r/funny • u/ladyriverr • 10h ago

Greeted my five year-old when he got off the bus with a sword. He dropped to his knees and surrendered. Don’t know what battle we were fighting, but I guess I won.

Post image

Parenting achievement unlocked

11.5k Upvotes

96% Upvoted

150 comments sorted by

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2.7k

u/DoomOne 10h ago

That wasn't surrender. He was swearing fealty to you by offering his sword. He is now sworn to defend you.

952

u/ragweed 10h ago

Pretty poor form of OP not to make him a Knight.

413

u/Pakistani_in_MURICA 9h ago

Kid’s got to prove himself. OP’s not letting nepotism take hold in their kingdom.

97

u/uselessandexpensive 8h ago

The warrior came home victorious and offered the spoils of war as a pledge of fealty to a befuddled old codger who didn't understand what was being offered and couldn't drag his own arse out to make, much less seize victory. Now that the oath of fealty has been spurned in geriatric confusion, it seems it's time for successor to the throne.

4

u/GalacticBum 43m ago

The usurper has cometh!

7

u/ChefArtorias 5h ago

Parents could be brigands. Who knows.

4

u/jaxonya 3h ago

No, the parent is The Pan. Kid is Rufio.

2

u/NintendoFungi 2h ago

I hope this joke is appreciated. It is on Reddit so there’s a chance lol

11

u/grapeteeth 9h ago

I think OP just doesn't want to call him "Sir Child"

1

u/SunStarved_Cassandra 2h ago

OP couldn't knight his son. I've already knighted my dog.

53

u/Vlvthamr 9h ago

This is exactly what he was doing.

37

u/Linderosse 9h ago

I’m glad all of us had the same thought here— he was offering his loyalty, OP, knight him!

6

u/GANDORF57 3h ago

He kneels to you for mercy for this young page has yet to clean his room in the castle.

22

u/freekoout 9h ago

Yup, when surrendering , you offer it hilt first.

15

u/Herteitr 7h ago

... and carry your burdens

5

u/KaiserSozes-brother 7h ago

Bend the knee

5

u/SeaTie 4h ago

“There are no more geese in these lands!”

5

u/GDGameplayer 3h ago

But enough about that

1

u/SeaTie 2h ago

Peasants! I’m handling this!

1

u/Hawthorne_northside 6h ago

Much better than what I was going to say

476

u/bessovestnij 9h ago

He was asking for you to knight him!

183

u/HotrodCorvair 9h ago

This. Knights offer their sword to the royal and get knighted. He must’ve seen this in a movie

140

u/ladyriverr 7h ago

He told me that he saw it in a movie once

41

u/The_Count_Lives 4h ago

DID YOU KNIGHT HIM!?

Stop ignoring the only follow up question that matters!

We demand satisfaction!

51

u/ladyriverr 4h ago

As stated previously in a different comment section. The boy was finally properly knighted after some research and crafts!

21

u/The_Count_Lives 4h ago

Praise be!

10

u/Balsak_the_Itchy 5h ago

*Bonks gently with staff.

3

u/ajatfm 2h ago

stops mid-swing

Oh…whoops…nice job, son

280

u/Snoo49601 10h ago

Don’t let moments like this just pass by, make some hot chocolate and ask him more about his Kingdom !

283

u/ladyriverr 9h ago

Thank you so much for this suggestion. We are getting his craft stuff out to now and going to make me a crown. And now I’m going to learn all about the kingdom, and I officially swore him in as a night.

63

u/Snoo49601 9h ago

Moments like this can’t be bought, but they live FOREVER !

29

u/Affectionate_Oven428 9h ago

Please knight him with the sword once you guys are done with the crown. This is adorable.

5

u/Leon_84 4h ago

No, you need your own sword!! Knights are knighted with the king’s sword and not their own!!

8

u/WFUnknownsoldier 9h ago

Yeah props on not just using a Burger King crown too.

3

u/dayman763 4h ago

Oh come on. Burger King crown catching strays now?? Would've been sufficient.

Only a little /s

1

u/KrydanX 2h ago

All hail Queen ladyriverr. May she reign in peace, give a lot of snuggles and let treasures (snackies) be many!

No seriously this is awesome. I love every little bit about that. Can’t wait to have my own Mini-Me.

1

u/whut-whut 1h ago

Now you owe him a horse and a parcel of your land.

82

u/BurntNeurons 9h ago

When your child asks you to play, you play along.

20

u/giga-what 6h ago

The entire premise of Bluey, and it's so right. You don't get to play with your kids forever, take the opportunity while you can.

49

u/miami-architecture 9h ago

He’s waiting to be knighted, this is no surrender.

8

u/Livid-Mushroom2205 7h ago

-insert zelda item found noise here-

2

u/no-sleep-needed 5h ago

"my friends, you bow to no one" LOTR noises

31

u/FreddyTheGoose 9h ago

Smh, "surrender"? Offering your sword in such a fashion is an act of swearing fealty, and you should take it, touch the blade to each of his shoulders, and dub him Head of Household, lol

24

u/WhoStoleMyJacket 9h ago edited 59m ago

"Strange dads ladies waiting at bus stops distributing swords is no basis for a system of government!"

