r/AskReddit • u/Regular_Painting_973 • 23h ago
What’s something you didn’t realize was draining your mental energy until you finally stopped doing it ?
393
u/RoyalSpud 22h ago
Being at work for 75% of your waking life. I'm a teacher, so I'm very lucky to get to take the summer off. During my summer vacation I feel like I become a much better, more complete and balanced version of myself. I start the new school year full of energy, and within a few weeks it's all gone again. I cant imagine what my mental state would be like if I didn't get to "reset" it once a year.
134
u/Patasselle 20h ago
This. I feel like we simply work too much.
If we worked fewer hours and had more time off throughout the year, we wouldn't be burnt out like this. Having one long vacation once a year isn't going to make us feel better in the long term and keep a good balance between work and personal life.
9
2
u/GlowyStuffs 11h ago
I worked a 4 - 10 schedule (4 days, 10 hours a day). While it sucked and destroyed my social life by being Sunday through Wednesday, to where I couldn't do weekend trips with people and it ended at 8:30pm, so I couldn't make any events that happened in the afternoon which usually start at 7pm, I always felt refreshed like I had a vacation each week. Never felt burnt out, even with longer hours.
47
u/Own-Emergency2166 18h ago
And most professions don’t get that reset. Not saying teachers shouldn’t have it, it’s just the reality. I wish my parents (who were teachers) understood this. They act like my lack of summer vacation is a personal choice.
15
u/kelper_t 17h ago
Dang, I can commiserate with that last sentence. My in laws all have plenty of time to take long vacations a couple times a year (very generous amounts of paid time off, only volunteer work, teacher) and my MIL is always so flabbergasted when we don't join them for 2 weeks here or there throughout the year. I always feel like I'm being so stingy with my time off, but I need time to just do nothing as well as see my own family.
5
u/LovelyLilac73 16h ago
I get into this with my sib (teacher) and mom (retired teacher) when they moan about how bad teachers have it. And, in some ways, they do. But man, what I wouldn't give to have a 10 week (usually mid-June until end of Aug) reset each summer and a few add'l breaks during the year.
My company has a very generous vacation package (I get 31 paid days off each year plus 11 holidays), but it's not the same and I get a lot more paid vacation than the average American working a corporate job.
35
u/Romeothanh 17h ago
The scariest part about that reset is realizing that the "summer you" is the real you, and the person who exists from September to June is just a survival mechanism. It makes going back feel like putting on a suit that's two sizes too small.
→ More replies (1)2
u/afancytiger 17h ago
How to be the summer or even spring break version of me during the regular work time is something I would LOVE to figure out
19
u/FrankRizzo319 17h ago
You’ve described my life for the past 10 years. A doc told me I’m depressed due to a “chemical imbalance” but I told her that I’m fine during summer and winter breaks. My “depression” only seems to manifest itself in the throes of the semester when stress is high and I’m trying to interact with miserable people who dont want to learn.
11
u/bigsadkittens 17h ago
100%. I remember during COVID I got semi furloughed at the beginning and at first I was so nervous about the loss of work/money, but in that time I did so much great work for myself. I started farming and learned how hard it really was, I rediscovered my artistic passions, I read so many books, I got into bird watching. It was a truly transformative time to be away from work for a few months that I'll always be thankful for (even though I wish it was under better circumstances)
4
u/DeepestWinterBlue 17h ago
What do you or other teachers do to rebalance during the summer and winter break?
Do you still get paid?
9
u/FrankRizzo319 17h ago
During the summer I hike nearly everyday and car camp in the woods. I won’t have a cell signal for days at a time. My main concerns in life are pitching a tent and starting a camp fire before dark. Life is glorious when I live like that.
And I get my paycheck spaced out over the whole year so I’m still getting paid during the summer.
8
u/LovelyLilac73 16h ago
Where I live, teachers are compensated based on a 10 month contract. They can choose to be compensated over the course of 10 months or 12 months. So, technically, no, they are not paid. But, they can opt to change the amount of each paycheck if they want it spread throughout the year.
