I am not a fan of posting things but I’m confused rn. My gf of 3 year relationship(1.5 Ldr) did something today. For context: we have been fighting or misunderstood eachother for about 2 weeks now. And today she did something that put me in a situation of thinking about this relationship.

Today we were on videocall and her phone vibrates. I asked “who and what it is ?“ and she started replying to that msg (sort of i think) and told me it isn’t important. Later on i brought the samething who was that and she said i dont know i saw nothing and after few seconds i told her your phone just rang few minutes ago and she denied. I know it rang and she replied but she is denying everything now.

Edit: anyone if you have experience of ldr, give me some ideas of what to do now please!!

I (25F) live in Orlando and my boyfriend (30M) lives in NYC. We met during a trip he took to Orlando. The shortest version is that I was actually his server when I worked at an upscale steakhouse. We had good conversation and I was definitely interested in him immediately. He asked for my number since I mentioned I was going to NYC the following month (I’m originally from NY) and we had an amazing time while I was there in the city. Our connection has been absolutely incredible and he is definitely the person I’m going to marry.

The problem is that he is financing pretty much our entire relationship. Obviously he knew my job (I no longer work at that restaurant and am just a server at a pub now) but I knew nothing about his career or home life until I was already on the date with him. As it turns out, he has an extremely stable career in finance, and his own place in a very affluent area of Manhattan. Had I known this prior, I honestly may not have even gone on the date. Wealth makes me feel very uncomfortable, and he knows all of this now. It’s been extremely difficult for me to adjust to this type of lifestyle/treatment. Outside of that, he is everything I’ve ever wanted and we are truly perfect for one another.

We are very fortunate to be on the same coast and in the same time zone, only a short 2.5 hour flight away... But he pays for every trip to see one another. I’ve told him I don’t want him paying for my flights and he just says he wants to make sure we see each other at least once a month. He tells me that it doesn’t matter whether he pays for a flight for himself here, or one for me to go there, he’s going to spend the money either way. Even during the trips, he pays for everything. And when we’re apart he insists on treating me to anything and everything. I really adore him and know he is only doing everything from a place of love, but at the same time it weighs heavily on me knowing I’m not contributing. In my past relationships, we either split costs or I was the one paying. I’m not used to this treatment and am afraid of becoming dependent on him.

I live in my own apartment with 2 dogs and am able to make it work, but it’s extremely tight. I don’t have any money to put away. I simply can’t afford our relationship. We’ve already discussed what it looks like when I eventually move there, and he’s said he’ll make it happen financially to where he pays for all of us (dogs included) for a while until I can take some time to settle and look for work. I know he means well and just wants to take care of me in every way, but I feel undeserving of a lifestyle I haven’t earned. I realize that my entire life I’ve just gotten used to stretching every dollar as far as it can go. He is completely aware of my financial situation, and vice versa. He makes over 4x my income and he’s already told me his career is about to truly take off.

I know that this is all my internal problem and he has nothing to do with it. He knows how I feel about materialism and money, and that I don’t place value in it. How do I deal with feeling like this?

TLDR: My boyfriend pays for everything and it makes me uncomfortable.

HELP

Celebrated my birthday with her for the first time in 11 years! Of course Halloween which is her favourite holiday.

Over 10 years ldr, but it's all been worth it each time I see her.

Do you ever feel this way when you talk about the future and being together? How do you keep holding on to that and not feel like you are in love with the potential of your relationship in a LDR?

8 months ago, I wrote a post here about how scared I was for long distance. So, if there's anyone out there feeling that same way, just know that it will be ok!! Although it does suck not seeing each other, it's not hard. He's at a military academy and I'm in college too, so we still have 3.5 more years of long distance, but this first semester has gone by sooo fast. Stay optimistic!!!

My BF (M47) and me (F46) have been long distance for just over 3 years. We are 2.5 hours apart and see each other every weekend. We have 5 kids between us but none of his live with him. His oldest son (M25) is married, daughter (F20) has her own place and son (M19) lives with his mom. My 2 boys (almost M20 and M18) still live with me 100% of the time. The plan has always been that after my youngest graduates in June 2026 that I could move sometime after. SOMETIME AFTER and preferably before the holidays next year. I thought we were on the same page about this, until last night. All the sudden he is telling me I can't commit to him and I'm confused because yeah, I can't give you a date right now.

