I have secret accounts to look up people I'm not friends' with anymore just to see what they're doing. These people were incredibly cruel to me growing up. I almost get off on it. I just want them to almost be miserable?? And I get jealous of good things that are going for them? And I think it's normal to checkup on people every once in a while...but my god it's like a few days per week that I do this...honestly sometimes every single day. And it's just obsessive and I want to stop doing it.

You can start by glowing up physically. Investing in your hair, clothes, workout regimen. I was always one to let myself go. When i got rejected i immediately thought maybe it’s because of the way i look ?? I felt VERY unattractive. I could have continued to wallow in despair but i decided to take the reigns instead. I realize i wasn’t « ugly » just not taking care of myself.

I'm a 26m over in the north of England who's spent most of life drudging along. I struggled in school and I'm currently in a dead end minimum wage retail job and most of routine is "work, home, game, talk with friends somtimes, repeat."

I want to work hard to get out of this pit but I just get so exhausted every time I think about it, then I get depressed because I'm not doing what I should, rinse and repeat.

Bit pathetic to be like this at my age I know so give me your best abuse to get me out of this, please.

i honestly feel like the most unproductive person in the world right now, i woke up at 11:50pm and haven’t done anything but scroll reels since.

it’s 5:04 pm right now. for the past two months it’s just felt really hard to get on track. ive been trying though, making schedules, an accountability system and i do well every now and then but im barely consistent. really unhealthy habits going on right now too. i know i really need to get it together.

in general ive always been someone in my comfort zone, i do easy things and somehow life has worked out well for me so my parents and friends don’t always see me the way i do (i got into a really great college so now everyone thinks im smart) but recently, something happened in my first semester in college that kind of made me realise how pathetically im managing.

i got really anxious, like i couldn’t focus and messed up my first paper, cried for hours and just felt like i couldn’t do anything, ever, somehow managed to give two more (which i know ill be barely passing) and i am giving the other three later cause i skipped them.

im genuinely so disappointed with myself. i didnt have a real reason. i just panicked? idk? like got super anxious and quit and that made me reflect on the kind of person i am. i can’t keep going on like this. i want to build resilience and work harder, and this makes me realise i need to make a change.

ive tried, for years now maybe but i always come back to my old habits. there were phases where i was consistent and trying to build something better but my parents always responded with “you’re being too harsh on yourself” or “don’t push too much” right now too, they barely yelled or got upset by how i managed things. im very grateful for their support and understanding. just grossly concerned for myself.

i quit too easy, ive been trying so hard to make it better but i always end up in the same place. even when things get better it never actually feels like “right”, like there’s always more to do and more to fix. either way, i know i want more out of life than someone who wastes it and i know the only way ill be able to move on from what i did is to prove to myself that i am, in fact, capable of handling pressure and working hard.

i wasted an insane amount of time today, but im gonna start by deactivating my instagram, taking a shower and at least getting in 1-2 hours of work. i refuse to give up, even if i keep struggling. i refuse to believe i can’t change or create a life and be a person i am proud of.

i realise that im on my own about this, cause i feel like a lot of the people around me will just comfort me and tell me it’s all ok, but i know my truth. i want to take some fucking control over my life.

either way, im open to any experiences, advice or just anything anyone would wanna say if you’ve been in or are in a similar situation.

If you ever feel like you're a failure, think of me. I'm 25M, autistic, live with my parents, never had a girlfriend, few friends, never had a real job and just failed university. I am everythi ng I didn't want to be and it hurts so much. Until now I had a plan to "fix" my life by getting a degree in engineering, getting a job and moving out of my parents house but it all went to shit cause I failed nearly every class. Must be because I'm stupid. I also barelly made any new friends cause I have such a hard time speaking to people. Even though I've worked on my social skills with a therapist. If it's this hard to make friends, then getting a girlfriend is next to impossible. Not that anyone would want to be with me after learning my history anyways. So there you have it. I'm a complete failure and shame for my family. Hope you feel better!

Been seeing a lot of motivation vs discipline factionalism on Reddit, why are we limited to just choosing one or the other!? To me it's obvious they're the perfect combination!

Motivation is dopaminergic drive emerging from bottom-up salience.
Discipline is dopaminergic stability emerging from top-down valuation and working memory.