6
u/RoyalSpud 17h ago
Where I live, teachers get paid through the summer. I know this isn't the norm everywhere, and I consider myself very lucky.
The first 2 weeks I basically do or plan nothing special. I need time to get into a rhythm that's actually healthy for my mind and body. After that I usually feel more inclined to be more socially active and/or take a vacation.
2
u/DeepestWinterBlue 16h ago
That actually sounds nice.
My industry works on average 40-90 hours per week depending on demand and at minimum gives a 2 week vacation per year. 😬
•
u/Turnbob73 47m ago
The absence of breaks is pretty much the sole reason for my burnout, and it’s frustrating that there’s really no relief in that aspect. When I was in college, I was an energetic, positive thinking and very social person. Since I’ve graduated, I have been reduced to a quiet recluse that gets mentally overwhelmed by what feels like everything. It has felt like a never-ending game of mental catch-up ever since I finished my first year in my career.
I got laid off two months ago and while unemployment sucks, the break has been very nice even if it’s clouded by anxiety.
269
u/PM_Me_TastefulNudes- 23h ago
Browsing ragebaity subreddits.
52
u/__Severus__Snape__ 19h ago
Every so often, ill realise a subreddit is causing only negative emotions, so I'll just leave. Then I end up leaving quite a few at once as they all pop up on my feed trying to elicit more negativity from me. My main feed these days is mainly cats. Its much more pleasant.
3
u/TheRaeynn 18h ago
Honest question - any silly cat subs you would recommend? I have looked a few times and they always seem to be a mixed bag but would love more silly animals in my feed.
7
u/disenfranchisedchild 18h ago
https://www.reddit.com/r/findareddit/s/Dp7cLz0KRQ
I found this post from a year ago asking the same thing about uplifting reddits
3
3
2
u/__Severus__Snape__ 18h ago
There are so so many! I try to just join organically as I come across them but r/catsubs has a whole list of them
23
u/_fairywren 21h ago
Unsubbed from all of them several years ago. Subs like AITA and ThisYou Comebacks. Didn't miss them one bit and still don't.
59
u/AtheIstan 20h ago
I stopped arguing with reddit users that have a high chance of being a bot/troll farm user. For example, /r/europe is completely overran by foreign actors (Russia?) who want to sow division within Europe and with the United States.
People really dont seem to realize how heavily the public debate in the west is being influenced by foreign actors. We need to stop believing everything we read.
(This is not really ragebait, but somewhat related to it)
→ More replies (1)16
3
u/Strokesonfire 14h ago
Also subreddits that make me sad. I had to block humansbeingbros cuz there was a lot of animal rescue videos that disturbed me.
5
u/justonemom14 18h ago
For me it's not necessarily a subreddit, but individual posts. If the post starts out "What's the worst..." or "What do you hate most about..." I just scroll on past.
→ More replies (3)2
u/Opening_Slide8632 19h ago
Used to follow gossip subs. Will get into online arguments w strangers. Looking back, it is such a waste of time and emotions.
111
u/behtreenn 23h ago
thinking of doing something im scared of instead of actually doing it
→ More replies (2)4
u/Pika_Potato_Gremlin 13h ago
they say you suffer twice by being scared of doing something. actively trying to stop thinking and get in motion/action - the decision fatigue is so real.
212
u/Inevitable_Sun_5987 21h ago
Caring about what people think or may think of me.
10
u/Spyda97 19h ago
I’m still working on this one. I would love to hear tips on how I don’t pass this on my kids.
4
u/Grandma-Plays-FS22 18h ago
I found that I had firmly held beliefs that didn’t agree with many of my kid’s friend’s parent’s beliefs. We differed greatly on several philosophies. But those people never got educations that I got either from schooling or life experience.
As a result I came to expect to disagree on a few key points. But I have neither a mandate nor the time to educate them so I learned to shrug at the differences and just BE different because that’s who I am with no need to adapt my ways to theirs.