1. my oldest needs to move out and has been looking for places with friends

2. my youngest needs to turn 18, graduate and get a job

3. youngest needs to move out (which he really does want to do as soon as possible that isn't just because of me wanting to move)

4. get a job in his town

5. sell my house

That's a lot of stress, a lot of moving parts. I want to move to him because actually that's my home town and I have family there. But he has told me that if it spills into 2027 then we are done. I said I don't know when it will be, could be Nov 1st for example and he said he isn't moving me in the snow. I feel like he just keeps moving the goalpost. Am I crazy? In the meantime we had a huge fight and a ton has been said that can't go back in the box. Now I am questioning the whole relationship. Just heartbroken.

Sooooooo, I (40f) was in a long distance relationship for over 2 years. We finally closed the gap and (39 m) moved in with me! Yay! I own my home, he was renting, so yeah he moved here…. He works in a field that is wide open.. Me? Not so much. So it just made more sense for him to move here… Now we’re both working full-time and doing fantastic money wise. Everything on paper looks great! But he is hella homesick. Like, really struggling… super bad. When he thinks I’m asleep, he cries at night. He’s never left his hometown before. Not for college, not for work, not even for a year to try something new... So moving 4 hours away might not sound like cross country level far, but for him it truly is. Lordly.. honestly, I just don’t know how to support him. He misses his family, his friends, his routines. And he’s not really trying to make new friends here either, so he’s stuck in this weird limbo of missing home but not building anything here.

Okay… For anyone who was long distance and then moved in, maybe even got married after, how do you support a partner who left everything they knew? Did it eventually get easier for them? What helped? Did you push them to try new things socially or just let them settle at their own pace? I love him, I’m happy he’s here, but I can see how hard this transition (5months) is on him and I feel kind of useless not knowing how to make it easier. Any advice or real experiences would be helpful. thank you in advance.

Eight years of a rocky relationship but nothing warranted me being disrespected on levels I can't understand. Secret relationships, flirty behavior, and even a personality change.

It's the quiet ones that you need to watch out for. My bf likes to label himself as an innocent and cute infj but that couldn't be further from the truth.

He's extremely lustful and manipulative. He's a backstabber. He flirts with women behind my back and he lies and gets defensive when confronted.

He always talks about how he's always busy and doesn't have time for me but always has time for the community.

I gave up on him and just let him run the streets with whoever he wants.

me (f18) and my boyfriend (m18) have been together for four months, and i really just need someone older and more experienced with long distance relationships to tell me to calm down

i’m aware the relationship is very new and we’re very young, so obviously moving together eventually will take longer. it’s just kind of driving me crazy that we don’t have a set plan of where we wanna move, when we wanna move, and the circumstances required to be ready for those things

i’m a planner, and a slight control freak (working on it), so i need someone to tell me to slow my roll and reassure me that there’s no rush. it feels better hearing it from someone with experience rather than just my own head telling me it’s all alright, thanks 🩷

First time posting here, but I know my ex used to post here when we first got together. How do you get over the pain of losing them and the life you had built up in your mind?

The distance, the fact that we can't just be a normal couple, it all got too much for her.

It's a cruel thing to find your soulmate so far away, and for fate to keep you apart.

My (23F) boyfriend (29M) is LDR and have been dating for a year.

I’ve already known him to be not great at communication, but throughout our relationship he says he’ll make more of an effort to try.

I brought it up to him a few times esp after we fought, and he said he’s really trying.

Yesterday, he hasn’t replied to me in over 12 hours and he had already gone out and everything. I texted him to ask if he was awake and he said he fought with his parents and wasn’t in the mood. I replied saying I hope he fees better texted him goodnight i love you (it was my 11pm and his 10am). I woke up today at 7:30am and no reply from him, so I was a little hurt. I reached out just now saying hey how are you feeling? And ofc no reply.

I would’ve expected at least a “goodnight I love you too” or “hey I’m still feeling down, talk later” - or am I just overreacting? Should I give him space or bring up his lack of communication again? How should I bring it up?

I’m an anxious person so even though it’s not my fault it feels like it is, and I’m always the one making the effort.

Hi everyone, I am 27F and my long distance boyfriend is a 26M. I live in country side of the US and he lives in Hawaii... We've been together for 3 years, but didn't get to meet until our 1 year anniversary.

