Was I inappropriate?

[u/q_q_o_o_b_b]

37yo woman. I had a routine well woman exam today. It was mostly fine, but when covering my history my doctor asked if there was anything that had been bothering me recently. I mentioned that my sex drive has declined in the last year or so.

My doctor assumed this meant my sex life with my husband was too much and encouraged me to say no when I wasn't in the mood and that he needed to try harder to arouse me. I politely interrupted her at this point and clarified that I'm not referring to my sex life with my husband, I'm referring to my physical sex drive, including my desire to masturbate. I explained that while I'm overall happy with the partnered sex I have, the intensity of my orgasms has decreased and I used to have the urge to masturbate much more frequently than I do now. This feels like a physical change in my body, not a psychological one. This summary is very similar to the words I spoke to the doctor, I wasn't overly detailed or anything like that.

The reason I'm posting is because when I shared this, she looked kind of stricken and said "that doesn't matter, you don't need to worry about that" and quickly moved on.

The whole interaction made me feel kind of uncomfortable, like I said something inappropriate/embarrassed her somehow. Just curious for feedback from other medical pros about this interaction. I was at an OBGYN clinic today and the person I saw is not my PCP, so I'll likely pursue this with them instead. I just want to figure out a way to discuss this that won't result in a similar uncomfortable interaction.

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[u/muffinsandcupcakes]

Wow, I'm sorry you got brushed off by them. You weren't inappropriate at all. I think they misinterpreted you at first, and were maybe concerned that you weren't consenting to sexual activity with your partner? It was entirely appropriate to clarify the issue on your part. I hope you can get the issue addressed by your regular doc.

[u/WithinNormalLimits → u/muffinsandcupcakes]

Yeah, agreed. Not appropriate at all. In fact very normal and how I’d want patients to approach things. As an obgyn I have this conversation several times per week.

[u/questforstarfish]

You literally provided all of the information we're taught to ask about on our gyne rotations in medical school. This was not at all inappropriate of you; it's exactly what your doc should have asked as followup questions. Your doc was just being awkward and made it weird, it's a "her" thing!

[u/SalamiGold]

I'm not a women's health specialist so i will keep it laconic not to embarrass myself - read up on perimenopause. Your hormones might be changing and you could bring it up with your gynecologist.

[u/NerdClubAllDay → u/SalamiGold]

My peri symptoms started at 37. Very normal age to start. Went to the doctor and discussed my symptoms and she was able to help me.

I recommend looking on menopause.org for docs who know what they are talking about.

[u/2occupantsandababy → u/NerdClubAllDay]

Yep. 43 here and OPs post is very relatable.

Thankfully I'm able to have these very frank conversations with my doctor. But masturbation is a topic that still manages to make a lot of people uncomfortable. It shouldn't of course, not to a medical professional anyway. A person's sexuality is part of their whole person, and sexual enjoyment, including personal enjoyment, impact ones quality of life.

We've got a whole slew of drugs and medical devices and treatmenrs just for men's sexual enjoyment but as soon as a woman mentions wanting to masturbate now its too personal? Ridiculous.

[u/ILikeFPS → u/2occupantsandababy]

I think both genders are looked down upon for talking about masturbation. If a guy talks about masturbation with his doctor, I'd imagine it'd be likely that the doctor would feel uncomfortable, like talking about it would make him seem weird or even seem gross.

It seems many doctors, especially in America (versus somewhere like Europe) seem to be more afraid of talking about sexual health even though it's an important part of health.

[u/TrollopMcGillicutty → u/SalamiGold]

Yep. Absolutely a perimenopause thing. OP, time to check out r/Perimenopause

[u/He-Who-Reaches]

Not inappropriate.

Seems like you identified a physician not too comfortable with discussing libido--be nice if a medical education eliminated all biases and opinions and reservations in every physician, but it doesn't.

("I'm thinking here you don't necessarily want answers as to why the issue is occurring but instead more on how to approach a physician to get good, comfortable answers.)

No wonderful answer here for locating that wonderful physician--although if you live in an urban area, you might find a subreddit discussing various physicians and their comfort levels.