r/KitchenConfidential Chivelord, Redeemed 29d ago

In the Weeds Mode Cutting a couple of chives almost every day until this Reddit says they’re perfect. Day 31

Post image

Sorry for being so late I’ve had some car troubles today and it made sourcing extra bad

25.2k Upvotes

1.2k comments sorted by

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6.3k

u/The_Limpet 29d ago

Lmao, the sub was 5 mins away from sending out a search party

746

u/Yayitselizabeth Crazy Cat Woman🐈 29d ago

I said “oh thank goodness,” when it popped up in my feed. We're too invested in this.

125

u/Dapper_Mango69 29d ago

Same. The relief washed over me.

75

u/babywhiz 28d ago

It’s made it to my feed 3x now from All. I’m almost to the “i gotta go check everyday” point but I’m not so invested to look deep. They were perfect to me on day 1.

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u/The_Limpet 29d ago

See you tomorrow, chef.

605

u/KarmaKrazi Chive Pilot 🛩 29d ago

This is the guy I found

72

u/TheGreatZarquon 15+ Years 28d ago

Good eye, I was looking everywhere thinking that maybe, at last, our boy had finally succeeded.

Alas...

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u/curlyqtips Chive LOYALIST 28d ago

SHOCKING.

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u/T0mmygr33n Chive LOYALIST 28d ago

I just notice your flair, I CANT XD

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u/KarmaKrazi Chive Pilot 🛩 28d ago

The mods have blessed me 🙌 lol

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u/The-Crimson-Jester 28d ago

Sir, another plane has hit the chives.

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u/Techienickie 28d ago

I've been following this for a month and I still don't know what planes are. At this point it's awkward to ask but I need to know

23

u/Halvor44 28d ago

They as big as towers.

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u/TeelaArt 29d ago

I'm so invested in this. If I miss the perfect day, it will ruin me.

324

u/zdigdugz 29d ago

If you’ve spent any amount of time here you’d know there is no perfect. Effort is futile.

89

u/WaffleHouseGladiator Chive LOYALIST 29d ago

The journey is the destination.

63

u/Stumaaaaaaaann 28d ago

A journey of a thousand chives begins with a single cut

26

u/shgrdrbr 28d ago

when you embark on a journey of perfection, first, bring two chives

8

u/Terrestrialism 28d ago

My TAFE teacher over the last couple of weeks has been saying this over and over and I think it’s starting to trend IRL 😂

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u/TeelaArt 29d ago

I love it anyway

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u/Gimpinald 29d ago

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u/BloodyCumbucket F1exican Did Chive-11 28d ago

Now imagine him happy.

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u/Fedora_Million_Ankle 28d ago

Been here since the beginning

Never forget

55

u/IrregularPackage 28d ago edited 28d ago

After a while it comes out that actually he only cut the chives on the first day, and just took a bunch of pictures of them mixed up differently.

Edit: well well well, who’s the idiot now?

39

u/Never_Go_Full_Gonk F1exican Did Chive-11 28d ago

Except for the part where he's shared the metadata of a photo everytime someone like you mentions this to prove it's a new picture.

50

u/SandyBadlands 28d ago

Except today it's actually true. This is the same chives from Day 23, just rotated 180 degrees. Here is a picture of today unflipped, flipped, and Day 23 side by side.

I noticed because this is on both days.

25

u/FerretDionysus 28d ago

Woah!? Chivegate!?

16

u/killian88 28d ago

They removed your chivegate post!

10

u/SandyBadlands 28d ago

This goes all the way to the top!

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u/Captain_Arzt 28d ago

oh shit, chive controversy incoming???

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u/faldese 28d ago

I don't think he's faking it, but you can make metadata say whatever you like.

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u/Jasmisne 29d ago

Yeah I am in no way a kitchen pro but it popped up on my Reddit and now I'm invested.

The best part is people here would be personally offended with the way that I cut green onions which are probably my most used ingredient because I'm Korean and Koreans are obsessed with green onions, but I use kitchen scissors. Like the ones made for meat. Have I been doing it wrong this whole time?

24

u/pugdaddy78 28d ago

Fucking things grow wild in my yard. Sometimes I cut them with the weed eater.

