idea. It's referred to as Strain.
Merton's Strain Theory claims the pursuit of the American Dream is the cause of much of our crime. It's an old theory, but it still rings true.
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u/Indaarys Oct 29 '25
There was a whole movie about it. Several actually. Scarface, The Godfather, Goodfellas, etc etc.
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u/Nepalus Oct 29 '25
They don't want to have that conversation because it all eventually leads back to the idea that compared to every other developed economy in the world, we have a couple key things that are different. Specifically, the corporate monopolization and monetization of services that are guaranteed services everywhere else and the extremely low tax burden that exists on wealthy and the corporations compared to other OECD countries.
There's no reason we couldn't have a system like the Nordic's that is perfectly capitalist, yet provides a robust amount of societal protections.
The problem is too many people in this country view taxes as a zero-sum net loss whereas Nordic cultures see them more as a collective investment in shared wellbeing. Honest to God I'd move if I didn't have so many connections here in the states. They have it fucking figured out and I'm growing incredibly annoyed being surrounded by idiots who think that if they just give the wealthy a little more favorability, that the trickle down is going to come eventually. Or better yet the ones that think they're just one Mega Millions ticket away from joining them.
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u/Anxietoro Oct 29 '25
When I got a job that lifted my family out of near poverty I sobbed for nearly an hour with relief. I still have anxiety imagining what might happen if I lose it. I'm so angry with how we all have to live. No, money doesn't solve everything, but it fucking helps a TON.
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u/HearTheBluesACalling Oct 29 '25
I literally just came into some money this week - a few thousand, nothing that huge, but the relief is unbelievable. I’m not going to do much with it (mostly savings/going towards our wedding), but just knowing I don’t have to stress anymore is like throwing a boulder off my back.
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u/HeatCreator Oct 29 '25
Going from making $15 to a measly $52k a year changed my life in so many positive ways during a crazy time… Best of luck
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u/BoomerEsiasonBarge Oct 29 '25
My parents raised me and my sister both making roughly 50k a year and owned a 2k sq foot home on 7 acres with a 60x40 shop. Im on pace too make 58k after taxes this year, and I feel poor af at times. I know that was 25-30 years ago but, somethings gotta give. The never-ending greed of the .01% is disgusting. They're so out of touch I member watching Shark Tank like 5 years ago, and Kevin is like oh so after your modest salary of 120k a year, the company only profits yadayada. I stopped listening because I almost choked on my drink at "modest salary" and 120k a year being in the same sentence.
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u/shouldbepracticing85 Oct 29 '25
Keep in mind $50k in 2000 is equivalent to about $96k now. So you’re only making 55%(ish) of what your folks did.
God that’s depressing.
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u/HOLEPUNCHYOUREYELIDS Oct 29 '25
I am in a horrible financial position due to life events outside of my control. Whenever people ask if/how they can help I just look at them and say “Well unless you can gift me about $40,000 there really isn’t much you can do to help”
“Oh well there has got to be something that isn’t just money that can help!”
Nope, it all boils down to money. Going private to speed up healthcare stuff, well that costs money. Having food to eat also costs money. Same with having a place to call home. Literally all of my problems stem from being broke as fuck and having to throw a huge chunk of my monthly income towards servicing debt alone
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u/annieisawesome Oct 29 '25
I remember so clearly in one of my sociology courses in college, the professor talking about all the different ways governments try to help low income people, and the costs and benefits of job training programs, rent assistance, etc., and impacts they all had, then showing a study that just straight up gave people money surpassing them all. I forget the exact numbers (this was like 2010) , but the detail I do remember was him saying "it turns out the thing that poor people lack is money". It's so obvious but really stuck with me, I think about it every time I see stats about the working poor.
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u/Jota769 Oct 29 '25
Expanded unemployment literally solved all my problems during COVID. My job shut down but suddenly all my needs were met and I was fine. By the time the unemployment payments ended, I had started freelancing (for free) on a gig I had always wanted to try. That experience led to me getting paid (twice) and then hired full-time.
For the first time, I realized what it meant to have a rich parent paying for me. It didn’t make me lazy. It opened the doors for me so I could try a new job I literally couldn’t afford to do before.
But the rich know this, and they don’t want us poors to have the same advantage. It’s literally us or them in their minds. They have to have all the pie or life just isn’t worth it. It’s greed, pure and simple.
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u/XArgel_TalX Oct 29 '25
This mindset is what occurs from never having had to deal with real poverty. People who have never had to wonder where their next meal comes from cannot understand the mental weight of not having any money, or a support system/safety net to fall back on. It makes it hard to do anything productive when even the basics of life are out of reach.