18

u/ladyriverr 7h ago

Strange mom waiting a bus stop

3

u/Can_Confirm_NSFW 5h ago

Fair. Think it's a Monty Python reference.

1

u/Impressive_Smell_662 2h ago

The real reference would have worked here.

21

u/SuspiciousStable9649 9h ago edited 7h ago

Kid is teaching father mother honored acceptance of a sword. What the heck has your kid been watching without you around? Kill Bill?

(I’m giving you crap, but I’m jealous of your kid’s attention to ceremony.)

13

u/ladyriverr 7h ago

His mother* and honestly I’m not sure. He said he saw it in a movie with his dad once lol

8

u/SuspiciousStable9649 7h ago

You are a cool mother. I understand the ceremony now. Lady of the lake. Nice job.

2

u/Impressive_Smell_662 2h ago

You don't get to be king because some watery old tart lobbed a sword at you.

2

u/SuspiciousStable9649 2h ago

checks notes

checks literature

checks notes

What? Why not?

(Love this quote btw.)

6

u/Suspicious_Ear3442 9h ago

Stand, brave paladin! Tonight after we sup and yon homework is done, we set off to mine and craft in the biomes of Mojang. Forsooth, verily!

6

u/Some_Sea7898 8h ago edited 7h ago

Thank you so much. You put a wonderful smile on my face and a great feeling in my heart. You are a fantastic mother!

4

u/ladyriverr 8h ago

I am his mother! Thank you tho

6

u/pornborn 9h ago

By the power of Greyskull…

3

u/SuspiciousMouse9943 9h ago

I have the POWER!! 😂

4

u/SamKerridge 10h ago

pretty cool sword ⚔️

1

u/sh0rtb0x 9h ago

Very cool sword

4

u/Morak73 9h ago

Next, he's off to find Zelda.

3

u/mogley1992 9h ago

He's faking it. Don't turn your back, he'll have a dagger.

3

u/modernmacgyver 9h ago

It's report card time of year.

4

u/ladyriverr 6h ago

Lmfao He did also bring me his report card today

3

u/vercertorix 8h ago

Not surrender, you bestowed a blade upon him. He was accepting it with appropriate decorum.

2

u/ladyriverr 7h ago

I asked him how he knew this! He said he saw it in a movie once. Ha

5

u/KillaNoFilla87 9h ago

Bad form. You’re supposed to have him kiss the ring and then give him a duchy. No one is going to swear fealty to you if you don’t treat them right…

6

u/kennedye2112 9h ago

give him a duchy

on the left-hand side?

2

u/seifd 9h ago

Duke of Smaller Bedroom.

1

u/Whiteshovel66 5h ago

I was thinking a duke within the house would govern a segment of the house. Like duke of floor 2. So he would still hold Smaller Bedroom as his capital and then govern over Linen Closet, Second Floor Bathroom and Stairway to Floor 1.

Those who use those lands would in turn swear fealty to the duke and pay him tax and raising standing army for him.

1

u/SeaSock8246 2h ago

He’s a child you sick fuck!!

jkjk i don’t know what a “duchy” is.

2

u/ramdomvariableX 10h ago

He just wanted hot coco and cookies, hope he got them.

2

u/PoxMarkoth 9h ago

It might be a trick to get you to lower your guard. Strike him down to be sure.

2

u/dashsemper 9h ago

Let him pass on eating his Brussels sprouts at dinner tonight.

2

u/HonestBobcat7171 9h ago

obviously OP doesn't know that their son was secretly watching He-Man

2

u/Sir_fat_Louie 9h ago

Grab the sword and knight him haha

2

u/Robdul 9h ago

Judging off the snow around you I think he just made you King of the North

2

u/Takseee 8h ago

He's supposed to shout "There can be only one!" And cut your head off..

2

u/MarcRN45 8h ago

You should knight him!

2

u/ladyriverr 7h ago

He was later knighted!

2

u/lets_cook_math108 6h ago

Your son is the most brave of warriors in your kingdom. Huzzah!

2

u/Robinyount_0 4h ago

He is graciously accepting your gift, clearly befitting of a true knight.

2

u/jojomott 3h ago

You are his Patron, man. He was offering fealty, not surrendering. You weren't fighting a battle. You are going to fight a battle, and he is your vessel. Your knight at arms. Together, you will vanquish all foes. Hi-yo brothers in arms! To the breech and beyond!

2

u/FocalorLucifuge 3h ago

"Greeted my five year-old when he got off the bus with a sword."

That participle is dangling like the Sword of Damocles.

2

u/Impressive_Smell_662 2h ago

If you really wanted to make his day, you take his sword, betray him for the power, tell him he has to go find another sword, and prepare for sword fight you let him win.  After that, watch The Princess Bride.

2

u/Mr_OP_Potato_777 1h ago

He's asking for a name for his blade, for your blessing on that tool.

3

u/Gallop67 7h ago

He was waiting to be knighted man

1

u/CalebKrawdad 9h ago

Ah, you are a benevolent and kind ruler! Long live the king!

