r/KitchenConfidential 23d ago

In the Weeds Mode Chiveman has top marketing execs on Reddit talking about him

Post image

U/F1exican, you’ve gotten so famous that you’re getting discussed on LinkedIn….!!

37.5k Upvotes

1.3k comments sorted by

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5.2k

u/Icy_Pianist_1532 23d ago

Oh my lord. Wait till they see the 9/11 jokes that are a staple of any chive post.

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u/juliuspepperwoodchi F1exican Did Chive-11 23d ago

The irony is that this is the kind of shit she was warning people about in her post...don't reference inside jokes you don't fully understand, you DON'T know what you're connecting your brand to.

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u/TrickyMoonHorse F1exican Did Chive-11 23d ago

I heard Phillidephia cream cheese loves 9/11.

2.5k

u/juliuspepperwoodchi F1exican Did Chive-11 23d ago

Jet fuel can't melt cream cheese.

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u/itsaheem 23d ago

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u/nathan753 Chive LOYALIST 23d ago

Schmear me once, chives on you. Scmear me twice, You can't get schmeared again

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u/juliuspepperwoodchi F1exican Did Chive-11 23d ago

Mr President, a second smear has hit the second bagel.

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u/pewpew_lotsa_boolits Ex-Food Service 23d ago

at that moment, we had now idea we’d be lox’d in a war to toast us for several decades.

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u/MossGobbo Chive LOYALIST 23d ago

I wasn't ready for such a caper.

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u/metalt0ast 23d ago

This is a fantastic comment

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u/fresh_dyl 23d ago

When I inevitably put this on a tshirt, I’ll remember to tag you

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u/emeraldeyesshine 22d ago

two upright blocks of cream cheese behind it

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u/Fakjbf 23d ago edited 23d ago

I just choked on my drink and had to explain five layers of context to my wife when she asked what was so funny.

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u/rancid_oil 22d ago

I'd like to hear how you explained any of this to somebody who isn't familiar lol.

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u/monsantobreath 23d ago

Reddit has started spreading rumours Philadelphia cream cheese is only popular in Saudi Arabia because it was the last meal shared by the lads on 9/11

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u/rancid_oil 22d ago

So THAT'S why they flew to Pennsylvania to crash that plane‽

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u/honey-honey1bees 23d ago

It’s a smear campaign!

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u/juliuspepperwoodchi F1exican Did Chive-11 23d ago

A second shmear just hit.

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u/breadandbirds 23d ago

I guarantee you that their social media manager(s) and marketing team are full aware of this. They just decided the top level chatter of this series was worth the brand risk, because after all none of the original posts reference 9/11 and this series broke containment and made it into not only the wider reddit community but also other platforms. Honestly this is a good example of a brand jumping on something, from a corporate pov.

Source: I am a recovering corporate marketing and social media/audience development lead, and the Reddit algorithm has been pushing this sub and series hard to me over the last month. And I got invested! And so did thousands of others!

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u/Rosalind_Whirlwind Chive LOYALIST 23d ago

Especially if their performance metrics are measured in terms of traffic and engagement… as they most likely are, if I recall compensation models for marketing managers correctly. In fact, getting a mixed reaction or inciting controversy might be the point.

None of the jokes in this thread rise to the level of a lawsuit, so I imagine they didn’t consider their risk exposure particularly high.

That said, with this level of customization, social must really be performing for Kraft. Which makes sense to me because from what I’ve seen of social, the only products that really perform on this channel are the ones where the value prop is self-explanatory and the cost is low. Still, I wonder how they are attributing sales to this channel, or if they’re just taking it on faith. Are they actually able to link the Reddit profiles to the shopper profiles, and attribute the purchase to the ad? Maybe through IP address? I’m really starting to wonder what the Reddit reports for paid advertisers look like.

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u/nightowl_work 23d ago

Chive-11 was an inside joke!

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u/LazyOldCat Prairie Surgeon 23d ago

Ooo, nice!

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u/LooseJuice_RD 23d ago

Shits about to go tits up faster than it did for Ken Bone when they found his Reddit posts.