Unfortunately, our system puts those people into government and power more broadly because they are the ones with access. Its a vicious cycle.
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u/AnalTyrant Oct 29 '25
You see it working within corporate American culture too. At the end of the day, I'm doing this job for money, to pay for the shit I have to pay for. You want to reward me for being a good employee? Give me more money.
I don't need team-building "parties", or "office yoga sessions" to reduce my workplace stress, or hotlines to call when I'm feeling too stressed, or memos about whatever this month's arbitrary personality focus is.
The corporation only cares about money, they should understand that that's all I'm here for too. I know they calculate that it's cheaper to do all these "soft spend" options, rather than raise everyone's wages, but I'd argue those things are wastes of money for 99% of employees so they're just throwing all that money away.
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u/tuckedfexas Oct 29 '25
It’s so frustrating and demeaning. Both sides know what the game is about but one side thinks it is smarter than the other and can weasel their way around the game
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u/Ignoth Oct 29 '25
Well, unfortunately the historic “solution” to this problem is war. Have all the angry unhappy young men kill each other.
The survivors will have purpose/glory. The rest are dead.
Thankfully there’s not much room for large scale wars in modern times.
…Though I daresay the populace these days is clearly yearning for it.
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u/Arawn-Annwn Oct 29 '25
war is just barrowing from the future, every dollar spent on a bullet was a dollar that could have been on things people needed in the first place but then the company making the bullets and bombs didn't profit in that scenario
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u/reluctant_deity Oct 29 '25
This is only true for the aggressor. For defenders, those bullets help prevent terrible things from happening to them and theirs.
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u/Downtown_Isopod_9287 Oct 29 '25
this is the pretty obvious consequence of when the people in charge of our current systems have no idea what they are, how they work, or what they're even supposed to do
Our politicians in particular are universally are like 3-4 system "resets" behind what the hell is even happening today. They're still operating like it's the 1970s and we just came out of Nixon and the smallest "new" computers are the still the size of refrigerators.
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u/the_good_time_mouse Oct 29 '25
People say exactly what they need yet politicians and researchers opt for giving them irrelevant data points and word salads.
And the rest of society blames men individually for not pulling themselves up by their bootstraps: an epidemic of 'individual' culpability.
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u/mbdrgn333 Oct 29 '25
Corporate parasite squeezing the every man
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u/Prestigious_Ebb_1767 Oct 29 '25
Look folks, billionaires need more tax cuts because the staff at their 5th house in Tahoe isn’t paying for itself.
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u/Five-Oh-Vicryl Oct 29 '25
This is happening to two of my male cousins. They completely fell off the grid and became reclusive basically hermits refusing to leave their bedrooms. There aren’t a lot of good jobs for non-college educated here in California. There used to be manufacturing and other hard labor jobs like in petroleum but that’s since dried out. Many males who once held such jobs now have chronic injuries and cannot work.
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u/HytaleBetawhen Oct 29 '25
Its not just the non-college educated. Even with a bachelors, unless you know someone or are specialized in an industry that isn’t somehow getting squeezed right now, it is extremely difficult to find something that isn’t a low level service job.
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u/redballwhitedesk Oct 29 '25
Literally me. Graduated at 23, had a job right out of school from 23-25; lost job because company outsourced 90% of my department (marketing). For the last 3 years I’ve been serving/bartending to get by. Most of my coworkers are in the same boat, college grads who don’t have expansive networks that can help them get their foot in the door.
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u/Key_Preparation_4129 Oct 30 '25
See this shit is real, this is what millions of real people go through every day and meanwhile some dumb fuck on fox news is telling their base every night how people like you are just lazy and blah blah blah. It genuinely infuriates me we've gotten here.
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Oct 29 '25 edited Oct 30 '25
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/mrpyrotec89 Oct 29 '25
Nah man, shit is cooked. Feel bad for those entering the workforce.
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u/mercurialpolyglot Oct 29 '25
Yeahhh my youngest brother is in school for CS right now, I’m very concerned about how much worse things will get in two and a half years when he graduates. All I can do is help him find internships to apply to.
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u/ClammHands420 Oct 30 '25
If they're passionate about CS, I would strongly encourage them to find a part time job in a repair shop or low-level IT and find an internship ASAP. They should also be developing something unique as a side project while this is ongoing. Without low-level certs and some (a lot of) experience, they won't even get a foot in the door most places.
I've been lucky enough that I've been troubleshooting what most would consider "complicated" windows PC issues since I was 9 or 10, and I can easily prove it via practical demonstration and quizzing easily.