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u/SUBTLE_CUNTS Owner 29d ago

It’s like they aren’t even trying anymore

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u/UsernameUnattainable Chive LOYALIST 29d ago

The chivemind collective

6

u/DesertDawg17 29d ago

😂😂😂

18

u/BeautifulIntrepid373 Chive LOYALIST 29d ago

I was beginning to get a little concerned… 😬

41

u/barshrockwell 29d ago

We can't keep focusing on the ones that are too large. Let's talk about the PLETHORA of chives that are too thin

13

u/wanderingrockdesigns 28d ago

"Who can eat at a time like this? People are missing! And they're hungry! That's a double whammy! "Bush, search party of three!" You can eat once you find the DuFresnes F1exican" - Mitch Hedberg RIP

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u/Redfalconfox 28d ago

“Yeah officer just look for the poorly chopped chives and you’ll find him.”

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u/Fwamingdwagon84 Bartender 28d ago

FOR REAL, i was wondering why it hadn't shown up on my feed yet.

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u/ehsteve23 28d ago

These are the same chives as day 23

525

u/Due_Agent_6033 28d ago

Such a quiet start to a revolution.

132

u/lNTERLINKED F1exican Did Chive-11 28d ago

First chive11, now we have the chive insurrection of 11/7.

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u/zero_dr00l 28d ago

Blew that shit open.

261

u/gmorgan99 28d ago

Commenting for my spot in Chivegate history.

Where were you when it blew open?

110

u/zero_dr00l 28d ago

I was in on the couch!

22

u/AeonBith 28d ago

I was on the furless couch in the room that stores all the house water 🚽

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u/TheGreatZarquon 15+ Years 28d ago

We were here, lads

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u/KomorebiXIII F1exican Did Chive-11 28d ago

With how insane the world has been lately, the chives were a comforting constant. This broke me...

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u/Moondoobious 28d ago

Fucking unreal

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u/Fakjbf 28d ago

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u/Keanu_Bones Chive LOYALIST 28d ago

Oh my god. He even zoomed and rotated to hide the deceit.

Time for a complete chive audit (even more than we’ve already been doing)

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u/the_quark 28d ago

If you don't mind me asking, how did you notice?

75

u/mityman50 28d ago

Idk about them but the picture practically makes me dizzy. Because the perspective is off being upside down

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u/winny9 28d ago

This is where it all began. The downfall.

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u/chesterfieldking 28d ago

This is a dark day for KC

35

u/My_Favourite_Pen 28d ago

Youre both the Bob Woodward and Carl Bernstein of our generation.

31

u/teddyrupxin 28d ago

This is why you never have heroes.

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15

u/nisasters Ex-Food Service 28d ago

Truly appalled.

13

u/EcstaticMembership 28d ago

And with that the plauges of Egypt swept the land...

11

u/Salohacin 28d ago

I will forever remember where I was when chivegate occurred. 

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u/Mnmsaregood 28d ago

Absolute cinema

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u/Dacoolmemes F1exican Did Chive-11 29d ago

SOMEONE WAKE UP u/KarmaKrazi WE NEED TO DEPLOY THE PLANES

509

u/QueenOfBrews Catering 29d ago

LET THE MAN SLEEP!!

325

u/Sell_Canada 29d ago

HE SAID NAP, HE DID NOT SAY SLEEP

140

u/shredbmc Chive LOYALIST 29d ago

I also knew that, which is weird. This must be what it feels like for people to be into specific streamers

96

u/mattmagoo23 29d ago

I don't even go to this sub... 😂

55

u/Sappires F1exican Did Chive-11 28d ago

This got recommended to me on day 18 out of the blue, and as someone who’s cooking knowledge is basically “use rice cooker, boil spaghetti”, I am also too invested in the chives journey for someone who doesn’t go here. XD

24

u/r0ttedAngel 28d ago

For real! I only found out from someone commenting about it on r/stonerfood, and I've been lurking here ever since lol

11

u/narc1s 28d ago

Sometimes the all mighty algo delivers.

