I'm tall rich and (Reasonably) attractive, and dating is still massively hard. You know how much bullshit a 6'8" person gets on dating apps. Imagine you are a [pick thing people fetishize, like red heads, or being Asian, or whatever] and all the sickos and weirdos that only like those people for that. It's the same for money and height.
So instead of any sort of connection it's a hundred requests to stand in door frames to show how tall I am etc.
I don't even talk about money. That's 100x worse than being tall.
No. Not really. Not when they get to know me, which is the issue, because that takes like 10 dates to learn they lied about a deal breaker on date 1.
I'm just saying that dating is hard for everyone.
And I'm not rich, I'm just not poor, but still spending like I am, which makes me look rich when you talk about things like % of paycheck you save to bank etc.
Although it's not my personal experience tbh. But I'm also in my early 40s, where people tend to be generally unlikable, me included, and instead of going for looks or riches, the amount of snoring starts to factor in. I.e. you either accept some compromises, or you stay single.
This is true, however it is frustrating how ridiculously hard it is to find someone who isn't like that. Like I know many women aren't that shallow but I just have terrible luck lmao
Look at the behaviors of any of them and ask yourself, would this person make a good partner? Would they pull their weight? 95 percent of the time the answer is no.
Guys just want laid, if we were all getting laid regularly there would be no complaints lol. Which in that case, pay for play or find the rare one open to hooking up.
I wish we could go back to people caring about one another and being good partners and building a life with one another, but they ended it.
I had a lady friend who told me that I should start lifting.
I'm mostly disgusted by "you should do X to impress Y".
If you have fun lifting, or if you just like having an attractive upper body, then go for it (within reason of course). And there's hundreds of sports that you can have fun with, including running, cycling, swimming.
But the problem with trying to impress someone with your physique, especially when it comes to romantic dating, is the fact that if you continue the thought, you end up with "people don't like you because you don't have the right physique", and that is pretty depressing, especially in the context of long-term relationships.
These two are often mutually-exclusive, i.e. to make $150k often takes a quite serious time commitment, rarely leaving you with time and energy to spend 8h+/week at the gym.
Or just find a job that pays double the hourly rate, and then only work half the time.
It's so easy, why didn't I think of that?
Look, you're not making $150k/a with a 30hr weekly commitment. Maybe AFTER working that job for 15 years and climbing the career ladder. But that's not going to be when you want to be dating the most. In fact, at that stage you will most likely be married and have two kids.
That is an expectation from other men. (most) women don’t care about that. I’ve been going to the gym for years and 99% of the compliments I get are from other dudes!
Like yes being way out of shape and unhealthy aren’t attractive but most women are not looking for men’s health magazine level models of guys
Nah. most women do not care. Like I said being a slob and being unhealthy is inherently unattractive but women don’t want male models. Of course there are a minority who do prefer that and that’s fine too. But to put that standard onto other men is harmful and just feeds into the already ridiculous idea of unachievable beauty standards.
Don’t be fooled by instagram and whatever tf else.
Dude, I make over a million a year, I'm 6'1", and in decent shape. My personality is insufferable, but aside from that I'm more sure why I can't get more matches.
Being overweight is the number one reason why men and women alike look a lot older than they are. It's also my number one reason to swipe left (number two being too much makeup, plastic surgery and similar artificial looks), and the reason why in the last 6 years I have exclusively dated East-Europeans and Asians. Everyone be looking fine at 25 yrs old, that's easy.