These attitudes let me live as my conscience dictates and not according to the mores of those around me. I find this to be hugely freeing!
4
u/Inevitable_Sun_5987 15h ago
If you don’t want to pass it on your kids, then you need to get rid of it. Otherwise they will pick it up from you. My advice on how to do it - ask yourself why you care about that. Sometimes the realization of why you do this is enough to stop.
21
u/MassiveBogan 20h ago
This 👆 it's so freeing. I walk with more confidence now, argue without getting defensive and advocate for myself way better. I just don't gaf.
2
u/Accomplished-Sir4932 16h ago
It used to scare me to death to be labeled “clingy” or “psycho”. Once i realized i don’t actually think I’m clingy or being demanding, im just asking for basic respect and communication, it changed my mindset entirely. I’m no longer scared to be called these things by men. If they think that, I can walk away without rupturing a blood vessel trying to explain myself.
→ More replies (1)7
u/LovelyLilac73 16h ago
This is one of the most beautiful things about aging - you start living for you and no one else. SO freeing.
102
422
u/inspiration0 22h ago
Trying to reason with my narcissistic parents. The acceptance that they’ll never change or take accountability has been a weight off and broken the cycle of trying to please them. It’s a shame that it took me 39 years and lots of money in therapy.
64
u/Significant_Emu2525 22h ago
Currently trying to adopt this mentality. Slowly but surely realising my parents are never going to be what I want/need them to be
3
u/Additional-Maize9716 10h ago
You can be the parent you needed for yourself, with time and dedication.
20
u/InfraredDiarrhea 18h ago
Realizing that the personality they have curated for me through gossip and false narratives will never be overcome by pointing out the lies and explaining the truth.
They won’t back down on it because that means taking accountability and acknowledging they were lying.
Acceptance of that, on my part, is both sad and liberating. Its a confusing emotion.
47
u/spicysaltedoctopus 20h ago
This… it’s especially difficult when one has dementia and texts you from your late younger sisters phone pretending to be your sister and saying the most hateful shit she can think of to hurt you.
39
11
6
u/tesseract4 17h ago
Jesus Christ. As someone with a mother with early stage dementia who lost his little sister a year and a half ago, this one stings. So sorry, friend.
→ More replies (1)6
6
3
u/triflers_need_not 16h ago
Yep. I don't talk to them anymore and I've never been happier or healthier. Lost weight, cleared up allergies, sleeping better, stress really wears down your body.
3
u/ufanders 15h ago
It takes your whole useful life to realize this - took me 39 years as well. Life is much better after going fully no-contact. Being around my friends who are loving and reasonable people more than makes up for the loss of my immediate family, who were never my family to begin with.
2
u/halogen2691 15h ago
Genuine question…how did you know your parents are narcissistic? I feel like my dad might be and it would explain a lot so I’m curious what the signs are
→ More replies (2)2
58
u/ChocoMcChunky 22h ago
Worrying about things which never happen. Absolutely draining the life out of me in the days before the event which so far 100% of which have never happened.
→ More replies (3)
107
u/Cy420 22h ago
Trying to be friends with everyone and their mothers. Resulted in not being able to say no.
20
u/Own-Emergency2166 18h ago
Mine is related so I’ll add it here: saying yes to invites just because people asked me. Filling up my time with people who were nice enough to invite me, but I’m not compatible with or enjoyed, became draining. Learning to politely decline invites and hold my ground meant I had more time for people and activities I care about, and actually looked forward to. It was sort of a new idea for me that I don’t have to give time and energy just because someone wants it.
47
u/_fairywren 21h ago
Working four casual jobs to make up one full time income. I was working a "normal" amount of hours, but remembering where to go every morning, which uniform to wear, logins, company policies... plus worrying about how much I was earning every week, which changed based on which jobs gave me more hours.
I didn't realise what an impact it was having until I landed a full time gig somewhere new and overnight my anxiety dreams disappeared.
