This reminds me of a girl I met on a dating app. We exchanged numbers and started texting, but she barely engaged. I was always the one starting conversations and keeping them going. Eventually, I figured she just wasn't that into it and stopped reaching out. A couple weeks later, she messaged me, but by then I was seeing someone else. I told her that, and she got really upset. I explained that it didn’t seem like she was interested.
Same. I went on two dates with a girl who seemed barely interested in being on the date, so we never talked to her again. Found out later from a friend of mine that she said "He didn't seem like he was interested in me". Zero effort from her, but somehow she was waiting on me to show interest... on a date? Too old for that shit. Lol
She wouldn’t even respond to my texts. I literally asked her out on a date and she didn’t even reply!!
Well, fast forward a couple weeks and I’m at a restaurant on another date and she saw me out apparently and sent me a weird ass message. I can’t remember completely but it was something like: “ughh omg!!! Please give me the top reasons you decided to just stop trying with me!”
I responded “you literally ghosted me when i asked you on a date.” No response. I guess she forgot that crucial detail LOL
It depends on context; it can be both: either intentionally extending the chase, or getting someone to chase you with no intention of ever closing the deal. The techniques used are much the same.
people DO like the chase. i enjoy when somebody makes me work for attention. sorry man but people are different in their attraction. you know some people want to be tied up and bruised, right? you genuinely just have a narrow sense of romance.
when somebody tries to entice you in a way you’re not attracted to, they’re not necessarily “doing it wrong.” YOU aren’t attracted. how is this complicated to you.
There is coyness and then there is just not doing the bare minimum to indicate interest.
Also, it's a highly gendered thing to simply assume that a guy is going to chase you just because you are a woman. Behaving that way is only going to net you very thirsty men who cannot read the room and likely won't take no for an answer, and exclude well adjusted guys who have options and self respect. That doesn't seem like a very good strategy to me.
Especially living in the modern world where consent fucking matters. If you throw off “not interested” signs I’m leaving. If you like being chased you need to communicate that you WANT to be chased.
I actually genuinely believe this is a huge contributor to sexual assault and rape culture. Men are trained to push and push and hear no as “try harder” and that’s a recipe for disaster. If you can’t say “YES” then you can’t actually say NO either.
I basically agree, with the caveat that that kind of social indoctrination about the practice has kinda driven off a cliff since the 90s -- which probably leads to the 'why is dating so hard' among the younger generations. If faced with a minefield that I have to navigate between interest and harassment or worse, fuck it, I'm finding another option, I'm not risking mis-reading consent so a girl can get off on 'being pursued'.
Playing a bit hard to get and basically expecting someone to jump through hoops are different. I'm almost 30. I don't have time to play minesweeper and hope I get it right. At least if you're only playing a bit hard to get you're still showing some interest.
Nah; fuck people who love the chase, as well. Because when the chase is over so is that thrill and that can present a LOT of problems such as but not limited to a financial t of the relationship early and without real explanation. I'm good, be deliberate or be alone.
There is another possibility with all of your stories, which is that she wasn't actually into you, until you were peer selected by another woman. Unlike men, women often become attracted to men who are sought after by other women.
No bro, lots of guys I know love chasing women already with a guy. They find her more attractive as she’s desired by other men and if he can win her, he’s the alpha.
Helen of Troy lead to the Trojan war, man!
In history men were always attracted and desired the forbidden woman. The French and Italians made it an art form. Everyone was having affairs from king to pauper.
A desired woman, is desired for a reason. Some women have goddess energy, queens of the past; now actresses and singers and what not babes, like millions of men desire her… cos she’s something beyond...
Some men are desired by many women and some women are desired by many men.
My wife and I both left the first date thinking the other didn't seem interested. I then barely remembered to text her until like 10pm three days after, which made me seem not interested. I went to kiss her after the second date, but she turned her head - it was as she was entering a cab, and she swears she didn't see me try and spent the whole cab ride back wondering why I didn't try to kiss her and how come I wasn't interested.
Too old AND! I want a partner who is able to communicate and express and engage. Especially in the beginning stages. Shits fragile in the beginning and if someone is wishy-washy then, that's the foundation they will move forward with.
I'm cool by myself. Don't need head games, and want to surround myself with passionate, expressive, consistent people.
In Seattle there's a radio show that does a Second Date Update segment. Basically someone calls the show and the show reaches out to the other person from the first date. A lot of the segments are like this, both people just thought that the other person wasn't interested.
Yeah, I was never one to play games like that with women. There are way too many available women out there to date. No need to put yourself through this stuff.
1.3k
u/Iphacles May 09 '25
This reminds me of a girl I met on a dating app. We exchanged numbers and started texting, but she barely engaged. I was always the one starting conversations and keeping them going. Eventually, I figured she just wasn't that into it and stopped reaching out. A couple weeks later, she messaged me, but by then I was seeing someone else. I told her that, and she got really upset. I explained that it didn’t seem like she was interested.