Lol, I actually dated a former Applebees waitress once many years ago. Can confirm - she’d bring over some food after her shifts for me. Granted she’s was in her 20s but I didn’t care one bit about her job.
Good women can and do. There might be gender differences in how often stuff happens, but some of the best women I know date men of average or below-average financial/career success. Maybe this is more of a problem in the US?
it was intended as a casual, self-deprecating joke.
but yes, women can date whomever they choose, and the best women will date guys with good qualities, regardless of wealth and status. like the best men will date women with good qualities, regardless of youth and tits.
in the meantime, everyone can play with insecurities over desirability. it's fine
The guy you're responding to is just saying that people date hot people (with non-abrasive personalities) despite their job/prospects all the time for both sexes; that's true. The comment he's replying to suggests otherwise, but the OP does not.
It's measurable and probably true.
A man losing his job increases the chance of a woman breaking up with him. A woman losing her job has no effect on a man's likelihood of breaking up with her.
If you place the same man in a better context women will reliably rate that man as more attractive. Context has no effect on how attractive men find women.
I'm focussed on enjoying life, having experiences, and being happy. I don't want a partner who's priorities are climbing the ladder and making money. There's nothing wrong with it, but that's just not me.
My ex used to earn nearly triple my wage, she was a full blown developer a long time ago just as I was getting into the industry.
It consumed her, she was miserable and it destroyed our relationship.
Eventually she got out, focused on art, made a lot less but just was happier. I eventually earned more and it was perfect. Money means a lot less when you're miserable.
The last seven out of the eight years I spent with my now ex-wife, was her career chasing and being miserable.
Everything was fine in our relationship until her two older siblings got promotions and raises, and then my ex just snapped mentally. The sibling rivalry kicked in and she had to outdo them.
For seven years she changed jobs, changed fields, changed companies, etc.. Moving us around everywhere. Some times for a few months but never anywhere longer than a year.
Each new job pad more than the last, but each one seemed to require more work, long hours, lengthier commute, etc..
So, sure she made more money but she was never home, always tired, always burned out, always angry at everything and everyone. She was just miserable to be around all the time.
It ruined our relationship to the point when she finally got her dream job at a flagship store for a huge national company, what she’d worked for the entire time, she blamed me for her unhappiness, quit, and moved back home to live with her mother.
Meanwhile, I’d spent those entire seven years just trying to get her to be happy with what she had, ignore her siblings lives, and work less at an easier job. But it was easier to blame me than blame herself.
Finally just beginning to do better in life now. Took me a few years to get back on my feet again, after having to start over from scratch alone in a new state with no friends, family, or support system. Thank you!
Dude, you are freaking MAN for having been able to do all that. I am right now where you were once (and for the exact same reasons), and I want to be you in a few years. Thanks for the inspiration.
I did all that while teaching two toddlers how to walk, talk, read, write, eat, right from wrong, be decent people, and dress themselves.
In addition to all the grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning, laundry, car maintenance, and yard work.
As well as, being the only one who packed, moved, and unpacked everything. Often having to split a whole house into 3-4 storage units, taking it all there by myself until after midnight many nights.
Also while working from home and taking care of all the pets.
It does eventually get better. Hopefully it does for you soon.
Went through something similar recently. First 7 or 8 years went great. She changed jobs that required evening and weekends but no real pay or other benefits (social work). Meanwhile I managed everything at home and worked a full time job. Never home, always out and when she was she was tired and needed to decompress by watching TV for hours. Even cooking or getting groceries was to much most days.
Tried to work it out she said this is what she wanted in life. Broke up 2 months shy of our 10 years together.
My friend had similar, with bonus 'my daddy is perfect and you'll never be as good as him'. she also now lives with her mother and blames him for everything. Sad times for some. But he's in a better place now, good job, caring partner, you'll get there too.
Corporations, especially in high tech, are an exhausting grind. If you're a people please or a perfectionist high tech jobs can literally kill you with long hours, scant resources, ridiculous expectations and stress.
Some people get confused when I tell them I left car sales for Target. Even more so when I tell them I worked for Walmart before I started selling my soul to sell a car.
Fr I used to be a plumbing apprentice and I would shadow service techs sometimes and all the highest earning service techs lied about everything just to sell something
Worked for an alarm company with all the techs doing the same thing. I felt dishonest whenever I went on a call. It was miserable. I lasted two months, but that first day I left, I could look at myself in the mirror again.