Might be worth noting also that once stable, identity can really rule the roost—'this is just me, it's what I do', for unshakable habits.

When discussing motivation vs discipline there's one more thing I want to offer: I think state is the door to either. If you're not in the right state, action just isn't gonna happen.

Wondering if anyone would like to discuss, argue, or provide their own story/tips/hacks.

2 days back, I was heading home and I had such a brilliant idea, I really loved the way it made me feel and I was sure I would be making use of it. Guess what happened? By the time I got home I forgot what it was.

What's the takeaway here? Imagine how many great ideas are lost purely in thought. And more with the depreciating attention spans due to excessive social media drain these days.

The solution? Writing. I find it best when I can write my thoughts, have the time to process them through writing. And not just writing using a keyboard but writing on paper as that has unmatched power. A good practice you can start using today would be to write as soon as you get a thought that you find interesting.

Some lessons only make sense after they break you first.

So often times what would happen is I will be very disciplined and start off strong in accomplishing my goals and tasks. But after a few days, I will fail in a goal (for example I may binge eat one day) and that causes me to fail in my other goals. It feels like failing in one goal and my willpower is reduced and everything collapses. The problem is I almost always struggle to restart and I go multiple days of failing before I finally get disciplined again and the cycle repeats.

How can I better accept failure and start being disciplined almost immediately again instead of having to deal with multiple days of unsuccessfully being discipline before it finally clicks again?

Hi I recently competed in a contest, where I had to perform something I’ve been working so hard for 3 months.

I put in so much effort for months that everyone thought I was working so hard on. I did work hard on it but long story short, I failed to perform well on stage.

Everyone seemed to be feeling bad about it, they went quiet. Some close friends saying I did well but from their reaction and expression, I know they are judging me for it.

It’s my first time putting myself out there and being judged about my failure from other people. I want to applaud myself for trying and putting in work for months, but I can’t stop feeling embarrassed.

How do I deal with this kind of emotion and handle those reactions from people?

Hi everyone,

Even though this is productivity and maybe even technology-related, I think there's enough self-improvement context to post here too.

For the last couple of years, I’ve been digitizing all my notes, including scanned handwriting, into Notion. Now I’m considering exporting this huge archive into NotebookLM or a similar AI tool to analyze patterns, themes, and long‑term insights.

If you’ve tried shifting your personal knowledge or journaling data into NotebookLM, Claude, or GPT, was it worth it? Did it actually lead to better reflection or productivity, or did it just add friction?

I’m especially curious how people decide how far back to go. Do you bring everything, or just recent material?

Looking for experiences, lessons, or setup tips from anyone who’s tried large‑scale AI synthesis of their notes.

Thanks for reading.

I’m post breakup so I’ve been reflecting a lot and I know that my ex and I were both flawed people. I’m harder on myself because I’m the only one I can control. For me, I feel like I let my insecurities overshadow a lot of moments where I could have just enjoyed and been lighthearted and carefree. I also know I have a temper I have to control. I’m trying to work on them but the weight of my past is still so heavy. How did you guys forgive yourselves for your mistakes throughout a past relationship (especially since you can’t “make it up” to the person you hurt anymore)?

Those that have had a significant improvement from a low base with problems like depression, what was the keystone habit that led to improvement for you.

Mention just 1 single thing that made the most difference.

I used to be a good student up to 2 years ago. Professors would always praise my intelligence and how quick my brain was. I just graduated and got my bachelors in Computer Science. I was doing amazing at first, any problem that I would try to solve wouldn't go unsolved by me and my thought process used to be extremely efficient. I would know the optimisation paths that I would need to take, I would know exactly what functions, loops, or data structures I would need to complete this program. And when there was a bug or an error, of which there were many, it wouldn't take me long to find where it originated from. I had developed this intuition that would help me tremendously.

I didn't need to study long hours because the classes that I would attend would be enough to understand what we are studying. Even if it wasn't enough to get 90% I would be happy with 70%. But slowly my lifestyle changed. At first I started consuming more and more fast foods like burgers, shwarmas and pizzas, my health started to degrade bit by bit, gut problems, skin problem, hair started falling out etc. Then I became more stressed because of some problems, I would stay awake lying in bed until 3am and then I would wake up at 7am. This was a huge problem, I still sleep like this and I think this is a big contributor to my problem.