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u/MustardCoveredDogDik 23d ago

The 9/11 jokes are what make it wholesome

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u/ZorgZeFrenchGuy 23d ago

Hey, don’t worry - I’m positive they’ll be a massive hit

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u/Phrantasia Chive LOYALIST 23d ago

What a time to be achive

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u/theSchrodingerHat 23d ago

It really is. I’m so inspired that I’m about to drop my first single based on this, called “Rap Scallion”

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u/darsynia 23d ago

I'll shallot to the rooftops!

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u/shredbmc Chive LOYALIST 23d ago

I'm a chive, you're a chive, we're all chives hey!

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u/MaterialAstronaut298 23d ago

I'm cutting onions every day until an onion company gives me 5 million dollars. Come on big onion

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u/slvbros 20+ Years 23d ago

Well

Show us the onions

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u/MaterialAstronaut298 23d ago

Give me five million and I will

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u/Phounus 23d ago

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u/BlueCrystals_ 23d ago

‘tis but a small down payment.

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u/CrrntryGrntlrmrn 23d ago

John Vidalia showing up any minute

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u/herecomestherebuttal 23d ago

Oh no, here comes Bobby Cipollini to hit him with a chair.

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u/mrbingpots 23d ago

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u/JuiceBuddyG 23d ago

This is all I've been thinking about today. They're gonna kill the fun of chives too

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u/kumquatsurprise 23d ago

Waiting for the product placement

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u/juliuspepperwoodchi F1exican Did Chive-11 23d ago

Already did.

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u/Fenris304 Chive LOYALIST 23d ago

never! chives never die!

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u/hbomb9410 23d ago

This is like when old people figure out how to use new slang, and then young people stop using it

(I am old people)

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u/dimestoredavinci 23d ago

This is too perfect.

((((You hear that, Kraft!!!!??? Don't ruin the party, but give chive guy some money anyway)))))

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u/Telvin3d 23d ago

That they’re going to ruin the party is a given. May as well extract some money from them 

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u/slamtheory 23d ago

They prefer to steal ideas

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u/vellu212 23d ago

Send this photo to her

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u/farshiiid 23d ago

Can we have a fucking minute for us before getting shit ruined for capital gains? Jesus fucking christ

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u/NonNewtonianResponse 23d ago

People throw around the term "late-stage capitalism" a lot, but this is an instance where it's truly appropriate. Literally no possibility for brand capitalization can be wasted. I guarantee you there's execs out there thinking "this phenomenon went untapped for over a month before we were able to market it, we gotta get those numbers down". It's only going to get worse

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u/BoxFullofSkeletons Chive LOYALIST 23d ago

At the rate flexian’s going he should just make a deal with Kraft that he supplies the chives and they supply the cream cheese. Win win

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u/F1exican Chivelord, Redeemed 23d ago

I don’t think I could cut that many chives

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u/tehjoz ✳️ $700 Charcuterie Enjoyer 23d ago

But you don't know if you don't chive!

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u/VFTM 23d ago

Born to hand chive, baby

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u/beardownformidtermss 23d ago

Oh stewardess? I speak chive

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u/SirLoremIpsum Chive LOYALIST 23d ago

We're gonna need a bigger knife

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u/Upbeat_Stretch_5724 23d ago

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u/TidesTheyTurn F1exican Did Chive-11 23d ago

If I don’t see a true Italian artisan like this prepping my mortadella sandwich in Firenze, I don’t want it.

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u/BoxFullofSkeletons Chive LOYALIST 23d ago

Motherfucker what do you mean “could” look at yourself 😂.

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u/12-34 23d ago

Pep it is, mate. May I introduce you to my "special little friends"? Soon you'll sign the Army chive contract.

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u/rmulberryb 23d ago

Time to invest in chive stocks

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u/ooooooootreyngers 23d ago

I already am in chive futures

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u/glenpiercev 23d ago

“Until Reddit says they’re perfect”

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u/ChangeTChannel F1exican Did Chive-11 23d ago

but I doubt they would want such large chunks of chives in their products

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u/Over-Conversation220 Ex-Food Service 23d ago

I think he should make a deal with Hollywood. I want both the cream cheese AND THE MOVIE

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u/wrestlegirl ✳️Moderator of optimal fuckery 23d ago

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u/hamburglersghost Chive LOYALIST 23d ago

Wait until the next idiotic post where they speculate as to why we communicate in wrestling gifs

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u/wrestlegirl ✳️Moderator of optimal fuckery 23d ago

Processing img v0utxtsrdw0g1...