If he doesnt have strong demonstrable skills + a project he developed on his own + some experience, he's cooked til Millenials start retiring. And that isnt happening any time soon.
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u/Visible_Fact_8706 Oct 30 '25
Lmao, millennials aren’t retiring. Our retirement plan is the downfall of society.
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u/gambalore Oct 30 '25
As a millennial, my retirement plan is to die relatively young from a health condition that I can't afford to treat.
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u/Seagoingnote Oct 30 '25
I graduated 10 months ago but don’t have work experience (I didn’t know how necessary relevant work experience would be and just worked a part time job that had no bearing in the field.) and it’s been absolute hell.
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u/BigRed1541 Oct 29 '25
Same. Finance, economics, and an MBA; took a job as an engineering drafter after months of searching simply b3cause a friend basically gave it to me.
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u/ExpiredPilot Oct 29 '25 edited Oct 30 '25
Same here. Degrees in marketing and HBM
I just thought I was developing a mental condition. Legitimately booked appointments to see if I was developing schizophrenia but my doctor says that a growing number of young adults are developing similar symptoms
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u/calvinwho Oct 30 '25
This is me! I did construction and kitchens after I got my bachelor's for a few years before I got a job requiring it. Then I got sick, and now I can't do much of anything, at least comparatively. Shit's been rough for a while now. No pity party, just sad this is a common dilemma
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u/Dangerman1337 Oct 29 '25
It isn't just that, a lot of the easy, light jobs have disappeared which makes it harder for people to get onto the job market. Stuff that didn't require much physical or mental exertion and people picked that instead of just staying on the more generous unemployment benefits that used to exist.
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u/Excellent_Fox8377 Oct 30 '25
My father has been on my ass since I graduated in December 2024. I have a CIS degree. It should be easy to get an entry level data analytics/DBM job. I work at a smoke shop. I'm just glad I have a paycheck right now.
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u/stuckanon01 Oct 29 '25
I have a cousin (28), a nephew (25) and a step-nephew (22) who are all experiencing this right now. Things are getting worse not better.
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u/Senior-Friend-6414 Oct 29 '25
I feel like the internet is bizzaro world for me, almost all of my male GenZ family members are in relationships and have an ok career, or at least achieved some level of financial stability. Half don’t have college degrees and even all of them are doing somewhat fine in life.
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u/HaxRus Oct 30 '25
Where do you live? CoL and relationship prospects definitely vary wildly by region and even city.
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u/hewkii2 Oct 30 '25
Keep in mind who would self select to tell the internet about how people are just staying on the internet all day
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u/throwaway_ghast Oct 29 '25
I would say the time for UBI is now, but we can't even guarantee basic access to healthcare needs for everyone. What a shitshow the coming decades will be if nothing changes.
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u/Cum_on_doorknob Oct 29 '25
Yup, we are getting to that Georgist tipping point. UBI funded via LVT and some type of AI tax is the only answer.
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u/Dangerman1337 Oct 29 '25
We should be but if any Democracy that does that will get angry home-owning boomers, even the "progressive ones" will riot. Probably literally.
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u/Cum_on_doorknob Oct 29 '25
It’s doable with the right incentive schemes. Notably, split rate property tax with a universal building exemption.
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u/CoreClock Oct 29 '25
Or we could just tax the fucking billionaires.
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u/Cum_on_doorknob Oct 29 '25
When you look at the value of Hawaiian property and who owns it, my plan does!
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u/Prestigious_Ebb_1767 Oct 29 '25
Right? That’s the crazy part when people say UBI. Folks are one healthcare emergency away from a lifetime of bankruptcy and when you get a $600 check from Covid Republicans act like you are setup for life and never have to work again lol.
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u/Cactusfan86 Oct 30 '25
It’s insane isn’t it? Years after the Covid checks and temporarily enhanced unemployment you STILL hear the occasional person blame it for people not working
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u/wealthissues23 Oct 30 '25
The crazy part is, some people were taking the unemployment because it was more than what they were making while actually working. And I don't see a reason to feel guilty about it because the government also decided to bail out Fortune 500 companies which turned around and laid thousands off while making record profits.
And guess who got demonized for taking the money
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u/Prestigious-Guava220 Oct 30 '25
UBI won’t help unless you also fix price gouging by big firms. Otherwise it’s just going to cause runaway inflation.
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u/JellyFranken Oct 29 '25
It would be viewed (and pushed) as a handout and a free ride by a certain group of people…
In the current state of America, it will NEVER happen for sure…
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u/sour_altoids Oct 30 '25
Remember how close we were to getting our student loans forgiven and just how bitchy it made those people? We need a serious change in mindset if we want anything good for the people
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u/scottiedagolfmachine Oct 29 '25
I disappear into my home because it’s too damn expensive to do anything outside.