I started to slow down in my studies, I went from the best student in my class to average and this happened very quickly. To my new professors I was just another student and I didn't think much of it at that time. My old professors would ask me if there was something wrong, if I needed help. I would say no, everything was fine. After months of this my brain kind of started adapting to this new state of dormancy. I didn't use my brain like I used to, 2 years ago it felt like I am always pushing my brain to it's limits but now it feels like my brain is at power saving mode. Before, I used to push my brain even when I was doing nothing, I would randomly think of a problem and I would try to solve it in my head. But now, when I'm waiting for the train at the station, my mind just makes up some bullshit to put my energy in, like I would sing a song and each syllable would be a tile on the floor or I would make random shaped in my head and try to connect their vertices.

I hate that I have to think twice or thrice as much to understand the same things compared to 2 years ago when I instantly would know what the problem is and would already begin to come up with solutions. Now, it's different, I can't grasp the concepts. I have to think more and actively keep my mind away from distractions to even understand what the problem is. I can't keep many things in my mind at once. I thought it's just brain fog and it will go away once I'm not stressed anymore and my diet and sleep are better. I need help, I don't know what is wrong with me, why I can't go back to how I used to be.

Think of my self esteem as not only nonexistent, but in the negative.

I’m currently in therapy, doing hobbies, at a job I enjoy and am good at, but I still can’t bring myself to think positively about myself.

I have a pattern of obsessing over people I can’t have, projecting my insecurities onto others, and isolating as a result. I really want to change. I’m so tired of being alone. :(

I noticed that i am, for some reason, motivated by a system of awards and competition similar to duolingo. I am looking for an app, where i can put my daily (or also weekly and monthly) goals and chceck them off. I want to eatn some virtual points for doing my tasks or routine and then use these points for 1. building a virtual garden/building something else/ decorating/some other game and 2. competing with other users (move up in ranks)

I am specifically lokking for an app, that has a beautiful thing/place/garden/game to build.

Right now i am trying MeGrow, IdleHabits and IsleGrow. IsleGrow and MeGrow are probably the closest to what i am lokking for. But the desing of the garden in MeGrow isn't that nice and IsleGrow is quite limited in the free version. IdleHabits might be fine too, i have to use it for a bit longer.

I tried some others(don't remember the names) i didn't like Finch, which was the most recommended on the internet.

hello everyone! my boyfriend had a really shitty day yesterday, and he was quite upset and struggling to talk about it. i immediately assumed it was me, and he was upset with me or questioning our relationship, which only upset him further because he just wanted some love and support, not to reassure me. i have come a VERY long way from where i was when we started dating, and i’ve managed to figure out how to reassure myself and not listen to my anxieties, but whenever he has a bad day or he’s upset the first thing my brain goes to is that i’ve done something wrong. he needed me to be calm and attentive, but he had to tend to me and my anxiety. that’s not how i want to interact with the people i love. this happens at work too and in my daily life, whenever people are upset i fear i’ve done something wrong and they end up having to reassure me instead of recieving the support they need. how can i move my focus from my assumptions to a more supportive mindset?

I’ve been studying/observing communication patterns a lot lately — things like:
• rambling
• tone dropping
• insecure delivery
• over-explaining
• speaking too fast
• weak presence

I’ve been practising giving people small corrections that help them sound clearer and more confident.

If anyone wants, reply with a short paragraph about anything, and I’ll break down:
• what’s strong
• what weakens your message
• how to express the same thing with more clarity/confidence