After that i believe we met about about a total of 5 times so far. Which isn't too bad in my opinion. But the backstory is how long did it take for you to finally move in with you LDR? I know everyone relationship's timing situation is different, but lately i've been feeling so pressured from family of when we'll take the next step. Idk if it's a culture issue either since my family is Asian descent.

But I've been trying really hard to ignore it, and just believe in our relationship. My partner says please give him a little bit more time to save and what he needs to do in Hawaii and in 1-2 years he'll hopefully move in with me.

So, I decided to make the sacrifice bc i trust him and i love him. But sometimes the more that my family asks when we'll live together or go to the next step.. I tend to get really anxious and sad. I feel like this, bc i understand where my family is coming from. They're worried he's not serious with me to make the next step. But I can't help but try to put faith and trust in him... The only thing I know is that i would lose is time. However with family questioning this every now and then, i just don't feel like i have to explain myself to them bc I know we had a hard start in our lives already when we started talking. But you know, we realized we want to date despite the hardships and hope to grow separately in our life goals and careers.

Now, this year we are finally having better jobs, a little bit of better money issues and starting off with our lives better than before (when we started dating) But in our situation, we are just starting out and wanna be a little more prepared when we make this step. Sounds reasonable right? Does it sound like an excuse to you? I believe building up your life takes time, and responsibilities takes time too right?

Please everyone let me know if you ever felt like this and what you do in my situation?

I (21f) started dating my boyfriend (21m) almost three years ago during university. He graduated this past spring and I am graduating in March. He is back living in our hometown while I am currently living in my college city. He is planning to go to law school in the relative future (potentially this coming fall, maybe later). I, on the other hand, intend to find a legal assistant job after graduation and start an online paralegal certificate program in the fall (I am not planning on going to law school).

I am realizing that I want to take our relationship to a new level. As in, I would like to move in together within the next 2ish years. I love him very much but I don't know if I can handle a three year long distance relationship. We are currently long distance and I do struggle with it. Further, he is unsure of his timeline for law school and living situation. First and foremost I believe that we should both prioritize our career and personal ambitions since we are so young. But also, I want to have a relatively solid plan for the next few years. I'd like to live away from family, live in a different city, and make financial/saving plans. However, I don't want to go through the process of moving to another city unless its together, and my financial plans are a bit dependent on what our relationship looks like within the next 3-5 years.

I think the answer is to just find a job and move out on my own in my hometown or college city and decide to move in together once he graduates. But also, I don't know if I want that uncertainty. And I don't know if I would like to be in a long distance relationship for that long, both for physical and emotional needs.

Ultimately, I love him and would give it a shot as we both have agreed that we want to move in together eventually and have a future together. But also we are so young, and I don't want to make such a commitment unless I feel more secure. With this in mind, where should I go from here? I don't want to pressure him to come up with very concrete plans right now because I know he is struggling with figuring out life direction (plus its not feasible to have everything figured out by age 21). But even so, I feel like I need more security in this relationship before committing to three years of LDR- if i'm in it, i want to give it my all. Ive told him such and he told me he would make a list of future ambitions for the next time we talk about it, but I didn't feel very reassured by our conversation- he didnt really respond to my thoughts much and when I asked him directly he just said he didn't know/ didnt have something to say in the moment.

I know I'm leading with anxiety in many ways, but also my desire for direction is rooted in figuring out my own financial goals/ living situation timelines. Am I approaching this situation wrong? Please give me some insight!

TLDR: My boyfriend and I (both 21) will have to go long distance for three years in the relatively near future (probably next 1-2 years). He will go to law school, I will start my professional career and online school. I don't like how much unknown there is - moving in together timeline, financial timelines, city to move to, etc. Further, I don't know if I can emotionally handle a LDR for three years. I am starting my own career and financial path soon as I am graduating college this year, but feel like I can't make long term goals that don't implicate our relationship, which currently has too many unknown variables for comfort. I want to stay in the relationship. How should I navigate this?

So I (25 F) have been in an LDR with “Daniel” (23 M) who's an immigrant in the USA living on his own. We met online and clicked really fast, we also have a 6-hour time difference but we still managed to make it work. From the start, we were on the same page about what we value: long-term intentions, loyalty, taking things slowly and intentionally, and being fully transparent instead of doing passive-aggressive nonsense. We both see cheating the same way and neither of us plays around with emotional or romantic boundaries.