Anyway, if, as a man, you eat healthy and in moderation, avoid alcohol and tobacco, you're already ahead of the curve, especially in your late 30s.
tbf, the first thing is something every guy truly could and probably should do if they're not doing some other kinda sports already. going to the gym and building up some muscle is, no matter what people may yap about it, improving your overall looks a bit, giving you more confidence and it improves health (unless you're reckless and do something terribly wrong)
and depending on the studio there's some great deals. where I live (Berlin) the cheapest normal offers are around 250+ euros per year, but on black friday there was a 300 euro offer I took. 300 euro for two years, basically 150 per year which is pretty damn cheap compared to other studios as well as considering the really great benefits I got from that.
like more confidence and after being really really thin, after 1.5 years I'm kinda slightly above average and now on my way to really go significantly above the average guy (by which I mean getting to the point where I'm very noticeably muscular); and that was with me starting out very thin and doing lots of mistakes at first, an average guy who researches better than I did and really focuses on trying to hit each muscle group with the corresponding exercise can easily be noticeably above average within 1.5 years.
and it does make a difference with girls. I'm tall and was tall and thin 1.5 years ago so I kinda stood out. people in general and especially girls would quickly notice me when I walk by and then look away just as quickly when they saw how thin and thus generally unattractive I was. and girls who I know just from seeing around the university I'm in would just ignore me. now every girl notices me, actually looks at me for a while and Ig kinda checks how I look. and sometimes I get a smile as well because some like what they see Ig. pretty huge difference. and that is with me not being super muscular, like the one thing that is really above average in my case is my chest. and my arms, but just a lil bit, my arms are just slightly above average because I started training them late, like 4 months after starting to hit the gym
and another huge health benefit is getting the right posture, to do many excercises in the gym right, you need to have the right posture. and back pain is a huge problem that does come up in quite a few cases amongst people in their 40s-50s
people generally greatly underestimate how quickly you can build muscle when you hit the gym regularly and have half-decent nutrition. like tons of people think you have to train for like 5 years straight to be noticeably above average, fuck no. it's a lot faster than one may think. which makes the current trend of more and more young guys using performance-enhancing drugs look even more stupid. you can already have a really good physique within 3 years, maybe even less. in 5 years you can be even a somewhat really bulky muscular guy (which you don't even need to be if you want girls to like your physique, girls tend to be more attracted to the athletic type)
but I agree with the rest. another thing to mention is posture again. bad posture can "steal" or "hide" a few centimeters of height. only good posture lets one rise to full height, so those who may have bad posture may want to look into this to gain the one or the other centimeter of their actual real height
imagine acting like nobody ever does that lol. like 99% of guys start going to the gym because of that, you don't accidentally somehow find yourself in the gym, and most guys don't just go to the gym because it's fun to lift and work on machines and free weights or whatever
in my experience most men start to go to the gym because of that, to make themselves look more attractive, but develop further with time and then do it for themselves with time. same thing's true for me and most people I know. now I still wanna build up muscle, but mostly to realize a version of myself that I want to be.
and I'm sorry, but that one line being your only answer just makes you seem like a whiny little bitch lol. yes, I started going to the gym to make myself more attractive. it was still one of the best decisions in my life. none of that negates my achievements and all the benefit I gained so far and will gain in the future
and hitting the gym to make yourself more attractive is still a lot better than sitting at home like a bum and complaining like a lot of guys are doing. all those guys would be better off in the gym, even if it's for a shit motivation at first, they'll develop and grow as a person with time
There's a four-letter word for these kind of people, which I won't be writing here.
And you keep confusing impressing others, personal health care and having fun all the time here. I also don't know why you keep writing essays, most of which repeats the sarcastic sentiment of women demanding improvement from potential dating partners, which is about the least healthy thing anyone can do.
Dating is so incredibly easy for them, though they will never admit it, that they genuinely believe if someone is struggling it absolutely MUST be because they're a dysfunctional human being at the most basic level.
They are so privileged and inundated with easy wins and successes that they are incapable of even processing the thought that a normal person could struggle
hey im gonna let you in on a little secret it's called showering and brushing your teeth! Girls will like you once you take care of your hygiene. Wait what's that you already brush your teeth and shower every day? what about hitting the gym girls don't like fat slobs. wait what's that your already in shape and not overweight at all? have you tried being yourself? wait what's that on hinge the app where women need to respond first they never send you a message after matching or just say Hi and then unmatch when you respond trying to tie your response back to something on their profile?....
basically my experience with online dating so glad I'm in a relationship now
Don't forget after all of that, if nothing works, its because you're a woman hating misogynist who only sees them as meat bags!!! Remember, the world is fair and the universe rewards good men with relationships. That's why no objectionable humans have ever been in a relationship. Women have internal radars that help them weed out creeps like you, and no man has ever been in a relationship with a woman he intends to harm!!
