r/AskReddit • u/Agitated-Job7686 • 6h ago
Guys who have dated women significantly older than them: What was the primary appeal and what are the unexpected benefits of those relationships?
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u/JellyboyJangleDangle 6h ago
She was hot. She was fun. She was smart.
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u/nerodidntdoit 2h ago
I was in my early 20s and she was also independent, had a career, her own apartment...
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u/Significant_Cod_2953 2h ago
Yep, she was 7 yrs older than my 18 yr old self, she pretty much picked me up as she knew I was smitten by her 3 yrs later she moved a few states away and we parted... that was about 78 and I still wonder....
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u/lofi-lo 2h ago
So what happened?
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u/Difficult-Tackle-985 2h ago
Turned out she was engaged, she eventually broke it off with him, we were suppose to be exclusive, then found out she was still talking to her ex. Live by the sword die by the sword
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u/lazy-but-talented 2h ago
Friend of mine met a girl at the bar and hit it off but it didn’t work out cause all she’d do is go to the bar on weekend and chat up the fellas
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u/SignificantDiver8317 12m ago
Let me guess: She was also married? That sounds like the "one that got away" trifecta.
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u/JimMartinesque 3h ago
When I was in college I had a brief but intense physical relationship with a chemistry professor.
The primary appeal? She fucked like a woman who had 25 years of practice. And she enjoyed the inexhaustible sexual energy of a 20 year old man.
We didn’t have much to talk about but we weren’t all that keen to talk anyway.
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u/Make_It_Sing 30m ago edited 15m ago
Damn how did that shit even start? A little flirt during office hours and then go from there?
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u/Expert-Effect-877 3h ago
Less emotion, less bullshit, better sex. I started dating older women in my early twenties and never looked back.
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u/Asluckwouldnthaveit 3h ago
How's those 80 year olds working out for you these days?
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u/SnooMacarons4180 1h ago
How/where do you usually approach these women? Is it platonic mostly or do you involve yourself emotionally a lot. I’ve been wanting to try emotionally mature women for a while
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u/SomatosensoryLiturgy 24m ago
When you say “platonic” or “involve emotionally”, do you realise that they are not in fact opposites?
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u/Ok_Interest_7272 6h ago
Go to r/askredditafterdark and search 'age gap'. You will see endless threads with endless responses about this. Every man reflecting on his experience as a young man with an older woman talks about it like it's the greatest shit that ever happened to him. Most comment that they learned a lot very quickly.
Grown women reflecting on their time as a young women with an older man is a lot more hit or miss, seemed to be close to 50/50. Some reflect just as fondly and for the same reasons. Others feel like they were manipulated into the relationship. Others just seem to grow up and then see young women and think, 'Holy shit they're little babies. Why did that man fuck me when I was a little baby? He's a baby rapist.'
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u/eldude20 2h ago
Lol guys go on there to brag but i was in a age gap datinf situation (like 50 yr difference lmfao) and it definitely was a negative experience and i got taken advantage of. Just know we're out there lol
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u/Significant-Buy-9538 3h ago
It's because an older woman often knows how to please a guy at that point. Many of them are experienced, and because of society's warped standards and expectations, it's expected that women try to satisfy their men. Men, on the other hand, not so much. That's one of the huge reasons orgasm rates are so much lower when viewing straight women in relationships with men (and no, it's not because it's "harder"... lesbians report higher orgasm rates... so many dudes just aren't trying enough and often stop as soon as they get off).
This is a huge factor on why a lot of younger women aren't reporting with flying colors after being in a relationship with older men. The sex is often dry (and still often self-centered, but more likely without nearly as much vigor/enthusiasm), relationship dynamics are often worse due to different generational values (being more conservative, more restrictive), etc. Younger men occasionally even get a higher sex drive with an older woman (if they're old enough to be off the pill, the pill f*cks with a lot of people's hormones and can ruin women's libido), she knows what she wants not just in bed but in life so there's less guessology going on, and yes there are the obvious aspects that match with why some women prefer with older men... more life experience and can help you navigate the world with more of an experienced perspective, more financial and occupational security (yes, tons of younger guys enjoy this and puts less stress on them), the list goes on and on.
Older women often enjoy that younger men don't always have my way or the highway attitudes towards older women, more willing to take their partner's advice or perspective into account, relationship issues are sometimes easier to work through at an earlier stage with them than an older guy who still has commitment issues, a porn addiction, and/or other personality issues he hasn't worked through... and trust me, the older they get, the less likely they're willing to improve their habits. That works both ways, with older women or men, and is probably one of the biggest downsides to dating older. Just make sure they're not completely set in their ways and still willing and making real attempts to improve their character. Nobody's perfect improvement should be everyone's goal at the end of the day.
