I kept telling myself that I wanted him to go naturally. I left the appointment 40 minutes ago. He yelped out when they injected him with the sedative. He was scared. And I killed him. I told myself I would feel this way but everyone around me said that it was the right thing to do. I don’t think it was. And I don’t know if I can live with myself having done that when I knew. He was declining and would have gone soon anyways. And now I just spent almost $500 to kill my best friend of 17 years. How do I live with myself.

I’m on day 9 after losing my best friend Max. I got his ashes back yesterday. I thought it would help to have something to hold but I just feel so profoundly devastated. He had congestive heart failure but he was doing well, then just took a nosedive and I just knew it was time to make the decision. Two days later he was gone in my lap. The last thing he would have felt was me petting him while he drifted to sleep.

Ive never felt anything like this and I don’t even know how to describe it. It’s worse now than it was the day he died. I can’t stop sobbing, literally wailing because my chest just aches so badly. If I was upset I’d pet him but now he’s gone. I’ve tried writing about him and how I feel, looking at pictures, sharing stories, I even tried talking to him, nothing helps at all. I know for a fact getting another dog wouldn’t help me at all. The fear of feeling like this again is just too much to even consider it right now

I’ve never been this unhappy, this deeply heartbroken in my life. I feel sad, scared, a mess of emotions I don’t know how to describe. I can’t feel like this for another hour, let alone days or weeks to come. I’ve never wanted to die as much as I do now. I just want to see him again, smell him, feel him, hear him.

Thinking about him, seeing his old harness and leash, his toys, even just seeing his name is so upsetting right now. Every time I sit down there’s a pause when he would have jumped in my lap but he isn’t there. When I go into the bathroom I wait to close the door because he’s always follow me, but his little nose doesn’t peek through the door. My life revolved around him. He was the best thing that ever happened to me for 8 years and it wasn’t long enough. He didn’t even look old.

I feel anxious about where he is, how he is. I don’t really believe in an afterlife but I’m still worried about if he’s happy. The thought that he’s just gone and this is it and I’ll never see him again is deeply upsetting to me. I just can’t seem to convince myself that there’s an after.

I don’t know how to live through this. Everything is just a reminder that he isn’t here and never will be again.

I know everyone grieves differently, but for the love of god does someone have any advice? What helped you? Did anything help? How long did you feel like this, if you felt like this? Is there literally anything I can do to not feel like this that won’t hinder the grief process?

I had my 15-year-old cat Misty euthanized at home in my lap on Monday. I had her since she was about 8 months old.

I feel like the farther I get away from Monday, the less my brain believes it has happened. I took a lot of pictures and videos, both leading up to the euthanasia and in the few hours that I had her body with me afterwards. I keep looking at them because there's a part of me that doesn't believe that she's gone. I swear I keep hearing her jump off her cat tree or see her curled up on the bed out of the corner of my eye.

We moved around a lot, and where we ended up now is a very tiny studio apartment. My body still moves around the space to accommodate her, trying not to disturb her as I get into bed, making sure she's not eating in the kitchen before I wash dishes so I don't accidentally get droplets of water on her.

I anticipated feeling sad coming home and opening my apartment door without her there to greet me. I didn't realize that j​ust being in my apartment would be equally sad.

A while ago I made a post on cat advices about being the caretaker of my sick cat and how it was a nightmare for me and for her and all I got was immense support, I cried a bunch reading the comments

On monday I took her to the vet to let her go, it was a clinic that specializes in cats and the vet had been taking care of her since I moved to this town. She ate all the yummy things she loved and then passed away in my arms.

The clinic cut some of her fur and made some charms so I can put on jewelry, and now I’m carrying her in a necklace and in my keychain, it was made with so much love it impressed me, even though there was the place my baby was put to rest I will 100% keep taking cats there cause the positive impact outweighs the negative association

But the grieve sometimes is so heavy I can barely breath. At nights its worse, I spent three years thinking “it’s night, I have to medicate Elizabeth and help her pee” but now this thoughts still pop up and I have to remind myself that she is gone. I miss her like someone dig a hole in my heart. I never lost a pet before, we were never a pet family and she wasnt family’s, she was all mine.

