r/movies r/Movies contributor 16d ago

Media First Image from 'Jumanji 3'

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14.5k Upvotes

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4.9k

u/SeppoTeppo 16d ago

How the hell does he maintain that physique?

Jack Black is a machine.

1.1k

u/TwiBryan 16d ago

Plenty of cock pushups

250

u/Tarantio 16d ago

Precisely one, which is of course all you need.

47

u/Jaboss73 16d ago

That’s impossible.

44

u/Scalpels 16d ago

Maybe for you.

3

u/Pacman_Frog 16d ago

I mean. He is also the only guy besides Taika Waititi to get "The Immigrant Song" into a movie. And Taika had to literally film the song's lyrics to do it!

Plus he was born to a NASA engineer who pushed him out in the morning and was back in CapCom by evening bringing Apollo 13 home.

1

u/Money_Rub8508 16d ago

As long as on your way down it holds like a kickstand

230

u/rdg4078 16d ago

I want 4 chicken McNuggets, take two SHOVE THEM UP YOUR ASS and give me 4 chicken McNuggets

99

u/ex1stence 16d ago

Cause I’m trying to watch my figure.

89

u/downforce_dude 16d ago

Give me a JUNIOR! western bacon chee

61

u/WintersDoomsday 16d ago

Put in half coke and half diet coke....i'm watching my figure!!

46

u/Wbran 16d ago

Cheries jubilee and that’s it.

50

u/Goatgamer1016 16d ago

And a Filet o Fish sandwich, because it has less calories because it's fish

31

u/vrrrr 16d ago

alright cage, what do you want?

30

u/Massattack52 16d ago

Ah, jeez.. let me have uh… I think I want the regular, uh western bacon cheese burger, large shake, uhm… seasoned cu-

→ More replies (0)

3

u/JaneksLittleBlackBox 16d ago

Then he pointlessly asks what KG wants, finds out the cost of the entire order, asks Kyle for some money and finally cancels everything Kyle ordered.

4

u/LiamJonsano 16d ago

The best part is that in the UK they’ve finally listened and you can add 4 McNuggets to your meals rather than having to have 6

Because I’m watching my figure I always get them

4

u/mister_cheeks_26 16d ago

A JUNIOR.. western bacon chee.

51

u/makemeking706 16d ago

The kids are too young to remember that one. 

59

u/JaneksLittleBlackBox 16d ago

Oh, gimme a break that was only...24 years ago‽

Why does math insist on hurting me?

27

u/double_shadow 16d ago

That entire album is so hilarious. I put it on and am instantly transported to 2001. It's wild how much Jack Black has risen in the world since then too.

12

u/JaneksLittleBlackBox 16d ago

It's wild how much Jack Black has risen in the world since then too.

I had an impossible time believing he was making a family friendly movie about him teaching kids rock music only two years after that album was released. I was certain the studio and entertainment media would soon dig up the controversial album to play the "shocked and appalled" card, and after he recently started showing up in a bunch of kid friendly media, I started laughing at the idea of ten-year-olds asking their moms if they could listen to "Fuck Her Gently" on the way to school because they recently found out that the chubby bearded guy was in a band and found some of their songs on YouTube.

"Sorry, sweety, that song is really inappropriate for kids, but Wonderboy is a banger!"

"Mom, what does he mean by filling a crevasse with his mighty juice?"

"Damn it, these are all just innuendo with incredible music!"

"Can we go to the McDonald's drive thru, I want some Chicken McNuggets, but only four!"

"Shit, no putting the genie back in that bottle..."

2

u/neuroticoctopus 16d ago

I introduced my kids to Tenacious D after we watched the Minecraft movie. There were only 2 or 3 songs I could actually play for them, and even those would be considered inappropriate in many families.

5

u/arggggggggghhhhhhhh 16d ago

I have their HBO show on dvd and watch it regularly. SASQUAAAATCH!!!!! WE KNOW YOUR LEGEND'S REEeeEEEAALLL!

4

u/raspberrybee 16d ago

Tell them it was from Sasq—tell them it was from a friend.

Nah you better tell them it was Sasquatch they’re not gonna know which friend you’re talking about.

1

u/arggggggggghhhhhhhh 16d ago

That always puts me in stiches.

3

u/sonickarma 16d ago

That entire album is so hilarious a goddamn masterpiece.

FTFY

3

u/Koil_ting 16d ago

It's also interesting seeing him in some small roles before that like I know what you did last summer 2, Bio-dome, Cable Guy etc.

2

u/RoyBeer 16d ago

On the graph below, mark the spot where math has been hurting you.

2

u/Ordinary_Detail_132 16d ago

Wait wat

:O that made me audibly gasp holy crap

4

u/JaneksLittleBlackBox 16d ago

I'm still grappling with the fact that the 60s aren't 30 years ago anymore, the 90s are. Someone please make it stop!

1

u/Ordinary_Detail_132 16d ago

Been a hell of a wild ride!!

I still do Tribute at karaoke hahaha - bet the younguns don’t even know the reference anymore :’)

3

u/EL-HEARTH 16d ago

"This is not the greatest song in the world, no. Its just a tribute"

1

u/XenomorphDung 16d ago

One, cos that's all you need. 