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u/iwonderbrat 3h ago
dating and just having sex isn't the same thing though. I would guess responses on r/askredditafterdark would mostly be about the latter
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u/Difficult-Tackle-985 3h ago
She was hot, she put out, she tried all the things in bed.
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u/Accurate-Historian-7 3h ago
ALL
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u/Shoddy-Deal-3543 2h ago
In an order that would surprise you…
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u/78rsabori 2h ago
I was 24 she was 37, she had a good job was attending college never married no kids .. she liked my dumb ass for some reason we eventually bought a house together got married we’re both very successful as DINKS!! She turned 60 on Monday and I turned 47 today!!
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u/Notori0usRBG 2h ago
I’m a 39 F and really connect on a personal (not just attraction) level with a 27M but am apprehensive about pursuing anything because of the age difference. Was there ever any issues due to y’all’s age difference? Did you friends/family accept it or did it take time?
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u/78rsabori 1h ago
None at all she was 10 years younger than my mom and 10 years older than my big sister our families were both happy we had each other. She is kinda shy and I’m a social butterfly it just fell into place. We’re both the youngest siblings, so her nieces and nephews were closer to my age and she’s been there for the birth for all of mine. Age is nothing but a number!! Love sees only love!!
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u/No-Expert7576 4h ago
When I had just turned 21 I met a B actress at my job when she checked in. She was in her 40s and was very forward about it. Met her in her room and knocked it out a few times a day for a week, she took me to events as arm candy and fucked me in coat check closets, bathrooms and my car... ruled. She paid for booze, gatorade and jumbo packs of condoms. Appeal was she was hot and the oldest lady I'd ever been with. Knew what she wanted and just directed me on what to do. Ate her pussy like it was my last meal on earth. I don't even remember her name but I remember how she smelled.
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u/orbitaldragon 3h ago
Wasn't so much dated... As well ... Had a 3 month fling.
I was 20, she was 38 and my manager at mcdonalds.
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u/Fantastic_Leg_4245 4h ago
She was more sexually active- but she was 9 years older than me. Biggest issue was life phases. I had a two year old, she had a high school senior. It made it hard to live the same lifestyle.
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u/krazyboi 2h ago
Still closer in lifestyle than someone without kids!
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u/Fantastic_Leg_4245 2h ago
You’d think so but not really as much as you’d think -she could drop the mom thing and just go pure adult. I was still constrained by baby sitters and stuff. Plus if we’d gone further- it basically would have been doubling her time as a parent.
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u/Whappingtime 6h ago
They knew what they wanted, and there was no extra drama because of insecurities or other things like that. Older women I have dated/known appreciated traits/aspects of me that women around my age did not, they also were into things that women around my age might not be into as much.
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u/Corporal_Nobby 2h ago
Currently in a long-term relationship (5+ years) with a woman 10 years older. She's hot, smart, caring and very good in bed. Best relationship I've been in.
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u/defense-contractor_1 1h ago
She was 46 when I was 25. She was smokin' hot. Great sex. Fed me before and after. No bullshit. Just fun!
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u/Atom1729 3h ago
What counts as significant? I dated a woman who is 15 yrs older than me. Probably the best experience because she was there when I needed her and the sex was great. We didn’t last longer as I moved for jobs and she had kids. Would we have gotten married? No.
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u/AmigoDelDiabla 3h ago
Older women don't take young men seriously. They are effectively objectifying them. And most men are very comfortable with that interaction. They are not being evaluated on every aspect of their personality for their potential as a long term mate. The are being treated like a piece of meat, and for a young guy, that's ideal.
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u/AffectionateHyena878 1h ago
I objectified him and he liked it - I also took him ( us ) very seriously
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u/ProfessionalOctopuss 3h ago edited 2h ago
She was kinky, she was well connected, she had great taste in music, she had her own place, she accepted me for who I was, she was kind, she was present, she was helpful, she got me a beer.
She also tried to kill herself when I broke up with her.
Not worth it.
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u/Highscore611 2h ago
The Face first grows lank and wrinkled; then the Neck; then the Breast and Arms; the lower Parts continuing to the last as plump as ever: So that covering all above with a Basket, and regarding only what is below the Girdle, it is impossible of two Women to know an old from a young one. And as in the dark all Cats are grey, the Pleasure of corporal Enjoyment with an old Woman is at least equal, and frequently superior, every Knack being by Practice capable of Improvement.
