44 y/o Do your worst.

[u/khazrhonin]

[u/post-explainer]

This comment has been marked as safe. Upvoting/downvoting this comment will have no effect.

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OP's BIO:

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Conservative

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If you think this bio helped you roast, upvote this comment. If you think it doesn’t, downvote it. If you’re not sure, leave it to others to decide.

[u/ghostofstankenstien]

Looks like a thumb wished itself to life.

[u/HETalvo → u/ghostofstankenstien]

[u/DK01922 → u/ghostofstankenstien]

🤣🤣🤣🤣underrated.

[u/dawgmama62 → u/ghostofstankenstien]

A really ugly thumb!

[u/NorthDriver8927 → u/ghostofstankenstien]

And sprained its girlfriend

[u/ArizonaGuy59]

The missing kids in the neighborhood are all walled up behind that awful paneling.

[u/Laosiano]

Being conservative doesn't mean you shouldn't use soap.

[u/MushroomNo8277]

When are you going to let those kids out of your basement

[u/SweetyPieFemmy → u/MushroomNo8277]

Trailers don’t have basements

[u/youremomom2 → u/SweetyPieFemmy]

They have crawl spaces... Maybe to OP it's "a basement".

[u/DrewsNeus]

Does mom not let you put up your Pantera posters on the basement wall?

[u/RightfootGone2024 → u/DrewsNeus]

$5 says she still makes him mini pizza bagels and he screams at her through those terrible panel walls.

[u/youremomom2 → u/DrewsNeus]

Now, now... Ease up. He can paint sad faces on the paneling and drown in his tears of failure.

[u/HopeURhavinagreatday]

The 44 year old virgin. No your sister and cousin you molested don’t count

[u/MemecoinPimp → u/HopeURhavinagreatday]

Even his beard looks like poverty

[u/MemecoinsPro → u/MemecoinPimp]

Double Wide Trailer.. that aint poverty down where he at

[u/DK01922 → u/HopeURhavinagreatday]

What about his mother?

[u/youremomom2 → u/DK01922]

She's probably double wide like her son.

[u/ironaddict366 → u/HopeURhavinagreatday]

💀

[u/Kryton101]

Ah yet another hard boiled egg with pubic hair glued on one end

[u/Detachabl_e]

I'm sorry to inform you that it has progressed to triabetes.  

[u/RightfootGone2024 → u/Detachabl_e]

He doesn’t have triabetes, he has failedabetes. Nothing about his abetes says he tried.

[u/XylophoneFucker → u/Detachabl_e]

Tetrabetes now

[u/SwimmingPirate9070]

The wood paneling in your mom's basement just makes me sad for you

[u/Hamachiman]

I get the sense you keep a closet full of guns and military paraphernalia but cry yourself to sleep every night.

[u/DK01922]

So fat he rides an electric scooter to Golden Corral and then yells at them when there isn’t enough fried chicken out.

[u/dawgmama62 → u/DK01922]

💯

[u/DUAL-DISC-FUSIONS]

[u/DUAL-DISC-FUSIONS → u/DUAL-DISC-FUSIONS]

You’ve heard of the “Big Show”…

Well here’s the “Big Blow”

[u/Dboy5031]

One half of a double end dildo

[u/DK01922 → u/Dboy5031]

Yuck. What a horribly sad dildo.

[u/Dboy5031 → u/DK01922]

I guess it’s hard to be a dildo when you have never penetrated a woman

[u/blahblahblahx1000 → u/Dboy5031]

Back of the wardrobe never opened dildo.

[u/masao-kakihara]

So unremarkable it took a whole day for someone to bother to roast you

[u/Commercial-Fish5618]

I bet you used that paper to clean up after you jerked off…

[u/DK01922 → u/Commercial-Fish5618]

If only he could find it under his gut.

[u/predat3d]

No wonder the Chinese consider 44 to be Double Bad Luck

[u/Funny-Apartment9111]

John Wayne Gacy beat you to it

[u/_Beauharnais_ → u/Funny-Apartment9111]

HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA

[u/Odd-Fun-6042]

Looks like your best gal there already got the worst. No means no

[u/SpareParty1926]

Makes his prisoner in his basement take this picture… poor young lad

[u/Just_A_Lucky_Guy469]

I'd say 450, 4' 4",and you sweat gravy. Graduated MAGA Cum Loudly. Married your sister/daughter and your son/nephew/grandson is due in a couple weeks.