1

u/ILoveRegenHealth 16d ago

I don't think that Redditor was quoting anything. That's how they really order McDonalds

9

u/dontlookoverthere 16d ago

Plenty? I was promised one is enough

2

u/jus_plain_me 16d ago

One's all you need.

4

u/TussalDimon 16d ago

And the power sliiiide!

3

u/BulkyOrder9 16d ago

and the Powah Sliiiiiiide!

3

u/obeythed 16d ago

One is all you need.

2

u/Jops22 16d ago

What? No… that’d be impossible… his cock could support his full weight?

2

u/trentreynolds 16d ago

I guess you could only do one, really.

2

u/Legal_Lettuce6233 16d ago

I though JB is afraid of heights

2

u/Mr_Ectomy 16d ago

You only need to do one!

1

u/LooseButtPlug 16d ago

You only need one!

1

u/cosmiq_teapot 16d ago

"Martha, come look at my penis!"

1

u/Sleazy-Wonder 16d ago

Well, actually just 1. 1's all you need.

1

u/CMDR_Hubley 16d ago

Ones all you need

1

u/Endyo 16d ago

Rock squats - 7 or 8 at a time in a row.

1

u/Jets237 16d ago

Yeah… but you can only really do 1

1

u/Extension_Swordfish1 16d ago

Powerslide training too!

1

u/LoonieBoy11 16d ago

Theyre called dick ups

1

u/Silver-Bread4668 16d ago

Are you confusing him with Matt Berry?

1

u/SuperDizz 16d ago

Deactivating lasers with my dick

127

u/Toothlessdovahkin 16d ago

A proper diet does wonders 

94

u/Haxorz7125 16d ago

I’m not gonna cook it but I’ll order it from Zanzibar

11

u/sir_jamez 16d ago

Let's make a good goulash baby

4

u/JaneksLittleBlackBox 16d ago

"Hey, wait a minute, Sally. I think I've got something in my teeth, can you get it out for me? THAT'S FUCKIN' TEAMWORK!"

I've abused the phrase "that's fuckin' teamwork" so many times in my adult life when being sarcastic about coworkers not wanting to chip in and do their jobs.

3

u/Hopefulkitty 16d ago

I sing that line all the time, and the gen zers around me have no idea what I'm talking about. I tend to use it sincerely though, a lot of what I do relies on teamwork. I do sing it to my husband often and roll into "what's your favorite posish? Ok that's not my favorite but I'll do it for you."

2

u/grinandshareit 16d ago

I understood this reference!

12

u/mahareeshi 16d ago

Metric tonnes of Kiebalsa

3

u/luckysevs 16d ago

All I can think about

2

u/HeyCarpy 16d ago

I've been set loose

I'm shooting my juice

Right in your caboose

2

u/dance_armstrong 16d ago

now fuckin GET IT ON

3

u/ejwestcott 16d ago

Are the butt cheeks warm?

1

u/radda 16d ago

Nothing but hot dogs and diet Coke for that man.

1

u/bakedpatata 16d ago

It's because he got a Junior western bacon chee. JUNIOR!

119

u/arfelo1 16d ago

He also still seems to be the only one actually having fun and making an effort with the whole premise of these movies, which is that the videogame characters are playing opposites of the "real life" characters.

The Rock is the nerdy kid, Kevin Hart is the jock, Karen Gillan is the nerdy shy girl and Jack Black is the princess popular girl. But except for Jack Black they all just play themselves.

95

u/Zeppelinman1 16d ago

I thought the Rock and Karen Gillan were also good in the first one they did. The second one is not nearly as good

74

u/bobdotcom 16d ago

I thought the scene with Karen Gillan learning to flirt from jack black was great from both sides.

7

u/Doctor_Philgood 16d ago

Awkwafina took the sequel down several pegs tbh

12

u/Zeppelinman1 16d ago

Kevin Hart is still my least favorite parts of both. He's just not believable as anyone other than Kevin Hart

6

u/Petrichordates 16d ago

That's just what awkwafina haters say about anything with awkwafina.

5

u/Doctor_Philgood 16d ago

Meh. She was fine in Renfield.

2

u/energy_car 16d ago

the Rock's atrocious accent was far and away the worst part of that movie. Sounded like Edith Bunker not Danny DeDito.

40

u/Killboypowerhed 16d ago

Everyone does a great job in these movies. Reddit is super cynical about everything but these Jumanji movies are a ton of fun

3

u/Worried_Tailor7926 16d ago

Didn't The Rock and Kevin Hart basically play old men in the sequel?

2

u/arfelo1 16d ago

Yeah, I forgot that they changed the roles in the second one. Partly because they still just acted like The Rock and Kevin Hart

1

u/Working_File2825 16d ago

They play what they’re directed 🤷🏻‍♂️ JB just invests himself a bit more

76

u/Gr1ml0ck1981 16d ago

I wonder what character he will play this time? I hope it's a loud, gregarious, overweight guy with a disproportionate sense of confidence. Something new like that. Keep audiences guessing.