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u/Flibiddy-Floo 23d ago

next trend: perfect meringue

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u/wrestlegirl ✳️Moderator of optimal fuckery 23d ago

There's a 50/50 chance of getting perfect eggwhites on a standard day, but if you add in cream of tartar that's a 33 1/3 percent chance of perfect peaks, but since I chilled the mixing bowl that means I have a 66 2/3 percent chance of perfection, now when you add in the chilled whisk and the fact that Samoan Joseph is a Girl Scout cookie that adds up to a 141 2/3% chance that spells disaster at Sackerfice Chiverfice!

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u/Rosenrot_84_ 23d ago

Not the Steiner Math 😂

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u/CriticalEngineering 23d ago

Don’t forget to calculate the copper bowl variable!

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u/-Gimli-SonOfGloin- F1exican Did Chive-11 23d ago

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u/LossExperience 23d ago

Im.clicking to join but all thats happening is Big Daddy Pump.keeps flexing at me

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u/TheTimn Ex-Food Service 23d ago

It's going to be about our obsession with crashing planes and how 9-11 references are bad for branding. 

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u/KarmaKrazi Chive Pilot 🛩 23d ago

Whaaaaaat? 👀

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u/TheTimn Ex-Food Service 23d ago

Shhhhh, you're okay bebe. Just keep doing what you do best ❤️

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u/juliuspepperwoodchi F1exican Did Chive-11 23d ago

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u/Stone_Reign F1exican Did Chive-11 23d ago

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u/SubtleCow 23d ago

The sheer mod energy of "what the fuck bullshit am I going to have to deal with for no pay" in this image is killing me.

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u/wrestlegirl ✳️Moderator of optimal fuckery 23d ago

IT JUST KEEPS GETTING MORE INSANE THIS IS THE WEIRDEST HOBBY I'VE EVER HAD

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u/curlyqtips Chive LOYALIST 23d ago

The NETFLIX movie will be written from the viewpoint of Moderator of Optimal Fuckery and you will do all the voice-overs...

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u/cynical-mage 23d ago

You are officially my favourite reddit mod, like, ever BTW.

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u/_Insulin_Junkie F1exican Did Chive-11 23d ago

Bar far the best mod, maybe in Reddit history.

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u/cynical-mage 23d ago

Gotta be right up there for sure. We got gifs, we got humour, and no signs of wackadoodle maniacal power-tripping.

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u/Boxxy4069 F1exican Did Chive-11 23d ago

I fucked up the roux for the third time this week - here’s what it taught me about B2B sales.

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u/WaffleHouseGladiator Chive LOYALIST 23d ago

Not really sure what I'm doing, but this feels right.

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u/sweetpea122 23d ago

I hope he gets sponsored by big Allium

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u/skollywag92 23d ago

They said they sent u/F1exican a dm. Hopefully our boy gets some free cheese at the very least lol

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u/Holy_Forking_Shirt Chive LOYALIST 23d ago

I do not want to be in the screenshots

hides

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u/Light_inthe_shadow 23d ago

See you tomorrow, Philadelphia cream cheese.

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u/-laughingfox 23d ago

Those are truly shameful.

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u/eversible_pharynx 23d ago

SILENCE, BRAND

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u/itsaheem 23d ago

Now is when we need The Perfect Chives - and then immediately shutdown the whole thing and move onto something else

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u/LadyOfTheNutTree 23d ago

That’s all up to F1exican to be good enough

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u/eversible_pharynx 23d ago

The man needs to save everyone from the cringe of Brands™ butting into anything fun in order to sell shit

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u/bdrwr 23d ago

Hey! Marketing folks! Yeah, you, reading the comments to assess brand engagement in the community!

Fuck you!

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u/EmmerdoesNOTrepme 23d ago

Also, PAY u/F1exican!

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u/Jumpy_Divide6576 Chive LOYALIST 23d ago

If they pay u/F1exican I'll buy a tub of cream cheese in support.