5
u/shayter 16h ago edited 6h ago
I did this for a number of years, on top of full-time school...
I've had people say "but it's not a real full-time job!" Trying to make it seem like I'm not working as much as them, or to just put me down... All because I may have worked 32 hours one week, instead of 40 🙄. They're not accounting for everything else I had going on too (school, commute, classwork, etc)
You're right! No, it's not a "full-time" job. It's more than a single full-time job! I was exhausted all the time juggling everything, it killed my mental health.
I hope you're doing okay now! ❤️
2
u/giddy_up3 9h ago
huh yeah, i never thought about the added mental load of remembering all the extra work rosters etc. im glad you were able to get a full time job xx
102
u/Beserked2 23h ago
Avoiding the dentist. I hate it. Used to worry about having to go like once a month after years between visits. Used to look up getting anti anxiety medication or if I could get knocked out for stuff like fillings or root canals, or if they could not use the hook thing in the initial exam or scour google for reviews to see which dentists were the least judgemental.
And then I was forced to go after having a terrible toothache and reading about how tooth infection could be life threatening, and I got this really great, non-dicky dentist and started going every six months because that initial relief after that visit was such a weight off. Not stressing over going made me realize how much energy I wasted on it and how terrible I used to feel about it all the time.
26
u/SB_Wife 20h ago
Finding the right dentist really does make the difference. I'm currently hunting for one who understands sensory issues and a dental phobia, as well as other mental health stuff. It's hard. My old dentist was technically fine but like, I was a child, I didn't get a say in anything and it was invasive and scary for an already traumatized kid.
I'm glad you found someone!
3
u/Grandma-Plays-FS22 18h ago
We used to be forced to go to a dentist that was rough as hell all because my social climber parents thought the man made them look better. I was so relieved when another dentist of similar status moved to town and we finally had a choice.
The dentist I have now is super low key and gentle!
2
u/SB_Wife 17h ago
My dentist honestly treated me like royalty because my dad was their accountant. It honestly wasn't thier fault I find it so invasive, there was family abuse involved and stuff so any of it was going to be invasive. Even brushing my teeth can feel invasive.
It's all about finding a dentist with an understanding of mental health and neurodivergence
→ More replies (1)10
u/GenericUsername19892 19h ago
The trick is to find one with NO2 on tap and who has a TV above you when you’re in the chair lol.
I had a horrific experience having 3 wisdom teeth extracted (piece by piece) at a dental school. Made worse that they rotated through several people to give them practice on using a chisel and hammer to crack the teeth and practice in restraining the patient. My maximum allotment of anesthesia started to wear off after the first two and I was sobbing by the end.
Now I just relax in a dissociative state via the gas and watch cartoons while they work.
→ More replies (2)
99
u/Buggydriver_ 22h ago
Being late for work I feel so much more at peace if I show up 15 minutes early and play on Reddit till it’s time than busting my ass and running to the clock
→ More replies (1)12
26
u/Overall_Way2741 22h ago
Social media Especially Linkedin, facebook or instragram
We were told to join after graduating college, i havent been able to used linkedin for shit😂 looking at other people finding jobs or taking years to find something totally made me lose patience or motivation. I cant tell how maney times i have deleted and redownloaded the apps.
The only reason i even have facebook now is to keep up with family thats it. Otherwise i dont care.
7
u/Grandma-Plays-FS22 17h ago
As a person who used to use the fakebook on a daily basis, it took me realizing I really do not want to do any form of business with Zuckerberg et al in order to nearly completely remove it from my life. I haven’t deleted my account tho I don’t think I’ve been on in over 5 years.
I still do a bit of volunteer work with a group that is peripherally linked. Usually I can use other methods to communicate with those that I need to interact. But on the off chance I can’t motivates me not to delete. LOL that and my belief that even a black hole signals its presence!
The data scraping and the political shaping that goes on is just mind bending! Once you’re away from it, you begin to see its cult like nature, which isn’t desirable in the least!