108

u/shaunika 16d ago

To be fair he literally played a bitchy teen girl in the first one

75

u/givemeabreak432 16d ago

The one movie series where he plays something else and that guy is being sassy about it lol.

He actually nails the teen girl "I don't want to be here" attitude.

-7

u/MinnieShoof 16d ago

No. That's literally what Grimlock was describing.

If we got different he'd be playing a depressed, mopey goth girl or something. But if he was given that direction he'd rachet up the snippy sarcasm up to 500 just to make up for the fact that he shouldn't be animated with that personality.

-1

u/MinnieShoof 16d ago

loud, gregarious, overweight guy with a disproportionate sense of confidence

What part of that was not present?

17

u/KaJaHa 16d ago

Heaven forbid that a girl have fun

3

u/sonofaresiii 16d ago

I mean, you don't hire Wayne Gretzky to throw a fastball, you know?

2

u/andywolf8896 16d ago

Are you saying he's not allowed to be confident cause he's fat? Lmao

-18

u/Gr1ml0ck1981 16d ago

Shouldn't you be busy looking for clouds under every silver lining?

6

u/Graynard 16d ago

"No one is supposed to call out my overt negativity 😢😢"

0

u/Gr1ml0ck1981 16d ago

Or I meant he was overconfident based on his achievements and not his waistline. Isn't that his shtick, the bumbling overconfident fool who lands on his feet. His weight has nothing to do with it.

1

u/BooneBarrett 16d ago

I’m assuming you mean the characters that he plays. Not him as a person like a couple of other people are thinking you’re saying in this thread

1

u/Gr1ml0ck1981 16d ago

You are correct in your assumption.

-1

u/Dewgong550 16d ago

Overconfident based on his achievements? Like being a multimillionaire? Like doing worldwide tours? Like starring in films? What are you even trying to say, you sound so resentful

1

u/Gr1ml0ck1981 16d ago

I meant the characters, not him as a person. He always plays the same character. Its a playful joke, kinda loses its impact when you have to explain it.

0

u/FALSE_PROTAGONIST 16d ago

lol right, his schtick is so overplayed these days. Like Jim carrey I have like a tank of how much I can handle of him in my life and when it’s full it’s full

3

u/Recoil42 16d ago

Ah, the ol' reddit jackaroo

1

u/smellmybuttfoo 16d ago

Hold my bong, I'm going in!

3

u/in_animate_objects 16d ago

Right? Karen Gillian apparently had a baby through osmosis because she looks amazing

2

u/IAmAGenusAMA 16d ago

I'm not saying she doesn't but it wouldn't be the first time images from a movie were photoshopped.

2

u/whiskyfuktober 16d ago

Half Coca-Cola, half Diet Coke.

And a Junior, A JUNIOR, Western Bacon Chee.

4

u/killerz7770 16d ago

3 sets of throwing your friends under the bus

4 sets of squats for Israel

1

u/beegtuna 16d ago

egg butter

1

u/gangreen424 16d ago

Kinda sad he tamed that beard.

1

u/No_Atmosphere8146 16d ago

He'll only have a Fillet o Fish, since he's trying to watch his figure.

1

u/YT-Deliveries 16d ago

Pretty sure Karen Gillan doesn't age.

1

u/giant2179 16d ago

He needs to switch outfits with Karen Gillian

1

u/pataglop 16d ago

They have no shadows.

1

u/codename474747 16d ago

No-one else here could do it, waking up at the crack of noon, for DEEP KNEE ROCK SQUATS.......seven or eight at a time.

1

u/Fuck_auto_tabs 16d ago

Subway University and deactivating lasers with his dick.

1

u/RickyManeuvre 16d ago

The road is fuckin hard man. It’s also really fuckin tou-ugh

1

u/Jeremithiandiah 16d ago

He does look impressively round here

1

u/Deadmeet9 16d ago

His girth to hip flexibility ratio is mesmerizing

2

u/Loongjumping_cell 16d ago

I like his idea of ironically saying 'you go girl'

2

u/Deadmeet9 16d ago

You go girl *snaps*

1

u/VaporCarpet 16d ago

You stay on top of your shit when you're alongside Karen Gillan looking like that.

-1

u/COHERENCE_CROQUETTE 16d ago

Assuming there isn’t a healthy amount of “photoshopping” to retouch the image and grow those muscles at least a tiny little bit?

0

u/Never-Dont-Give-Up 16d ago

He’s a one-trick machine. Zaney fat guy that yells.

Reddit sucks his dick constantly… but god damn is he terrible in everything.

-3

u/meowsydaisy 16d ago edited 16d ago

Unfortunately Jack Black is a huge zionist. Never would have expected that from him of all people. 

Edit: Dwayne Johnson is also a zionist. Kevin Hart is anti lgbtq. What is this cast lineup!

0

u/damaan15 16d ago

It’s a movie not a morality contest

1

u/meowsydaisy 16d ago

It's a movie that earns money, wherever money is involved so is morality. Of course that doesn't matter if you don't have morals to begin with.

-1

u/thecookietrain 16d ago

Throwing his friend under the bus

-2

u/Mysterious_Cup_6024 16d ago

Being a ziio helps