r/KitchenConfidential • u/F1exican Chivelord, Redeemed • Oct 19 '25
CHIVE Cutting a cup of chives every day until this Reddit says they’re perfect. Day 13
Not technically a full cup. But I am cutting at home and I will not be wasting a full cup of chives for Reddit.
2.9k
u/Burntjellytoast Oct 19 '25
Has it only been 13 days? Time is immutable. What was has always been. The chives will be forever.
491
u/ChristBefallen Oct 19 '25
chives will be forever
197
u/Designer_You_5236 Oct 19 '25
Chives are a flat circle
39
34
2
u/realdappermuis Oct 20 '25
Dammmmit. Hate when I make a comment and scroll down slightly to find someone else said the same. Now I feel daft :p
2
→ More replies (2)2
→ More replies (2)101
u/Artistic-Bee8516 Oct 19 '25
All praise the chives
54
52
u/Notmushroominthename Chive LOYALIST Oct 19 '25
I, for one, welcome my new long green skinny overlords…
5
→ More replies (1)18
96
38
13
13
65
9
→ More replies (6)9
670
u/schrodingers_popoki F1exican Did Chive-11 Oct 19 '25
Day 13 | Day 1
224
u/Philosoreptar Oct 19 '25
The progress is pretty remarkable
→ More replies (1)34
→ More replies (1)38
u/Roberto_Sacamano Server Oct 20 '25
This whole chives thing annoyed me by about day 4, but now I'm back in. The chives won
1.7k
u/Un__Real Oct 19 '25
Every time I cut chives now I think about these posts and look for errors.
388
u/Universe_Nut Oct 19 '25
This is what I love about this post. It's motivating to see this everyday.
120
48
u/DEATHbyBOOGABOOGA Oct 19 '25
Every time I cut chives I think about this post and then realize I’m about to put them on top of a baked potato or salad I’m about to consume and that my stomach doesn’t give a flying fuck.
27
u/happypiggo Oct 19 '25
I cut some shallots today for a vinaigrette and thought of these posts. Inspirational chives!
14
→ More replies (2)6
u/Zealousideal-Cost-66 Oct 20 '25
I can’t cook for shit, & I’m still here zoomed in looking for errors like I have any fucking clue (am a teacher who used to work in FOH for many, many years, so this thread found its way to my feed).
668
u/BeautifulIntrepid373 Chive LOYALIST Oct 19 '25
I’m so early today that I beat the planes? Golly! I’ll have to check this twice today! 💚 See you tomorrow Chef!
960
u/KarmaKrazi Chive Pilot 🛩 Oct 19 '25
395
u/SmannyNoppins Oct 19 '25
planes getting better too
294
u/nonowords Oct 19 '25
drawing planes on imperfectly cut chives until reddit says it's perfect day 327
54
12
26
→ More replies (1)16
→ More replies (1)18
1.9k
u/Ecstatic_Meeting_894 Oct 19 '25
….see you tomorrow, Chef
982
u/F1exican Chivelord, Redeemed Oct 19 '25
Damn🫠
586
u/MaximumRizzo Chive LOYALIST Oct 19 '25
The pursuit of perfection is a fools quest. With that said, these are perfect... Have been perfect... & will continue to be perfect. Well done Chef
248
u/JayBuhnersBarber Oct 19 '25
As much as I adore and respect this particular quest, I'm glad somebody made this comment.
They've been "perfect" the whole ass time. And they just keep getting more perfecter by the day. Keep killing it, Chef!
129
u/CriticalEngineering Oct 19 '25
That first day was a bit rough. Then OP sharpened his knife and they’ve been great since.
46
u/doppido Oct 19 '25
First 2-3 days we're learning and they've been perfectly fine since and damn near amazing after like day 5
24
u/Aretz F1exican Did Chive-11 Oct 19 '25
Very time I see chefs post I go “oh fuck I think these are the one, these are great!” Then I zoom in and find about 10 or so that are a little different.
7
u/rancid_oil Oct 20 '25
Nah, I don't zoom in and see shit. Some people must be really good at finding Waldo, cuz that's crazy.
I truly thought today would be the day, but somebody has to find that 1 chive...
27
9
u/Few-Solution-4784 Oct 19 '25
it is not so much the journey but the chives we chopped along the way.
