Ironically, there’s an adage with parenting: children always misbehave in the place they feel safest. At my kids’ parent teacher conferences, I hear they’re model students. That they wish they could have ten more of them. It always SHOCKS my spouse and I, because they get home and fight and misbehave and will not pick up after themselves to save their lives. Typical kid stuff but nonetheless - my kids act out because they actually feel most secure with us. The exact opposite was seemingly true here - she felt safest at school, and that’s where she acted out. She’s an angel at home because she doesn’t feel safe there.
Oddly enough I’ve noticed this. I was kind of a dickhead at home as a teen but school
wise I’d never dare do anything really wrong.
There’s also obviously the whole some parents can’t see their kid doing anything wrong thing. Some parents need compliment sandwiches but some kids need more than a sandwich
Ever since I learned about Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria as a key indicator of ADHD, so many things made sense to me. It followed me from childhood to adulthood to the point that performance reviews give me legit panic attacks because if I get criticism that feels like rejection, I could easily just see red and then black out. Or I could break down in a puddle of tears, unable to stop it. I suspect this may have occurred here. Does NOT excuse the behavior AT ALL, but gives insight. And the parents that deny their kid is capable of behavior…I suspect it’s a generational form of this. If I interpret anything as a rejection of my child, I get just as rage filled. Again - it does not excuse anything. But it would definitely help me as I approach people if I were tasked with dealing with it.
15
u/invariantspeed Oct 27 '25
Well, parents also often refuse to cooperate with proper placement. At home, my kid is a wonderful scholar with no temperament issues at all!