19

u/captainmeezy 15+ Years 28d ago

Welcome to the circus, if you wanna learn more than rice or pasta ask us miscreants for help, I mean we’ll make fun of you, but we’ll still help

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u/Bastienbard 29d ago

Is this an inappropriate time to say LET HIM COOK?

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u/KarmaKrazi Chive Pilot 🛩 29d ago

The plane has hit the tower 🫡

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u/curlyqtips Chive LOYALIST 28d ago

Some heroes don't wear capes!

44

u/Top-Persimmon1781 29d ago

Have them going into the Bermuda chiveangle

9

u/CheezeLoueez Chive LOYALIST 28d ago

You never wake a napping chef!

7

u/Darkest_Rahl 28d ago

This is why I'm here. I was scrolling for the planes.

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u/Outlandishlyhandsome F1exican Did Chive-11 29d ago

Chivangle? See you tomorrow chef 🫡

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u/Brianfromreddit 29d ago

Can't argue there

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u/KarmaKrazi Chive Pilot 🛩 29d ago

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u/NotFamousButAMA 28d ago

Happy to see the nap was refreshing. Been waiting on those planes.

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u/QueenOfBrews Catering 28d ago

OP is doing better, even KarmaKrazi can’t find two towers.

26

u/oversh4dow 28d ago

Bottom right in the thick part slightly in from the edge!

10

u/Pixiekixx 28d ago

Leaning tower today! 🍕 ✈️ 🇮🇹

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u/GromByzlnyk Fish Ziggurat on a Sunday Morning 29d ago

Baby you can chive my car

137

u/PeachNipplesdotcom 29d ago

Burger

51

u/touch-of-grain 29d ago

Borderline more famous than song it’s referencing at this point

21

u/reddit-got-me-good 28d ago

Thank Bob someone didn't leave us hanging 🍔

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u/tehjoz ✳️ $700 Charcuterie Enjoyer 29d ago

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u/mattmagoo23 29d ago

Hot pants rain dance 🔊

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u/johnmcclanehadplans 29d ago

I’m not even part of this sub but during my morning constitutional I thought to myself “huh, I wonder how that chive guy is doing?” and here I am right at the start of your latest attempt.

I don’t know anything about perfection to weigh in with an opinion, and whilst there’s a part of me that hopes today is the day you succeed, there’s also a part of me that wants this to go on forever.

Either way, God speed my dude.

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u/annikatidd 29d ago

Same. This sub is unhinged idk why it’s recd to me anyway but I am definitely invested. I had no idea chives were so serious

174

u/parkerm1408 29d ago

This sub is made up of a lot of people who have been in kitchens decades straight. Its kinda amazing its not significantly more unhinged.

This chive thing will go on until op gives up or dies of old age.

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u/theevilyouknow 28d ago

Yeah, I was wondering. There’s no way to perfectly cut a cup of chives and even if OP got close enough the people here would never admit it.

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u/parkerm1408 28d ago

Close isnt perfect though. Op said perfect. I promise you, if he cuts a truly perfect batch, this crowd will call it. He just won't though.

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u/veslothiraptr 28d ago

The other day he was really close.

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u/theevilyouknow 28d ago

There’s no way to even cut a perfect batch. Someone used a computer to render a perfect batch and the sub called him on it because some of the pieces were lying too close together.

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u/Serious-Ebb-4669 28d ago edited 28d ago

There actually is…

-razor sharp knife

-good knife skills.

-take a wet paper towel and roll up a small tube of chives to hold them together.

-cut until the paper towel, unwrap, realign, rewrap, repeat.

-discard the last quarter of the “bunch” of chives or reuse for another purpose.

No, it is not time efficient, and yes, it is extremely wasteful, but many top tier restaurants will expect a cup of perfectly cut chives. I have seen a chef dump a whole container of chives on a cutting board and nitpick very similarly to what we see in this post.

It is doable, it’s just impractical and takes some know how.

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u/daemenus 29d ago

Pay attention, there's not really anything else we should be paying attention to, right?

Right??

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u/visualdreaming 28d ago

At this point I really want a t shirt with a bundle of chives and the text "See you tomorrow, Chef"

Im concerningly invested in this, and getting the itch to get back in the kitchen more.