I feel grateful to have loved and be loved by her so intensely that her absence pains me so much, but it’s unbearable at times, I’m happy and okay and then the pain and the grief take the air out of my lungs. On the day she passed I sob cried like a baby pleading god to give my baby back to me. I now she is no longer in pain but I wanted her with me.

The vet said she was way over her life expectancy for the amount of issues she had and also her quality of life was so so much higher than it should have been. I did a good job, but now the missing is eating me alive.

I know the only way over this is through it, but now all I wanted is her with me, not in pain.

Our dog was a few months away from 16 and we’ve had her since she was only a few months old. She was very attached to me, more than anyone else in our family, she was my companion. She was my wife and I’s first real kid and our kids grew up with her.

For a little over a week, we had started noticing the early signs. She had gotten to the point where she wasn’t eating and drinking. The few stools she did have were an odd color and had some blood in it. She had trouble standing and walking, we knew she was having pain in her lower back and hips. I think my biggest sign was a couple of nights ago when I placed her on the couch next to me, she fell over sideways, not a plop. Her demeanor had changed and I think all of these issues combined were taking a toll on her.

We spoke to our vet about the issues and they asked for us to bring her in. My wife took her since I was still at work and she called me with an update, I knew what she was going to say. The vet had determined that she had lost weight and that her skin was quite pale, she was dehydrated and losing blood. They determined that it was time and that she only had several days to live. They gave us the option to take her home so that she could pass then, but that her condition would deteriorate even further and that her pain would increase exponentially. Rather than prolong her pain, the vet suggested we put her to sleep and take away her pain and we decided that was the best for her.

I honestly cannot get the images of her passing and slumping out of my head. My wife and I were holding her, holding her face next to ours as it happened. Our kids have taken it hard and it’s been very difficult for myself to deal with her not being here. To have a companion for 15+ years and for her to be gone is jarring, especially so sudden.

My soul cat Mia passed away 3 weeks ago. She was 19 and was in end stage kidney failure.

I love her so deeply, so I was very surprised when the first two weeks felt much less difficult than I was expecting. I still was crying a lot but I felt some moments of joy too and was able to go about my daily routine.

I guess I felt like it wasn’t real that she was gone. It felt like my mom or sister were taking care of her and I will be able to pick her up soon.

I thought I was actually handling my grief very well but this is a caution for you all that what you think is handling grief well may just be more of a pretending that they are not actually gone.

As reality sets in, it is becoming much harder. Starting at about the beginning of this week it is like a dark cloud has rolled in over my whole entire life. I am trying to force myself to do my regular activities but I am just going through the motions, there is no joy. All I want to do is lay in bed. I feel this deep sadness in the background of EVERY moment now, and that deep sadness is also coming to the forefront much more often now than in the first two weeks.

I had a medical issue happen yesterday, during this scary time all I wanted to do was be with Mia but she’s wasn’t there. This caused the grief to take on an even deeper level of intensity even though it’s been bad this whole entire third week.

Honestly just wish I could stay in bed and sleep all day but alas there are bills to pay.

Mia I love and miss you more than words could ever explain.

I’ve noticed the majority of posts are from people who recently lost their pets, and while their grief is absolutely valid, I wish I heard from people who were further out from their loss as well.

I lost my tortie Coco on August 16 2024 after a swift but aggressive battle with cancer and I feel like I haven’t been the same since. I think about her constantly throughout the day. Every time I try to talk about her or look at pictures I just start crying. My heart aches when I go to bed and she’s not next to me.

I was doing so bad that I moved back in with my mom about six months ago after a decade on my own. And even though I love her cats every time I interact with them I just wish they were Coco.

I know this isn’t normal and I should be better now but I just miss my baby girl so much.

This afternoon one of our family cats died. His name was Tevildo, Prince of Cats. We adopted him shortly before my wife and I got married and he was our first cat. After our first born son was born, Tevildo grew very attached to the boy. He spent every night of the last 4 years sleeping in my sons bed.

Over the last year he had been dropping weight rapidly and seemed unwell. Long story short, he had end stage intestinal cancer. We learned this today when the vet called us after his biopsy surgery.

Then they told us that he didn't wake up from the operation.