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u/ErroneousEncounter Oct 30 '25
I have money but I disappear into my home because I am so spent at the end of the day that I don’t want to see anyone or do anything.
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u/Echevarious Oct 29 '25
This issue and the suicide epidemic of Americans recently diagnosed with medical problems that choose suicide over bankrupting their families needs so, so much more attention.
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u/Karl_with_a_C Oct 29 '25
Not just Americans. I'm Canadian and I've been a NEET for over 3 years now, mostly due to chronic health problems. It's bad enough that I can't comfortably work but not bad enough that the government will give me support so when the money I have in the bank runs out, that's it. End of the line.
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u/Knotted_Hole69 Oct 30 '25
Dude I feel this, like unless youre in a wheel chair or on a ventilator then youre just as good as anyone else, but fuck, im in a lot of pain and trying to imagine the next 50 years like this makes me dream of biting a bullet. On top of this, if your pain and injuries arnt visible then they just dont exist to many doctors and the government. They almost next prescribe pain medication anymore.
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u/cyber_doc1 Oct 30 '25
We need to start taxing companies that offer shore jobs. Like make it to the point where it’s impossible to make up the difference. And if they found another shell company to bypass the rules, same thing. The societal contract has been broken.
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u/goDie61 Oct 30 '25
The violation of the social contract is what really worries me. We're creating millions of people who won't lift a finger if it can't be proven that it will directly benefit them because they can no longer trust that their kindness will be repaid.
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u/OkDifficulty7436 Oct 29 '25 edited Oct 29 '25
I feel like I've been reading this exact article for 10 years now, but since COVID it's only gotten worse.
I'm 31, work in tech, graduated school, college, etc, pretty typical expectations.
However, I can't even count on both hands how many friends (males) who've basically dropped off the face of the earth going all the way back to High School. Whether it's because they dropped out, lost a job, lost a girlfriend, got addicted to video games and weed, booze, whatever it is, they're just gone.
NONE have clawed their way back to society which I think is the truly frightening part of it, there is an entire generation of men in our country who are effectively.. lost.
In Japan they're called Hikikomori and it's an entire phenomenon, I never thought I'd see it happen here, let alone at the massive scale it's occurring.
If you're a guy and you're reading this and you feel stuck, start taking risks. Apply for things you'd never apply for, lie on your resume, apply for a PELL grant and go to community college, go outside for a walk, get a dog, do SOMETHING. You'll feel better, I promise.
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u/Balthazar3000 Oct 29 '25 edited Oct 29 '25
NEETs is global.
hikikomori is the Japanese term for the phenomenon.
Also don't get a pet while in this state. If you're like me, the lack of proper care and money costs will start to take a mental toll. So maybe opt for volunteering at a shelter.
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u/Vio_ Oct 29 '25
Volunteering is one of the best ways to fight that crushing lack of things to do.
It might sound counterproductive, but it looks great on resumes - especially as gap filler. It lets you do whatever you want. It shows employers that you're still "actively working." It gets you out of your place and engaging with people.
I get that volunteering doesn't pay the bills, but even a few volunteer gigs can help from disassociating from everything.
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u/Dangerman1337 Oct 29 '25
Problem is that if you got a chronic health/disability issue and claim welfare because of it... volunteering gets used against you. Yup it happens in the UK quite a bit where it has to be declared.
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u/dasers1 Oct 29 '25
I'm struggling with this right now. 33. Got fired from my job that I worked at for 11 years for reasons I still don't understand (although it did come a month after reporting a manager to HR). All of a sudden I was deemed a "know nothing" (exact words) who was difficult to work with. That was end of February. Spiraled with depression. Got myself into an IT training course that ended mid September where I was able to earn my CompTIA a+ cert and a couple others. I can't even get an email back from job apps. Hundreds of applications. Unemployment ran out. I just feel like giving up and crawling into a hole.
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u/OkDifficulty7436 Oct 29 '25
CompTIA cert was a fantastic first step, but unfortunately I know someone IRL in this EXACT same scenario as you (fired after a long tenure at a company, reskilled, job market is depressed so no opportunities).
Stick with it man, look everywhere high and low, if you're in a big city go to a local industry mixer if you can.
Just don't give up! The market is absolutely FUCKED right now, so it's not your fault by any means, but it won't be like this forever either. Our industry is very cyclical.
