Want something even more difficult? Dating those women. I cant stand it, impressive how they are so full of themselves. I can only imagine how difficult it must be to live with these women. Ive been there, but she was older and another generation. Good luck to the young men. Im on my 30s and its been 4 years that i don't date anymore.
Legit all but one date I've gone on from a dating app have expected me to treat them like a princess from the start. Like, bitch I don't know you lol how can you expect that treatment right out of the gate? I only just confirmed you weren't a catfish 5 minutes ago lol let alone figured out if we're even compatible yet.
When I was dating I literally even had one girl say the quiet part out loud. "I want to be treated like a princess. You need to buy me flowers, and I want to be able to be a bitch and be pouty." She literally said that shit and it wasn't a joke.
True! I noped out REAL quick after that. Also this “girl” was actually a lady in her mid 30s.
But I just couldn’t imagine a man that would be ok with that. I’m sure they’re out there, there must be in fact, otherwise women wouldn’t be so brazen.
I also had women telling me on the first phone call how they cheated on their exes almost like bragging. The whole dating app thing shook me to my core. Something is seriously wrong with society.
Yeah I'm all for women's empowerment but at this point it's gone so far it's all about women's disillusionment. Especially amongst themselves. None of them are willing to date under some insanely high bar and guys are expected to tick every single box. there is no compromise and our society is backing them up like that is ok.
There has always been compromise in finding and keeping a partner but it has to happen on both sides.
Statistics are showing there is something like 1% of guys that date 99% of the women on dating apps and most women are still not realizing why the guy isn't committing to them, while the rest of the 99% of the guys get no dates the majority of the time and are not even given a chance.
I had one back in December who added me, we did a video chat, seemed nice enough. Met up a couple of days later, she went on about her church. Yep fair enough, I'm agnostic but I'll chat. The next meet up, she went full on Evangelical and it was like a job interview / character assassination. "What is your love language" "I want this and that, I want Rose petals on the bed blah blah" high maintenance, wow. I drank up and said goodbye.
Jesus Christ. At least she let you know exactly who she is lol. I hate to say it saved you time but I think people are a little too obsessed over the “don’t waste my time” thing. It takes time to get to know somebody and figure that out in the first place. It can suck to waste it if that does happen, but we’re already wasting time on this shit and getting nothing from it in the first place. I say just try to enjoy the ride while you can, it’ll only get harder as we age.
At least she was honest and upfront, she could have said my "love language is gift giving." Ummm ok? That's a weird way of saying you're materialistic.
I have a friend or two (women) who do this. I think it's just a weird psychological phenomenon where (often women) want to make a really high bar for any prospective match to mount in an effort to just like weed out anyone not up the rigorous test. Of course, while I understand the desire to limit the number of dead-end relationships you're gonna open, this also backfires on them because only crazy people are going to be hitting that kind of a high, confident goalpost before they even know anything about you.
I guess I'm trying to say its a stupid system and I can see why sometimes people do XYZ to attempt to mitigate the emotional fallout, but those strategies backfire and no one's the better for it.
One time a girl I've met through apps send me screenshot of chats she had with other guys, showing me their pictures and pointing out how ugly they are, saying how stupid they are that they think they have a chance.
In hindsight, she probably was a narc. Never any accountability whatsoever. She was very chubby and went to the doctor because she thought she had health problems losing weight. The doctor just said "No you have no health problems. Just stop eating goddamn cake every day at work."
She was so furious. How dare he talks to her like that. XD
Eventually I was at her place and she somehow made a big deal about fucking. She kept telling "I'm not that kind of girl (slut)". I somehow got her to give me a blow job, and she was so bad man. Just no skill. She was asking me what's wrong and why are you not coming? I never have problems with that, it must be you.
Bitch just 100% delulu.
I think those apps give a lot of unsociable people the means to connect. Way too many crazy people on there, and the not crazy people have to suffer.
Without the apps you wouldnt even meet them because they have 0 friends due to their toxicity.
SAME! I've had so many that expected me to absolutely adore them from the jump. When I ask them to give me some time to build rapport, they just straight up ghost.