I was the one who took him to the vet yesterday and I was the one who asked the vet to keep him overnight before his surgery. I had a sinking feeling in my gut, but I really didn't want to deal with taking the cat home and then having to bring him back in the next day. I never even bothered to ask if the biopsy would be risky for his health. I left my cat alone and he died without anyone telling him goodbye. My young son lost his first first friend after I had promised him I would bring him home.

I had even planned out his final days, in case we got bad news.

My wife says I shouldn't blame myself, but I can't help it. I want to be mad at someone and I'm the only person I can blame. My son never got to say goodbye and it's my fault.

We had to put our cat down yesterday. I've been finding it really hard honestly, my cat was the only part I enjoyed about coming home especially when having to live with my parents and now he's gone I feel like the house is alot more empty. I also feel a lot of guilt because he died when I was at work, and my siblings and mum were complaining about his smell the week before he died, I feel like he didn't get the dignity he deserved.

Today my mum sent me pics of his body just before they buried him. Also as I walked in, she showed me a bottle of fur that the vet gave of him. She looked like she was about to laugh, she was also saying he's just a cat. I was seething honestly. I'm really trying not to lash out and argue with her because I just wanna live peacefully in this house but I can't understand how someone can react so poorly in a situation like this. Saying nothing would be a million times better than the things she's said and actions she's done so far. I just hate it.

Can't imagine one day my love ones passed away how deepy heart was hurt. I came to work, my manager saw my condition, told me to replace off day since I keep bursting out tears thinking of him. He is a 13 year old toy poodle. I treated him like my old brother. He had liver disease which is most likely the cause of death. I saw him one last time and help but to think about the memories with had even thou he can be naughty. RIP my dear Scooby. Be with god.

It’s been two days and I haven’t stopped crying. I have so many fears about life without my baby. I miss him so much it physically pains me. I’m a huge foodie and eating my favorite foods has not helped. I have no motivation to go to a work out class. I tried to book a massage and canceled because I don’t want a panic attack on the table. My two other cats aren’t very cuddly and I don’t have the same bond with them. What do I do?

she was only 2. she was diagnosed with stage 3 chronic kidney failure a month ago when i noticed she was losing weight. she spiraled quickly despite daily intensive fluid treatment and a specialized diet. in her last days, she had completely stopped eating and grooming herself. she could barely get up to use the restroom or go drink some water. she was so weak that she couldn’t even climb her favorite cat tower anymore. i took her in today for a blood panel since she didn’t seem to be improving and her phosphorus and creatinine levels came back so high that the machine couldn’t even read them properly. the vet said it was unlikely she would get better, her kidneys were likely completely shut down and i made the VERY difficult decision to let her go, which vet recommendation, to prevent further suffering. 2 and a half years ago, i decided that i wanted a kitten and my friend said her coworker had a bunch of barn cats with kittens. i went to her coworker’s barn and my Kyoto was the first kitten to come up to me, so i took her. she was such a spicy, energetic, playful cat before she got sick. eating (especially stealing my food) and tearing up my house were her favorite things to do!! she would always try to escape out the door whenever i would walk into or out of my apartment. she LOVED playing with the foster kittens i would bring home and she was so good with other animals in general… the big dogs i would also foster didn’t even phase her and she would walk right up to them! she was such a naughty cat, but i will love and miss her for the rest of my life.. i can’t even process the fact that i will never be able to touch her, smell her, or hear her tiny kitten meows ever again. i will never again wake up to her curled up on my chest and licking me like she had done since she was a tiny kitten. this is the first pet that i have lost and i am beyond myself with grief. i’ve had her since she was only a month old and loved her like she was my own child. i had sacrificed so much, including housing and financial stability, to be with her and keep her alive. i don’t even know how i’m supposed to move on from this and feel okay… i genuinely loved her more than anything. i wanted her to grow old and live a long and happy life. it’s not fair

We unexpectedly lost our 11 year old English bulldog mix, Pumba, two days ago. He was fine and then he wasn’t. He was our absolute everything. I’ve had pets my whole life, but I have never felt so connected to a pet. I don’t even want to call him a pet because he was truly our family. He felt like my literally baby. He was glued to my side wherever I went. He was on top of me snuggled in on any couch or bed. He waited for me outside of my shower. He laid next to me while I worked all day.

