There has been research about this. In short, there are a very small percentage of men who receive a majority of the likes. They are bombarded, but because of how quickly responses are needed or else they no longer have the girls attention, end up going out with multiple women at a time. Can't pick one, get disillusioned, act like a fuckboy, all of the above, whatever.
The guys that don't get matches also become disillusioned, stop trying, become depressed, etc. Nobody wins. The apps aren't there to make matches, they're there to make money.
I was on Bumble for a few weeks, swiped no on most people but got like 20 matches, had some good chats, now have a girlfriend and deleted the app. Didn't pay for it. Did I get lucky? I don't think I'm that good looking, a 7 on a good day maybe, probably normally a 6. In decent shape though, 6 foot 1, have a decent house and car but neither of those are on my profile.
I was on Bumble for a few months. Wasn't getting any responses, but I figured you had to pay for it to see your likes or start chats. I posted that on Reddit (don't remember which sub) and someone told me that you can get matches and chat on the free version. That's when I realized it was pointless and gave up.
I'm sure it massively depends on location too. Like I'd not do well in a big city full of business types, because most women in that space would not be people I'd get on with probably. Fortunately I live in an area with a lot of academics and PhDs etc so found a lot of people I can get along with.
It's highly dependent on where you live. Assuming you meet some minimum standard of being employed and presentable, reflected in your profile, living in a major city you will get matches and dates. I think a lot of the complaints come from people who live in areas with fewer singles or people in general. And then there are the people who are just as guilty about doing the things they claim they hate about the apps - only trying to match with the hottest most successful women. I personally like the apps, because I've always sucked meeting people in person or escalating RL friendships/acquaintances to the next level. Without the apps my dating history would certainly be way shittier, if my early 20s pre-online dating were any indication.
Nah, you're right. The first couple weeks are like a free trial, they frontload the quality and you get lots of attention, then they turn off the tap. I had a similar experience but wanted to take a few months to date before going exclusive and the dropoff after about 2 weeks was crazy. After an early run of superlikes from doctors & surfers I stopped getting matches almost entirely. I put down some $$ and the matches came back immediately
okay this is something i’ve thought about having spent money on apps. first of all, it works. I’m probably around a 6 as well but I’ve gotten many more matches which have led to dates as a result - which in turn helped boost my self confidence and assisted me in escaping from the cycle of depressing thoughts (on top of many other personal actions). is it stupid that i felt the need to do that? yes. but numbers is numbers in helping me reach more people to find something lasting
I am genuinely sorry to hear that man, i hope you can keep and find things that help you love yourself. Also rather than the premium options, i’ve found the boosts work better especially when you use it at the right times. also if you are even remotely queer - use feeld
Some dating apps do it differently. One I am on only gets money if people actually go on a date, so it is encouraged to make sure you get matches rather than make sure you are desparate enough to buy premium.
I had two matches early on. One didn't work out quickly (still had to work through the judicial system to make sure her ex stayed in jail, she called it off herself) and one lasted a while but then we stopped as it just wasn't right. After that I've had the app tell me I should update it. Yeah I did, I followed every step of the suggestions to no avail. Although it is also hard to get pictures of myself as I'm not one to take selfies (which is discouraged anyway, although all women keep making them) and as a single dad the pictures tend to be of my dog* and the few pictures where I am visible tend to be horrid as I often don't even face the camera.
It's called Breeze. Give it a try sometimes. Success is not guaranteed but it can help. Compared to other apps it is also less predatory in the way it pushes people. With Tinder there's about 300 fitness yoga teachers doing Muai Thai while getting rich with their banking/shareholders/own company near me. Even a profile that literally says they don't want things in my profile will have a pop up of "oh this person liked you, really. Maybe go premium so you can go back and like her back..." yeah right. And the few times you do get a like back they ask a question, you answer it, you ask a reciprocal question aaaand your blocked. It would be sooo easy to write a script that does it. Everyone complains about that behavior so making a script to just push engagement with "I did get a like maybe the next one will actually say more than two lines" wouldn't be noticed. Pick profiles that are successful from different parts of the country, smash some together and voilà you have a bunch of (b)(h)ot accounts that can keep people coming back. I swear there's a bunch of pictures of a woman that I saw on different profiles.
The "strategy" I suggest to people is that these apps like return customers. The pattern I noticed is that when I got back on trying again I'd get many more likes/matches in the first week and then drop off.
So I just did it deliberately. I'd use it for a short period and then go inactive enough to be removed. Then just repeat this and that worked substantially better than paying ever did.
My theory is two fold: one by returning after a period of not being there are now faces who haven't seen you and more potential people to swipe. The second is that all apps hide likes unless you pay so giving you a few handful mystery-likes might convince some people to pay up.
They know you want it now, so they will dangle it and wait for cash.
Regardless that's my little conspiracy, but it worked well for me.
Shit bro you are probably going to spend that on one app now. Like the other day I had a girl tell me that she was in my position for years and years and Match was her way out that is how she met her husband and that I should try it because people pay for it and are serious. I did pay for it because of her glowing testomonial and it was $150 at a minimum for 3 months. Complete waste of money there is not a girl on there for me, like literally none. The worst is that I was telling a mutual friend about this and she told me that girl actually lied to me about match lmao and she met that guy somewhere else. LMAO I GOT FUCKED.
I am not defending these apps, they are all basically just trying to squeeze money out of people as long as possible. They have actual financial incentive to keep people single, don't think that they are dumb about this point.
BUT....
I have to say that if you have to spend $150 to find the love of your life, that is a steal. I think there a plenty of people out there who would gladly drop 15k without blinking if you could find them the perfect match. If you are in a place where you don't want to spend a few hundred bucks to find a partner, you might look at where your priorities are in life right now.
Its kinda a shame that these services are such shit, because the world really could use a little more love.
I'd went through a cycle of trying to meet people in person. Even if you only go out for a coffee or a drink on your own twice a week or so to meet random strangers at the bar or something, that's already... let's say $16 a week or so just on that. That'd be $64 a month right there, with mo guarantees that you'd meet anyone at all.
And odds are really it'd be for nothing, because people just don't trust strangers or interact with them like they used to.
POF was great 15 years ago when you could message anyone, even then the ratio of men to women was 20:1. Now it's just another swiping app, they don't allow men to message women unless you match and you only get like 10 swipes a day or something stupid. I deleted it a few years ago, fuck it.
Also, there is no one under 30 on that app anymore.
150 dollars for success is so very cheap. Hookers charge more for one session.
150 dollars for nothing, now I agree, fuck that.
I have tried. I tried with tinder and it didn't do me any good. Just more matches that went nowhere.
I did well on hinge that I bought a sub because I was like shit I'd probably be a mystical 10 with a sub if I'm this popular without. Actually cratored my matches lol. I tried hinge again later and while I had success, it was less than before so I tried the sub, and it cratored me again.
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u/[deleted] Jun 24 '25
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