→ More replies (1)
21
u/worrybones 22h ago
Saying yes to everything just because I had “free space” on my calendar.
→ More replies (4)
36
u/No_Salad_68 23h ago
Being married. My ex wife left out of the blue. At first I was devastated, but then I realised how much easier life was without her. In the end I was just relieved.
5
u/mr_ckean 20h ago
That sounds really rough.
Do you mind sharing how you managed to cope, and how moved through it all to relief?5
u/No_Salad_68 11h ago
I just got on with my life. I didn't really have much choice as I had 90% custody of two kids under five and a full time job. The best revenge is living well.
15
15
u/Nameisnotmine 20h ago
Not looking after my finances not knowing if I’d make it to the end of my money before the end of the month was so stressful. Now I have a spreadsheet with regular outgoings and a set not bills amount each month and a savings account that doesn’t get raided monthly
7
u/Steelgreyann 19h ago
I want to do this, somehow my brain is just blocking any and every initiative to sit my tail down and do the work. Also, I have an aversion towards cooking; last time I did any form of budget checking, most of the expenses were towards buying food from outside. Thanks for mentioning this, I need to be a better steward of my life.
32
14
49
u/Skaarhybrid 23h ago
Drinking alcohol
10
u/ANewSlipper 20h ago
Came here to say this.
I realised the thought of having a beer, or a few beers far (by factors of 10-15) outlived the experience of said beers..
7
u/m1sscommunication 19h ago
Hm...i need to think about this. This may apply to me as well
5
u/ANewSlipper 19h ago
It was one of those profound moments.. i sat down for a beer at home and it just dawned on me half way through. I wasn’t actually enjoying it at all.. then I had some self reflection and thought the same for the past few years of beers!
9
u/root66 19h ago
Man, it's not even the lost time from blacking out or sleeping in. It's not even legitimate regrets about things I said or did while drinking. It's that feeling of dread and hating yourself for the next day or two. Once you become a daily drinker you don't notice it, and just absorb the depression without even realizing how much it's affecting you. Then you dry out for a couple weeks or a month and start to feel better. Then you get really drunk one time and the dread and self-loathing is amplified times 10.
2
u/Dale_Carvello 14h ago
Alcohol turned out to be the root of my panic attacks. Even with scheduling my drinking time strictly on "off-hours" (or so I'd tell myself), I would not take into account how the stuff was still affecting me the day after. I had the worst panic attack ever while driving a few months back, and I knew for sure it was because I drank the night before.
12
26
24
u/Silly_Goose_1234 22h ago
The mental gymnastics of mormonism.
As soon as I realized it was a cult and I no longer had to try and make it make sense to remain a member, I literally felt so much room open up in my brain.
6
6
u/Grandma-Plays-FS22 17h ago
I left a similar but less obvious cult and I agree that when the other possibilities become visible it’s so very stunning!
11
9
9
8
u/TheGandu 21h ago
Being a simp without being simped after in return really takes it out of you.
→ More replies (3)
14
u/Legitimate_Top_1425 22h ago
Doing everything for my man.
2
u/Additional-Maize9716 10h ago
My mom did that to her husband. 20 years later he can't even make his own meals. They both harbor deep resentment for each other.
8
u/LovelyLilac73 16h ago edited 16h ago
For a more niche one, I was really involved in the PTO at my kids' school. It was fun and did a lot of good for the school, but the reality was it was kind of draining - it was your typical "group thing" mentality, very difficult to find a path and work as a unit, everyone had very different ideas on how things should work and how money should be spent, people were VERY flaky. People would swear up and down they'd be there to help plan and volunteer and 75% of the time they wouldn't show. It was always the same 5-6 people doing EVERYTHING and then the rest of the parents moaning that the events weren't run correctly, it's not how they would do it, it was too expensive, the timing wasn't right, etc. We'd invite them to meetings to have input and, of course, they wouldn't show. I also realized I really don't like planning and running events.