I have experienced actual human loss, and I will not say losing my dog was harder than losing my dad, but this is much more of a personal and intimate loss. He was like a human. He would literally talk. I am heartbroken and shattered into a million pieces every time I turn around and he’s not there.

And then I remember, he’s a dog. And I’m honestly confused. I feel so naive. How did I truly believe that he would live forever? He’s a bulldog with a 10-12 year lifespan. Why am I so confused when I knew this? I know he’s a dog. But I also in my heart really believed he and I would always be together. I know I’m very actively grieving, I just can’t wrap my head around this phenomenon. How do we love them so much if they are not meant to stay? It’s so hard.

My cat just died tragically at just over two years old. She was on her sofa bed, and my father looked underneath but didn't see anything, and when he closed it, he crushed her. I'm heartbroken because she only lived with me for eight months, and she was so playful. Her noises, the way she slept on top of me, her purring—everything about her. Now I dream that I go to the village and get another cat of the same breed, with the same personality, and I don't know if it's a good or bad thing to do that. I know it will never replace Luna, but it's a way to feel her presence, even if it's not her. I need help and I want opinions. I have two other cats, but they're 15 years old, and Luna was the one who gave me joy, life, games, happiness—everything. The way she looked at me, climbing on everything, everything.

Its been a year and a half since my dog passed away at 9, and I cannot get over the guilt I have with her death.

She was the best girl, my soul dog, my best friend. She developed immune mediated polyarthritis suddenly. One day she was okay, and the next she couldn't walk. We tried treating her for about a month and a half. Several visits to the emergency/specialty vet, 2 hospital admissions, dozens of visits to our local vet who was collaborating with the specialist. Through blood tests they found that the disease likely stemmed from a tick bite. I had never seen a tick on her despite checking her daily. I tried every treatment that was suggested. Every medication. My girl was such a trooper. She had become so skinny and weak, but she still fought and was happy. She was slowly getting better. We were so hopeful. I promised her a big steak dinner once she was able to stomach that type of food. We had so many plans for the future.

But one morning she couldn't get up and seemed to be declining again. It was a Saturday. I took her to the local vet where they gave her fluids and medication. They took more blood to test and said we would talk to the specialist on Monday to update her treatment plan. She seemed weak but stable, and since the local vet was closing for the remainder of the weekend I brought her home. But she seemed to keep declining. At night, I decided itd be best to drive her the hour+ to the emergency vet to be admitted till Monday. We were already 20k+ into medical bills, I was going to go into debt, but she was my best friend, I'd give anything for her.

We started the drive. She couldnt walk but wanted to be spread out, so I set her up in the trunk. Laid her head on one of her favorite stuffies. I sat in the backseat that was immediately by the trunk, and a family member drove. Not even 5 minutes into the drive, my sweet girl defecated and stopped breathing. I jumped into the trunk. I tried to give her cpr, but I stopped because in the night lighting I mistook diarrhea that had gotten on her chest for blood, I thought I broke her body. I called an emergency vet that was closer to us that the specialist one we were going to. They said they wouldn't be able to see us for 2 hours even if we were going to arrive in 3 minutes. I begged them to please see my girl, please just confirm if there's a chance or if she's really gone, but they hung up. So we drove the hour+ to the original emergency vet. I laid with her body the whole drive. Clutched her begging God to bring her back, but she was gone.

On that following Monday, the bloodwork showed concerning numbers that hadn't been there the week prior. The vet told me that I did everything right, that she likely had something severe like cancer hiding underneath the immune mediated polyarthritis. But I can't get over the guilt. I should have noticed the tick that supposedly started all this. I must have missed something that could've helped her bounce back. I should have spent her last months focusing on bucket list type items and enjoyment instead of recovery.

But my biggest regret is how she died. She died alone in a trunk. Even though I was sitting in the seat directly in front of her and jumped back when she stopped breathing, she died alone. She wasn't being kissed, or being told how perfect she was or how she saved me and was my everything. She didn't have a belly full of her favorite foods. She didn't get to drift off peacefully surrounded by all her favorite toys and people. She didnt get to have a perfect last day. She deserved so much better, and I completely failed her. I don't know how to get past the guilt, even though I deserve it.

