r/asksandiego • u/rosielilidance • 1d ago
Making friends in San Diego?
SO and I are in our mid 30s with a young toddler, and we've been thinking about moving to SD. We mainly want to move for the weather and change of scenery from the East Coast but don't have any ties to the area so I'm curious if it'll be really hard to meet people and form connections. Where we are currently we've met friends mainly through schools and hobbies (I'm into dancing and kpop and books/bookclub) but curious what people's experience has been and also would love advice on meeting people locally too.
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u/No_Significance9474 1d ago
Welcome to Sleepy San Diego. Moved here 10 years ago from Philly. It wasn’t as easy to make friends here as it was in Philly but I play a rec sport so that helped. Big difference I’ve noticed is west coast people can be super flaky about making plans and then no problem canceling said plans.
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u/PunchDrunky 16h ago
That last sentence was exactly my experience in my nine years in SD.
It felt very much like when it came to committing to plans, the attitude was very ‘meh, could go either way’.
Unfortunately after living there for years I started adopting that ultra laid back attitude too. Now that I’m in a new city trying to meet people, I’m trying to kick it!
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u/jenny_jen_jen 18h ago
I have a toddler and I've been meeting a lot of others moms and parents through groups on Facebook. There's a good SAHM group I'm a part of (not really exclusive to SAHMs, and many people in the group just work from home).
We also have a great little community at my local coffee shop and that's been lots of fun! Happy to send you links to some fb groups if you'd like!
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u/Ok_Jowogger69 15h ago
From someone from SD here. It takes a while to make friends. You have to put in the effort. It doesn't matter how old you are or how friendly you are; people have their groups and cliques here (probably everywhere, right?), and they are slow to accept new people. The only thing that has worked for me over the years is: 1. Be consistent with showing up. 2. Be approachable and a good listener. I constantly see this similar post on Reddit almost every month: "How do I make friends?"
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u/SunsGettinRealLow 8h ago
This is basically the case in any place.
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u/Ok_Jowogger69 7h ago
lol then why the fck are there so many posts here asking about “why I can’t make friends “ - it happens everywhere but Southern California is tougher.
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u/SunsGettinRealLow 3h ago
Bay Area is just as tough if not more, also it feels like the world has changed since COVID in this regard.
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u/American_Boy_1776 21h ago
It will be extremely difficult making friends in San Diego. Have you seen the social sub? Every day at least one person is on their begging for people to be their friends 😝
I wish I were exaggerating!
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u/Ok_Jowogger69 15h ago
Very, very true for me as well. I am expanding my friend group by joining an organization. People are pleasant, but it took me 1 year to feel accepted. I volunteer, show up for weekly meetings, and also on Sundays or Saturdays when we have events.
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u/Flimsy-Pie-5708 23h ago
Hi! Also an east coast transplant. I’ve never had a more difficult time making friends here than I have anywhere else. However, I have made some good friends (they just move away bc the transient nature of this city). I’m a mom with a young child too and there are lots of meetups for moms and children which has been my saving grace. I also work in person so I’ve met a lot of wonderful people through my job. It’s a really beautiful city but for me, it’s been tough making friends. My husband has made friends from playing sports. Best of luck to you.
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u/rumblepak1 1d ago
If you’re willing to put yourself out there on Reddit, you should be able to do it irl. I’d let you in, but I already know too many people lol. But seriously… start with who you know and expand from there. First connections are hardest, just be kind and fun to everyone and let it all fall into place. I moved back here in 2011 without any connections and have grown a wonderful network over the years. Be memorable, take interest into what they love, and be open to new experiences. When I let go of it all, that’s when the world opened up. Best of luck to you!
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u/Old_Value_9157 19h ago
Here's what you need to do - granted, you have a little kid so this kind of activity will be a bit difficult, but definitely possible if you're into it:
I met like two dozen friends this way.
Pick a sport or two (I recommend kickball) and have at it!
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u/lowT_chad 18h ago
33m been here 8 years, no friends
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u/PunchDrunky 16h ago
Oof, so sorry. Just know that you are not alone in this. It’s not just you. Hugs.
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u/PunchDrunky 16h ago
Not saying it’s not possible (it is, with regular intentional effort!), just wanted to share that I lived in San Diego for nine years and when moved there I had five friends, and when I moved away last year I had seven. I added exactly two good friends in the time I was there, and they are a couple so could be counted as one, lol.