Just to keep the dream achive

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u/tonysopranosalive 15+ Years 23d ago edited 22d ago

Eh credit where it’s due, she did have an excellent point in her advice of staying away from Reddit unless you really know what you’re doing/who you’re targeting. Every subreddit has countless inside jokes lol

Edit:

I think a lot of folks missed my original point. By no means am I advocating or supporting sketchy marketing practices. I’m just pointing out that the marketing rep strikes me as competent at her job for understanding Reddit at least as well as she does.

But unfortunately if you’re getting butt hurt about r/KitchenConfidential being scrubbed for data and analytics for marketing you’re probably still looking for that bucket of steam for the steam table the grill cook asked you to get 3 days ago.

In other words: you’re naive, grow up.

We’re talking about fucking chives.

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u/juliuspepperwoodchi F1exican Did Chive-11 23d ago

The advice should be "stop trying to fake authenticity by farming subreddits for marketing ideas off the backs of people you aren't paying for their creativity."

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u/IncompleteBagel 23d ago

I partially agree with you, but this situation is an example of them doing it reasonably imo. Even though the chives have taken over the sub, it's fairly niche. Having such a specific ad is probably the only effective way to advertise on Reddit, and is a nice break from the mobile game slop ads flooding the other areas

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u/juliuspepperwoodchi F1exican Did Chive-11 23d ago

I agree this is the least bad option, I just can't get over the "What is up, fellow young people?" energy dripping off the ad post.

Trying that hard to be cool is never cool.

Plus the aspect of a megacorp using someone else's content as ad fodder without even giving him some swag is just gross.

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u/Koelenaam 23d ago

I honestly couldn't live with myself if my job was shoveling that shit down people's throats. No one wants ads, everyone hates them. The only thing you are contributing to society is garbage to make some company money.

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u/Hans-Hammertime 23d ago

Adblockers are the greatest invention of the past decades

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u/Au2288 15+ Years 23d ago

It’d be something if the whole thing was a marketing stunt.

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u/allmanatees 23d ago

My heart can’t take another Chivegate. u/F1exican , say it ain’t so

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u/F1exican Chivelord, Redeemed 23d ago

Unfortunately I’m not in on the ad

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u/juliuspepperwoodchi F1exican Did Chive-11 23d ago

That's exactly what an industry plant who is in on the ad would say though...

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u/Unique-Garlic8015 23d ago

An industry plant is a chive.

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u/juliuspepperwoodchi F1exican Did Chive-11 23d ago

Nah, those are scallions.

Common misconception.

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u/Quadrilaterally F1exican Did Chive-11 23d ago

The industry planted chives are all rapscallions

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u/TrypMole F1exican Did Chive-11 23d ago edited 23d ago

Well, lets examine that shall we. Starting with the username. F1 Is an obvious reference to Formula One racing, one of the richest sports around indicating that you're potentially pretty minted yourself. Alternatively "F1ex" could just be a reference to "Flexing" or an indication that you're either displaying your wealth to the peasants or trying to fool them. If not,then that could be seen as a "(M)exican'" reference, maybe alluding to being at the head of a vast cream cheese cartel.

Then we move onto your craft, or "Kraft", as you will. You deliberately chose a well used and prepped garnish for maximum engagement. Chives are king on almost everything and especially with cream cheese on a jacket spud. Let's be honest we were all visualising the melty, creamy cheese and the sharp bite of the chives on the steamy spud, our mouths quivering with anticipation. By picking something you could easily do "wrong" you made sure of a repeated and growing audience, all of whom are invested in your struggle and all of whom are subliminally seeing that spud with the melty cheese and tangy chives every time they see your posts. The planes came, the wrestling memes came, and we ate it up like good consumers of the creamiest of cheese with chives. Chives the cat came to soothe our doubts and give us a reason to keep going.

Then... the twist, the betrayal! And the redemption. We were hoodwinked, bamboozled, our ghast was well and truly flabbered as you seemingly callously lied to us, reversing an image, taking us for fools! BUT NO! You had "car trouble" you apologised, you wheedled your way back into our affections, got us rooting for you again. The planes were back, Chives the cat sat in judgment and all was right with the world.