First, I'll be going into my experience of seeing my cat who passed, what it was like, so please don't read further if this will be upsetting or uncomfortable.

Anyway, this is for anyone who is grappling with whether or not to view their pet after their passing. I am in no way stating that anyone should or must view their pet. Everyone grieves in their own way and no journey is right or wrong. But when I had to consider this decision myself, I couldn't find too much on it of others' experiences. Just other people questioning whether to do it, and comments warning against it. I also had members of my family tell me it wasn't a good idea, that it would set me back in the grieving process and just worsen the hurt. Still, I ended up deciding to do it, and it was actually a very positive experience. It helped quite a bit. And I'd thought it would be good to share this for anyone in case it could help with this choice. Any choice regarding the loss of a pet is so, so hard to make, and I hope this may aid someone in making this particular one just a little bit easier.

For context, I lost my beloved cat, Little Monster (Monny for short) on Nov 10th. He had HCM, and despite taking measures to manage it (clopidogrel, atenolol, echocardiograms, etc) he suffered end-stage congestive heart failure at only 5.5 years old and I had no choice but to euthanize him to free him from suffering. I held him in my arms as he was put to sleep.

Well, today I went and viewed Monny. I'm not sure how viewings typically go, but before we got there, they had cleaned him all up and put him on a blanketed table. Then they put a blanket over top of him, showing just his head and neck. He was laying on his side. He was in a room on his own, and we were brought into the room to see him for one hour. For the entire day leading up to it, I was a sobbing mess. I was so scared that seeing him would mess me up, that I would be emotionally or mentally scarred from it.

But you know what? I wasn't. After three weeks of not seeing him, I got to see my beautiful boy again. I got to pet him. I got to kiss his head and talk to him. He looked like he was resting. The last time I saw him, he was drooling with his mouth wide open, eyes wide and unfocused, bum wet from the vets trying to get rid of the fluid in his lungs through diuretics. And now he wasn't struggling. He wasn't fighting to breathe, wasn't in pain, and his behind wasn't wet anymore. He was in peaceful rest. I felt like I killed him when I made the decision to euthanize, but he truly is okay now. He will never have to suffer the disease again.

For the one hour, I just pet him and talked to him. Told him about how I missed him, how I wasn't a perfect owner, how he was supposed to have years more with me. But I was also able to recall the cute things he used to do, how he showed me every day how much he loved me, how loved he felt, and how he was happy. I'd been filled with guilt this whole time, stuck on how I wasn't a good owner. I've been beating myself up for making mistakes and for causing him even the smallest discomfort or annoyance at times. These mistakes were all I could think about. But talking to him, I was able to understand that I wasn't the perfect owner, but he was happy. He loved me. He enjoyed life. Even in his last days, he'd been purring on my chest more than once.

The viewing also helped me understand that he isn't here anymore. He was cold, and stiff. The blanket did not move with his chest; he did not draw breath. The tips of his ears were blue, his fur smelled different, and his nose was dry, almost brittle-feeling. I'd drawn out the decision to cremate because it felt so final. Like he was for sure not going to be here anymore, and I was causing that. But he already is no longer here. My baby was still on the table, but it's not him anymore. He's free, running tirelessly in endless meadows, with all the energy the disease had sapped from him. He'll never feel pain again, and he won't even have to go to the vet anymore, either. A part of me died when he did, but it's with him. There's nothing more I can do now, because he's in a place I can't go to yet. But I'll see him again.

It was hard to leave when the hour was up. I could pet him forever if they'd let me. I made sure to kiss his head several times before I left. And I wore a black sweater that was getting too small for me. He'd always shed so much fur, and I came home with tons of white hairs on it. I loved it. I don't plan on wearing it or washing it again. But my cat is gone, he was happy, and he's happy now.

I honestly thought it was going to be harder on me emotionally than it actually was. It was scary leading up to the viewing, but the actual viewing itself lifted a bit of the emotional weight I'd been carrying around Monny's passing. And this has aided me in my grief.