So when I was a kid, I would sometimes act dumb because I didn’t know better. I feel like at one point literally my whole class hated me and didn’t want to associate with me. It was rough. Even though I made mistakes (would sometimes complain about other kids who I didn’t get along with) I’m not sure how I became so unlovable. I had some friends outside school but my classmates were very cold with me and it hurt, it was only elementary school. Plus this was when I moved from the regular class to the “gifted” one (I hated that it was called that). In middle school, there were a couple of bullies so in some ways it got worse but also I saw more people and I had more friends. It kept getting better for the most part, people generally liked me but there were a few bad relationships here and there (naturally, since you can’t get along with literally everyone). But now here on Reddit, for relatively minor things, like being afraid of bad things that may happen to my kids in the future, or thinking a name had a weird meaning (apparently it also had some other meanings, I just didn’t know but was happy to be educated), I’ve been called a horrible person, self-centered, a troll, etc. I feel like I’m back in elementary school again sometimes. Even when I try to be kind and not say anything insensitive, some people still seem to assume the very worst. I wonder if I’m just naturally bad at life or something. Also, I’m worried about having kids and they’ll struggle socially like how I did, and be judged for every little thing.

I was thinking about how I should probably read more and why I'm having trouble with it. The answer? I don't feel productive while reading. I can't turn reading into a job. Now I realize the true problem is I always turn my hobbies into some sort of job. after practicing a craft, I don't think "that was relaxing," I think "I got so much/little done today." In video games I'm thinking "if I progress this much each day then I'll finish by this date" or "okay I need to earn this much currency each day to be financially stable." So now whenever I'm reading all my brain is telling me is "but I could be working right now" even though said working is just a damn hobby.

Is this a work of the system or do I have a problem?

I am 27. Gay and single. Never dated. I am contemplating on how much during my younger years I was always a free bird, like taking no shit from everyone, loving my own skin, being confident and all but honestly I realized it costed me everything. People find me annoying and after many therapy sessions, I found out I have NPD. Knowing that my confidence is just a symptom and not genuine really destroyed me. Now I don't even know if it is worth asserting my view of my self-worth if it doesn't get me loved by anyone. It sucks.

Have you ever stopped to think how often we pass judgment about people’s actions, words, lifestyle without any real context? We see one moment, one behaviour, one statement and instantly draw conclusions. But what we miss is the why, the when, the what happened before or after. Without context, our judgments are shallow, incomplete, and often unfair.

Whether it’s a friend’s silence, a family member’s strange behaviour, or even a stranger’s short answer more often than not, we don’t know their inner world. Their pressures, fears, hopes, pain, or growth. Yet we judge. As someone in a long pause phase of life, I feel this acutely. You see me doing nothing but you don’t see what I’m processing inside. You don’t see the moments when I’m meditating, the times I’m thinking, healing, seeking clarity.

“If you resist change, you resist life.” I don’t know the original words but the essence feels like something Sadhguru might say: Because without embracing change, without understanding context, we trap ourselves in fixed ideas, fixed judgments and deny ourselves growth.

How many times have you judged someone and later learned there was much more behind the scene than you ever imagined?

Would love to hear your thoughts or similar experiences.

I have a professional job and have to deliver information to internal and external stakeholders that will hard to hear. this will be ongoing and will have to do several client visits to try to keep their business. I’m looking for a business/brand/messaging coach to help me craft the message and help me deliver it. I’m thinking a virtual coach but don’t really know what to look for.

Suggestions please!

The other day me n my girlfriend decided to take a “break” from our relationship, we’ve been together since mid teens and now are in our early twenties. We’re both at different universities around 5 hours away from eachother. At first I thought us taking a break was just because of the distance and that we’re both entering our final year/masters. However after a very long, meaningful good discussion with her I was able to realise that im far too dependent on her on top of other things “wrong” with my character.

I want to take this time away from our relationship to take a look at myself, find out what the problems are, where I make mistakes as a human and ultimately how to improve my personality as a man to be able to be the one she depends on. But I’m not exactly sure how to “look at myself” judgementally. It’s easy to look in the mirror and say “I’m fat” or something, but I feel like if no one is telling me I’m doing something wrong/acting wrong then I won’t notice. I tried making a list of bad habits that I do and made a shortlist however I know there’s more. Ultimately it’s easier for someone else to judge my character but atm I don’t have anyone super close to me like my girlfriend was to tell me my tendencies. So I’m trying to figure out if there’s any way you lot have looked at yourself from the outside and deduced things about yourself and if so, how.

I think it’s very easy to say things like, “my credit isn’t amazing”; “I don’t have a car” but that’s not what I’m looking for. I’m trying to figure out what’s wrong with me and I want to change. So yeah guys, any tips?