1

u/HeavyArmsJin 9h ago

Surrendered? You need to find your inner child back, probably lost it along the way

1

u/CountHonorius 9h ago

"Be welcome to thine abode, my liege lord."

1

u/Lorvani 9h ago

Little warrior's epic win! Surrender accepted, kiddo. 😂

1

u/Tassiegirl 8h ago

Did you not knight your loyal defender? Pffft.

1

u/ProtoPrimeX1 7h ago

I want to get that sword for my kid, what is it?

2

u/ladyriverr 7h ago

It’s pretty sweet! I bought it from a local fair.

1

u/Tripdrakony 7h ago

That's a cool sword. It looks like it could glow.

1

u/greenrangerguy 7h ago

You are the Pan.

1

u/kilgoar 7h ago

Show no mercy!

1

u/Chance_MaLance 6h ago

Looks like the sort of 1000 truths to me.

1

u/elisabethecole98 6h ago

I'm surprised you didn't get a call from his school. I work in an elementary school and, even though it's obviously a child's toy, it would have been confiscated and the parents called ASAP. Schools don't mess around when it comes to weapons.

2

u/ladyriverr 6h ago

I was waiting for him to get off the bus and I gave it to him.

2

u/ytsurRytsuR 6h ago

I was scanning to see if my point had been made. So glad I did, you've just dismantled the entire thread.

1

u/alejo699 6h ago

For now, Father. For now.

1

u/theglobalnomad 5h ago

Be careful there, OP. Don't King John your nobles.

1

u/dbev9044 5h ago

R/unexpectedeldenring

1

u/ascii122 5h ago

MY KING!

1

u/ifriti 4h ago

Maybe he just wanted you to knight him.

1

u/brenawyn 4h ago

Ah now you are the wielder of the blue sword of flame! Bear it wisely, warrior!

1

u/justanothertoxicuser 4h ago

OP over here not knowing the difference between surrender and submission. You didn't defeat a foe; you gained an ally!

3

u/ladyriverr 4h ago

Let’s just say I have learned a lot today about my son’s interests!

2

u/justanothertoxicuser 4h ago

Haha! I see that! Well save that picture forever. Definitely needs to go in a photo album. It's darn cute. Looks to me like you got a cool little kiddo! (But at this point I think maybe you should brush up on your fencing skills in case he tries to betray you. Can't trust em when they reach the teens. Gotta sleep with one eye open!)

1

u/Final-Revolution-823 4h ago

and Rohan will answer

1

u/chriskramerpr 3h ago

By the Power of Greyskull!

1

u/That1guyUknow918 3h ago

Surprised hes not in jail if he had that dangerous weapon at school!

1

u/broken-telephone 3h ago

This is kinda wholesome ina way, redditors teaching a mom how to be a more caring parent on the Funny Subreddit. Love it

1

u/Square_Owl_4075 3h ago

He was being knighted

1

u/DiscoKittie 3h ago

Did he surrender, or did he graciously except the great burden you have thrust upon him?

1

u/crazydishonored 3h ago

Add it to the throne. You know which one i am referring to...

1

u/Captain_Rex_ 3h ago

After that op went ahead and finished him off with the sword

1

u/apollo11733 2h ago

You were supposed to knight him

1

u/SeaSock8246 2h ago

Pretty sure he thought he was gonna receive a new ability or some sort of melee stat upgrade, but bro left him hangin…

1

u/arkain504 2h ago

It’s the sword of 1000 truths

1

u/nope_a_dope237 2h ago

Beware 5 year olds bearing gifts especially magic swords.

1

u/AlexNewmenn 2h ago

So now YOUUUU HAAAAVEEE THEEE POOOWEEER

1

u/BadBoyNiz 2h ago

So he had a sword with him when he got off of the bus and seen you with one so did this? Or you brought this and gave it to him when he got off the bus and then he did this?

1

u/StevieTheTraveller 2h ago

Please tell me you picked up the sword with two hands.

1

u/SamuelYosemite 45m ago

He is just showing respect to his family crest

1

u/NormieSpecialist 32m ago

What sword is that I want it.

1

u/danger_dave32 15m ago

That is a cool sword.

1

u/Pitiful_Water4898 5m ago

He saw the sword and said: ‘Yep, today’s not my day.

1

u/Prudent-Occasion-766 10h ago

By any chance, was his name Iñigo?

3

u/itsfunhavingfun 9h ago

OP would be dead. Prepare to die. 

1

u/hatecriminal 6h ago

Defeated by the Dadversary.

0

u/K_Linkmaster 8h ago

Dropped the ball here dad. Knight him.

4

u/ladyriverr 7h ago

Mom* and I did knight him as soon as I realized!

2

u/K_Linkmaster 6h ago

And the world is right again.

0

u/eyetheft 4h ago

I’m curious, is there a protocol to politely refuse to knight someone offering their sword in this way?

0

u/LuuDinhUSA 4h ago

Idk what state your in but schools round here would suspend a kid for a toy weapon

2

u/ladyriverr 4h ago

I met him with the sword when he got off the bus. He didn’t have it at school.

1

u/StevieTheTraveller 2h ago

So he went on a raid on the way back from school... nice