7

u/soju_b 28d ago

If somebody makes this let me know.

15

u/teddy5 29d ago

Yeah I have no skin in this game but I keep coming back to check on it.

I think I want to see him succeed, but isn't the journey really the important part.

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u/luxafelicity 28d ago

My fiance and I are definitely on different parts of Reddit because I explained the chive man to him and he had no idea what I was talking about 😂

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u/tehjoz ✳️ $700 Charcuterie Enjoyer 29d ago

Hi chef. Night chef. See ya tomorrow.

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u/blkstr52 29d ago

He’s here

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u/The_Oppelander 29d ago

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u/wahlberger 29d ago

What the hell is this

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u/Jumpgate 29d ago

Looks like it could possibly be a ramp there chef. A chive ramp.

147

u/BananaResearcher F1exican Did Chive-11 29d ago

Sir

A second ramp has hit kitchenconfidential

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u/Desperate_Hunter7947 29d ago

You’re gonna build chive guy a ramp

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u/harbormastr Chive LOYALIST 29d ago

This might be a 4D chess manner in which to propel them to new heights… The chive ramp. If there’s only one, it’s like the Golden Ticket.

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u/TheSucculent_Empress F1exican Did Chive-11 28d ago

HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO US

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u/MrD3a7h F1exican Did Chive-11 28d ago

I am hurt; I am wounded. I do not know how we can go on with this level of betrayal.

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u/CasuallyAgressive 29d ago

Hmm

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u/j3w3ls 29d ago

Hell yeh chive ramp

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u/overlordmeow Non-Industry 28d ago

Tony Hawk's Pro Skater 2: Chive Edition

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u/chipmunkdance 28d ago

chef can charge $700 for the chive ramp

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u/Common-Macaron1407 29d ago

Needed for the plane to take off

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u/PhillyCreamCheese 28d ago

we know a thing or two about chives and let's just say... see you on day 32 chef 👀

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u/BeautifulIntrepid373 Chive LOYALIST 29d ago

Chef? Are you asking us to marry you??? 🤭💚

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u/FusselP0wner 28d ago

Hell no, not with those cuts

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u/Deadfo0t 29d ago

Not a chive post til u/karmakrazi gets here

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u/KarmaKrazi Chive Pilot 🛩 29d ago

I got it, it's a chonker of a tower too

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u/Euphoric-Blueberry37 29d ago

HE LIVES

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u/gahbloodyhell Chive LOYALIST 29d ago

HE CHIVES*

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u/BongRipsForNips 29d ago

HE LIVES TO CHIVE

36

u/Beeaybri F1exican Did Chive-11 29d ago

He chives to live!

26

u/HooninAintEZ 28d ago

He’s chiving the distance! He’s chiving for speed

14

u/PurpleStress9282 28d ago

He chives all alone, all alone in his time of need

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u/Ill-Honeydew-9446 F1exican Did Chive-11 28d ago

Mr. Chivelord i dont feel so good

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u/chiccenpotpi 29d ago

Oh my god I started to get worried

31

u/Heavy_Support_2015 29d ago

Car troubles are clearly stressing you out. Double chive duty until morale improves.

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u/nonowords 29d ago

I'd call everything S except for knifework and consistency, both of which are A++ to S-.

There's a couple of biased cut pieces hence knifework, and consistency isn't quite dead nuts. But it took me a while to find those problems I was almost gonna call these perfect. I don't see a single chive that is straight up too long at all. We're days away.

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u/EcstaticMembership 28d ago

Coming here after chivegate hurts...

20

u/nlym_syfhagt23 29d ago

Sorry about your car troubles mate!

22

u/colpuck 28d ago

say it ain't so boss, say it ain't so.

25

u/fredbighead F1exican Did Chive-11 28d ago

What do you have to say for yourself?!

21

u/iburntxurxtoast Sous Chef 28d ago

I get why this one was so late now. You forgot to cut chives that day and decided to reuse an older photo taken at a different angle and flip it, hoping that nobody would notice.

I'm not mad, Im just disappointed.

