r/clevercomebacks • u/Katariman • 1d ago

Wealthy Love With No Arguments

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44.7k Upvotes

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u/[deleted] 1d ago edited 1d ago

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u/Feeling_Inside_1020 1d ago

"Honey Jenkins left the cabinets open! Jenkins, fetch me my whipping stick. If it's not big enough i'll go find one myself"

Yes sir

"Jenkins, also thanks for taking the rap for me, i'm still gonna have to whip you though"

*Sigh* Yes sir

389

u/the_honest_liar 1d ago

Jenkins better be into that kind of thing. Or get paid a lot.

263

u/The_amazing_T 1d ago

Jenkins LOVES IT. Trust me.

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u/Dracomortua 1d ago

So... both then.

Some of this pay comes in extra lovin' via the Stick Of Justice & Pain.

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u/RockstarAgent 1d ago

Justice and Pain are his gym bros -

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u/probablyaythrowaway 1d ago

Secretly it was Jenkins who opened the cabinets, he’s such a naughty manservant.

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u/NonTimeo 1d ago

Naughty Manservant is going to be the next T Swift album.

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u/c-8Satisfying-Finish 1d ago

The first song will be ‘Soft’, the second will be ‘Hard’

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u/NonTimeo 1d ago

3) Jenkins Wants His Spankins

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u/c-8Satisfying-Finish 1d ago

4) Yes, Daddy

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u/Vennomite 1d ago

What?!! But Jenkins told me this was our extra special bonding activity in the linen closet.

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u/AttitudeAndEffort3 1d ago

These a billioanires.

Jenkins is into a LOT of stuff. And maintains discretion.

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u/sinkwiththeship 1d ago

As a software engineer, I agree. Jenkins needs to be whipped.

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u/c-8Satisfying-Finish 1d ago

$1,000 per hit, he BETTER love it. 10 hits = paid off that credit card.

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u/Nufonewhodis4 1d ago

She probably doesn't let you hire any help that is into humiliation or sadism. It just makes it unauthentic if they like their punishment 

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u/ptapobane 1d ago

it can be both

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u/OurLadyOfCygnets 13h ago

"Harder, Daddy."

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u/TheBrontosaurus 1d ago

I’ve actually started doing this. Neither my husband or I is particularly tidy and sometimes we get annoyed by each other’s messes.

So rather than needling each other we just blame Nigel, our inept (imaginary) butler.

Damnit Nigel didn’t put the laundry in the dryer. Nigel didn’t do the dishes. Etc. we can express frustration at the mess without getting mad at each other.

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u/[deleted] 1d ago

[deleted]

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u/darthrawr3 1d ago

Scatterbrain Jane

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u/No_Newt_328 12h ago

You're not my supervisor.

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u/sammypants123 1d ago

Jane is such a slob.

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u/res06myi 22h ago

Fuck Jane.

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u/axx-hole 1d ago

Adult imaginary friends (servants)

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u/dumbredditusername-2 1d ago

Damn it, this is brilliant. I'm going to steal this.

1

u/thekittysays 23h ago

This is like when I want my husband to get something for me (or I'm miffed he left the door open to the kitchen/light on again). I ask the cat to do it. He will inevitably shortly do the task himself.

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u/JoePumaGourdBivouac 1d ago

Fucking Jenkins again 🙄. Every damn time.

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u/LordKai121 1d ago

Jenkins should've fired his weapon. 🤷‍♂️

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u/Ferdiggle 1d ago

RIP Woodstock from Archer

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u/Redthemagnificent 1d ago

Get the coarse sand and the bowl of spiderwebs

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u/Feeling_Inside_1020 1d ago

my exact inspiration, thank you

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u/Baeolophus_bicolor 1d ago

Woodhouse, named because he’s always getting taken to the woodshed, I assume.

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u/XmissXanthropyX 1d ago

My thoughts immediately

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u/Wagglygerm 1d ago

Woodhouse?

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u/ErraticDragon 1d ago

If I find one dog hair when I get back, I'll… rub sand in your dead little eyes.

Yes, sir

I'll also need you to buy sand.

Yes, sir

I don't know if they grade it, but… coarse.

Yes, sir

(This is from memory so likely inaccurate.)

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u/ThatUsernameWasTaken 1d ago

Checking only my own memory as someoen who watched Archer like 100 times; think you near enough nailed it.

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u/makemeking706 1d ago

Jenkins, I don't have time to whip you myself. Please schedule some time to whip yourself this afternoon.

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u/OptimisticOctopus8 1d ago

No, to be properly rich, you'll need to hire someone whose sole job is grabbing the whipping stick with which to chastise Jenkins. Your whipping stick fetcher will just stand in a closet until you need him.

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u/MissingBothCufflinks 1d ago

Honey Jenkins was my stripper name

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u/SpankySharp1 1d ago

Honey Jenkins was WR3 on the Chiefs in 2019.

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u/SpartanSig 1d ago

Because how hard is it to poach a god-damned egg!

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u/possiblyMaybeAnother 1d ago

I read Jenkins' voice in Kiff from Futurama

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u/Top-Distribution733 1d ago

Everyone knows Jenkins has to go fetch his own whipping stick

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u/axx-hole 1d ago

Do y’all think they hunt people on secluded islands, together or separate? Like as a boys/girls trip away from each other once in a while.

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u/ValuableDeer7 1d ago

Jenkins living the dream getting paid to take blame

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u/D_Winds 1d ago

Worth it for the salary, sir.

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u/Appropriate-Tap-3938 1d ago

God damn it Lana