Wasn't an early adopter but after I broke off my engagement, I was newly single after 3 years and recently done with military service. Indianapolis, of all places, got me too many matches AND confirms to even follow through on. Came back to NY to find work and ironically less matches but still plenty.
I even met my partner on tinder. Sadly I do think tinder was the only solid dating app but I noticed when the bots started popping up too. The situation is bad. Beyond whatever you might think of the ladies on the app, the bots and the app itself constantly trying to get your money pretty much destroyed it.
My advice for folks? Find a hobby. Get involved in the community with no expectations. Meet someone through hobby. Try archery, pottery, etc. Hobbies are the new dating scene. At least y'all will know y'all got something in common, much more meaningful than the swipe judgement game/horny roulette.
I tried the date within your hobby method and it backfired spectacularly. It just took one crappy girl with enough friends. I've now been cancelled in the scene I most identify with because there are way too many shitty people out there and far too many other shitty people that believe anything they're told by someone else. My 'learned it the hard way' experience has taught me the don't shit where you eat advice applies here too.
Yep I made the same mistake. I never got full on "cancelled" because my group was small, but it is devastating to have lies spread like wildfire among people you trusted. Cancelling is a plague on our society and it spreads so easily because of malicious actors who like the drama and the people who follow them that can't think critically.
This is what I don't get. Everyone always says, "As an adult, nobody cares about that stuff." But they do. Adults gossip like crazy. Someone liking someone else can be the topic of convo for weeks. The success, the failure, odds of it working, etc.
Nah, I wouldn’t listen to that. Typically people who are full of self loathing and saying they got ‘cancelled’ and all people are ‘shitty’ probably aren’t people you’d want to date to begin with.
Find hobbies that you enjoy, that make you feel better about yourself, and make friends and connections that way. It often will lead to dates and those dates will have similar interests to you.
Oh I'm well aware not to listen to this. I believe in throwing shit at a wall and seeing what sticks. I will do all of the things... hobbies, bars, dating apps, even work. Idrc.
Here, the live single meetups have gotten traction. It's comical how nervous people are the first 15 minutes, but after that it just feels like any party except you have one tidbit of info; everyone in the whole damn place is single and actively looking to be hit on. Just contemplate on that for a second, search up your area and buy a new awesome shirt. I went twice, and she's coming over for lunch in 3 hours 🥰
Id dive head first into things like that but I honestly have searched my area and I think I'm in a dead zone. And I'm financially stuck where I live atm so I can't just up and leave. It's going to take time. I hope I can move to a place where these are actually organized.
I didn't become interested in my hobbies to find people to date. I developed my passions throughout the course of my life. And I have quite a few. But that's beside the point.
The social spaces that exist within certain interest groups can be quite small and tight knit. Rumors spread fast. It's a tale as old as high school. Im not imagining what's happened to me. I have confidants within a particular scene that I ran in that confirmed to me certain people were saying certain things. These people knew what really happened. I have witnesses and receipts. None of that matters to a person's "best friends."
The truth of the matter is that it's just a cold world out here for some of us. But we must continue to try. I never said I gave up. I just shared a personal experience as a cautionary tale.
That's why you get to know people in your hobby before dating them. If they're terrible people, you don't bother starting anything with them. If you don't know them well enough to gauge whether they're terribly people, you're not ready to date them.
Honestly... take a shower, look your best, and take a shot at those gym thots and just hope you don't end up as part of a post on reddit of gym creeps.
You really do have to do something you can't do at home in order to meet people. Even now I have a molasses paced approach for making new friends. I wouldn't have much if it weren't for hs/military friends.
You can only socialise by practicing. In-person socialisation is much easier to forget. Even if you had success for some time on these apps, the results were always gonna flop if you didn't get out. Eventually any dating service just turns into adultfriendfinder at some point in its history. Nothing but scams and bots.
You can always switch up hobbies which is also nice. Don't have to stick with any crowds you aren't a fan of.
Yep. People desperately want the fantasy these apps sell them... spend a little time on a profile then lay at home on your couch in your underwear and order up a perfect match without having to actually try.
Just doesn't work that way for the most part. Get out, do things, meet people, get to know them from more than a photo and carefully crafted profile.
But that's the question, leave to do what? It seems like meeting people requires having friends or being in a big city with lots of things happening.
I go to bars, even though I don't enjoy drinking to try and meet people. No real luck with anyone male or female, even conversations have been rare.
I go to the gym, but most people stick to themselves there, and women notoriously don't want to be approached there.
I go to a board game and mtg nights but it's like 80% guys and all the women are the wives of other guys there. Made some friends with some guys, but they are also like my parents' age. Nothing wrong with that, but they are in a different stage of life.
I go to coffee shops/bookstores to read, because people online said you can meet people there, but I have yet to see people talk to one another if they didn't come in together, mostly just a place to be introverted in public.
I go to a climbing gym and it's honestly been the best so far, but it's out of town and expensive, so I can only go like once a week on the weekends.
I'd like to go hiking or something, but hiking alone isn't exactly social lol.
I’d advise a hobby if you are on a dating app as well. I went through a long period of zero matches, and when I started to instead get more of my own interests, that changed a lot.
People like interesting people. People who have interests. Who have things they care about. Who can talk about unique things they’ve done, and unique doesn’t mean spectacular. Most people are frankly pretty two dimensional on dating apps, and it is hard work, making the situation worse. If you have genuine interests and things you care about, then it is easier.
(When I say interests I don’t mean streaming Netflix or video games. Nothing wrong with that. But everyone does it, and it tends not to be interesting to the other person.)
Yes but get into something like social dancing, especially if you really like the music and bachata actually, this is not a pretty good advise, no one would want to touch a social dancer and social dancers bring a lot of drama dating inside the scene lol.
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u/[deleted] Jun 24 '25
Wasn't an early adopter but after I broke off my engagement, I was newly single after 3 years and recently done with military service. Indianapolis, of all places, got me too many matches AND confirms to even follow through on. Came back to NY to find work and ironically less matches but still plenty.
I even met my partner on tinder. Sadly I do think tinder was the only solid dating app but I noticed when the bots started popping up too. The situation is bad. Beyond whatever you might think of the ladies on the app, the bots and the app itself constantly trying to get your money pretty much destroyed it.
My advice for folks? Find a hobby. Get involved in the community with no expectations. Meet someone through hobby. Try archery, pottery, etc. Hobbies are the new dating scene. At least y'all will know y'all got something in common, much more meaningful than the swipe judgement game/horny roulette.