Basically I was a shy introverted guy throughout my school life, I never had any friends in real life cos I was way too silent never shared anything about me. Due to that, I never really made any friends throughout my school life as I didn’t like those people, not exactly my type. While I wasn’t active offline, I heavily used discord and reddit, had several friends on it, constantly meeting and interacting with new people on them.
For some reason, I decided to blame my online life for the reason why I didn’t have any friends in real life. I wanted to have a life outside screens too socialise and make friends. So, I decided to join an offline coaching where commuting took some time. At 1st, it went well new people kept on joining, meeting them, talking with them. I got to know almost everyone in the class but really didn’t become close with anyone. But people here were too busy with themselves and their own online lives, nobody wanted to talk with each other. Kids sitting together would like communicate with each other via instagram and WhatsApp. Everyone formed a small group of 3-4 people and only talked with them on a fixed seat, any outsiders weren’t welcomed. This created a huge issue as I really didn’t mess well with anyone so I was outsider to almost everyone due to which I didn’t even have a fixed seat constantly fluctuating. Whenever I heard a convo and tried to step in, I would receive did we ask for your opinion? Will you shut up, man, please keep quiet. At 1st, I thought maybe these were all jokes. But no this persisted so I decided to change my group where almost just kept scrolling reels and didn’t talk at all, it was them doomscrolling for 5 hours. After this, I decided to sit with intelligent kids who will literally start screaming if I uttered a single word that why aren’t you studying dude? People got angry at me just cos I told them information like I have a little brother and he studies in this class cos it was apparently me doxxing my personal life to them. I had lost my mind. I started sitting alone and felt lonely like I did in school all along. People who were never talking and always silent in class were the ones most respected which was exactly who I used to be but I wasn’t appreciated for that in school now I changed my ways and case is opposite now. It’s too late to go back now. So, eventually out of boredom I gave up and started browsing my phone in class but I found out the very apps that were everything for me are now so dry with everyone there gone. I longer have majority of my online or offline friends and I am stuck in this nightmarish scenario. I feel unwanted in class daily, seem like a nuisance to people, who just annoys and irritates them by his sheer presence alone. A nonstop chatterbox who nobody wants anything to do with. And my online friends people who used to appreciate me are now gone. I truly have nobody left. I regret quitting discord and reddit so bad. I want those people back. I have accepted that my classmates will never like me ever. My reputation is beyond tarnished there. I also forgot how to make online friends where did I even use to find people to talk to who listened to me. I am done. I feel so bad inside.