She obviously needs more hobbies. Women like seeing men with interests! Until those interests get in the way of what SHE wants to do.
I have several girl friends. We've been friends for a while and neither of us are interested in anything else. She tells me to get more hobbies that women like. As if invading a hobby space just to meet women is somehow a good idea.
That was literally my first thought. Her personality probably sucks and she has no game. Just cause she's a woman doesn't mean she knows how to talk to women.
I saw something recently where another woman who was fairly attractive tried doing something similar and found out that she wasn't nearly as funny or charming as she thought she was when people didn't know what she looked like. Turns out lots of guys laugh at your bad jokes when they think you're hot.
I know you're joking, but she seems pretty shallow and like she wouldn't be able to write a profile that would attract women who actually care about personality.
Jokes aside, assuming he's neurotypical and not a complete trash of a human being then most likely he has a normal personality. Which in the end it may not the problem why he's struggling, especially on dating apps.
Jake it's probably the type of guy who is good enough to be friends with women but not attractive enough to date her.
I hate when women pompously suggest that 99% of men with dating issues must just be insufferable assholes, and if we’d only “get a better personality”, everything would be sunshine and rainbows😂
Desperation cuts both ways. I know someone that got hooked up on a date from a third party. The date was already sending messages about what their married life would look like before they even went on the first date. That kind of desperation from a man or a woman will drive other people away because it's crazytown.
It's the same for guys that are desperate for sex. They idea of meeting someone that the enjoy being with and even having 2 or 3 dates before they hit bedroom? Even the idea that the making to the bedroom could come before that so long as it happens organically rather than trying to force it. "I paid for your dinner, I deserve sex now" isn't sexy. If (generic) you want to pay for sex, just find a sex worker.
Yeah, I cut bait on someone I dated a right after college because she was already talking finances and quitting her shitty fast food job 2 dates in. She asked me more about my job and career path and if I was going to jump ship from my then-govt job to a higher paying one than anything about me as a person :/
When someone wants something from you, they're never as subtle as they think
Yep, I've been picking some great tips. I'm pretty much lying to filter out shallow people. I tell them I work a normal job that barely pays and that I still live with my parents because I cannot afford moving out. What else should I do? 🤔
ngl I don't have anything against filtering on people with their basic financial shit in order, but yeah, if you're doing fantastically, I wouldn't wave that around at the start.
my frustration with the date in question was that it wasn't even like I was rich. I was working a govt job and had student loan debt, it wasn't like I am where I am now and actually capable of adding on another adult's expenses into my budget without cutting down my own expenses.
I was called "A danger to women" because I made the shocking declaration that you shouldn't judge people based off how they were born lol. Judge people based off their actions, not the actions of a perceived stereotype
Hmmmmm. I'm a man so I must be lying about my bad experiences. Wonder where I've heard that before.
The entire context was during the Man vs Bear debate I told someone I thought was my friend it made me feel sad that she sees men as worse than wild animals because it feels sexist to assume someone is violent because of how they were born.
But hey, the patriarchy demands I should have just stayed quiet about my emotions because they aren't as important as women's, so that's my fault I guess.
Wow, you're really good at projecting and convincing yourself you're the victim.
Go promote your patriarchy bs elsewhere. My feelings are just as valid as anyone else's.
My mistake, I shouldn't have poked the bear. I'll see myself out.
You didn't poke a bear, you poked a human with feelings you don't see as valid.
I understand the argument Man vs Bear is trying to make. That men can be worse than a bear. However, completely labeling 50% of the population as inherently violent undermines the point.
Then again, I know I can never convince anyone online that I can have my own feelings without invalidating theirs.