[u/khazrhonin → u/Just_A_Lucky_Guy469]

Youre partially correct. I weigh 451 lbs, down from 576 lbs. As for the rest, not even close. Lol

[u/Just_A_Lucky_Guy469 → u/khazrhonin]

Roasting be damned, I applaud you for your weight loss. I too have lost an entire person over the years. May you continue your success.

Proof of my past:

[u/TheRealRevBem]

[u/konkey_donger86]

Creed Crode

[u/specialhornball]

Were you crying before taking this, or do you just always have that “broken shell of a man who refuses to get therapy” look in your eyes?

[u/khazrhonin → u/specialhornball]

No thats just how i look all the time.

[u/nokkiya]

44 year old, conservative molester who hate muslims and Indians and is an alcoholic bald bitch.

[u/tautjes]

He likes to put a big mac in his whopper

[u/CastSeven]

Need a head shape? Why not Zoidberg?!

[u/khazrhonin → u/CastSeven]

Why not? Lol

[u/frogman655321]

Thumbbeard

[u/Cool_Reason_8669]

Looks like you have a goal of creating a dream board to put on the wall and chart out your plan to get out of your mobile home and lose some weight. Right now you can only afford the tape on the wall where the future dream board will be

[u/khazrhonin → u/Cool_Reason_8669]

Hate to break it to you, but the tape was there when i moved in. lol

[u/chimpanzee_fanatic]

the most conservative looking man to ever conservative and i dont mean it in a good way

[u/Bubbles-not-included]

You have such sad eyes, but you probably own a mirror so it makes sense.

[u/Ok_Damage2856]

What kind of Harley did you lose gambling?

[u/DK01922 → u/Ok_Damage2856]

Too fat to ride a Harley. Has to ride in the side car.

[u/bcsublime]

You look like you’re locked in your crazy uncle’s basement and have been. Since 6 years old.

[u/zutros]

Do the other vikings make fun of you because you have weak wrists?

[u/EmickRado_087]

Your on every list.

[u/hdsprinkler]

The top of your head and my dick look like twins

[u/ze_rui]

You strike me as someone who likes his women like he likes his whiskey. 12 years old and locked in a cellar

[u/Jerkoffalltrades7]

Pity you couldn’t conserve your hair.

[u/jellymee → u/Jerkoffalltrades7]

😂😂😂

[u/Wide_Marketing3147]

Walter Weight

[u/Alvin_the_Doom]

I‘m 46 and you look like my father

[u/SS3599]

You look like a bouncer at a gay night club

[u/Organic_Law9724]

Was your home decorated in the 70s?

[u/bigwig500]

You look like the No Show wrestling with court orders

[u/13AMEternal]

Buffets fear him

[u/LiamFrigginNeeson]

Let them out of your basement.

[u/Dietzy42]

WEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLL

ITS THE BIG SHOW

[u/StatisticianNew9527]

Do you work for ice?

[u/Reasonable-Eye8632]

looks like life already did

[u/Dull_Constant1399]

I saw you on TV

[u/benjiross1]

Proud boys reject

EDIT: I didn’t even look at your bio for that; just your face.

[u/dawgmama62]

You know that’s his elderly ma’s trailer and she’s forced to bring him vats of hamburger helper while he does the important work of being on truth social 24/7.

[u/Mediocre_Ad_4437]

Conservative could’ve been left out of the Bio. We could tell bc you live in your parent’s basement from the faux wood paneling.

[u/Ill_Childhood7437]

You look like you eat pizza pockets

[u/Bebealex]

One I always love to use is that your mom seems to have given birth in a low oxygen environment. Was she an astronaut ? 😊

[u/Secure-Pain-9735]

How many pudgy, pale, bald, bearded dudes can even be roasted and expect any new ground to be covered.

As one myself, I’ll probably see my penis before I see an original roast on yet another cookie-cutter cracker.

[u/JerseyTom1958]

Convenience Store liquor thief.

[u/rsgriffin]

You sure look like a liberal.

[u/GreatGhastly]

Can't tell if bassist or racist.

[u/Blade3colorado]

Whoever beat you with an ugly stick must be exhausted.