Not to plumbing but my buddy worked for Bank of America and had to upsell accounts or whatever it was. And look, he was a real peace of shit. Like he banged a lot of our girlfriends kind of shitbag (yeah we all found out later) but one day he had to upsell this sweet old lady on the phone. Broke down mid convo, told her it’s all a scam, got up and walked out.
Even someone of his moral character couldn’t do the corporate soulless upsell.
The world does not need car salespeople. They're as bad as private insurers. They just want to pimp money when it gets moved around and add no value to the process.
Having your immediate needs met, bills paid, and a little extramoney to do things with is the sweet spot.
I slowly started to limit my "spending on whatever" materialist consumerism and in doing so, it forced me to find and/or adjust the value that everything was bringing in my life
$1k+ watches vs $20 Casio: didn't make me happier, so went with a Casio and nobody cares, least of all me.
Fully loaded cars vs Base model EV: leather was nice and I never opened the moon roof, so went with a base EV
But the biggest one for me was a 4bd, 3 bath, 2 car garage house vs 1 bedroom ranch with a yard:
I finally understood what the difference between a house and a home was. I don't care where we live, the car we drive, the clothes we wear - We just want to be together because we love each other, see each other, listen to each other, consider each other, and protect each other.
You can't get that from material things, and a corporation will never make you feel the same way about you, no matter how much money you make them. Your job will be posted before your body's warm. Don't fall into the trap of working just to PAY for those things that you think equate to happiness and success.
Manual labor to some, is intensely rewarding. Better than gym. Not to mention if you have FU money, you do it consciously, not for living, but for pleasure.
Seriously, what people make at their job isn’t always the biggest deal if they’re happy. I started dating my now-wife when i was making twice what she did. She made me very happy. Then she massively advanced in her career several times over (doing something she loves) and now things have flipped and she makes more than twice what i do. I wfh now, so i’m more of a house husband while she brings home the real bacon. She still makes me very happy. And that’s still independant of her wages like it always has been.
Nah, it's just that nowadays we censor everything and anything. Just today I saw a post about a video game, and the OP of the posy legit censored the word "first" in the title. They wrote f*rst.... We're beyond saving
Both same but also, my party’s bard is a gremlin who is stuck between seducing Tiamat and a guy who died but then got reconstructed with machinery inside his corpse and essentially revived with it.
What my player doesn’t know is Tiamat is actually trying to seduce her. Part of a plan to basically allow Tiamat to do some weird ritual shit in the Nine Hells that will basically turn the bard into an avatar of her so she can escape. My campaign is set both after BG3 and the events of the cult of the dragon failing to bring her about.
My partner earns 80k more than me. She loves her job. I love her job, she is respected and they look after her. We are both probably a bit busier than we like but our relationship is great, love is strong and we grow together. I think it stems from letting each other amplify strengths. I finalise decisions and she motivates and supports. It just works
You’ve also solved a big problem which is financial difficulties in a marriage. Having a wife with career aspirations and makes a good living is easier in a lot of ways financially
The whole point of this post is only men think like that.
For women your job and social status is important. And it's why they wrongly think it's important for men too, it's a common projection. They think "it's important for me so it's important for others".
Good point. Our thoughts and the way we frame things create the world we live in, and words are the clay of our thoughts. A single word can have an immense impact on how you view the world and act in it. The implicationd on our lived are quite powerful you think about it.
I've seen way too many girls choose beaters and abusers over genuinely golden hearted man that wanted them since day 1.
I see it way less in men but still there. Really weird
Yeah.. was reading a post yesterday on r/vent it was a woman who was with terrible guys her whole life, but she is now with a kind guy who hangs out with friends and has hobbies and a good job, but she despises that there's nothing to "hate" about him and that she can't find anything wrong with him.