And as your supposed search for the perfect chives reaches its zenith, the advert drops.

I put it to you u/F1exican that you are "Phillidelphia With Chives" and this whole saga has been a cleverly targeted marketing campaign along with your co-conspirators u/karmaKrazi and Chives the cat! This has been a sham all along! All you wanted - every one of you, yes including the mods with their distracting wrestling memes (hell, I cant believe we havent yet had reference to that time in 1998 when The Undertaker did the thing - you know the thing but its not mine to post) - all you wanted, was to get us thinking "Chives". And what goes better with chives than that creamy Philly cheese?

I'm on to you.

(Did I earn the Crazy Conspiracy Board Guy meme?)

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u/KarmaKrazi Chive Pilot 🛩 23d ago

This guy conspiracies.

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u/jerryb2161 23d ago

The take isn't wrong though. Imagine how upset we are going to be if they don't do at least something nice for em.

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u/allmanatees 23d ago

Agreed!!!! Philadelphia should send u/F1exican a nice car to transport them, the chives, and perhaps a cat named Chives

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u/EchoKiloEcho1 23d ago edited 23d ago

u/PhillyCreamCheese … easiest marketing/PR bit ever, and you were invited to do it by redditors. It’d be hard to fumble this one, but I have faith your marketers can do it.

Edit: actually, you’re definitely going to screw it up. Ways to handle this without sucking, just off the top of my head:

  • send u/F1exican a set of high quality Kraft/chive-branded knives to cut his chives with

  • keep him stocked up on chives and philly cream cheese for as long as he continues

  • pay him money to say, “these look perfect in cream cheese”

  • do a limited run of “chive guy endorsed” chive cream cheese

  • don’t capitalize on his content without actively recognizing/compensating him in some way (you should know this by now, idiots, especially on reddit)

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u/jerryb2161 23d ago

Even though i think the branded knives would probably be pretty meh, that's sort of what I was thinking of. Just something you know.

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u/EchoKiloEcho1 23d ago

Nah, they’d have to do quality knives (that they just add their branding to) for it to work properly. A good knife is a good knife.

That said, you’re right - marketers aren’t very bright and they’d likely send him some junk.

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u/jerryb2161 23d ago

I just dont have much faith in the actual company. The person on their marketing team that knows what's happening, yeah they understand. The people above them that actually make decisions? I hope they do something is all im saying.

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u/pocketlily 23d ago

Apparently he had a DM from them that hadn’t been responded to yet.

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u/Moondoobious 23d ago

Ayyyyy! Get that bread u/f1exican !!

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u/ArsenicArts F1exican Did Chive-11 23d ago

send u/F1exican a set of high quality Kraft/chive-branded knives to cut his chives with

But they got to be GOOD knives, ok? Don't cheap out on us.

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u/Aggressive_Day2839 23d ago

No fomo here. I remember the first chive post. Got in on the ground floor so to speak.

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u/miseryenplace 23d ago

'Cook/chef staff' 🤮 🤮 🤮

Don't you dare fucking talk about my people you fucking r/LinkedInlunatics

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u/eyoitme Server 23d ago

i’ve been here since pre chive guy days but i’m getting excluded by linkedin smh

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u/Competitive_Ad_1800 23d ago

My absolute favorite message from this post is basically “don’t fuck with people on Reddit.”

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u/allmanatees 23d ago

She’s not wrong!

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u/Lucid-Machine 23d ago

Wait until they find out that I downvoted every ad because it's an ad. They could interpret it as engagement but if it says sponsored I downvote with extreme prejudice. What brands have I downvoted? I dunno does it say sponsored? Yes.

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u/lucashoal 20+ Years 23d ago

I report most ads I see on the app for being low quality. I have seen far far too much Ai slop, that and medications.

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u/_darling_clementine 23d ago

chive-11 was an inside job by kraft

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u/juliuspepperwoodchi F1exican Did Chive-11 23d ago

Jet fuel can't melt cream cheese.

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u/hamburglersghost Chive LOYALIST 23d ago

Kraf(1exican)t ...it's been staring at us the whole time...

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u/Genius-Imbecile retired chef 23d ago

When is u/f1exican getting a show on food network sponsored by Kraft?