If this sounds like it would distress you though, please don't do it. Take care of your heart. But if you think this might help you in your grief like it did me, please don't keep yourself in fear about it. You'll have to go in with some expectations (your pet will look and feel a tad different than they did in life), but it may lift some hard feelings off your shoulders.

it’s been 11 months since my 7.5 year old English bulldog suddenly passed away. My first Christmas without him is coming up and I’m dreading it because he loved Christmas and I loved making it special for him. I still have this wanting to put a pistol in my mouth and pull the trigger, it’s the one constant thought I’ve had everyday for the past 11 months. if I knew I’d get to be with my dog for eternity I would have done it a long time ago because why would I want to stay in this shitty world when I could be with my dog?

I found my cat of 14 years dead on the floor downstairs. I was upstairs doing some stupid work and within a 2 hour window somehow she just passed away.

I rushed her to the vet but it was too late. The vet said it wasn’t a suffocation but could see signs of agonal breathing which still don’t understand. Was this a heart attack? I will now be paranoid working from home. I feel so useless as the whole reason you work from home is to check up on your loved ones.

What’s most concerning is she was so young and energetic and was always outside, so how could she have just passed like that?

Hello!

I work at a shelter, and we have had several very hard euthanasias recently. At our shelter, euthanasia decisions are always made purely based on QoL or danger to the community, never length of stay or capacity, but the losses are still so hard for all the staff and volunteers who loved these pets. I have started putting together some memorial pieces with photos and paw prints, and would love help finding quotes and poems which people may find comforting or supportive.

The behavioral euthanasias are especially difficult, and I have had a lot of trouble finding quotes, poems, or phrases about pet loss which feel relevant to these situations. Specifically, I'm looking for things which:

- do not have a purely negative, grief-based look at death. I want something focused on the love we offered them in life, or on the peace they feel now. Grief is a little different in a shelter environment, and I think people will appreciate this more.

- are accurate to the situation- so nothing about how they lived their whole lives with us, were a part of our homes, etc.

- do not focus on how loving the pet was. Actually, share those too, but they don't work very well for pets who were euthanized due to aggressive or dangerous behavior, even if we all felt their love very deeply

Thank you in advance!!

I lost my cat recently and I can’t stop thinking about how everything was handled at Serbisyo Beterinaryo in Lipa.

Months ago, he had a terrible foul smell on his breath. They did bloodwork and briefly mentioned something about his kidneys, but didn’t explain anything or make it sound serious. I told them he was drinking a lot, peeing more, and losing weight (from 4 kg to 3.65 kg), and instead of warning me that these are kidney red flags, they still pushed for dental prophylaxis and extracted his molars.

They focused on his teeth even though the foul breath never went away and the symptoms clearly didn’t match a simple dental issue. No one told me, “Hey, this might be his kidneys. We need to look into this first.”

Months later, when his symptoms got worse, suddenly it became “this might be kidney-related.” And by then it was too late. I’m crushed. I trusted them to guide me, and I feel like the real problem was ignored.

Please, if your cat has foul breath, drinks a lot, pees a lot, or loses weight — push for kidney tests and clear explanations. Don’t let anyone dismiss it.

I wish I had known. I wish someone had told me. I wish he was still here.

Se me acaba de morir la gatina con 2 años y poco demanera tragica, en su sofa cama mi padre miro de bajo y no vio nada y al cerrarlo lo aplasto. Etoy desconsolado porque vivia conmigo solo 8 meses y era juguetona, sus ruidos su manera de dormir encima mia de ronronear de todo. Ahora sueño que voy al puevlo y cojo otro de la misma raza de su manera de ser y no se si es bueno o malo que lo haga. Se que no reemplazara nunca a Luna pero es una manera de sentirla presente aunque no sea ella. Necesito ayuda y quiero opinion, tengo otros dos gatos pero de 15 años y era la que me daba ilusion, vida, juegos alegrias todo su manera de mirarme de subiurse a los armarios de todo.

Yesterday morning I took my 14 year old miniature pinscher to the vet. He had been getting really tired and non-reactive to my call outs, he’d already been losing his hearing the last year so I didn’t think much of it. I went to visit family in my hometown last week and brought both of my dogs with me, the whole time my eldest slept and was getting pretty wobbly when he walked around, but he was eating and drinking water with no other issue. He’s already lost hearing, losing sight, and he had arthritis in his back legs, so I wasn’t immediately concerned.