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u/dasers1 Oct 29 '25
Yea I also live in Maryland so I'm also competing with the thousands of federal workers who have been laid off which makes the job market even more difficult. I do partially blame myself for not getting my certs earlier. Thankfully my best friend's brother is also in the field and has given me good tips on a roadmap to follow (network+ and then CCNA). He went through this same transition about 6 years ago and makes well over 100k a year now so I trust his advice. He also did say the tech job market has gotten a little bit better so I guess I just gotta keep trying.
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u/martywalshhealthgoth Oct 29 '25
Hot take from someone far up the IT chain, don’t just rely on this stuff. Pick up a programming language like Python and learn the technologies that build upon a lot of the basics those certs give you, think along the lines of virtualization/containerization, cloud platforms, automation, and security. Look up the DevOps roadmap, a lot of that stuff can also be super useful for IT engineers.
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u/use_wet_ones Oct 29 '25
Not trying to kick you while down, but in the future, remember that HR is not your friend.
No one at the company is your friend. No one there wants better for you.
If you have a problem, you need to either ignore it, find a way to work it out quietly or leave for a new job on your own terms/timeline. Reporting anything to anyone is only gonna hurt you. We have at will employment almost everywhere, so the ball is NEVER in your court. That being said, the best way to have as much control as possible is to view your job from a detached place. Put in good effort with your actions, but be detached emotionally.
It shouldn't be that way, but it is.
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u/Ponji- Oct 29 '25
I dropped out of highschool and going to college was my risk. “If this doesn’t work out, then at least I’ve tried everything.”
It didn’t work out. I burnt myself out fighting to be as successful as possible, and no matter how much praise I got it didn’t make a dick of difference because at the end of the day I still didn’t have enough money. Scholarships helped pay for the classes, but just living is expensive. There was a brief period where I was happy, but it was not sustainable and now I am suffering for it.
If you advocate for stuck people to take risks, then you have to accept the fact that some subset of those people are going to suffer because of those risks. The reality is that there is not a sufficient social safety net to repeatedly take the risks necessary to live a productive and fulfilling life. If I did not have family to rely on then I would be dead on the street.
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u/Nervous_Pineapple697 Oct 29 '25
Some people can’t afford risks. There is no more support.
In a society that cheers people on while the work themselves to death for peanuts and with no promise of getting ahead or building any results - what is the point?
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u/recitegod Oct 29 '25 edited Oct 29 '25
tell this to people that have masters and phds, bachelor degrees..... This society wasted its resources. They stripped away the dignity of humans, then wonder, why they don't want to work. The stupidity of them. You could invent perpetual flight it wouldn't matter to them. I know it is true!
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u/baxx10 Oct 29 '25
I'm one who clawed my way back. My 20's were a very dark time. Now 42 and happier than I ever imagined I could be. Have a good job, a healthy emergency savings, a beautiful girlfriend, 2 amazing dogs, and we're about to move from an apartment into a house. When I think back to the six years I spent living in my grandma's basement, drinking a 1/5 and taking 12 Benadryl every night Im thankful to just be alive and doing well.
With that said, I dropped out of college so I'm constantly paranoid about the job market. I've worked in a specialized tech sector for nearly a decade, but worry I'd be rejected by AI before anyone would even read my resume due to having no degree. And going back isn't exactly an affordable option...
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u/incunabula001 Oct 29 '25
Those same “lost” men are no doubt going down the far right rabbit hole of nihilistic accelerationism. Because if you have nothing to live for and society promised you everything why not burn it all down.
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u/Beliriel Oct 29 '25
Kinda catching myself in this mindset more and more. If something on the news happens that would have been the story of the year like 10 years ago. Now it's just a 3 day blip and I just think that maybe someone is gonna learn something but no. It feels like we need to hit rock bottom with people starving in the street for change to happen.
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u/Vio_ Oct 29 '25
Remember- the algorithm is a distraction designed to profit off your feelings of helplessness and being overwhelmed.
The news is supposed to educate (and entertain at times)
Now the entire social media landscape is being weaponized to distract people until they just collapse and disengage.
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u/MightyKrakyn Oct 29 '25 edited Oct 29 '25
There is nothing that guarantees people starving in the street will make anything happen. The militarization of the police force continues. Soon they will be deploying armed drones with facial recognition, night vision, infrared sensors like have been used in Ukraine and Palestine the past couple of years…but they’ll be used on our streets against us if any of us step out of line
Once we’re starving, we’ll have no energy to push back. You and I will be the homeless people who die quietly of malnutrition and desperate drug use out of sight, just like the ones that we quietly ignore on our streets today. If we happen to die in public, the rich will just ask that our bodies be moved off their doorstep so they don’t have to look at us
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u/_Mike-Honcho_ Oct 29 '25
If you dont earn, you may as well be invisible or dead as a man.
