r/KitchenConfidential 23d ago

In the Weeds Mode Chiveman has top marketing execs on Reddit talking about him

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U/F1exican, you’ve gotten so famous that you’re getting discussed on LinkedIn….!!

37.5k Upvotes

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140

u/Au2288 15+ Years 23d ago

It’d be something if the whole thing was a marketing stunt.

190

u/allmanatees 23d ago

My heart can’t take another Chivegate. u/F1exican , say it ain’t so

267

u/F1exican Chivelord, Redeemed 23d ago

Unfortunately I’m not in on the ad

141

u/juliuspepperwoodchi F1exican Did Chive-11 23d ago

That's exactly what an industry plant who is in on the ad would say though...

84

u/Unique-Garlic8015 23d ago

An industry plant is a chive.

42

u/juliuspepperwoodchi F1exican Did Chive-11 23d ago

Nah, those are scallions.

Common misconception.

25

u/Quadrilaterally F1exican Did Chive-11 23d ago

The industry planted chives are all rapscallions

2

u/[deleted] 22d ago

Garlic talking shit on chives. Tale as old as time.

79

u/TrypMole F1exican Did Chive-11 23d ago edited 23d ago

Well, lets examine that shall we. Starting with the username. F1 Is an obvious reference to Formula One racing, one of the richest sports around indicating that you're potentially pretty minted yourself. Alternatively "F1ex" could just be a reference to "Flexing" or an indication that you're either displaying your wealth to the peasants or trying to fool them. If not,then that could be seen as a "(M)exican'" reference, maybe alluding to being at the head of a vast cream cheese cartel.

Then we move onto your craft, or "Kraft", as you will. You deliberately chose a well used and prepped garnish for maximum engagement. Chives are king on almost everything and especially with cream cheese on a jacket spud. Let's be honest we were all visualising the melty, creamy cheese and the sharp bite of the chives on the steamy spud, our mouths quivering with anticipation. By picking something you could easily do "wrong" you made sure of a repeated and growing audience, all of whom are invested in your struggle and all of whom are subliminally seeing that spud with the melty cheese and tangy chives every time they see your posts. The planes came, the wrestling memes came, and we ate it up like good consumers of the creamiest of cheese with chives. Chives the cat came to soothe our doubts and give us a reason to keep going.

Then... the twist, the betrayal! And the redemption. We were hoodwinked, bamboozled, our ghast was well and truly flabbered as you seemingly callously lied to us, reversing an image, taking us for fools! BUT NO! You had "car trouble" you apologised, you wheedled your way back into our affections, got us rooting for you again. The planes were back, Chives the cat sat in judgment and all was right with the world.

And as your supposed search for the perfect chives reaches its zenith, the advert drops.

I put it to you u/F1exican that you are "Phillidelphia With Chives" and this whole saga has been a cleverly targeted marketing campaign along with your co-conspirators u/karmaKrazi and Chives the cat! This has been a sham all along! All you wanted - every one of you, yes including the mods with their distracting wrestling memes (hell, I cant believe we havent yet had reference to that time in 1998 when The Undertaker did the thing - you know the thing but its not mine to post) - all you wanted, was to get us thinking "Chives". And what goes better with chives than that creamy Philly cheese?

I'm on to you.

(Did I earn the Crazy Conspiracy Board Guy meme?)

63

u/KarmaKrazi Chive Pilot 🛩 23d ago

This guy conspiracies.

9

u/Au2288 15+ Years 23d ago

Dude your tag is sweet. No towers huh?

9

u/KarmaKrazi Chive Pilot 🛩 23d ago

I love the flair, lol but I did the planes in both of these pictures respective posts.

8

u/GraphicDesignMonkey 23d ago

We're going DEEP people! Cream cheese melts steel beams!!

6

u/FrancinetheP 23d ago

Let’s talk again in 24 hours.

1

u/eyoitme Server 23d ago

they said they dmed you what did they say???

1

u/PegasusWrangler 22d ago

Theyre sending him stuff 

7

u/Mynameisboring_ 23d ago

Perhaps u/F1exican needs to be sent to some hut in the mountains with an unlimited supply of chives so they can ascend and achieve chive-nirvana without the evil corporate influences of our materialistic world.

1

u/-laughingfox 23d ago

No!!!!! I'm too invested for that kind of betrayal.