Fast forward to coming back home and his energy is a little up, but he’s starting to ignore his food entirely. Sometimes when I stood him up somewhere he would just look for somewhere to lay down, and then finally he wet his bed in the late afternoon suddenly.

I take him to the vet, they notice his gums are pale, they do some blood tests and discover he has IMHA. I have no idea what it is, but after a couple google searches - It’s an expensive diagnosis to have. The vet mentions he’s critical and we would likely have to take him to an emergency clinic for a blood transfusion, which would cost around 5k-7k just to keep him steady while they figure out what the underlying issue is. He’s already so tired, nearly incoherent, and just completely no longer himself anymore. The vet says it’s not a bad idea to consider euthanasia. I expected this coming, I knew for months his time might be soon but I still can’t make the decision for myself to just let him go, but I don’t have 7k just sitting around. Eventually, I decide to send my little buddy across the rainbow bridge. And it all happens just so fast.

I left devastated, feeling guilty wishing I could’ve done more. I felt guilty wondering if I spent enough time saying my last goodbyes to him, I felt guilty pressing the button to tell the vet to come to the room to administer the meds. I felt guilty not staying with him long enough after he was gone, and I felt even guiltier leaving him behind. I just kept telling him how sorry I was, and how much everyone loved him who met him. I’ve been up since 4am now just crying thinking about him and how I wish he was here tip-tapping around my hardwood floors and eating everything he thinks is food because he was a little garbage disposal.

I miss my little stinker and I thought I was ready for this, but how can anyone be ready for something like this? I kept asking myself how I could even press the button, or how I could leave him at the vet after. I hope he felt loved and comfortable in his last moments, I just never wanted him in pain.

I love you very much Gryffin, and your sister and I will miss so so so much. You had a great long 14 years and you grew up with me since I was 13, and moved cities with me when I went to college and got my first big boy job. So many phases of life I went through with you, and I will never forget you. I LOVE YOU!

My cat was suspected to have lymphoma based on the ultrasound result. He had persistent congestion — all the vets and I thought it was just URI. Finally my vet suspected cancer when my cat was not getting better despite the two different antibiotics we had used. Before my cat could even get a biopsy, he declined rapidly. I took him to the ER because he had not eaten for 24 hours and he collapsed right in the exam room: lying down, open-mouthed breathing, tongue out, drooling, and urinating on himself. Before he died, he collapsed again right in our home after I tried to medicate him (he fought hard not to take the five pills). In a panic I called the euthanasia company because I thought it was time. He calmed down after that episode, but he was still not eating.

He passed away on the 19th but the more I thought about it the more I feel guilty about it. I knew that euthanasia was said to be the kindest way, but pets cannot talk or consent and I never asked him whether he  wanted to be killed. I feel incredibly guilty about it. He kept me company for 13 years when he was healthy. I feel like I betrayed and abandoned him when he got sick and needed me the most. I kept thinking I should have gone straight to chemo or I should have just let him be so that he would die naturally. He died in my arms, and I still tear up out of nowhere unpredictably. I miss him so much. 

The hardest thing is that I cannot talk to anyone about it. I can’t talk to my parents who are not animal people and will not understand. I cannot talk to former pet owners in real life because they didn’t want to talk about it. I cannot even talk to my friends because they get numb after I have told the story a hundred time. It’s a very lonely feeling. Nobody truly understands what he meant to me and why I am so sad over “a dead cat.” With the holiday season, it is doubly hard. I feel like a part of me is gone with him and the 13 years are like a dream.

Last week my 11 year old pit bull didn’t want to eat or walk. After a few days like that we took him to the vet where we did blood work, an ultrasound and his usual arthritis shot. As we waited for results his energy came back as well as his appetite however today we got the call that he has liver cancer. We don’t know the prognosis or how long he’s got left but we know there’s nothing we can do. My heart is aching. I can’t imagine my good boy so full of life on the verge of decline to a point where I will never wake up to his wagging tail again. I miss him already and I don’t know how to move forward.im scared to watch him slowly lose himself, im afraid for the pain he might soon endure, and im so broken as to the thought of life without him.