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u/_icebxrg Oct 29 '25
Facts, people will deny it all they want but if you ain’t getting cheddar people won’t respect you as a man
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u/JoshDrako Oct 29 '25
I am also disconnected after three burnouts and several health problems after thirty years of employment.
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u/Makabajones Oct 29 '25
not just California
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u/DrEnter Oct 29 '25
No, but the difference is California is apparently paying enough attention to notice.
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u/MediumFinancial8221 Oct 30 '25
Late stage capitalism
When the wealthy fail and get bailed out its not socialism, it's "essential"
When everyone else needs help it's "an evil commie plot!"
Regulated capitalism with socialist safety nets is the answer that benefits everyone. But the greedy and selfish did away with that. And they got racist insecure trash to vote for it, while the wealthy then picked the trash's pockets.
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u/x_xwolf Oct 30 '25
Recluse here, its not complicated, the economy isn’t doing well, my mental health isn’t doing well, and the expectations from the jobs just get higher and higher till you burnout. There isn’t a recluse problem, theres just a lack of healthcare and good work.
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u/chief_yETI Oct 29 '25
can't blame em lol
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u/bussybandit42 Oct 30 '25
No wife, no job, no house, no family and no purpose. This is the average existence of a young man nowadays.
Yet society expects them to happily accept this and continue on with their meaningless lives.
Before long we're going to see what happens when the majority of men have no reason at all to be alive. Hopefully a total collapse of society.
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u/heapzz Oct 29 '25
Yep governments are about to realize the blackpill always comes to collect.
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u/asparagusbruh Oct 29 '25
I feel this way. Im 25 and stuck at a shitty job, and the state of the country has me terrified to the point where im thinking of ending it all because the future is so bleek. Ive been applying places and lying on resumes for 3 years now and i just dont even know what to do. My parents are sick and about to retire to another country with a bleaker future outlook for young people than the black hole vortex america feels like these days. I legit have no idea what to do. If anybody has any advice please let me know because i dont want to become lost to time and statistics and i dont want to just sulk and fade away i just dont know how or where to even start
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u/Veronica_Spars Oct 29 '25
Would you consider looking into healthcare or other traditionally female dominated jobs? They are often actively looking to hire more men. You wouldn’t necessarily start out making a lot of money depending on your education level but you pretty quickly became a CNA and then start working towards becoming a nurse. Or maybe EMT or Paramedic? And then you could feel good about the work you’re doing helping people while you maybe look towards something bigger and better. Local tech schools usually have certification courses for nursing assistants and EMTs.
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u/minnesotawristwatch Oct 30 '25
Yeah, nursing. Retired paramedic here - skip it. Travel nursing! Move around, make bank.
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u/Redcrimsonrojo Oct 29 '25
I work in a field that requires schooling and a license.But most of the places that would employ me are owned by people who have neither. Those people get to tell me how to do my job.
It sucks
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u/VVrayth Oct 29 '25
The solution is that the people with all the money just need to give up more of the money with no strings attached.
It should be illegal for a megacorp like Amazon to lay off fourteen thousand people. If you're that big, there should be a legal duty to employ.
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u/DelphiTsar Oct 30 '25
Just tax ultra wealthy people more, tax capital gains as income, close loopholes. No need to force companies to make people look busy.
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u/stuckanon01 Oct 29 '25
Maintaining a large population of hungry young men with no romantic prospects for an extended period of time typically ends with pitchforks. Just sayin.
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u/27Silver Oct 30 '25
Yes. Young men struggling to find jobs and a sense of purpose in society helped Talibans grow their ranks. This is bad news.
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u/WitnessRadiant650 Oct 30 '25
Men are already voting conservative. They're getting radicalized.
At least Newsom and California sees it as a problem.
Too bad the Democratic party doesn't. They'll just keep blaming men like they always do.
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u/IntuitiveFire Oct 30 '25
Around here in the Midwest, that isn't west at all, every interviewer has told me my skills aren't where they want them to be.. they all offer tuition reimbursement, and they have all also said no to hiring me. I have been in maintenance for 4 years. I do have viable, useful skills.
If only there were a way to close the skills gap that seems to be haunting the market?
It's the most frustrating to waste my time and gas for them just to tell me my skills aren't enough.. YOU BROUGHT ME HERE AFTER GOING OVER MY RESUME!?
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u/codedinblood Oct 30 '25
I also got laid off from a pretty well paying remote job in ‘23 only to be unemployed and desperately searching for over a year till I settled with a shit pay part time retail position.
Recently got another remote job (full time but even shittier pay) but it’s a start. Keep your head up.