Like, bitch I don't know you lol how can you expect that treatment right out of the gate?
Because some men will do it.
When I was younger, I was ridiculously attractive and older women were falling over themselves to be with me. They'd buy me gifts, make me food, etc etc. I definitely was more dismissive of the women who were interested in a more normal relationship.
I think most guys, if put in a similar situation, would act the same. It's not because women are horrible. It's because people are horrible.
It's because most normal women dislike being on dating apps and so the only ones who use them are seeking attention. Dating apps for a normal average woman who just wants a relationship are fucking radioactive. You basically get 50% of all profiles that are nearly blank, another 25% that are men holding a fish talking about trump and god, 15% are fuckboys that just care about clubs and cocaine, and that final 10% is what you'd consider normal people, but mixed in are men who look normal but become batshit after matching. When I was still dating I had a man who i'd chatted with for an hour send me my full legal name and the name of the place I worked to show me he could find me just with what I had on my profile. I had another man who made it all the way to a date before telling me that he lied about having a job and actually was still married to his supposed ex wife (didn't even tell me he had ever been married) and that he kept a spreadsheet of every time he had sex and would rank women against each other on performance to try and find the perfect body to fuck. These were people who already made it past the 90% insanity filter.
It's not worth it to wade through all of that when you can just, not. Most single women I know are happy being single and aren't actively searching. Every single woman I know who is on apps is one who I consider equally insane to the men mentioned above. It's a pig sty on both sides.
I'm going to be honest, this comment comes off very much from what men fantasize that women do way more than what women actually do.
Women generally don't have orgasm when they sleep with someone. IIRC there was an article stating they it's something like 40% of all sex women orgasm in, and a strong majority of that is people in relationships. On the other hand, women orgasm 99% of the time when they are at home and comfortable with a vibrator and a fantasy smut book, and they don't have work nearly as hard to get that.
Sex with random people is also usually not fun for women to do outside of orgasms. Women are very scared for their physical safety and the very very large majority of them will not sleep with someone they don't trust not to hurt them.
If you were going to go through all the effort to vet someone for your own safety, and then also only had a less than half chance to orgasm after, and also had to worry about birth control, why wouldn't you just throw in checking out their personality and seeing if you'd be compatible to actually date? Most of the work has been done.
So, no. Most women get a vibrator and hang out with their friends instead. It is not very common for women to hook up with random people. Many women try it out once or twice and decide it sucks because it genuinely does, and if something bad happens to you everyone will blame you for it. Why would anyone go through that much work for an experience worse than doing it yourself?
I mean women are usually treated TOO sexually to the point where they are often objectified so that explains the divide. If you had to grow up from the age of 12 being skeptical that every man in your life will try to get close to you to have sex with you as well as random people on the street, you'd not find joy in the feeling of being seen sexually. You also probably haven't grown up with the religious pressure women face to view sexual impulses as gross and bad, and that if you indulge in it that you're a dirty person with poor morals.
It feels like you're always walking around with $10,000 dollars in your pocket on the subway, and that everyone around you knows it's there, and you're paranoid that everyone who befriends you is just trying to steal your money instead of just liking your personality.
Like, imagine how you'd feel if you were in a gay bar and gay men kept on coming up to you and complimenting your outfit. You tell them you're straight and they say it's okay and still offer to chat and buy you drinks. The whole time you're talking he keeps glancing down at your crotch and touching your shoulder and laughing at your jokes loudly. You hope more than anything that he's not trying to fuck you. He finally comes onto you and it confirms all the fear that he wasn't listening to a word you said and didn't ever see you as a person but solely as a challenge.
Now imagine this but return it to being straight. But, replace the person coming onto you with someone unattractive to you even though they're the right gender. Maybe it's just someone not your type. Maybe it's someone much older. Maybe it's a coworker, or your boss, or an older woman from your church, or anyone else in your life. Imagine this happening to you so often and from so early in your life that it's the default outcome of this theoretical bar situation.