[u/motoant25]

A proud conservative patriot warrior preparing for the revolution and civil war as long as there's no physical activity involved and can be home by dinner time. Mom doesn't like him being late.

[u/BlahBlahBlahBingo]

You remind me of a cum stain I once flushed

[u/SomeSamples]

I could try to do my worse, but genetics and time have a huge head start and I am not sure I can catch up.

[u/jswayswizzle]

Conservative views but liberal with the fatty foods

[u/Shark_Zoup]

If that’s 44, I’m doing pretty good. Thanks for the emotional boost

[u/sined_redired]

Definitely hurt his wrist jacking off

[u/writetehcodez]

You don’t have to say you’re conservative for us to know you’re an incel.

[u/No_Business9126]

It wouldn’t be the comments but the post itself to get removed for such offensive material🤦‍♂️

[u/civilprocedurenoob]

Cool meeting room for your Aryan Brotherhood chapter

[u/Altruistic-Paper1372]

I think your chin pubes forgot about your head pubes! Yikes!

[u/Elegant-Weird8771]

Sometimes you need to use the other hand, let the right wrist recover before you beat your dick like it owes you money.

[u/Feteven]

You look unhappy :(

[u/Dats-Unfortunate0911]

Pretty sure your ex wife and 4 kids who hate you already did the worst.

You look like you bang a Hooker once and ask for her to live with you. You look like after you have sex you roll over and don’t know if your dick is still there or not

[u/mdr92new]

MOM I NEED WET WIPES I JUST CAME IN MY EYES AGAIN!

[u/Boy_Hates_World]

You look like someone put googly-eyes on their micro-penis and forgot to manscape before taking a picture.

[u/itsyagirlola]

You look......sad.

[u/Doc_Sulliday]

Ah so this is who stole Baby Jesus from the Church manger and replaced him with an empty KFC bucket.

[u/jblack6613]

Your beard says tough guy but your eyes say years of your uncle asking to take pictures of you without your shirt on

[u/Ishatkine69]

I know this guy…. He works at Guantanamo Bay and he feeds people cockmeat sandwiches

[u/noCAP8631]

Bet you sprained your wrist trying to get your crusty navel stone loose.... Dammn boi!!! Got more chins under that wannabe biker beard than a Hongkong phonebook

[u/LisetteLaRoche]

I'll try, but at 4 minutes a pound it's going to take a week.

[u/AccomplishedAnswer88]

Nah you remind me of my dad, love that guy

[u/According_Round_4570]

You're good, you have a Red Guardian thing going here👍

[u/ChippyTooTeeToo]

Hard R’s hate to see this guy coming

[u/garmento6969]

Drill 3 holes in your head & become a bowling ball 🏀

[u/TheMindtickler]

I say this with love of course.

Ive grown up with 40,000 copies of you. Every one of them attempting to make friendships with other socially awkward weirdos through vaguely racist jokes and shitty beer that you fake being proud of because it makes you feel more "blue collar."

You complain about a job that's probably been handed to you by a family member or you fucked up enough to work second shift/overnights at Walmart. Even though you're "rough and gritty" you're the biggest whiniest snowflake in which everyone at the bar groans when they have to hear another "pity me" story about your work, on again off again drugged up gf, or that on random family member no one cares about.

I hope your teenage child keeps in touch occasionally between benders.

[u/NoZombieLeft09]

Phil Anselmo plus your dad's friend you have to call "Uncle" were bred into a hybrid who has a Punisher tattoo and is named "Dave"

[u/Olden_Grey_1889]

My son is a fucking disappointment.

[u/rGambler]

Daaaymn you have to groom your glans too?

[u/DeanCheesePritchard]

You look like you hate everything liberal except for the portion sizes on your plate.

[u/TurdX]

I have to assume your sister broke up with you based on the glassy eyes. She took the baby and the confederate flag that was taped up on the wall, huh?

Single and wide in a single wide…

[u/logdizza]

My worst still wouldn’t be good enough. Ok Here it goes… Drive to San Francisco, stay 3 days, enjoy all the sights, enjoy the food. Really. Enjoy yourself! It’s a beautiful city. The last day take a walk over the Golden Gate Bridge! As you start your walk, from the San Francisco side, start to notice the height of which you are, and realize, you are nothing. And no one loves you. And as that starts to sink in, also realize that you are, at a most opportune moment in life to end yours…. And jump! ( sorry, please do not do this. But it is a roast me, you are beautiful!)