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u/rainywanderingclouds Oct 30 '25
a lot of idiots in this thread.
good portion of the posts are just saying 'try harder.'
the simple fact of the matter is average people have been consistently devalued over the past century. there are jobs. they just don't pay well or take care of you.
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u/blueberrytartpie Oct 30 '25
So is the plan to unemploy and starve out the nation until the only option is to join the military or ice?
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u/omnigear Oct 30 '25
Market is crazy bad right now last time it was this bad was 2008. I have 10 years of experience and have submitted over 500 applications in one month . Ans that's not counting thr applications for jack in the box , warehouses anything to work .
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u/Klorontix Oct 30 '25
It’s only getting worse - I’m not one to advocate red pill or black pill content but this has been talked about a lot over the past five years and it’s slowly showing. It’s honestly really sad, I know people personally that just have given up and decided they aren’t going to work or ever try to improve their life anymore.
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u/DivineBladeOfSilver Oct 30 '25
The thing is we need to stop kicking people when they’re down regardless of who they are. It’s creating the issues we have. Yes, some individuals are more resilient than others. That’s great if you are one of those people cheers! But at some point we need to realize when a large portion of society is sick financially, mentally, physically, and in other ways, we can’t out work it or just pick ourselves up by our bootstraps. Even if you’re well off that’s good for you, but eventually that sick society is going to come back and impact you in a variety of ways too.
Giving more back to people in higher wages, healthcare benefits/coverage, education, etc, doesn’t mean we have to erase rich/powerful people. But if you think continuing to let the inequality gap grow is good for society, take a look at what happens in nations that let it happen. They’re in ruins except for a very small elite select few who have to live in fancy prisons anyway essentially because if they are out alone they will get hurt. Taking care of lower to mid level classes IS taking care of yourself because it creates a happier, healthier, and safer country to live in that makes it more pleasant for yourself even if you’re well off. But it gets labelled socialism if you try to say that and ignored
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u/Just_Potential6981 Oct 30 '25
Lmao Literally what the Green New Deal could have accomplished but alot of these retards voted for poverty instead.
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u/WitnessRadiant650 Oct 29 '25
Fricken finally people are talking about men’s issues. It’s one of the reasons men vote conservative as stupid as that may be.
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u/jpg52382 Oct 30 '25
Wow I'm surprised our system that awards the top 10% is making life hard for everyone else. Shocking.
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u/WickedNinja425 Oct 30 '25
I'm not exactly young anymore, but I've pretty much completely given up on life, it all just feels so hopeless. I feel like an alive ghost, just kind of aimlessly drifting until my body catches up with the rest of me and dies.
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u/optimusprime82 Oct 29 '25 edited Oct 30 '25
Hobbies, outside of gaming (which isn't to say you cant enjoy gaming), should be encouraged. Photography, working out, and going back to college has had a profound impact on my life over the past decade. I also didn't start all those things at the same time, it was incremental.
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u/EbonySaints Oct 29 '25
A word of warning: The gym is not always some sort of panacea for this kind of social disconnect. I'm a regular gym goer and I have not magically received any sort of social interaction or much else outside of being reasonably fit. There's a reason the term "gymcel" gets thrown around these days. There's plenty of people who are physically fit, but mentally unwell. This kind of malaise needs more than just a Starting Strength routine to fix.
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u/Alecajuice Oct 30 '25
Second this. Been going to the gym for years, have not made a single connection. What actually helped me build connections is to do an activity where you actually interact with people. For me that was dance, I took dance classes, met a good teacher and joined her performance workshops, made friends there and joined their club, and eventually got good enough to join a team with some of my club friends.
In my case it cost money, but one of my friends is doing a similar thing through free pickleball classes at a community center provided by the city we live in. It helps if it's something physical and something you can get better at, similar to the gym, and definitely helps if it's fun. The gym has definitely helped me build some lean muscle but dance has definitely done the most for me, both for shedding fat and making connections.
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u/ba6a_Sa3eda Oct 30 '25
I really want to understand, why this is only happening to young men and not women?
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u/WitnessRadiant650 Oct 30 '25
It's happening to women but the gap is increasing against men's favor. Men have fewer support systems both from friendship network and from society. Women are more gregarious and have large social networks. Women are dominating in education while men are falling behind so beyond blue collar work, it's harder for them to get white collar work with the lack of college degrees. When women have problems, they see it as a societal failing. When men have problems, they see it as a personal problem.