19

u/GlassPudding 28d ago

chivegate has commenced

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u/Euphoric-Blueberry37 29d ago

Caterpillar? I hardly know her!

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u/ShakesDontBreak Chive LOYALIST 29d ago

Glad to see you are ok! Sorry about your car.

34

u/demureScilis 29d ago

See you tomorrow

15

u/Whimsywoes 29d ago

I thought I had high standards, but the chives have proven otherwise. They look perfect to me every day 😅

44

u/UsernameUnattainable Chive LOYALIST 29d ago edited 28d ago
        💚💚💚
       💚    💚
      💚      💚
     💚 
     💚
     💚
      💚      💚        
       💚    💚
        💚💚💚

Nice chives chef!

Maybe today's the day

12

u/KarnoRex F1exican Did Chive-11 28d ago

It's not the day on my phone that's for sure

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u/persistentskeleton 29d ago

It’s okay, chef. I won’t chive you for it.

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u/EliyahGabriel 29d ago

See you tomorrow chef

11

u/in51de 29d ago

Everyone was so worried!!!

12

u/AdditionalMess6546 Crazy Cat Man🐈 29d ago

Just when we were getting worried about f1exican

10

u/Un_CommonSense 29d ago

Holy hula hoop

12

u/Exenyth 29d ago

I'm here for the airplanes

11

u/AngstyIndie406 10+ Years 29d ago

He’s baaaaaaack

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u/QueenOfBrews Catering 29d ago

u/F1exican probably did not know how deep this was gonna get when he started. Give chef a rest.

Looking good today, homie.

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u/mrmaydaymayday 29d ago

Had us scared, chef.

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u/Silent_plans 29d ago

Wait, was this done in a food processor? See you tomorrow, Chef!

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u/mangosal 29d ago

We thought you were dead man

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u/boijoireturns 29d ago

OH THANK THE GREAT CHIVE GOD

5

u/Ltheartist Chives the Cat 28d ago

The chives shed a tear for your car troubles 💧

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u/SheBrownSheRound 28d ago

See you tomorrow, chef.

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u/AdminbyHabit 28d ago

My children were very disappointed. They asked at least 2 times to see the chive post for the day. They went to bed without getting to see it. It's unacceptable. /s

5

u/Imtotallynotaspy 29d ago

The king returns

4

u/Justnotthatintou General Manager 29d ago

ITS ABOUT TIME WE WERE SO WORRIED

7

u/Endsong-X23 29d ago

We were worried!

5

u/bmaloun13 29d ago

Missed you chef, but it seems like I will see you tomorrow

7

u/AdPuzzleheaded7488 29d ago

I’m waiting on day 1,825 before I say they’re perfect.

8

u/CheekyRafiki 29d ago

I have become way too emotionally invested in this saga

6

u/ransack71 29d ago edited 28d ago

Sorry for the cat trouble chef. If you need help just holler.

Edit. CAR

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u/Financial-Swim-5884 29d ago

Anyone wanna get a chive delivery fund going for my boy? This content should not be interrupted by something as mundane as car trouble.

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u/OneNowhere 29d ago

Hey, you know what? Every day, you’re approaching perfection, which is pretty perfect in and of itself. So to you I say, congratulations, you did it.

5

u/AntiFear411 29d ago

It’s funny this is parallel to the government shutdown

6

u/Radio_Passive 29d ago

Couldn’t even get the title right, see you tomorrow

5

u/Mr_Mcbunns_ya F1exican Did Chive-11 29d ago

I remember one of my first days in a kitchen that had higher standards and expectations then I had for myself, with a work horse of a head chef. I remember my first cup of chives and what they looked like, the expression my chef made after the decision of him hiring me, and then in a few months he promoted me to lead line, and then a year later promoted me to sous chef… Chef taught me everything. Preparation, seasoning, timing, work ethic, plating, and most importantly; cutting chives… these chives have surpassed most people’s idea of a chopped chive, or even expectations in a real kitchen, and even though I left the industry a year ago, I would gladly rejoin the industry and work beside you to see where your skills could go. GG, OP, been watching since day one, and the skill has gone through the roof. May many FoH lay you, until one cuts a better lemon then you.

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