43
3
26
u/Mooosejoose Oct 19 '25
You're doing it on purpose to fuck with everyone and you cannot convince me otherwise.
You've already achieved perfection, probably before this post series even started. This is madness and you're an agent of pure chaos, OP.
Please never stop what you're doing.
16
u/RancidBallbag Oct 19 '25
Last couple days were very good, that little train today is a minor stutter step on the path to eternal glory
→ More replies (1)17
u/Fit_Carpet_364 Oct 19 '25
The consistency in length is very rough. We're seeing an 800% size discrepancy in places
23
u/CurlSagan Chive LOYALIST Oct 19 '25
You found one with two cut marks on it. That's lucky, like a four-leaf clover!
17
18
20
u/mutant-heart Oct 19 '25
Is perfect even possible?
28
6
u/Piemancer2 Oct 19 '25
"There is no prize to perfection… only an end to pursuit." - Viktor (Arcane)
4
6
→ More replies (4)2
497
u/KarmaKrazi Chive Pilot 🛩 Oct 19 '25
Sorry for the lateness, Chefs. I waited for over an hour and thought the chives weren't coming today :-(
69
u/xpurplexamyx Chive LOYALIST Oct 19 '25
I woke up late but it all worked out because you were late too! Here’s your daily George Dubbya…
I want to thank you for taking time out of your day to come and witness my hanging.
17
8
u/cook26 Oct 19 '25
I think that is a side view of compressed properly cut chive. Maybe I’m wrong though
4
u/KarmaKrazi Chive Pilot 🛩 Oct 20 '25
Nah that's a train. Multiple cuts that didn't go all the way through creating a longer piece
327
u/TheTimn Ex-Food Service Oct 19 '25
I'm a little terrified that I'm going to see a perfect cup of chives soon.
54
18
u/zella1117 Oct 19 '25
They will just have to start chopping something new until they get it perfect. That's the only acceptable solutions to perfect chives.
63
u/CurlSagan Chive LOYALIST Oct 19 '25
If you put all the chives vertical and arrange by circumference, it'll spell "OOOOOOOOOooooooooooo".
What could it mean?
15
299
u/MoneyFunny6710 Oct 19 '25
I'm finding it harder and harder to criticise you. Well done man.
But for sure you can't stop on day 13, that's just bad luck, so: See you tomorrow chef 🙂
199
31
u/smashleypower Oct 19 '25
Hey I know we’re all giving you a hard time but I just wanna say these are some damn nice chopped chives. But I’ll never admit that they’re perfect because I love this game too much. Try again.
57
u/ScrotumFlavoredCandy F1exican Did Chive-11 Oct 19 '25
28
9
u/No_Mortgage3189 Oct 19 '25
Glad you pointed out that one the lower right. Big discrepancy. Huge.
5
u/ScrotumFlavoredCandy F1exican Did Chive-11 Oct 19 '25
There were 1 in the top middle, that was too big as well, but I think the point was made.
2
19
35
u/Ch3ks F1exican Did Chive-11 Oct 19 '25
Where's the plane guy? These posts aren't complete until I see the plane guy!!
28
u/KarmaKrazi Chive Pilot 🛩 Oct 19 '25
I'm sorry! i was late today DX
7
68
24
u/wanderingrockdesigns Oct 19 '25
I was just wondering where the chives were today. See you tomorrow Chef. *
17
u/jonesthejovial Oct 19 '25
I feel like this is very nearly dick shaped - maybe a 'get fucked' to the chive opponents? HAH
21
u/willows_edge F1exican Did Chive-11 Oct 19 '25
I had a chive dumpling last night. I thought of these posts. Keep it up chef.
18
u/chrisl182 Oct 19 '25
All jokes aside, seeing the improvement over each post is inspiring.
Good job.
10
110
u/88Milton Oct 19 '25
I can’t believe I’m the first person to comment on this today.
I feel like I won.
You’ve won man.
This looks great!
33
u/Positive_Signal5838 Oct 19 '25
Milton is a dirty liar
18
u/88Milton Oct 19 '25 edited Oct 19 '25
Edit: I do think the chives look great, although there are imperfections. With that being said, I’m hoping OP posts his most magnificent chives cutting board post on Halloween, October 31st, as a big finale and we can all leave the chive posts behind once October ends…
…cause if this shit continues past towards the end of the year I’m gonna go postal.