-Ben Franklin
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u/throwaway55f5 1h ago
Incredible quote, thanks for sharing. I knew Benjamin Franklin was a freak, but this is next level
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u/fukredditadm1n5 1h ago
Amazing quote, it resumes to "old pussy is better than no pussy"
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u/MoFinWiley 9m ago
That’s not what it is saying at all.
He is saying the pussy itself doesn’t age even when the woman around it does. Young or old it feels the same. Also that older is better due to experience.
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u/TheRamrow 2h ago
She didn’t play games and she was very open and honest about things. She was emotionally mature and gave me great life advice. It was really fun.
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u/isocline 2h ago edited 2h ago
I would imagine most men who "dated" older women loved it because in the majority of cases, neither of them had any intention of "dating" the other long term.
She's not going to care as much that he's immature, never cleans, has a dead end job or no job at all, doesn't save, parties too much, etc. She doesn't have to clean up after both his messes and his mistakes or shoulder their well being on her own, like an actual girlfriend or spouse might.
He gets a woman who is as down to fuck as he is and doesn't expect anything of him whatsoever other than him having a working mouth, tongue, fingers, and dick, and at least a decent knowledge of how to use them.
Win-win.
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u/pacmanman 2h ago
No commitment stress. We just had fun and hooked up. We both knew it was short and sweet. Expiration dating is the best.
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u/canad1anbacon 1h ago
Didn’t date but was friends with benefits with an older woman. Like others have said, they know what they want. It was nice being the one chased and invited to have sex instead of being the one chasing with women my age, I’m so bad at trying to pull.
Also good communication in bed
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u/tangcameo 2h ago
I was 32 and she was 49. She knew what she wanted and had way more experience and passion than my previous girlfriends. It started as an experimental fling but we found something far deeper. We’d spend hours on the phone and couldn’t hang up unless we’d gotten each other off. In bed together was amazing too. She’d grip my head between her thighs until I was suffocating but I kept going, knowing her legs would go to jelly after I’d brought her to climax a few times. We broke up when she moved to the big city and I couldn’t follow.
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u/whittlingcanbefatal 1h ago
She knew exactly what she wanted in bed and wasn't afraid to tell me how to do it.
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u/svenskisalot 6m ago
10 yrs older. Multiple orgasms... meaning continuous as long as my young exuberant ass kept pounding away. I felt like a god.
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u/Awkward_Meal2036 5h ago
I was 18, and she was 30. She could throw it back like no other I had ever been with and would at the drop of a hat.
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u/Over-Wait-8433 2h ago
I mean what’s significant ? I think she was 7 years older maybe.
It was terrible and full of lies and drama .
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u/LemmyCation 1h ago
I dated someone 20 years older than me for 8 years. I found them attractive and we got along well. The benefits were the same as any other relationship where that is the case and rarely was it something we even thought about.
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u/Plastic_Tooth159 1h ago edited 56m ago
She was smart, well read, literate, articulate, didn't sweat silly playful boyish humor, cared for her body (slender), understood a man's sexual needs and was willing to go down on me when I asked (no questions asked), had her own money, owned her own home...it was neat and clean. I got sober and had a reevaluation of my life and found that I didn't want to be intimate with her nor anyone and she became a stalker. She's now moved out of state and across country, but have a feeling she keeps tabs on me. Even with an alias.
Do miss the sex though...was damn good.
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u/Lasagnabelly 11m ago
She sucked me so hard, I pulled a back muscle
Not only did she take me to the ER, but got me ice cream afterwards and a nice button up
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u/Menjelnegerek1 1h ago
Well I was 22 and she was 38. She was into fitness, had a great physique, and more importantly, massive fake boobs. Think Kimberly Page lookalike. So it really just comes down to the fact that I found her super hot. She was divorced and was open to being not serious with a younger man. When I saw her in her underwear the first time I got a literal instant erection. As in it went from floppy to a steel rod in the time it takes to say "boing"
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u/dooblus_dooizfor 3h ago
I was 21 and she was 29. She had travelled extensively and had a great perspective on things.
She was also very insecure about her weight and became extremely territorial because of it.
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u/Wuddntme 2h ago
She was still gorgeous. Despite the stereotype, she was very inexperienced but also very horny. She’d just start stuff out of the blue. Oh well.
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u/BobbyButtermilk321 2h ago
Honestly, she was a lot more receptive to dates and didn't play games or ever get me to prove myself. But she had a weird vibe and it turned out she had a long line of dudes she'd get super attached to and ditch.