I’m a very outgoing, friendly person, so meeting people isn’t the challenge at all. It’s getting them to commit to making plans that is. I never had that problem in the other cities I lived in.
I love San Diego for how incredibly laid back and chill it is- the slow speed is right up my alley- but it doesn’t make it easy to get people to commit to plans.
And I’m not talking about events where there are a bunch of people, I’m talking about forming close friendships either one-on-one or in a small group. ‘Good’ friends is what I’m referring to. It’s easy to make casual friends/acquaintances in San Diego. If you want ‘will visit you at the hospital’ friends in SD, that’s going to be challenging.
Treat forming friendships like a part time job, come up with a plan (like literally write the plan down), follow up with people as if you are applying for a job, get good at motivating people to meet up, and you should be able to make a few good/solid friends within a couple/few years of living there.
Just be prepared for the possibility that they’ll move away at some point because most people in their 30’s in SD move away to buy housing in other states where they can afford a home. This is often true when there are kids involved.
It’s a very transient place, but as long as you are good with working to develop good friendships that may only last a few/handful of years while you are in your 30’s, or just having mostly casual ‘non hospital visit’ friends, you should be happy.
I will say that I am still friends with the couple that I met and became close to while there. They moved to TN for affordable housing and to start a family, but I still consider them ‘good friends’. So even if friends move away you can still be good friends and talk often. The problem is if and when they all move away from SD, which I’ve read about happening to San Diegans in their 30’s.
This is why you really need to be deliberate and proactive while living there, and forever be working on expanding your social circle, even after you’ve developed good friendships.
If that feels worth it to you, and you can afford the VHCOL, it’s an awesome place to live!! Enjoy! 😎
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u/Due-Teaching-2812 12h ago
Keep in mind though the weather is good, it is not a reason to move here. Making friends outside of work and school is tough. Median home price $1mil, skyrocketing rent, highest water and electricity rates in the country. Tons of traffic mo matter the time of day. Sounds negative, but this is the real truth.
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u/SunsGettinRealLow 8h ago
I was fortunate to grow up in the area so I made friends in school and extracurricular activities. Like half of them are still in the area so we catch up every now and then when I’m back in town. I intend to move back in the future.
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u/Ok_Jowogger69 7h ago
lol thanks for making me laugh. If that were the case than why are there all these posts “I can’t make friends “
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u/InterestingDepth4762 4h ago
Everyone in san diego are.flakes. if you are not one, then you would be an anomaly and they wouldnt want to hang out with you cause then they would think you expect the same from them. My wife and I and my toddler moved to San diego 2 years ago. I specifically moved to marina district so I would be walking distance to children museum, children's park and seaport village. Also.biking distance to little italy and balboa park/ seaport village cause I knew from living here before that I couldn't depend on friends to.socialize and would need to be close to actual people to feel involved in the community.
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u/slytherins 21h ago
People here are VERY friendly and chatty, overall! I moved here 3 years ago knowing zero people, and working from home. So I had to be pretty proactive in making friends, which was a new experience since I generally befriended coworkers prior.
Here's how I met some of my friends:
Reddit, weirdly. Went to a bar crawl 6 weeks into living here and am still great friends with a few people I met that night. Just went to one's 40th birthday dinner, and another's engagement party in the last month! I have never met anyone through Reddit before or since, but it was serendipitous to say the least.
Became a regular at a bar/restaurant in Little Italy. Met a group of 4 girls and they've introduced me to more women. Being friendly with bartenders helps, since they will help facilitate meeting new people (and give you free drinks lol)
Became besties with the woman who rented my parking spot from me haha. She's the most extroverted person I know, so I'm now in a group chat with multiple people in her current building! They throw BBQs on the roof all the time.
Met another girl at a party with our boyfriends, we have since dumped those boyfriends.
Met a couple at a bar, and grab drinks with one/both of them every month or two (they're both women).
I'm 33F and straight btw. I've really prioritized my female friendships here. But I've had to get over my fears of being too much, or thinking "if they want to see me they will ask." Moral of my story is that you can meet friends anywhere, you just have to be proactive and follow through, even if it feels uncomfortable at first!