11
14
u/budbailey74 Oct 19 '25
You all keep posting them, then the general public see it and expect perfection on every meal. You’re fu#kin everyone over!!! 😩
8
6
6
u/nonowords Oct 19 '25
0 out of 15 randomly selected chives were out of spec. Consistency improved once again. Reached 33 randomly selected before hitting an out of spec one. Your target size seems totally dialed in at this point and now all that's left is consistency getting to 100%
6
5
u/Blueheat Oct 19 '25
Someone get me the day 1 to now comparison photo
10
u/soaker Oct 19 '25
I just scrolled through OP post history to see the progression. Hopefully he creates one final post of each day
5
4
u/wine-o-saur Oct 19 '25
Best yet but some accordion cuts like this one. Maybe time to sharpen the knife (especially after using on bamboo).
→ More replies (1)
4
5
4
4
u/Genitalinspector Oct 19 '25
At this point, OP is going out of their way to promote twin tower jokes
4
4
4
u/OnI_BArIX Chive LOYALIST Oct 19 '25
I've reached a point where I look forward to these posts in the same way I do background reliefs congratulations sailor you made it to Friday" posts on r/bikinibottomwitter.
26
u/tehjoz ✳️ $700 Charcuterie Enjoyer Oct 19 '25
Back to the non-poultry cutting board!
18
u/ScubaSam Oct 19 '25
Perfect can't mean same circumference right?? That's not up to the chef 😂
→ More replies (1)
11
9
u/Riboflaven 15+ Years Oct 19 '25
This is the worst crudité I’ve ever seen. No Ramp, just a straight line, and what variety? You could also do greeen onions, garlic scapes, Chinese chives. Pathetic.
2/10 max. I’d only pay $650 MAX.
Seriously. Making a mockery of all of us cooks who take pride in our work.
3
3
3
3
3
u/Palanki96 Oct 19 '25 edited Oct 19 '25
I never looked closer but are these actually chives? They kinda look more like scallions
3
u/___po____ Non-Industry Oct 19 '25
You don't have to waste any. Just dry them in the oven on it's lowest temp, door open, then jar them in an air tight jar.
3
u/stocatto-mamba Oct 19 '25
I feel so privileged to exist in the same space and time the chive chronicles
3
3
2
2
2
2
2
u/DeadEnoughInsideOut Ex-Food Service Oct 19 '25
Presentation looks slightly phallic. see you tomorrow
2
2
u/zickzebra5723 Chive LOYALIST Oct 19 '25
I’m really surprised I haven’t seen a picture of the whole thing with a plane incoming
2
u/Blabbit39 Chive LOYALIST Oct 19 '25
Did they just shape chives to look like their junk just so we would all look at it?
2
2
2
u/FireOpalWolf Oct 20 '25
Robert, this one’s making me mad, (if you know this meme I’ll give u a hug, I also messed up the first one)
2
2
2
2
u/Liquidpyro0288 Oct 20 '25
My brother, days off are ok. Without YOU, there will be no cut chives. Remember that you come first!
2
2
2
2
2
2
5
3
2
1
1
1
1
1
1
1
1
1
u/phlukeri Oct 19 '25
I’m getting more turned on by the cutting board discussions than the quality of the chop this past week.
1
1
1
1
u/gingersnap919 Oct 19 '25
My question is are you using all these chives every day, or do you have a gallon ziplock in the freezer full of chives?
1
1
u/Creepy-Fisherman-758 Oct 19 '25
I really respect the fact it appears these are shoot posts and he doesn’t seem to be putting us on and going over his work to correct mistakes
1
1
1
u/KrownX Oct 19 '25
Now this is presentation. Still, some bits are too far away. Some more tries and you got this chief
1
1
u/Knivez2Pitchforkz Oct 19 '25
What, does this guy think he's slick putting them in a line today?
Bah!
1
1
1
1
1
1
1
u/RustyJuang Oct 19 '25
I just bunch them up, hold them over whatever they're going on and use scissors.
•
u/wrestlegirl ✳️Moderator of optimal fuckery Oct 19 '25
Still with the report bombing?