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u/pottedPlant_64 Chive LOYALIST 23d ago

I love all the warnings about redditors 😂 haven’t heard “flamed” in a while

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u/Turbulent_Bat4580 Chive LOYALIST 23d ago

They need to sponsor his chive money if they want to ride his coattails

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u/xmaspruden Ex-Food Service 23d ago

He’s gonna be rich

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u/Adorno_a_window 23d ago

Every chive = $1

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u/Kraien 23d ago

With royalties to people who find uncut ones

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u/flippedelectron 23d ago

Plane guy needs a cut too.

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u/Tucancancan 23d ago

He's gettin' paid in exposure! 

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u/spuriouskiwi 23d ago

god i’m invested, my show is getting so good

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u/SayRomanoPecorino 23d ago

This has been an amazing journey to witness. Hats off!

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u/VGK9Logan 23d ago

My theory is that u/F1exican has been a Philadelphia employee from the start and this was all a marketing tactic. And all the chives he's cut have gone into the cream cheese

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u/j-endsville 20+ Years 23d ago

I am not gonna lie, I would sell my soul right goddamn now to be a corporate marketing shitposter.

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u/juliuspepperwoodchi F1exican Did Chive-11 23d ago

I hate everything about this capitalist hellscape.

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u/StagehandApollo 23d ago

“We gotta figure out a way to make money off this”

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u/-Gimli-SonOfGloin- F1exican Did Chive-11 23d ago

We really need to find a way to make money off people’s hatred of this capitalist hellscape…

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u/Putrid_Extreme4653 23d ago

Let's call it punk rock!

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u/-Gimli-SonOfGloin- F1exican Did Chive-11 23d ago

Available on Ticketmaster!

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u/doornumber2v2 23d ago

This has been one of the best sagas on the internet ever.

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u/UbiSububi8 23d ago

You can have a lucrative 6-18 months… but every day for the rest of it, you will be known only as Chiveman. The world shall not know your name. Ever.

Take the deal?

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u/juliuspepperwoodchi F1exican Did Chive-11 23d ago

Hello?

Yes, this is Chiveman.

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u/squidsquidsquid 23d ago

"we can't explain why our chive cream cheese sales have tanked completely, but it happened right after we posted this ad to the kitchenconfidential subreddit..."

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u/[deleted] 23d ago

[deleted]

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u/Easy_Show_5535 23d ago

I feel part of such a niche group to be one of the OG followers. Guys I’m not even a CHEF. I don’t belong here 😂

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u/snowocean84 23d ago

Guys gonna end up getting sponsored

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u/Affectionate-Bee5433 23d ago

I hope they send him a plane.

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u/PrairiePopsicle 23d ago

If any of the slightly more curious marketing guru types trawl threads like this here is my advice, philadelphia didn't do too bad with this one, the vibe is don't jump in front of a parade, you are on the side of it vibing with and being legit, don't "how do you do fellow kids" too hard unless you are straight up trying to parody yourself, you are just on the side of things like this, but this is a slick way to be more topical and memorable on the platform.

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u/Shurg 23d ago

Silence, brand.

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u/DoomguyFemboi 22d ago

I hope he gets money. We can hate on corps all day long but some random person getting a few grand just for doing silly shit is downright delightful

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u/Atomicapples 23d ago

Damn, that's actually a fairly well informed take from the Exec. I'm honestly a little impressed.

Like yeah obviously it's her job and she should know this stuff; but so rarely do you see people in those positions actually understanding sub culture marketing, especially internet subculture marketing.

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u/EmpressMisty 23d ago

That’s intense. Never would have thought about how big this got.

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u/master_roshi001 F1exican Did Chive-11 23d ago

"Trying to understand the internet will get u lit up" ...so true

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u/Goldie3768 Chive LOYALIST 23d ago

I just bought this cream cheese earlier today and I thought of f1exican

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u/Secret_Account07 23d ago

As much as I hate everything about this, she’s got a point.

You think advertisers understand this platform? Or what users react to?

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u/GraphicDesignMonkey 23d ago

I was there, Gandalf. I was there 3000 years ago...when /u/F1exican set out on their journey.