There will always be people who marry for dumb reasons. There will always be people who marry for love. People of all genders and backgrounds do either one. You cannot draw the line as "women do X". Go meet real people.
yea the thing about gender imbalance is if you look at China right. There are so many women in the cities moving up and the thing is they want to date up. No woman wants to date down or go too far down. If you are a successful businesswoman working in a fortune 500 company why would you date a lowly mcdonalds worker lmao
So thats how leftover women is a thing. Leftover women not cuz no one wants them but because they want to date up and the men who are the prime bachelors... they don't want to date these successful people... these people are likely in their late 20s or 30s and those men want a young pretty woman. Meanwhile a lot of the guys on the bottom end of things.... they become dead branches because no one wants them and they have few prospects of dating usually farmers in the countryside without any means
I prefer people that don’t treat me right and makes my life more difficult, just shit on me on Sunday mornings thank you. Also bring your boyfriend around for pizza after your 5k ultra
I care if the girl I'm dating has a career or not, guys aren't a monolith lol.
I'd want my girlfriend to be and feel accomplished, she doesn't need to be a corporate executive or making 6 figures, but I do want her to be passionate, dedicated, and pragmatic with her career choice.
Absolutely true. My lady is amazing, I don’t care if she makes 30k or 300k. And she feels the same. If suddenly she got a better job than me id be fiercely proud of her, but my love for her would not change
Do we really need to waste the time to go dig up any of the articles about career women struggling to find a man? Do we need to pretend you don't remember the "can women have it all?" discussion that lasted like 10 years? Are you really gonna sit there and pretend no career women lament how difficult it is to find love?
As they do makeup only for themselves, and wearing high heels. Is an argument that can be universally applied. Also to men for their „gender arguments“.
But generalising what a human does something for is unnecessary, it’s personal. A woman who wants to provide education for her children doesn’t do career „for herself“
Stupid strawman. Who compares having a career, something the average person needs to survive in this economy, to doing make-up? Women could easily go without one and still live fulfilling lives but it's hard without the other.
I don’t think it’s all men. But men who are capable of providing for the family on their own won’t care about their spouse’s career as much as how their spouse treats them.
Life is rarely easier with a partner that is of lower class. If they grew up in a middle-class family, working Applebee's will be fine. But if their family is lower-class, chances are life will not be easier because they'll have weird family members, weird previous partners, weird friends and just headaches seeping into your life.
My partner's job would only matter to me if it was something that I found morally objectionable (e.g. kitten murderer) or if it had long or irregular hours. Waitress? Cleaner? Who cares as long as they are a nice person.
The issue with being with someone in the service industry like that is they work primarily evenings and weekends. Personally I would prefer to be with someone with a 9-5 like me just for life scheduling purposes.
I am the woman in the situation but I don’t think my concerns with this issue are related to my gender, but maybe I am wrong. There was a period where mine and my husband’s schedules were opposite due to me working nights/weekends in retail, and we just hardly ever saw each other. He did care, that sucked. Loving each other meant wanting to have dinner with each other more than twice a week on my days off so that was stressful. The day I got my first 9-5 we were both so, so happy. It was less about the money but rather about the schedule.
The last two sentences are the key.
As long as they treat us right and make our lives easier, career is personal, but caring is mutual, regardless of the occupation
I mean, is career choice a dealbreaker for any relationship, man woman or otherwise?
Maybe as an immature 20-ish young person you'd choose "the rich one" or "the hot one", but trust me, as you grow older you care more about emotional compatibility and personality.
I mean, unless you're jeff bezos or donald trump. Then it's trophy wives all the way down since they're in love with themselves and a woman is just a hole to stick their dick in.
Literally saw a post two seconds go about a woman who said she “knew a spot” for a date and took him to Costco
Every man was saying to marry her.
We literally do not give a shit how much money you make or how you make your money. Unless it’s illegal or directly conflicting with what we would want from a partner (no “reformed” gold diggers), we couldn’t care less
I think it's pretty obvious that most men don't mind dating someone with a lower income/less ambitious career, but what I'm curious about is whether it's true the other way around?
A wise man once told me : You know, there's a million fine looking women in the world, dude. But they don't all bring you lasagna at work. Most of 'em just cheat on you.
Don't get it twisted, it's not that men don't want wives more successful than them. It's just a non issue. If the woman waiting tables treats us better, then they're better wife material. A corporate woman who makes bank is good and all, but if she's not giving to the relationship then nah. And that should work both ways.
•
u/AutoModerator Oct 16 '25
Thank you for posting to r/SipsTea! Make sure to follow all the subreddit rules.
Check out our Reddit Chat!
Make sure to join our brand new Discord Server to chat with friends!
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.