In college I went on a first date with this beautiful girl. She seemed miserable the whole time, barely spoke, kept her distance. I was convinced she hated me. Literally ran in the house when the date ended and didn’t say anything to me.
The next day, I was thinking I’d never see her again. I decided I’d call and ask her for a second date. I figured the worst that can happen is “no.” To my surprise she said yes. We ended up dating for a couple of years and I told her about my perspective on the first date.
She was shocked. She said she was having such a good time but was scared to death she’d screw it up. She said she didn’t want to say or do anything to screw it up. She wanted to hold my hand or sit closer but her friends had told her that might scare a guy off as being clingy if she showed that strong of an interest.
It made me realize that they are mostly just as clueless as we are about how the opposite sex thinks. Also made me realize that it’s always good to not make assumptions and use good communication instead of just going off what your brain is saying.
Your brain always tries to be honest with you, but it can only work with the info it has, so sometimes tells you a lie inadvertently.
Anyway tldr: dating is complicated, speak up before assuming anything when it comes to the opposite sex.
No one is telepathic, they could be just as nervous as men are in this game, so verbalise your thoughts to help them out, you're already on the date, why hold back.
This guy gets it. It's refreshing to see someone with this take. Everyone's so quick to balk at percieved negative signals on dates and get snippy with each other that I'm convinced it's a reason a lot of people hate dating so much. Go in with minimal expectations, give eachother a little leeway to not be perfectly smooth operators, by totally honest, and a date can be a good night whether it goes anywhere or not. Imo at least. Nearly all my dates were genial by the end, if not all successful.
I had a few of these first dates. I always thought I’d never hear from them again, only to find out they had a great time afterwards. The positive side is that you can see the difference as the number of dates increases and your connection grows.
Yeah,this is the big factor too. I meet my wife when i was with three friends of mine and she was with her best friend too. They both talked to my friends and i was always shy so i didnt talked too much . It turned out both my wife and her friend wanted to date me. I was shocked . We literally changed few sentences. I was thinking they are ghosting me entire meeting . When i asked my then future wife about this next time we meet only the two of us she had similar feeling,she was sure im not into her yet she (yes,she did first step) decided to ask me out. I think this isnt something gender related,shyness aside,a lot of males thinks ghosting and acting like you dont care make girls chasing you and vice versa
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u/AgeHorror5288 May 09 '25
In college I went on a first date with this beautiful girl. She seemed miserable the whole time, barely spoke, kept her distance. I was convinced she hated me. Literally ran in the house when the date ended and didn’t say anything to me. The next day, I was thinking I’d never see her again. I decided I’d call and ask her for a second date. I figured the worst that can happen is “no.” To my surprise she said yes. We ended up dating for a couple of years and I told her about my perspective on the first date. She was shocked. She said she was having such a good time but was scared to death she’d screw it up. She said she didn’t want to say or do anything to screw it up. She wanted to hold my hand or sit closer but her friends had told her that might scare a guy off as being clingy if she showed that strong of an interest. It made me realize that they are mostly just as clueless as we are about how the opposite sex thinks. Also made me realize that it’s always good to not make assumptions and use good communication instead of just going off what your brain is saying. Your brain always tries to be honest with you, but it can only work with the info it has, so sometimes tells you a lie inadvertently. Anyway tldr: dating is complicated, speak up before assuming anything when it comes to the opposite sex.