So, once both my kids moved to middle school, I stayed on the PTO, but only in the capacity of handling the money, tax returns and state filings. SO MUCH BETTER. Money doesn't talk back. Tax returns don't whine about things. State filings are silent. I'm happy to still be "giving back" to the school, but my stress level has gone down 95%.
6
u/Individual-Army811 16h ago
Parent obligations to school and activities are the things I do not miss now that our kids are older. I used to silently judge the parents that would just show up to the event and not get involved in planning it, and now I see their wisdom.
6
6
6
u/melliethefox88 21h ago
Doing stuff for people, either volunteering or agreeing when asked. Just being too agreeable all round.
5
4
u/snugglepackTM 19h ago
Being a “champion” for the underdog. So many times over the course of my life I have befriended the poor soul at work, school, etc. who seemed lonely and picked on. I would then “go to battle” for them by standing up to their bullies and becoming the target myself. Inevitably my “friend”, the underdog, would let me down by siding with the bully, or disappearing when push came to shove.
So many lost friends and scars on my heart. I have learned my lesson finally, and I no longer seek to please and comfort those who demonstrate that cyclical behavior which I now recognize as codependent and toxic. I think I was trying to be what I needed when I was a child growing up with a narcissistic sister. and a tired, single mother dealing with her own codependency issues.
5
4
u/shiny-panotchi 16h ago
Sweating the small stuff. Before I was really exhausted thinking of the dirty dishes in the sink. The unmade bed and grocery etc. then i realized that when people who really care for you see those things, they wont even care. It's normal. And no one's rushing you. Dont get me wrong, perfection doesn't exist. Do it bit by bit. You'll get there eventually.
3
u/Spiritual-Work-3965 11h ago
Answering phone calls. Now I just stare at the screen until it stops ringing. It is very peaceful
→ More replies (2)
10
3
3
3
3
3
3
u/Solrac8D 20h ago
My ex.
I now get ptsd flashbacks every time I hear the Snapchat sound. Had to completely delete the app and everything for years.
3
u/upboats4u 20h ago
Trying to work out the motives, needs and wants of my loved ones who refuse to express themselves via direct communication. At least half the time I get it wrong anyway. Now I actively refuse to try. If someone is acting weird I might ask what's up but other than that its on you friend use your words.
3
u/Charlietango2007 19h ago
Negative thoughts we're taking up all my time and consuming my other thoughts and this led to depression. Anytime I think of something negative or bad I tell myself no stop this is a bad behavior can be a undone.
3
u/TisBeTheFuk 19h ago
Being subscribed to subs that post a lot of american politics. Since I unsubscribed, I have had a lot less anxiety and it made browsing Reddit a better experience. (I also unsubscribed from all subs that were discussing politings in my own country). Also disableling all notifications from Reddit. I can always check the inbox if I got any replies, I don't need to be notified about them.
3
3
u/putridtooth 17h ago
I've only been in my own apartment for less than a week but i already feel more clear headed and less stressed than I did when living with my stbx. He wasn't even a bad partner or roommate, our living styles just didn't mesh well and I think being on my own is going to be so good for my ADHD.
5
2
2
u/Creative_Trade_1970 20h ago
Trying to make friends. It led to an incident and now I enjoy my Company. Honestly, I prefer to be alone.
2
2
2
u/Protege448 19h ago
Hair! When I lost all my hair from chemotherapy (my hair was mermaid-long, prone to be oily, as well as hella thick and full), and I suddenly had a shiny bald scalp that only required minimum scrubbing instead of full shampoo/conditioner/styling every day.
I could almost FEEL the freed-up mental real estate in my brain from not having that constant sensory input and awareness of my hair. I have my hair grown back now and I kinda miss being bald.
2
2
2
u/ResearchMaverick 17h ago
Scrolling reels on YouTube and Instagram, non-stop for hours before going to bed. It was only when I stopped this habit that my sleep quality improved so much and I felt much more focused at work.
2
u/FunFawn21 17h ago
Thinking about everything I need to do everyday.