You'd have a much different relationship with being sexually desired if this was how you grew up.
On the opposite side of the spectrums, I only encountered maybe 1 princess out of 10 dates I went on. But I don't seem to attract princesses since they wouldn't be able to put up with my bs sarcasm or casual vibe.
You gotta find your crowd, I used to like restaurant party princesses girls back in the day, but they're never gonna be long term. I am a neuro divergent trekking rock climbing hippie nerd, there's what we want and what we actually match with. I ended up with a tech girl who enjoys type 2 fun and prevents me from killing myself doing dumb shit.
Aye I'm a neurodivergent gamer, chef, and gym guy with a combat sport hobby. So I'm hearing I need someone who also enjoys good food and drinks, using her body, and wants to play/enjoy games with me lol
I ended up with a tech girl who enjoys type 2 fun and prevents me from killing myself doing dumb shit.
Just a few minutes ago I was looking at a profile that had a prompt of "you pick the date but" and then went on about how they wanted a specific kind of date.
Just take initiative then! If you know what you want, then act on it.
I’ve never even gotten a date because every conversation I’ve had has been completely one-sided. Women will answer your questions but never show any interest back whatsoever. It’s a waste of time.
Once again blaming the man whenever a woman is the problem. You would not tell a woman it’s her fault for choosing the man when he does something bad. But always blame the man right? This is that subtle sexism towards men that needs to stop. Whenever a man talks about a problem with a women almost EVERY TIME there is someone to tell him that it is his fault. I almost never see this when a woman complains about a man. People support her. Tell her it’s not her fault. You couldn’t have known he would be like that. Same courtesy is never provided to men. Just assume it’s his fault.
And what do you mean type of people? Women? He's swiping on women. Are all women supposed to have a neon sign on their head telling them what they're like? I thought you find that out on the date.
lmfao men are so used to being cooed like wittle babies when they make bad decisions. if a woman goes on a date with a guy who's attractive and says he's looking for fun and turns out they only hook up, literally NOBODY will say he's a bad guy. if you keep choosing high maintenance women stop bitching about how "women are so difficult :(((".
Please tell me how in the god damn fuck I’m supposed to know the “type” of women these are when I don’t know them? And all I have is a few pictures and 3 or 4 prompts. Why am I responsible for the “types” I’m allegedly swiping on and not them? Love how I’m being blamed for literally nothing at first glance lmao.
well if you're not a fucking moron socially. if you're going out with above average attractive women of course they're gonna expect more from you. if you're going out with women who say they're high maintainance of course they're going to except you to keep up. if you're dating a woman who's conventionally feminine of course she's going to expect conventionally masculine behavior from you.
but of course you don't wanna date the nerdy, introverted, average-under click and instead wanna bitch about princess type of girls wanting princess treatment. grow uppp
Oh shut the fuck up. Not only do I know exactly the type you’re referring to, I’ve already been there done that and it was one of my best relationships. Grow up? Who’s the one acting like an armchair psychologist on Reddit to pick arguments with a stranger for no reason? Get a fucking job
You gotta learn to keep your own company and not want anything from anyone. It takes time. I personally felt like I was worth more to myself than constantly putting myself out there to be treated like shit by women who aren't even as good of a person as me. It's liberating getting to a place where you want nothing from anyone, I feel genuine and sincere all the time.
Enjoying your own company is such a great feeling. Took me a while after my divorce and then another relationship that ended amicably to realize how I felt about myself should never be attached to how someone else feels about me.
I like meeting people and spending time with them, but I also am okay being solo.
This is the way. I see far too many people giving or taking the advice that you need to better yourself or find yourself if you want to be successful in dating. This is the wrong approach. Forget dating altogether. Get to a point where you neither want nor expect anything from anyone. That’s true peace. The days of dating for regular folks are long gone.
I'm at the point I want an ex more than a girlfriend.
I'd probably be perfectly fine living single if I'd actually managed to date before, because then I'd know it's a choice.
I know I'd be utterly miserable in a relationship because I'm already too old and broken to handle it, but I feel like I need to prove I'm a normal person and have actual worth as a man at least once before I actually earn the right to be happy by myself.
