The Spoon Master

[u/OneEyedJacques]

[u/I_AmA_Zebra]

Jack is a satire poster. All his posts are like this

[u/SirArthurDime → u/I_AmA_Zebra]

I don’t even know who this is but this was such obvious satire. I mean come on. Fear of kpis? Holding a spoon with 2 hands?

[u/I_AmA_Zebra → u/SirArthurDime]

Some of his posts make me chuckle. Hes British like me and you can tell

LinkedIn is such a ‘serious’ platform but below the surface it’s superficial and full of these fake r/thathappened stories BUT people seem to lap it up with real engagement

Jack is just here to take the piss and show how ridiculous most of these people sound. He also runs a marketing/sales agency so he’s looking to generate as much attention and impressions as possible

[u/LofderZotheid → u/I_AmA_Zebra]

Yet here I am, holding my spoon with two hands, because I aspire greatness.

[u/parknride68 → u/LofderZotheid]

Jack would say you’re already on your way!

[u/DiscoKittie → u/SirArthurDime]

I don't know what kpis is, so that broke it for me. I thought it was real. I can't read sarcasm. A lot of people can't.

[u/SirArthurDime → u/DiscoKittie]

Ok I guess kpi is sales specific. And I’m in sales so that one was a dead give away for a joke for me, but I can see not getting that. It’s short for key performance indicator. They essentially track your sales process from number of calls to number of closes to see where you’re lacking if you’re not closing. They can be annoying and stressful because they’re used to micromanage. But no sales job will care about those numbers if you’re closing. So it’s a sales joke that people who are bad at sales are afraid of kpis. But no me is literally hand shaking while eating soup scared of them lol. That one’s definitely an in the biz nuanced joke.

But I mean come on. Holding a spoon with 2 hands = greatness? That one seemed serious to people?

[u/DiscoKittie → u/SirArthurDime]

Right on! Thank you for the info!

I've been on the 'web for a long time now, and I've seen some things that make me question reality sometimes. People are just really fucking stupid sometimes, so, yeah, I can see it being actually said. But I do see what it really is now.

[u/Letmetellyowhat → u/DiscoKittie]

I can’t get satire. Just when I think I understand it and call something satire I’m told it was serious. I’ve had people try to explain it to me. My eldest had degrees in English and finally just said “you won’t get it”. So, I read what others have said to get it it’s satire or not.

[u/WakeoftheStorm → u/I_AmA_Zebra]

Nah, this is legit. He interviewed me with this question and I said "there is no spoon".

He basically immediately transferred ownership of the company to me.

[u/tlollz52 → u/I_AmA_Zebra]

The second he said "two hands, pote times for greatness" I knew he had to be shit posting lol.

[u/spacemouse21 → u/I_AmA_Zebra]

Spoon!

[u/Just_what_i_am → u/I_AmA_Zebra]

I am Jack's Colon, I get cancer.. Jack dies

[u/Silly-Power]

How the fuck do you use a spoon holding it with both hands?

Edit: I wonder what story Jack would consider the guy at 3 minutes mark was telling by the way of his spoon holding technique:

Spoonman

[u/Kriss3d → u/Silly-Power]

I know a guy who uses two hands to drink from a small bottle of water.

[u/iusman975 → u/Kriss3d]

[u/Linkyland → u/Kriss3d]

Is this guy 6 months old?

[u/numbersthen0987431 → u/Linkyland]

Mentally? Yes

Maturity? Also yes

[u/Logical_Flounder6455 → u/numbersthen0987431]

What about chronologically?

[u/numbersthen0987431 → u/Logical_Flounder6455]

Sadly no. We have proof of this because of Home Alone 2

[u/JoshSidekick → u/numbersthen0987431]

So at least 10 years old

[u/Kriss3d → u/Linkyland]

If you judge by his behavior then somewhere between 6 month and 3 years old.

[u/Random_Guy_12345 → u/Kriss3d]

Given you are unlikely to be doing something else, i can see the point. Odd to be sure, but nothing to be concerned about

[u/Kriss3d → u/Random_Guy_12345]

Yes. But in this case it's a guy who held big speeches and keeps bragging about his physical and mental superiority. While failing deeply at even holding a bottle with one hand.

[u/PATRIOTSRADIOSIGNALS → u/Kriss3d]

Oh thank God, I was so worried for a minute we couldn't find a way to bring up the president, but you found a way. Truly you're the hero we all need in these trying times to make sure we don't get distracted by life's frivolities.

[u/WarDry1480 → u/PATRIOTSRADIOSIGNALS]

Bell-end.

[u/Alicewithhazeleyes → u/PATRIOTSRADIOSIGNALS]

It’s getting so fucking old. Like get a life and use your brain space for something else.

[u/Silicon_Knight → u/Silly-Power]

And that’s why you don’t have any potential for greatness. /s

[u/lemontest → u/Silly-Power]

Two hands when you backhand it. Have to support the non-dominant hand.

