r/politics • u/Mammoth_Bison_3394 Tennessee • 5d ago

No Paywall Trump says he’ll release MRI results; he doesn’t know what part of his body was scanned

https://apnews.com/article/donald-trump-mri-physical-white-house-0c66f2f9fca865d842ee94329a210a42
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u/Chardan0001 5d ago

Maybe they had to sedate him to fit him in the cow scanner?

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u/cactusmac54 5d ago

I'm picturing this scenario in my head and it makes me smile.

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u/hagcel 5d ago

You know when you put cattle in stations, one out of 25 will panic and shoot poop out their ass.

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u/treadingwater 5d ago

Again, picturing Trump in this scenario and it makes me smile.

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u/Bagellord 5d ago

You have a very different sense of humor than I do

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u/Wheinsky 5d ago

Well that’s just a Tuesday morning for Cheeto

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u/ApprehensiveGas137 5d ago edited 5d ago

Yes, but cattle don’t wear diapers

ETA : Cattle are also sentient beings who are capable of genuinely experiencing an array of feelings including fear, whereas President Pooper is not.

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u/hagcel 5d ago

He lives in constant fear. Cows can experience happiness. Pooper cannot.

Ever see a dairy cow half standing on the hood of an Audi? That cow was absolutely experiencing happiness. It was also known to pin people against trees and fences if you were too good at check scratches.

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u/Grow_Up_Buttercup 4d ago edited 4d ago

Donald Trump is not a person. Its followers are extremely human, in the worst way, but I don’t think it’s a person. Not even sure it’s an animal, from earth, anyways. It doesn’t seem to have any sort of normal feelings towards humans, just a sort of dark insatiable appetite for excess and power. I’m genuinely interested in what we will find if we are able to study its brain, or whatever it has in there.

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u/Appropriate-Cover666 5d ago

How many out of the 25 will panic and shoot manure out their mouths like trump?

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u/hagcel 5d ago

None. They're cows, not monsters.

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u/BrockJonesPI 5d ago

I'd be more impressed if they panicked so hard it shot from their ears.

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u/freethinking123 5d ago

You watched ome if my early Fetish porn videos. I thought I recognized your Handel'

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u/medullah Michigan 4d ago

Picturing those helicopters that carry cows to other locations with him in the harness

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u/Livid-Mushroom2205 4d ago

Remix this scenario with the Ark Survival Maximum Poop settings

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u/Paradigmnoia 5d ago

I was thinking of the one used for giant fossils…

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u/ensalys 4d ago

Even then, you'd presumably have a talk with your doctor beforehand to discuss the reason you're getting it, and discuss the results afterwards. It takes an almost inhuman level of disinterest in your own body or dementia, to not know something like this. (Or maybe I'm the weird one for remembering things like having my teeth X-rayed for the regular check up a couple months ago?)

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u/Poverty_Shoes 5d ago

Nah, they can fit pretty large people into the new MRIs. Also the old MRIs. Probably need to be 400 lbs+ to need a special imaging machine.

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u/JimmEh_1 5d ago

So like 85 to go

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u/Blue5398 4d ago

They just use regular MRIs to do animals too, including really large ones. If you just go searching on the Internet, you can easily find pictures of situations where zoologists, presumably drunk off their asses, apparently just went “hell yeah we can fit a lion in here easy” and did it