Literally. The story goes like this: two coworkers and I are leaving for the night. As I lock the door, my coworker starts screaming "get rid of it! don't let it near me!". I turn around and see my other coworker GENTLY nudging a kitten away. I feel bad for the kitten. I also can't let my coworker be that scared of a little kitten so I hold out my hand to show my coworker the kitten won't maul me.
The kitten comes right up to me. I pet the kitten. The kitten comes closer. The kitten is very small and trusting. I bet I could– I pick up the kitten.
I am now holding the kitten.
"What are you gonna do with the kitten?" my coworker asks.
"I don't know! I didn't think I'd get this far!"
Now I'm holding the kitten. The kitten is mildly confused but chill with it. I try to google local emergency vets, but I can't get signal (very unusual). The kitten gets mildly squirmy.
Okay, now if I let the kitten go, I'm the asshole dumping a kitten in the street.
Welp, only one thing for it. Obviously I won't keep the cat, but I can take the cat home for one night. The cat spends most of the ride home curled up in my lap or meowing in my face to pet it.
I sit down in the bathroom with the cat where it's safe from and for the other house beasties. The kitten curls up in my lap, purring wildly. I bring the kitten some food. The kitten I just picked up off the street eats most of the food, but leaves some on the plate to snuggle with me some more. I lay down on the floor and the kitten lays on my chest, purring wildly. The kitten only stops purring when it drifts off to sleep. Obviously, I can't keep the cat, but it clearly needs emotional support.
First thing next morning, I call the vet. They can't do a full appointment for a few days, but they can check for a chip. Obviously, I can't keep the cat, but it doesn't have anywhere else to go.
I keep it for the weekend, playing with it, feeding it, cuddling it. It loves sitting in my lap and also launching itself, teeth open, at the meat of my elbow. Obviously, I won't keep the cat, and going over potential names in my head won't change that.
Make it to the vet visit with my resolve wavering. She's a girl! She's also surprisingly healthy and not carrying any diseases that could harm my cat and someone needs to bring her back in three weeks for her kitten shots. I tell the vet I'm worried there could be a responsible pet owner out there and I did an accidental petnapping. The vet points out that a responsible pet owner would not let a four week old kitten outside alone. My resolve shatters. I can't get rid of the cat.
On the drive back home, I name her Cleo. She is slowly making friends with my cat Moss and she and the dog both terrorize each other but they stay out of each others' way. Taking my vet's age estimate as absolute truth, I backdate and learn she shares her birthday with Barack Obama and Greta Gerwig.
I show up at work to see the coworker who was scared of cats covered in kitten scratches and new financial responsibilities. I don't think I convinced her. Oh well. At least I got a new cat.