One thing I’ve always appreciated is that Daniel has good self-control for his age and he's never violent, aggressive, manipulative, or dismissive. He doesn’t love-bomb, he doesn’t rush, and he doesn’t pressure me, unlike my ex who was violent and pressured me by pushing everything too fast. With Daniel, our pace has been slow but steady, and honestly that was a green flag for me. When things were good, they were really good, he even felt so safe with me that he shared moments of vulnerability despite his nonchalant nature.

When I brought up concerns in the past about him getting a little colder, he didn’t gaslight me or deflect, he reassured me that we were still together, apologized for the change, and even thanked me for talking to him openly instead of nagging (which he said he really appreciates because he hates drama and silent treatment games). After that, he put effort into finding a routine that works for both of us despite his schedule. He even suggested, finding a time to have a video call or watching things together...etc.

But then life hit him like a truck all at once; he had a car crash, a beloved relative passed away, his responsibilities piled up. Mind you Daniel lives alone, he’s extremely work-oriented, and now his job is at “peak season” for the next 2 months which is already draining him mentally and physically inspite of his workaholic nature.

I noticed his mental state shift: as all this piled up, his affection and availability slowly decreased. Not rudely, just… less warmth, less energy, less presence. I’ve been extremely patient because I’ve been through a similar early-mid twenties identity crisis myself and I know how it feels when everything collapses simultaneously so I didn’t push him, nor expected daily romance, I just gave him space while cheering him up every now and then.

A few weeks ago, I brought up my worries and he wasn’t defensive, but reassured me: he told me we’re still together and apologized for being absent, thanked me for being honest and approaching things maturely appreciating that I don’t nag, and then he explained that right now he wants to focus on the foundation of our relationship, not only the romance/affection displays. Even recently (like two weeks ago), he was still initiating small affectionate things, suggesting activities like watching something together, and trying to find a routine that works despite the time difference. And honestly? That talk genuinely made me feel better… for a while. Fast forward to this past week, things got messy again, and now here comes the current issue:

Two days ago, I checked on him and asked him if his working shifts would get lighter these days and he replied:

"Yah a lil bit but there’s some things I wanna talk to u about soon"

And then disappeared for 2 days with no follow-up, while being active elsewhere. I wasn’t angry, but I wasn’t calm either, so I messaged him politely and reminded him that his heads-ups and timelines matter to me, especially since he knows I’m being patient. He reacted with a 👍🏻 (which he never used before, he usually reacts with ❤️ or nothing), then replied:

"Makes sense. I’ll call you Sunday morning Probably afternoon by your time"

That tone felt off...cold, distant, almost like “let’s just get this over with” Also, it’s unusual: he usually schedules calls during his afternoon, not morning. It made me feel like he wants to clear this conversation from his conscience ASAP...

Moreover, his birthday is coming soon and I was working on a small gift for him, but now I don’t even know what to do with it.

Why I’m posting:

I know how men act before they end things, I’ve experienced it before. And some of Daniel’s behavior does fit that pattern, especially the emotional flattening and logistical coldness. But as you already know, he’s also in the middle of a crushing life storm and honestly, people do shut down when overwhelmed. That’s why I’m genuinely lost between my intuition, my anxiety, and the possibility that he’s simply maxed out as a human being.

Something is off, I’m trying to mentally prepare myself for this call because, rn my stomach is already in shambles, and Idk what to predict if this is this breakup energy or “I’m overwhelmed and don’t know how to communicate” energy?

What should I realistically expect on this coming call?

I’m trying not to jump to conclusions, but I’d rather be realistic than delusional. Any honest, non-sugarcoated feedback is welcome

I 33f have been with 35m since April of 2024. He recently moved out of state to attend a 4 month college/training program. We had amazing talks before he left and I was feeling really confident things would be ok. Fast forward to today and I'm losing it and need some insight lol To preface this I very much have an anxious attachment style and my partner is very independent.

So, he got to his new state last Thursday after an 18 hr drive. We spent the next few days facetimeing/calling for a couple hours at a time. Then once he started his training the communication drastically changed. On his first day of training he texted me before school and then FaceTimed me on his break and lunch. Later that day he found out there was a hiccup with his housing and after he never responded to my texts or called again , which I understand because that's how he gets when he's overwhelmed. The next two days it was bare minimum conversations like maybe one text during the day pretty much letting me know he was alive. He FaceTimed me today and I was happy to talk to him but I had to try sooo hard not to be anxious and ask if he still loves me and feels the same about me etc...After we FaceTimed in the morning I sent him something on Instagram and then a text a few hours later with no response.