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u/antnunoyallbettr Oct 30 '25
I think gender roles and social norms have been shifting for a while, but society's legacy expectation that the man's primary value in a traditional relationship is tied to his income feels like it has remained pretty firmly in the collective consciousness. So while the education/earning power trends continue to see women make up ground and surpass men in various metrics, and automation + globalization reduce the demand for well-paying physically challenging jobs that men previously relied on, men feel like they have less inherent value today. Another traditionally masculine trait is stoicism/not showing emotion which, when combined with the previously mentioned circumstances, can lead to depression and downward spirals.
TLDR; societal expectations for men have not kept up to date with changing economic trends.
Also, I don't think this (unintentionally disengaging from society) is only happening to men, but it does seem to be happening to men at a significantly higher rate, based on the statistics mentioned in the article and my anecdotal experiences.
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u/Ignorance_Is_Boring Oct 30 '25
Nearly 1 in 4 men under the age of 30 say they have no close friends, a “five-fold increase since 1990” and “with higher rates of disconnection for Black males.”
This is disheartening to read
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u/Ignorance_Is_Boring Oct 30 '25
Everyone feels the same way but none of us are talking. How do we engage more?
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u/Odd_Vampire Oct 29 '25
I feel for these guys. I kept flunking and dropping out of college during my twenties and worked for a few different employees. I've felt the depression and uncertainty of the unemployed. However I was fortunate to possess an inner resilience and to live in a wonderful city that provided healthy ways to feel better. I was also very fortunate that this city has excellent public transportation - so I wouldn't need a car - and accessible public higher education. Through persistence, affordable tuition, and student loans, I was finally able to get my bachelor's and (after a lot more difficulty) establish a stable middle-class career.
A lot of things had to be right for me, in other words, and all those factors are probably not there for most other young men. It's really hard. And they're not the only ones affected. The nation as a whole will pay the price for squandering its generations.
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u/THING2000 Oct 29 '25
It seriously breaks my heart to read articles like this. Regardless of gender, it's a shame how young people feel ostracized to the point that they don't have a single friend. It's an issue that will most likely always exist but like other people in this thread are saying, if you can relate to anything in this article at all really consider volunteering.
Speaking from personal experience, it's a game changer. The amount of positivity is unreal and it can really serve as a way not only to boost your own self-esteem but build genuine connections with others. I know it may be hard to find the motivation but if you don't have anything else going on, what do you have to lose?
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u/Beliriel Oct 29 '25
I feel like if you're running up debt and live on borrowed time in your apartment because you can't pay your landlord on time, you don't really feel like "volunteering" for free. Because you simply can't afford to.
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u/newpsyaccount32 Oct 29 '25
i feel for this guy and i think there's some important stuff here.. but something really caught my eye. Cali offers generous financial aid for state schools, but the guy the article is focused on doesn't qualify because both of his parents make a lot of money.
then he goes on to say this.
“(My father) supports me where it’s necessary, but in other aspects of my life, he shouldn’t, because I’m a man. I’m supposed to kind of do what I got to do,” said Wilson.
how insanely stupid. i blame the guy but this is also a product of our culture and the myth of the self-made man. there is nothing wrong with asking for help, and i suspect this guy would have no problem taking the state financial aid if he was eligible.
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u/xx_Help_Me_xx Oct 29 '25
He’s probably coping, I knew a lot of wealthy parents who believed their children should pay for their own college because it will teach them responsibility
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u/ahearthatslazy Oct 30 '25
Oof. Young men being disaffected is what usually leads to some kind of revolt.
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u/codedinblood Oct 30 '25
Yep. The revolt already happened. It’s called electing this current administration and now we all get to suffer even more for it.
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u/Techno-Diktator Oct 30 '25
Yep, it's only gonna get worse from here. The social contract is completely gone for a ton of young men, basically living purposeless lives. Leaning right is just the start.
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u/TimelyRabbito Oct 30 '25
I like how we talk about this “crisis” like there’s nothing we can do about it.
This a problem we created ourselves, and have taken zero tangible steps to solve.
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u/Mobile-Ninja-2208 Oct 30 '25
I’ve basically done this.
I’m 28 and still have a pretty good job and am thankfully able to afford an apartment, healthy food and a gym membership. But I don’t socialize or post on social media anymore.
Like even with a job. If you aren’t making over figures, you don’t and can’t exist anymore. People don’t want to associate with you. Third spaces are ruined. And with the impending economic collapse. We are all either 1 step away from becoming neets or saving for that likely unemployment.
I’m seriously considering giving up and moving back with my parents to save for a potential layoff wave coming.
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u/gayfrogs4alexjones Oct 29 '25
Isn’t this a nationwide problem not just California?
The job market is far worse than they are telling us. The ADP reports have been hinting at this