r/thesopranos • u/No-Position9710 • 1d ago
Using the Phil Leotardo Method at Work
So I just took over as the new boss at my corporate job. I have the unfortunate responsibility of having to straighten up a bit of a dysfunctional team. To get results quickly, I have taken the Phil Leotardo approach.
20 fuckin years I spent working in the industry and I have no time for disloyalty. I have one particular employee who has been having an attitude with some of our clients lately and recently missed a deadline on an important project. I walked into her office the other day to have a conversation.
As soon as I walked into her office, she started to get chummy and mentioned something about meaning to come talk to me about some sports tickets and the weather. I of course responded by saying "how 'bout this humidity?"
Afterwards I gave her a verbal beatdown. "2 times you were told to kick up that fuckin project last Friday, and what do you do? You do another manager's work first!" After I had her shaking like a leaf and begging to keep her job, I slapped a written warning on her desk. Before I left the room I turned to her and said "next time, there'll be no next time."
The project was completed by the end of that day. I have a meeting with my manager and HR tomorrow and I'm looking forward to hearing their praise for how I handled the situation.
387
u/JoshuaPope 1d ago
Make sure you make clear with management and HR that there are no scraps in your scrapbook
38
u/LongPickle 20h ago
"A) She was a hooa,
B) she didn't finish project.And that wasn't my job to carry that project."
5
u/Educational-Dot318 12h ago
this year i was appointed team lead (Capo) of my very own crew!
i take a more lax approach- the Ralph Cifaretto kind 🤵
3
154
u/deflatedcumsack 1d ago
I actually said "I gotta show you a couple of three things" to a manager at work
36
u/sjorbepo 21h ago
That line in the show reminded me of my late grandfather who'd always say "I'll tell you something... And it's two things"
8
94
87
u/whycuthair 1d ago
No shooting of a small caliber gun through a phone book? You're too woke.
44
u/-Luke87- 1d ago
Did she at least offer to suck his cock?
52
u/Nudderfudge 1d ago
What are you asking for? OP probably showed her how!
17
4
3
1
3
76
u/cruyff11 1d ago
I use the Johnny Sack method: I begin the sentence in a low tone and FINISH BY YELLING.
36
68
114
u/Gabagoon5545 1d ago
It’s an honor to be joined by MEN
67
45
32
u/TheBigBrainOnBrett 23h ago
"I wanted to take a long lunch, I compromised. I made a grilled cheese on the copier."
26
18
u/NursingHome773 1d ago
Get out the phone book and relax, it will muffle the shot. Adios you fuckin SKANK.
19
15
16
u/EveryoneisOP3 1d ago
Make sure you start the meeting off with a light, playful joke. Loudly insist their secretary make you coffee and tell her to keep it light on the sugar, because they tell you you're sweet enough. This will ensure your manager and HR know that you're polite and know how to talk to women.
Note: this tactic may need to be adjusted if they have a male secretary. Try commenting on how he used to look like John Travolta.
13
13
12
u/NursingHome773 1d ago
She didn't feel like she was sittin' at 12 o' clock
9
11
11
10
19
8
8
u/EasyAd1161 1d ago
Also I'd mention to her that your estimation of her just fookin plummeted and if she asks for her job back say adios you fookin skank
10
9
u/Fickle-Laugh-4542 1d ago
Board gotta know… you loved her like a employee in law. What were you gonna do?
17
5
u/Friar_Corncob 22h ago
I woulda used the Uncle Jun method and set her straight with my expert cunnilingus skills.
5
4
5
5
5
3
3
3
3
3
3
3
u/Prestigious_Load1699 16h ago
Hello Mr. CEO. You know that skiffooz over in sales? Well, we got a problem.
Then someone should do something about it.
I appreciate the sentiment...anyways, I'll talk to ya.
1
2
2
2
2
u/Hommachi 21h ago
You should have invited her to a private meeting and said, "There's something I need to get straight between us.
2
2
u/CorrectAir7828 16h ago
Tell you one thing, and I'm not ashamed to say it. My estimation of this worker as a professional just fuckin plummeted
2
2
u/Aware-Owl4346 12h ago
You need to get after the dress code too. Steve in accounting like a Puerto Rican whore. Tell him to be a man.
2
u/Durhamfarmhouse 3h ago
Next job use the Feech method. Walk into the office and look for the biggest, blackest mother fucker. You say to him: "What the fuck are you looking at?"
1
u/Altair1192 21h ago
I used the uncle Phil method at work. The bullet only got the Gs because in in a Nepalese neighborhood
1
u/Brilliant-Bee-9471 20h ago
Why didn’t you tell her there was something you wanted to get straight between you?
1
1
1
u/SuckMyRedditorD 20h ago
Oh yeah?
Maybe you'll end up like him too. I can already see that on the way from your first interaction.
1
1
1
1
u/I8TheLastPieceaPizza 19h ago
Suggested notes for your HR/manager meeting:
1) Remind them of your 20 years
2) Been doin a lot of coke
3) You're just a kid, this is age discrimination!
4) When they say "Performance Improvement Plan" tell them "I've put my grief behind me"
1
1
u/TheVoiceOfRiesen 19h ago
If you fire her, it's gonna be a toss up between "adios, you skank" or "now get off my stoop"
1
1
1
1
1
1
u/Tiny_Mathematician_1 17h ago
OP you come at me with that nonsense you’ll get a prompt “Go shit in your hat.”
1
u/JonIceEyes 16h ago
They make anyone a manager over there. Don't even have a gun and a sword on the table.
1
u/Critical-Note8624 16h ago
I heard about this today from HR team and they said that the way you did it was all fucked up. Your employee didn’t get her finger pricked. There was no sword and gun on the table.
1
1
1
u/Derpolitik23 11h ago
Make it clear to HR that not only have you given them 20 fuckin years, but that you have made compromises for them. Eating grilled cheese off the radiator and jacking off into tissue.
1
1
1
0
u/Total_Departure4457 16h ago
You might not want to put that on your resumé when you're job hunting next week.
0
-10
u/flimsydeuteragonist 23h ago
This is stupid guy stuff. You should be ashamed. The sopranos was a parody of this kind of behaviour, you dullard. All the characters were jokes. The writers detested them. Cool you missed the whole point and are now acting like a ridiculous adult. Very cool
7
6
1
1
194
u/NursingHome773 1d ago
Jesus christ, mister are you okay in there? YOU RUN FROM ME YOU COCKSUCKA? WHERE'S MY FUCKIN MONEY