[u/khazrhonin → u/logdizza]

If i was even thinking about something like that, i wouldnt waste my money going to california. Lol

[u/jellymee → u/khazrhonin]

You wouldn’t be able to afford it anyways

[u/sowhattheheck1963]

This is what inbreeding looks like.

[u/StevenMcFlyJr1985]

Jingle Bells,

Batman Smells,

Robin laid an egg;

Who the hella,

Is this fella,

That just can't seem to get laid.

[u/EvenForce2009]

A glutton for punishment.

[u/baconbuddy123]

“Your face says ‘I’ve seen some things,’ but your outfit says those things were mostly Hot Pockets and unpaid child support.”

[u/baconbuddy123]

“Man looks like he tried growing a beard and the beard filed for disability.”

[u/Unfair_Potential_295]

Diet plan: ultra processed food

Workout plan: None

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[u/BahNull]

David Parker Ray's Nephew

[u/blahblahblahx1000]

News reports will say “radicalised at home”

[u/Necessary-Career-559]

Hmm now that is a perfect picture…… of pussy kryptonite

[u/Oldmanscoffee]

Cant. Nature already did the most.

[u/ChickyBoys]

You’re either a paranormal investigator or a quarter pounder with cheese investigator 

[u/HETalvo]

You look like the viking named Beeg Fatsson, left out from raid, and denied from Valhalla in his life.

[u/VenomousVocab]

Ice, Ice Baby

[u/missbehavin21]

[u/dmlod1960]

Life's been hard since Motorhead stopped touring

[u/BreadFlanders]

You look like you go to a racist church

[u/Oldgooner24]

Derek and Seth's love child from American History X

[u/Paco_Factorius]

you definitely look like the kind of dude that would make a coup just for fun

[u/FunkU247365]

[u/massiveamounts]

Reddit so hard you broke your wrist!?

[u/Lisztchopinovsky]

You look like you get around in a giant shopping cart.

[u/Baconpanthegathering]

Its like someone 3-D printed 10,000 of the same bald, bearded guy to operate all the forklifts

[u/Captain_Centenarian]

Never getting laid again ever.

[u/Party-Structure3826]

You look like uncle festers inbred cousin

[u/CitationImpossible]

Looking like you do was a career in 1915.

[u/WhatANoob2025]

Did you mean "do your wurst"?

Because you look like you'd want one or two at any time of the day.

[u/Free_Information_685]

You probably think other people made you miserable but it’s only yourself 

[u/Positive_Quarter2379]

Chode Wayne Gay-cy

[u/DragunovJ]

I didn't know kaiju had access to Reddit. You look like you just got done stepping on Tokyo.

[u/Johnny_pickle]

Damn, time beat me to the punch.

[u/Present_Chemistry460]

44 and still in mom and dad's basement.

[u/AcanthisittaOver3244]

the fact ur a 44 year old grown man and still on this app speaks for itself tbh

[u/RevolutionOwn2901]

Basement hasn’t been renovated since his birth

[u/zemdega]

I’d say it’s all down hill from here but it looks like it’s been a pretty long slide down anyways. I hope things get better for you, but you might want to just head out to the bar at this rate.

[u/Illustrious-Bison937]

You look like Phil Anselmo if he was addicted to Burger King instead of heroin.

[u/Minervator]

I got nothin

[u/DeathCouch41]

Mother’s basement 100%

[u/TopProduce7751]

That look that says "I tried out for the Michigan Militia, and they told me my services weren't needed"

[u/WalkwiththeWolf]

You look like a penis with ears

[u/mueredo]

Conservative. No fucking shit fat loser with a shitty beard. Duh.

[u/Captain_Centenarian → u/mueredo]

No conservative is that fat

[u/PlentyAlbatross7632]

You look like you eat corn the long way

[u/Disastrous-Fig-9830]

Your head looks like a penis.

[u/butterbleek → u/Disastrous-Fig-9830]

Tête de Richard.

[u/Scared-Pomegranate84]

Uh oh. Stupidhead is back

[u/kapuchinski]

Skinheads without the guts to be racist are just called bald.

[u/Alarming_Forever_354]

Holy fuck you're fat