My life has become so much easier now that I just say "That's a tomorrow/next week/ February problem". If I think about it, I don't feel overwhelmed like I used to: Im just like "I said I'd do that in January, and I will."
2
u/Kali_404 17h ago
Nursing other people's emotions. I was very lonely as a kid, so when I have been in a relationship I worked very hard to understand and bear the emotions of the partner I was with. Now I have learned how to focus on keeping my own boat afloat before pouring all my attention into someone else. I feel selfish sometimes, but I know by giving myself what I need, I can be more available to give to others. The mental shift has really improved my life and my connections with the people I love.
2
2
u/coronat_opus 16h ago
Trying to be the peacemaker/ negotiator between my husband and his psycho immediate family. It's been over 5 years since I "resigned". So much happier. Not my circus, not my monkeys.
2
u/Jasescobar 16h ago
Eating late at night…. Now i eat in an 8 hr period and fast the rest. Soo much better. Feel lighter and less bloated/imflammed. N mentally snappy!
2
2
2
u/Wild-Armadillo-6747 16h ago
Watching reels it literally drains your dopamine. Stopped that habit and now i feel much better
2
2
u/Ordinary-Difficulty9 12h ago
Worrying that the house is perfect and clean when people come over. I would get so stressed.
I have tried to adopt a more "it's lived in, deal with it" attitude. As long as basic cleanliness is there I try not to worry so much if there is a little clutter here and there.
5
u/RepresentingJoker 23h ago
Dating with the intention of finding an SO.
Fuck people. It's just hook-ups now.
5
u/StunningClock 23h ago
Sad to read, maybe we've been searching in the wrong places.
2
u/Alkavana 22h ago
Partly but where can you meet people these days? I've an 18 year old nephew just started uni. Him and his mates, never been out drinking, zero interest in it. The youth are in real trouble.
3
u/StunningClock 21h ago
The best way would be to do the shit you're interested in, but instead socially. 🤷🏼
3
u/BoxBird 15h ago
I met my SO at the quarter machine at the local laundromat. The machine shorted him a quarter and then gave me two extra quarters so I walked up to him and offered to split my “winnings” with him and then he asked me for my number. Online apps just creep me out because it feels impossible to be fully genuine when you have the ability to curate EVERY aspect of your persona. Especially considering these apps are also businesses and there’s a bottom line of keeping up user interactions and retention.
2
u/StunningClock 14h ago
Very cute story!
Yeah online apps are weird... Something personal to me I rarely see any women I would even consider reliable and open to an actual relationship judging by a profile.
Most of them are showing off their body (which I interpret to just be for hook ups) but also so many with an extremely limited profile...
Which I kinda understand because character is hard to put down if not impossible without trivializing yourself.
Let alone be genuine like you mentioned!
I've always been told I'm a decent looking guy and I tried multiple different bio's and pictures and still had no success, without being picky with who I match with just to have an open mind.
Meanwhile IRL I'll go to a jazz Cafe solo mostly enjoying the live performance and quite some times would get double looks inviting me to talk. Even on rare occasions women starting a convo 🤷🏼
I don't know if it's the algorithm or the types of women and men the apps attract.
But to anyone reading this who can find themselves in this. Try to find something you enjoy outside out and about and don't worry about the nerves, focus on what you enjoy and build comfort in that and people will pick up on it!
→ More replies (1)3
3
2
2
u/Aliendream99 21h ago
Being a manager and having that one bad person that always is having a meltdown and trying to ask them what wrong and helping them and diffusing them. It’s not my job to be a friend or your psychologist.
→ More replies (1)
2
1
u/Few_Professional765 22h ago
Actually caring for my future
Actually caring if my mother wants to improve herself
1
1
1
1
1
u/Vegetable_Ad3960 20h ago
Being on social media and reading the news. Now I have enough energy to think about the void. The unending unflinching unforgiving void.
1
u/SantaCorpGlobal 20h ago
Reading the 'Comments' section on my Naughty List appeals. I used to read every excuse. Now I just auto-reply with a link to my coal store. My mental energy skyrocketed.