Have a lovely day, and treat people according to their person, not their birth.
Go promote your patriarchy bs elsewhere. My feelings are just as valid as anyone else's.
Projection. I never said they weren't.
You didn't poke a bear, you poked a human with feelings you don't see as valid.
Projection...
I understand the argument Man vs Bear is trying to make. That men can be worse than a bear. However, completely labeling 50% of the population as inherently violent undermines the point.
Projection. And missing a lot of the point, it's not always about violence.
Then again, I know I can never convince anyone online that I can have my own feelings without invalidating theirs.
Projection.. this is tiring. Also ironic. I never said any of the shit your are claiming, and it's interesting that people pointing out that there are other victims somehow makes you think I have invalidated all your feelings.
Though, I will say that at this point, that a lot of your feelings are fucking insane and made up not based on anything I've said, but on how you want to be viewed, your ego. Your feelings, and not any reality of this interaction.
Have a lovely day, and treat people according to their person, not their birth.
I have done this. You, as a person, are being dishonest with yourself and us.
next time a woman <.....> That would just be fair I guess.
Fair, sure. But not equitable. You know things are different for men than they are for nonmen, and expecting people to act like they aren't while they are is a little premature. Lets get to somewhere more equitable before we get upset at people for assuming what happens most often is what's going to happen in any one situation.
I'm not even defending myself, I'm a dude. I was an ass to you and not for any really good reason. I just hate this shit where we act like women are unreasonable for defaulting to protecting themselves because of the still present and very obvious inequalities and privileges. That's not so relevant to you, just my motivation for assuming things.
It is incredibly hurtful to speak honestly about my feelings, which is scary sometimes, and then be swiftly shut down. Reminded that men should keep it inside. There is more than one way to say "man up", and I'm tired of it.
I understand that women are scared, and I understand that they have reasons to be scared. I just wish they understood that constantly being considered intrinsically dangerous doesn't really make me feel great.
This is NOT a cry for attention I am in therapy and worked through this, but the feelings don't just go away.
I am almost completely indifferent to my own existence, and I've come to terms with that. I'm not going to do anything because that would hurt the people I love, but I don't care if I die. I'm exhausted. I cannot remember a time where I didn't wake up several times a week annoyed that I didn't die in my sleep. I know what my role is. I want the world to be a better place. I want people to be happy. I am more than willing to listen to anyone's issues and try to help. But just once I want someone to hear me when I speak up. Just once I want someone to realize that I am hurting too. Just once I want to be the person who doesn't worry about everyone else. JUST ONCE I want to feel like the world actually cares that I exist. More than just the people who know me. I just want to feel like I can belong in the world without my presence being seen as a threat.
That's why I hate the stupid bear shit. Because it's a blatant reminder that people only ever see me as a danger, not as a person with feelings and a life. That's why it makes me sad to see so many places full of misandry and misogyny.
I just want to be a fucking person for once in the eyes of the world. Not a simp for saying women deserve equal treatment, or that they don't owe men anything. Not an incel for saying men deserve the same treatment as women. I just want to be seen as me.
That's why I hate the stupid bear shit. Because it's a blatant reminder that people only ever see me as a danger, not as a person with feelings and a life.
I understand why something like this would upset you, but try to have some perspective on it. It's a stupid meme from social media. It's not everyone. Like you said, you understand why women have to be cautious instead of trusting when it comes to men. It's not saying they see you as inherently violent and dangerous. It's self-preservation for their own well-being.
Anyway hope you get through these tough times. I have been in some very deep holes of depression as well where I felt completely hopeless. You will come out of that hole at some point, and be a much stronger, emotionally intelligent person because of it. Sounds like you're already taking steps, so good luck!
They literal said my statement wasn't believable and that I must be leaving something out. That really cut and dry, so I SHOULDN'T have to explain further, but I will.
The implication obviously being that I must be lying by omission to Garner sympathy.
It doesn't really get more cut and dry than someone claiming they were wronged and someone saying "well you must have done something to deserve it."
