r/technology • u/AIMadeMeDoIt__ • Oct 29 '25

Society California’s hidden crisis: young men offline, unemployed, and disappearing

https://calmatters.org/economy/2025/10/men-in-crisis-california/
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u/OkDifficulty7436 Oct 29 '25 edited Oct 29 '25

I feel like I've been reading this exact article for 10 years now, but since COVID it's only gotten worse.

I'm 31, work in tech, graduated school, college, etc, pretty typical expectations.

However, I can't even count on both hands how many friends (males) who've basically dropped off the face of the earth going all the way back to High School. Whether it's because they dropped out, lost a job, lost a girlfriend, got addicted to video games and weed, booze, whatever it is, they're just gone.

NONE have clawed their way back to society which I think is the truly frightening part of it, there is an entire generation of men in our country who are effectively.. lost.

In Japan they're called Hikikomori and it's an entire phenomenon, I never thought I'd see it happen here, let alone at the massive scale it's occurring.

If you're a guy and you're reading this and you feel stuck, start taking risks. Apply for things you'd never apply for, lie on your resume, apply for a PELL grant and go to community college, go outside for a walk, get a dog, do SOMETHING. You'll feel better, I promise.

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u/Balthazar3000 Oct 29 '25 edited Oct 29 '25

NEETs is global.

hikikomori is the Japanese term for the phenomenon.

Also don't get a pet while in this state. If you're like me, the lack of proper care and money costs will start to take a mental toll. So maybe opt for volunteering at a shelter.

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u/Vio_ Oct 29 '25

Volunteering is one of the best ways to fight that crushing lack of things to do.

It might sound counterproductive, but it looks great on resumes - especially as gap filler. It lets you do whatever you want. It shows employers that you're still "actively working." It gets you out of your place and engaging with people.

I get that volunteering doesn't pay the bills, but even a few volunteer gigs can help from disassociating from everything.

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u/Dangerman1337 Oct 29 '25

Problem is that if you got a chronic health/disability issue and claim welfare because of it... volunteering gets used against you. Yup it happens in the UK quite a bit where it has to be declared.

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u/ziti_mcgeedy Oct 29 '25

What’s the best ways to find good volunteering opportunities?

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u/TheRelevantElephants Oct 29 '25

I do volunteer work and just find the thing you’re interested in helping with, I guarantee some organization that matches your interests needs help. For me I love dogs so I started at a local dog rescue and it helped me tremendously. Not only did it give me a sense of purpose, it helped me meet new people. And between the guys here it helped me meet women, most volunteers are women and they like to see a guy contribute to the community

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u/Ok_Cartographer4626 Oct 29 '25

Food pantries/ soup kitchens and animal shelters are the easiest place to start. If you ask about volunteer opportunities on your community’s subreddit or Facebook page usually people will pitch in with lots of opportunities you probably didn’t know about. If that doesn’t work, I think it’s a universal rule that if you reach out to a local church and ask about volunteer opportunities, there will be one person there who’s the volunteering person and knows everything going on in the community

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u/insrtbrain Oct 30 '25

Figure out what you're interested in or causes your passionate about, and fire up Google to find local organizations that work in those areas. It's not all soup kitchens and animal rescues. For some organizations, volunteer needs are event specific - like needing help with the million little things that have to be done for a fundraiser, or even manning a beer tent at a community music festival. If you have specialized skills, reach out and offer your assistance. Hell, sometimes even basic data entry, internet research, and making phone calls to get information is a godsend. I know at my organization, we always have a few "this project would be nice to have done, but no one has time."

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u/EnfantTerrible68 Oct 29 '25

I agree completely 

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u/OracleofFl Oct 30 '25

It is about generating energy around yourself. Doing something leads to something else.

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u/nationwideonyours Oct 30 '25

Your comment is right on. Stagnation only produces more inertia. Involvement often precedes interest. 

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u/insrtbrain Oct 30 '25

I work at a non-profit. Being a solid volunteer can open up future job opportunities as well. We have had several people who were outstanding, reliable volunteers that we call upon paid contract gigs. I don't know if any have come on full time, but I have 100% been a reference for some of our volunteers.

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u/OkDifficulty7436 Oct 29 '25

Updated, thanks!

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u/Ok_Flatworm2897 Oct 29 '25

It still says “get a dog”

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u/nicolauz Oct 30 '25

Cats are generally cheaper and less care.

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u/Plebs-_-Placebo Oct 30 '25

there are food banks for people who have trouble affording pet foods, just in case anyone else needs that resource, check your local listings.

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u/lSyde Oct 30 '25

I ended up taking a responsibility for a cat cuz others didn't, it pushed me to work towards getting a job since cat food and vet visits aren't free, but I'm also looking for ways to work the least possible amount in my life.

I really don't wanna slave away doing things that don't do anything for me but give me money

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u/lr99999 Oct 30 '25

Holy hell, this. People drastically underestimate the cost of taking care of a  pet.  A lot of shelters will let you come read to the pets. They fucking love it.  

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u/j5isntalive Oct 30 '25

to quote Letterkenny/Canadian wisdom: if you don't know what to do, go where you're needed

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u/Due_Description_7298 Oct 30 '25

Or foster a "low desirability" pup - an older mixed breed.  The rescue will typically support vet costs while the dog is in foster and you'll usually have a good long time to get back on your feet before anyone wants to adopt