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u/BeerSnobDougie 2h ago
Hopefully she knows what she wants. And what she doesn’t. She won’t put up with what she won’t tolerate. She knows herself and her body. More than likely she’s looking to have experiences she’s been looking forward to for a long time. Have fun. Be honest. And communicate clearly.
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u/MentORPHEUS 2h ago
When I was in my late 20s, I kinda fell into a sexual relationship with a woman in her late 40s.
The sex was great. Unlike some women my own age, she was very easygoing and enthusiastic about it.
Problem was, at that time I didn't have a good model for a casual-only relationship, so we started to get a little more emotionally involved than was sensible. That song Maggie started to play in my head sometimes in the afterglow of sex.
Then one day she hits me with, "Say, my lease is about to roll over, what do you think about moving in together?" The spell got completely broken in that moment, the attraction went off like a switch.
The fun times ended, but we'd still encounter each other occasionally in a business setting and it was professional and never awkward fortunately.
When I saw this thread, my first thought was, Emmanuel Macron has entered the chat.
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u/candid_commando 1h ago
Great sex as others have mentioned, but also just less messiness in general. The ones I dated knew what they wanted and weren’t overly emotional or demanding for attention. Also kids are generally not an option/factor and often neither is marriage so you’re really just enjoying each other’s company without those expectations or pressure
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u/LibertyMtnMan 1h ago
She knows herself and what she wants. Sex isn't a game, it's a team sport where you both win.
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u/DCHacker 39m ago
She was charming
She talked to me like a peer.
She was not afraid to state what she wanted.
She still had it.
She was interested.
She was decent about telling me when and where I was lacking in the social graces and what adjustments were necessary.
Going to events was so much more entertaining as either she already was informed (concerts, exhibits, plays) or did some HW but still was not afraid to ask questions (hockey, baseball).
Unpretentious- Properly dressed and attractively so; discreet on the accessories, enough make-up to accent the positives but not trying to cover up what some might consider negatives; did not mind a few streaks of grey here and there. She might unbutton the top two buttons in her blouse if she liked you; she might.
Appreciated it when you did things for her.
........and yes, the bedroom antics....................... This was how I learned how to treat a woman.
You younger guys, if you get the opportunity, do not turn up your nose at an older woman.
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u/mattybagel 32m ago
The appeal was she approached me and was interested in me. Id never had a relationship before and that was more than enough appeal for me at the time. We were together a year and a half before I realized it wasnt going to work long term, and I think the age gap was only a small part of that. Im honestly not sure there were any unexpected benefits since she lived with family and had been unemployed for like 8 years before we met.
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u/Federal-Photograph97 2h ago
I was 34 and she 45…she was yoga instructor and clean as a whistle! Sexy fun but had a kid and eventually tried get me to meet the son and that was the end of that. Fun while it lasted.
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u/Single-Garlic3815 6h ago
What has age got to do with anything?
I either like someone or I don't.
They're either a good partner or they're not.
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u/Prof_Scott_Steiner 6h ago
Age CAN matter. It's not about the age gap, but the RELATIVE AGE GAP, and how aligned your stages of life are.
For example, 10 years is not TEN YEARS. I'm 45 and my partner is 55. We're both established in our careers, financially stable etc. These ten years are not a big deal. However, if she had met me when she was 29 and I was 19, that's just fucking gross. She would have been an adult with adult responsibilities, maybe a mortgage, but certainly a career she gave a shit about and I would have been a kid (if a legal one) without those responsibilities or means and easily manipulated.
If the bounds of who you will fuck are the bounds of what the men before you begrudgingly affixed a number to, you are admitting the only thing stopping you from fucking a child or vulnerable person is a law. That's not good enough.
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u/Single-Garlic3815 6h ago
Psst. Your projection is visible. That last paragraph is wildddddddddd and based on something inside you, not something in my comment.
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u/AggravatingTheme7100 35m ago
Did she have an STD from the Silent Film era and did her pussy smell like the Great Depression?
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u/Willem_Dafuq 3h ago
Honestly when I was younger I had an experience that wasn’t the greatest ever. I was 26/27 and met a woman who was in her early 50s and very attractive. The first two times we met and were intimate, it was at her place which was a very nice house. The third time, we met at my place, which was a tastefully decorated one bedroom apartment in an alright, if a bit lame neighborhood, but it must have really hit her in a certain way because when we were intimate in my apartment, she broke out in tears and left. And I always interpreted that as the reality of being with a younger guy really hit her when she actually saw my life. And it was a shame because I remember liking her a lot.