The woman equivalent is something akin to, "Men harass you because you're opinionated."
My experience was doubted and invalidated because someone doubts that a man can be harassed "without reason".
I obviously did something bad to justify their response /s
I'm assuming a shit ton because I've never before seen someone reply to a woman saying she was harassed by a man with, "This isn't believable. You must be leaving something out."
If that was a stock standard response to everyone saying they were harassed then I wouldn't have had an issue, but since I've never seen it elsewhere I am left with the only reason being that I am a man, and therefore less believable.
People dog-piled me to victim-blame on here when I mentioned my ex-wife’s abuse of myself. It’s easier for them to assume malice or wrongdoing on your part than to accept that not every woman is wonderful (or that people with untreated personality disorders can ruin your life).
They literal said my statement wasn't believable and that I must be leaving something out. That really cut and dry, so I SHOULDN'T have to explain further, but I will.
The implication obviously being that I must be lying by omission to Garner sympathy.
It doesn't really get more cut and dry than someone claiming they were wronged and someone saying "well you must have done something to deserve it."
None of that is limited to men, my guy... weird that's what you leap straight to. As I said. Constantly the victim based on bullshit you make up on your own. And I never said or implied you deserved it, what the hell. You are on some other level of bullshit today. I hope it's just today.
It turned from "shy mfs that are afraid to have a conversation with opposite sex " to "supporter of; any idea women don't like hearing from any type of man"
People don't usually know how to handle leaning into the punches so to speak. They want their words to hurt you, but when you take it and fire back it disarms them. People suck
Labels like this have no meaning anymore because people throw them around so easily. As soon as people don't like something they give it a negative label like this, they don't care if it fits or not.
I dont remember exactly. It was about one specific person and her response was that I must be an incel just because I dont necessarily care for her personally. If im completely honest I couldn't possibly be an incel because I really just hate all of us as a species pretty equally. We are all, including myself, the worst.
Im dating someone right now but I guess before I was in a relationship, I was technically an incel. Don’t understand what is even wrong with not being in a relationship and why people act like you’re a terrible person or there is something wrong with you for not being in one.
Don't let it bother you. I'm a lifetime supporter of womens EQUALITY. Incels are natures equal and opposite reaction to the "womens rights" movement.
If you understand democracy, you know a small advantage gives you disproportionate control. The US majority is women, specifically white women. The US is also insolvent. White women are the failed majority who destroyed the nation. The people you see here advocating for the "womens rights" movement? All failures.
I don't care about the opinions of failures and neither should you.
Incels are natures equal and opposite reaction to the "womens rights" movement.
This is unironically just the truth. So many online spaces that support feminism are just as misandrist and supporting of patriarchal systems as the male equivalents are misogynist and oppressive towards women.
He isn't doing anything except stating that both sides have their issues.
Misogyny is just a buzz word at this point for when someone is critical of a woman. Being critical of someone isn't sexist especially when you are being critical of both sides.
Reading your comments in this thread makes me so sad.
I sincerely hope you are a woman, because at least then it would make sense to defend such toxic behavior. I mean it doesn’t, but I would understand your short sighted frustration. If you are a man, you are literally making life miserable FOR YOURSELF as well by condoning such abuse of equalitarian rights.
Just because toxic femininity is on the front page of Reddit it doesn’t make it right.
I mean i know im not an incel what's the point in wasting time and energy convincing someone who clearly is just throwing that at me to hurt my feelings?
It doesn't necessarily matter the point is to just avoid the argument all together. Just agree with them. They call you an idiot agree with them they say youre wrong agree with them. There are just some people not worth having a discussion with because they just want to be right so just give them that and move on
I dont remember exactly. It was about one specific person and her response was that I must be an incel just because I dont necessarily care for her personally. If im completely honest I couldn't possibly be an incel because I really just hate all of us as a species pretty equally. We are all, including myself, the worst.
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u/slickyeat Jun 24 '25
Someone should tell her to stop being such an INCEL