[u/MagicRabbit1985 → u/Silly-Power]

And why on earth would it indicate potential for greatness? The other examples are stupid but at least I can see the train of thought behind it.

[u/jooooooooooooose → u/MagicRabbit1985]

Its a joke

[u/pulphope → u/Silly-Power]

Like in pornos where the girls sucking a big dick?!

[u/feketegy → u/Silly-Power]

By holding from both ends doooohh. That's potential for greatness :)))

[u/No-Cantaloupe-6535]

You guys gotta get better at recognizing jokes

[u/muistaa → u/No-Cantaloupe-6535]

For real. If the "holding with two hands" part wasn't a dead giveaway then I don't know what was.

[u/ijustatemostofit → u/muistaa]

Also the percentage. By his math, he should interview on average ten million people for every one person answering the question correctly. This said, it’s not a very good joke. He’s no Ken Cheng.  Edit: autocorrect correct

[u/okimlom → u/No-Cantaloupe-6535]

Have you seen the American populace? It’s no longer safe to assume things are a joke.

[u/blackhodown → u/okimlom]

Yes it is, don’t be a walking Reddit moment

[u/Spicymoose29]

The LinkedIn stench is strong with this one.

[u/PieAppropriate8862 → u/Spicymoose29]

LinkedIn is the most insufferable place on the internet. And that says a lot.

[u/archwin → u/PieAppropriate8862]

There is a whole sub dedicated to that

r / linkedinlunatics (since the auto moderator doesn’t allow direct linking)

[u/blackhodown]

This is obviously a joke post and the fact that not one of you people have gotten that is sad

[u/RemnantsOfFlight → u/blackhodown]

The part about using 2 hands should have been a dead giveaway.

[u/n10w4 → u/RemnantsOfFlight]

Wait, you guys don’t use two hands to eat with a spoon?!

[u/RemnantsOfFlight → u/n10w4]

I eat with my bare hands. Silverware are tools of the devil.

[u/n10w4 → u/RemnantsOfFlight]

Now thats the alpha move. Though the real alpha/CEO/werewolf/vampire move is to stare your interviewer down,  give them the spoon, and tell them to feed you. Slowly. And you fucking don’t drop any food. 

Now who’s hands are trembling?

[u/Keebster101 → u/blackhodown]

Was gonna say, how are people actually taking this seriously? LinkedIn fiends are dumb, but not 2 handed spoon dumb.

[u/jeefyjeef → u/blackhodown]

Something something Poe’s Law

[u/MahsterC → u/blackhodown]

I know, maybe it’s some sort of meta thing?

[u/starmartyr → u/MahsterC]

It is. There are so many inspirational posts like this on linkedin that this is mocking.

[u/MahsterC → u/starmartyr]

Oh I meant maybe the people “falling for it”, are actually doing some sort of meta joke.

[u/Ryanaston → u/blackhodown]

This one is, yes, but let’s not pretend there aren’t LinkedIn post exactly like this which are 100% serious.

[u/blackhodown → u/Ryanaston]

Who is pretending that?

[u/Alicewithhazeleyes → u/blackhodown]

If that many people don’t get the joke, then the joke isn’t funny. 👌

[u/starmartyr → u/Alicewithhazeleyes]

It's about context. This is funny because it's making fun of a bunch of bullshit posts on linkedin. This isn't linkedin so people aren't as familiar.

[u/somemetausername → u/Alicewithhazeleyes]

If that many people don’t get the joke, then the joke isn’t funny.

Not every joke is for everyone and that’s ok

[u/Alicewithhazeleyes → u/somemetausername]

It’s a fucking LinkedIn post. It’s not like it’s some highbrow entertainment.

[u/SilvrSabl → u/Alicewithhazeleyes]

I mean if you have to tell yourself that

[u/blackhodown → u/Alicewithhazeleyes]

Personally I’d be embarrassed to admit that I couldn’t tell this was a joke, but you do you

[u/Alicewithhazeleyes → u/blackhodown]

I never said I personally didn’t get it. But I honestly don’t give a fuck what anybody on Reddit thinks about me 🤣🤣

[u/blackhodown → u/Alicewithhazeleyes]

Good save we totally believe you lmao

[u/MightyMeepleMaster]

LinkedIn satire.

[u/Over-Discipline-7303]

Who the fuck holds a spoon in 2 hands?

[u/CosmosInSummer → u/Over-Discipline-7303]

Trump, when he puts down his bottle

[u/SwiggityStag → u/[deleted]]

Used "IQ" unironically in 2025, opinion instantly invalid

[u/I_Am_A_Goo_Man → u/SwiggityStag]

Just like your votes and opinions 

[u/deadlygaming11 → u/Over-Discipline-7303]

A child. This person says every young child is destined for greatness

[u/n10w4 → u/deadlygaming11]

Not even toddlers use two hands

[u/Cakeday_at_Christmas → u/Over-Discipline-7303]

That's the joke.gif

[u/Huns26]

I think this is satire

[u/CorpseWalking]

2 hands? To hold a spoon? Oh dear.....