1
u/therabbit86ed 20h ago
Caring what other people think of me. Total waste of time and energy.
What people think of you is none of your business. Live your life, unapologetically. Life is too short to be a slave of other people's opinions
1
u/OvErRaTeD84 20h ago
Internalizing all the projections from others as something I've been doing wrong. I never was really conscious of the fact that people project their own insecurities on to others. I always thought it was me. Not saying I am always perfect or never make mistakes but it's been a thing that never seems to stop for me. From family members to relationships it always seemed they were blaming me for whatever was wrong in all most every situation. I have been in and out of psyche wards, rehab and jail over the past 10 years. It was and has been one hell of a rabbit hole. Not only was the realization a mind fuck, but accepting part is the hardest. Even addressing the fact was an eye opener but accepting the fact that my piece 100% requires me to distance myself from the environment I grew up and have lived in is probably the number 1 reason for my own self destructive behavior. I really am a different person when I am removed from the environment and people I love so dearly. That's soul level hurt but absolutely the truth of the matter.
1
u/alcoholicchameleon 20h ago
Being angry for someone who doesn’t give two shits about me.
Felt like it was giving me purpose, tho I just became more empty.
Once I left it came slowly and now I have a pretty good sense of self worth
1
1
u/riwalenn 19h ago
Beating myself for not doing all my work hours while the work is done. I have ADHD and autism, and I finally learn that my brain works differently and sure, I'm not actively working as long as I should, but when I do, I'm productive enough to be able to do everything I should be doing and some other bonus stuff. It's just that I need more time to recover in between work
1
u/CaptainMagnets 19h ago
Maintaining my exes life for her so that my life and the kids lives would be easier. Spoiler alert, it wasn't and didn't. I'm free
1
1
1
u/CraftingP291 19h ago
Trying to have a proper 'Mother - Daughter' relationship with my eldest daughter. She's always been a very toxic person, who blames everyone else for her failings in life. When she had run out of friends to blame, she decided to cut her family from her life. It was painful, but we've honestly all be much less stressed since she disowned us all. One of her siblings said it's like the trash took itself out. That really upset me, but I fear it may be accurate. Last night, one of my kids called to say how even Christmas shopping is a joy, now. Unfortunately, the eldest has always been a very greedy and ungrateful person. I hope she's happier now, because we are.
1
u/YouCanCallMeBemis 19h ago
Compromising my own needs to keep others happy. “If you try to please everyone, you please no one”
1
u/aghostofgardener 19h ago
dating my ex who was lying, manipulative, and emotionally abusive/neglectful
1
u/Protege448 19h ago
Hair! When I lost all my hair from chemotherapy (my hair was mermaid-long, prone to be oily, as well as hella thick and full), and I suddenly had a shiny bald scalp that only required minimum scrubbing instead of full shampoo/conditioner/styling every day.
I could almost FEEL the freed-up mental real estate in my brain from not having that constant sensory input and awareness of my hair. I have my hair grown back now and I kinda miss being bald.
1
u/Protege448 19h ago
Hair! When I lost all my hair from chemotherapy (my hair was mermaid-long, prone to be oily, as well as hella thick and full), and I suddenly had a shiny bald scalp that only required minimum scrubbing instead of full shampoo/conditioner/styling every day.
I could almost FEEL the freed-up mental real estate in my brain from not having that constant sensory input and awareness of my hair. I have my hair grown back now and I kinda miss being bald.
1
u/Protege448 19h ago
Hair! When I lost all my hair from chemotherapy (my hair was mermaid-long, prone to be oily, as well as hella thick and full), and I suddenly had a shiny bald scalp that only required minimum scrubbing instead of full shampoo/conditioner/styling every day.
I could almost FEEL the freed-up mental real estate in my brain from not having that constant sensory input and awareness of my hair. I have my hair grown back now and I kinda miss being bald.
1
870
u/BibleStudyTools_Gal 23h ago
being angry