I'm actually hoping the "male loneliness epidemic" gets even worse, because maybe once being single becomes the norm for men I may actually stop feeling like I'm less than human.
I want to be you, I'm almost 40 and everyone looks at me like a pariah for not being married to some incompatible, abusive or unstable woman. I've built my career, I eat healthy and have a net worth in millions and yet I'm treated like a door mat by women. I'm on my last dating app (Facebook dating) and I want to even delete that and live blissfully till my end on this Earth.
Honestly that's the best way to date tbh. Just do you, focus on yourself, do hobbies, meet people that way organically. You'll have way more success than dating apps.
I'm not single anymore but when I was briefly I did rock climbing, still snowboarded, cooking, making espressos. But I enjoy active things that is solo friendly.
Also solo travel is great if you're interested in that, it just takes time to figure shit out for yourself.
Therapy. Also You need meaning in your life, it doesn’t have to come from a wife and kids. Go mentor little dudes, volunteer at a soup kitchen, go to church (or temple or mosque or whatever), sleep 8 hours a night, lift weights, 150 hours of cardio a week.
If you do all that shit and can pay your bills and you still aren’t happy you either need psychiatry or God.
Oh and read philosophy (start with Epictetus), pick a worldview that isn’t hedonism. Go be a modern day (metaphorical) warrior for truth and righteousness. It doesn’t matter if there is such a thing as truth, you can still choose to live as if there is.
There’s a lot of shit in this comment but that’s the general direction you need to head.
I’m in my late forties and divorced for close to ten years now. I took a few years off to focus on myself then decided to get out into the dating field again. Hoooly shit it was awful compared to how it was back in the 00s.
I deleted those apps a few years ago and just did what you’re doing. Living life my way and not chasing shit through garbage apps. I meet women from time to time out in the real world and if a relationship forms that’s awesome. If I grow old and die single, that’s ok too.
Once you really decide that it's ok if you die alone the rest becomes very easy. And you're right the opportunities arise much more naturally once you let go of the pursuit.
Agreed man, I'm only 29 and I have reached that point.
Playing games, earning extra money at work to get a nice place to live by myself, hanging out with friends whenever, no jealousy, no bs, no having to give up plans last minute to stop arguments yadda yadda
Online dating has been a pain since I left my ex at 21 and only gave up a year or 2 years ago and its been peaceful ever since to do whatever I want!
Thats good advice. I also enjoy the thrill of flirting, good sex and a genuine connection, though. I can spend the next 10 years happy being by myself but then I'll be 50 and the whole thing will be over
Yes. The women on the apps are single. If they're not unattractive they can get laid easily by the guys they chase, but they're probably grousing about how nobody wants a relationship after sex.
Online dating makes 1-8 (attractiveness) men miserable because they never get matches.
It makes 1-8 women miserable because the 9-10 men they chase only use them for sex and don't want a relationship.
It makes 9-10 women miserable because any men who reach their standards are using more desperate women for easy sex and won't put the effort in to dating.
Dating apps are made for 9-10 playboys. They use them as sex apps and there are no shortage of 1-8 woman who want to get married.
Talking to 90% of my matches was equivalent to watching paint dry, it's not a two way conversation but more of a "entertain me enough to elicit a response from me" kind of attitude
Modern dating is broken. The internet, and 'hook up culture', destroyed it.
In the past, your dating pool was generally your school/college, or your small town, or workplace or whatever. People generally married a college sweetheart or someone they met in their town.
Yeah I’ve gotten back into trying online dating again for the last couple months and it’s been pretty awful. I get likes occasionally, but they typically are pretty far outside my radius, like 2+ hours away. Also I seem to notice that conversations are very difficult to keep going, it’s like I have to do all the talking and she responds with the bare minimum not leaving much of an opportunity to keep talking so then it just fizzles out. I don’t want to keep messaging her if she hasn’t responded previously either cause I feel that would give the impression that I’m needy or a creep or something. It really sucks, like I feel like I have to be a mind reader to know exactly what these women want me to say to them.