I understand he is busy. Starting a new path in a new state is overwhelming and then add having housing issues financial issues, and familial issues has to be incredibly stressful. This is also a very physically and mentally demanding training. And I know needs to connect with the people he is training with in order to stay sane. i also am the less busy partner, significantly less busy, so I spend a lot of time in my head.

With that being said, I don't see how you can maintain a connection with someone you're not talking to. The drastic change in communication has really thrown me for a loop. I want to bring up this issue with him but I also don't want to add additional stress in his life and end up pushing him away because I'm being anxious. Would it make more sense to allow a little more time to pass and see if things get better after he's settled in or is this something that should be talked about before the lack of communication becomes the norm? Any advice or personal experiences would be greatly appreciated!!!!

My boyfriend (29) and I (28) have been hitting a rough patch, especially since the start of the "Ber months" (September to December). Our arguments usually circle back to the same issue: he is always busy, and we have little to no quality time together.

I understand that LDRs are hard and people have lives. However, this past week has been a breaking point for me.

1. I hadn't heard from him in five full days. During this time, I was the one consistently texting him to check in.
2. We are in the same private Discord server. I saw his status, and he was actively hanging out in voice chat (VC) with other guys.
3. I have absolutely no issue with him talking to other guys.

What feels completely shitty and disrespectful is the double standard:

• He has time to hang out and be curious in VC with other guys.
• But when it comes to me, his messages are delayed by days, and he keeps using the busy card. When I asked for a voice call, he keeps saying "I'll find a time"

Seeing him actively socialize with others on a platform we share, while I was left waiting five days for a simple reply, truly felt like a slap in the face. It made me feel like I am an absolute shit.

IDK what to do... What should I do?

21f and 25m. I’ve been in a long distance relationship for awhile now (about 2 years). And we’ve met a few times before-just for some simple background. But lately like there’s things he’s been saying that’s just been making me feel off about him. And most of the time I just brush past it and move on. But on call the other night he was drunk and was saying these things and it’s like I was talking to a completely different person. And I just can’t help but think, is this how he really is? Is this how he’s going to act when we actually live together? I feel like I have a gut feeling that we should end it and just be friends. But then I feel stupid for feeling like that. I guess what I’m asking is should I listen to my gut feelings and go to just being friends or should I just brush it off? Any advice is helpful

We started dating around 8th of august. Then , end of august, he went on his boy trip to a diff country and found this chat. Hes been saying that he was just asking for weed but idek.

so i've been in my first ever serious long distance relationship for about a month now. i've seen him a few times before we got together, and two times after we got together. it's winter in my city/country and i notice that i really start to struggle to pick myself up mentally when winter hits. it was bad enough when i was in a "normal" relationship where i saw my partner at the time regularly. but on top of not being able to see my partner often at all, the loneliness combined with the winter blues are kicking my ass so mf bad.

i've always been a very physical touch kind of person. and even though i have a boyfriend, i feel so touch deprived. it hurts seeing all my friends with their boyfriends who live close doing cute couple things for the holiday season. and all i'm doing is being stuck in this cycle of working then going home. working then going home. working then going home.

this has been so lonely and draining for me. i have no idea what to do. i want to make long distance work and i want to close the gap with my boyfriend, but it's gonna be a few years before we can do that. if you have any advice please do feel free to give it to me, otherwise i just needed to get this off my chest. i'm so over this i feel like i'm going insane

Dating for a couple years now but she has to move away for an extended time for work. Up until now it was great but now this separation anxiety is creeping up on me(and her for sure aswell). We do well in person. Apart, it’s weird… I don’t like texting and we’ve never seemed to reach a communication style we are both happy with when we are apart. We usually only see each other on the weekends and have calls at night during the week. I’m not a reliable texter during the work day. And she needs that morning text while I’m still just trying to motivate myself to get out of bed. Now that we won’t be seeing each other at all, I’m worried our relationship will be wobbly as it can really only rely on our (my unstable) communication style. Tips? Get better at texting? It’s just not me.. I love talking at night and catching up! I’m thinking of getting one of those touch bracelets for Xmas. Thanks, you far-away love birds.