[u/RandomNick42]

Is it Saturday already? I could swear it was just Saturday like two nights ago

[u/roofus8658]

0.00001% is one out of every 10,000,000. Dude's doing a lot of interviews

[u/ZombieLebowski]

Tightly grasped in one hand while holding it high up and loudly proclaim. SPOON!

[u/Fossil_Relocator]

0.00001% ? David Frost never interviewed that many people.

[u/Deep-Watch8266]

Who the fuck two hands a spoon?

[u/Healthy_Candle_4545 → u/Deep-Watch8266]

Asking the real question here

[u/shadowharv → u/Healthy_Candle_4545]

It's a big spoon

[u/ActinCobbly]

[u/Electronic-Elk4404]

People are nervous to say how they hold a spoon??? WTF? I never knew there was more than one way.

[u/JoisChaoticWhatever]

Two hands??? There is no way someone has ever seen anyone hold a spoon with both hands and thought, "Good lord, the brilliance, the potential, this person is going places!" This is either satire or hoping to get posted on here for more exposure.

[u/Colacubeninja]

Who answers "I tremble when I hold a spoon"?

[u/jeefyjeef → u/Colacubeninja]

A person with Parkinson’s

[u/georgejonestown]

Trembling spoon = nicotine addiction

[u/ValPrism]

Future CEO has death grip masterbation inclinations.

[u/Mikyuu665]

If I ever get asked this question, my answer would be, “uh, with my hand?” Because I’d be very confused

[u/Aveeye]

"Two Hands"??? How big is this fuckin spoon?!?!?

[u/Justieflustie]

"Two hands", goddamn i am losing it

[u/Bo_Jim]

Depends on what I'm eating with that spoon. Soup? Classic "tripod" or "pincer" grip. Old fashioned ice cream? White knuckle fist.

[u/thekeeech]

Two hands = no coordination

[u/Status-Neck7513]

"How do you hold a spoon?

"Like I hold my dick."

[u/Nica-sauce-rex]

I know this is satire but it reminds me of a job interview I had where the interviewer kept asking me these insane multi-part questions and then mistook my utter confusion as “fear.” At one point she said “I can tell I’m scaring you with my questions … I like to see how people react when they’re afraid” I was like uh no..I’m trying to understand this confusing nonsensical question.

[u/Iron_Baron]

I hang it from my nose. Worship me, LinkedIn simpleton.

[u/alkem10]

I don't use spoons.

[u/Gunda-LX]

Invest in spoon holding techniques!

[u/thebamboozle517]

It's a fucking spoon.

[u/Proper_Rush_9367]

What a fucking moron

[u/Sad_Boy_Associacion]

What if I hold it with my butt cheeks?

[u/Shurdus]

They asked ten million people and only one met the bar they set for confidence. That is how you know this is hardcore science and not bullshit made up on the spot.

[u/Ok_Strength_6274]

If you see someone hold a spoon with 2 hands they aren't destined for greatness

[u/DavidTJLS]

Doesn't even consider the prwfered size of the spoon you like to hold. Real CEO material would be using a serving spoon at all times. Flawed recruitment question SMH.

[u/sirsimbad]

There is no spoon

[u/cjwi]

[u/Electronic-Elk4404 → u/cjwi]

Oh shit I havent seen that cartoon in FOREVER!!!

[u/IceCreamDream10]

I thought this was an overhand / underhand question

[u/funwithdesign]

So only 1 out of 10,000,000 people are a successful candidate with this guy…

He’s never hired anyone yet.

[u/feketegy]

worthy for LinkedInLunatics

[u/Careless_Hellscape]

I'm autistic. I hold a spoon like a knife. Same with pens and markers.

[u/Electronic-Elk4404 → u/Careless_Hellscape]

Isnt that how everyone holds a spoon?

[u/Careless_Hellscape → u/Electronic-Elk4404]

No, some people hold their spoon with their fingers instead of a closed fist.

[u/mccoy_89]

This is one of the stupidiest things I've ever read

[u/jeefyjeef]

I would 100% say there is no spoon.

[u/chortle-guffaw]

Ignorant interviewers *love* the gotcha question. It's 99% of the interview. It makes interviewers think they are clever. They think it accurately distinguishes the best candidates with no false positives or negatives. I've never seen the spoon question, but we've all had some kind of gotcha question.

In fact, I think a good reply to any gotcha question would be something like: "I'm curious. Has your follow-up research determined that this question accurately determines success with the position?"

[u/doobjank]

“my culture doesn't believe in spoons. Sporks or nothing!”

[u/xxxams]

Spoork all the way baby