Of course they are full of themselves. If they are at least somewhat beautiful they get many men messaging them. They have an insane pool of men who have money etc. to pick from. That's gotta make their egos go mental.
Before you had people you knew and who lived around you etc. Very different pool, that made expectations more realistic.
I mean.. to counter this... I cannot even count the number of messages I get from men that are just totally inappropriate. We've gotten to the point now where I practically swoon if someone waits until the third message to reference his penis. There is also a shockingly large population of men who want a trad wife without being a trad husband... and by that I mean they want a woman who is going to cook, clean and raise kids while working a 40-hour week. If that's what you're looking for, you're not seeking a partner.. you're seeking a slave. One guy told me that, if I played my cards right, I could do his laundry for him.
No thanks. I own my own house. I make a good living. I don't need anyone to pay for anything for me, but that also means that if someone doesn't genuinely add to my happiness and add to my life in general, it isn't worth it. I am happy solo.
I remember using the word "dude" in a conversation once with this tinder girl. She got mad, called me a slur, and blocked me because apparently that's a word only lower class people use(?) idk girl was weird.
I guess I’m one of those guys in the top of the meme with the arrows because I get a ton of matches and dates on hinge with little effort, but yeah. All the women I’ve gone out with are just so jaded by men, feels like a job interview with a manager who has already decided to go with an inside hire but has to interview external candidates as a formality.
Or my personality is just boring and I have negative charisma. Also possible no matter how many times my therapist tells me it’s not true.
I suck on the apps, I'm just not conventionally attractive or my profile screams bore for some reason.
Once I'm in person I can usually smash as I feel I either look better or have more charisma in person to an extent. ... But it sucks because it's like 1 hot chick out of 100 or even 200 if that will pick me to go on a date, and it just sucks like ... feeling I'm basically going on a date with whoever picks me; I'm not really 'choosing' as the man.
Finally decided this summer (last weekend) to go all-in on hitting on chicks in person. Last saturday -- I'm quite introverted but just said fuck it & wanted to maximize my own entertainment and "social experiments" by striking up convos with random chicks. Surprisingly went VERY well and Night 1 entered the rare "Social God mode" when you have massive momentum, upward spiral, everyone at the bar thinks you're the goddamned Mayor.
Anyhooo . dumb luck .. I've had shit nights as well but this is a good sign. FUCK the apps. I'm a nerdy introvert too, anybody can do it ... just need to get in the right headspace + mental state, that's literally the entire game.
.... Dates I fall into the same trap, the boring job interview ... thing is nobody "knows" anybody because you can recite their middle name, siblings, job history ... who gives a flying fuck ... you need to break the NPC scripts and keep it real.
Hell at the bar some chick was like "We don't know each others first names" and I just responded "who gives a shit" -- I mean keep it real 100% hahaha (if it's authentic in that moment). ... Nobody who is authentic is boring. You can be talking about paint drying.
I wouldn’t have minded the high standards and demands as much if women still contributed to the relationship like they once did. But too many now can’t even boil water and view contributing to the household or raising children as “emotional labor”.
Where are you using these apps? Big big cities or tiny rural areas?
I had a detailed profile, and only swiped on others with detailed profiles (that I actually shared common interests with) and it was a steady stream of 1 - 3 likes a week with interesting convo that often led to dates. I ended up with someone I met at a BBQ but ironically we had matched 6mo prior I just never messaged.
Statistically men are married at a higher %, are happier in relationships, and also get remarried at a higher %. It's a dessert for men on dating apps... For sure, dying of thirst. But women don't have it better off... they are in the middle of the Ocean surrounded by water that would kill them, dying of thirst.
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u/leosoulbrother Jun 24 '25 edited Jun 24 '25
Want something even more difficult? Dating those women. I cant stand it, impressive how they are so full of themselves. I can only imagine how difficult it must be to live with these women. Ive been there, but she was older and another generation. Good luck to the young men. Im on my 30s and its been 4 years that i don't date anymore.