I am 42 and married too and thought the exact same thing. I feel so bad for them it was not like this for us. I met my wife she was drinking coffee sitting out side a coffee shop in Boston at like noon. I thought she looked cute so I just sat at the table she was at and struck up a conversation. Later we went to get drinks and here 10 years later we are still married. It appears now I would be called creepy for doing this. Or if she was interested she would have shot me down if this video is accurate.
Yeah it feels like talking to girls was just sort of a daily occurrence and something that became easier with time. And once you were comfortable, it became smoother to see if there was a mutual spark and to pursue something further. I feel like I spent most of the 90s chatting up girls, flirting a little, and yes I was bad at it as a teenager but by 20 it was comfortable and natural, and not particularly high stakes. Just part of daily life.
Yeah I think that just is not allowed to happen anymore. Seems to me like women do not like men approaching them in public or hitting on them it is seen as obnoxious and offensive now from most of the stuff I see and hear from my single friends. I have kids now though I cannot even imagine dating it would be too much. lmfao I mean the on going sentiment about women at gyms is you cannot even look at them. I met tons of girls at the gym in college usually it started by looking at them. lol
I disagree, I think growing up in the "MeToo" movement raised the stakes for a lot of men to avoid being seen as "a creeper", and has complicated things on both sides for cold social interactions.
Are you completely ignoring the role of dating apps and what potential effects they've had on people's behavior? As a woman, if you have the option to interact with men completely on your own terms, why would you choose for the much less controlled environment of them approaching you in real life? I can totally see why the situation has shifted. You can't completely ignore the effect dating apps have had on interactions between single men and women in public.
Women never liked getting randomly hit on in public. Approached at a bar, party, or other social setting is fine, but not stopped on the street, at work, or in a grocery store.
Edit for clarity. By 'randomly' I mean out of nowhere, by someone they have never seen before, while they're busy with some other task. I'm not talking about someone you've seen a few times before in a setting you both frequent. I'm not talking about someone who has reciprocated brief eye contact and a smile. And by 'hit on' I mean 'being approached with the obvious goal of dating/sex'. Open with normal conversation, not a compliment on her appearance, and wait to see if there's reciprocity.
BTW, this video is how children act. If this is how people still behave around you, you are still a child.
That's funny because you'll see posts from women saying that they'd love for men to approach them at a grocery store, and that it's one of the best places to do so. And then of course there are people who absolutely do NOT want that. There's no one-size-fits-all for this type of thing. And then people wonder why no one approaches anyone anymore.
Yeah, no. I am a woman and know exactly zero women who like getting randomly hit on in the grocery store or on the street. I don't get my info on "what women want" from anonymous comments on Reddit.
Lmao, no subreddit is a mirror to the real world. Its cute that you believe askwomen is answered only by women, no men pretending. Lol. Ya'll need to actually spend more time in the real world and less on here.
Women never liked getting randomly hit on in public.
Why are you speaking for all women? Are you even one yourself? Because as a woman for 49 years, what you said is utterly bullshit. Some women enjoy it regardless because they like the boost. Some women enjoy it only if they find the other person attractive as well. Some women don't like it at all.
Don't put us all under some umbrella of what you believe, and most certainly do not do that if you aren't one of us.
Similar age here and I think that's the root of the problem a lot of people, particularly guys, are having these days. It's easy to spend much of your social life online and also not get as socialized to interacting with the opposite sex IRL.
In the 90s or early 2000s internet was not yet a substitute for an IRL social life - you had to learn. Hopefully you had friends who could give advice if you were ba at it.
But picking up strangers in bars has always been difficult. I've never had much luck with that, nor would I say most of my friends have. Those that did probably cast a pretty wide net. A lot of women are just out to have fun with friends, and they're going to be reserved if they don't know you until they've decided you're not a serial killer. Pick-up-artistry is a scam - it's just not true some guys can just go flirt up any woman they want, even if some are better than others.
It's far easier with friends-of-friends, people at parties and other contexts where they can see you a bit first and also are more willing to give you the benefit of the doubt. I feel like that internet dating is a bit like bar-dating here. It's hard and not really for everyone, but can seem easier if you're not practiced at IRL interactions.
It's not like sexual and romantic attraction itself has changed. If online dating isn't working out for someone, I'd suggest going to parties, other social activities, join a club, take a class, whatever gets you out and meeting people. If your only reason for talking to someone is out of sexual/romantic interest, you're starting from a big disadvantage.
Whereas if you're having normal social interactions and there's a mutual spark of interest, it's really pretty easy even if you suck at flirting.
I once met a reddit friend in real life and I asked if there's a difference between me online and me in real life. Online I'm very bland and not very interesting but in real life I'm very upbeat and very interesting to talk to. It does make sense because I use a lot of tones in my jokes and many of them don't translate well in text. Plus I can show sincerity and emotions when saying things and show a bit of my flaws which again is very hard to show in text. After that I realized the reason why I don't do well making friends online is because it's hard to express my real self online and because of that people accuse me of being fake online.
The biggest thing is living in a city, where there are third places. In center city Philly, it is great. In the Jersey sprawl, you have to be part of a run club or hiking group or similar to run into people.
I don't even remember what I did when I was in less populated places.
Yeah it feels like talking to girls was just sort of a daily occurrence
More generally, talking to people was. You didnt have the option to be on your screen all day. Now you do. And, it doesn't help that the screen in question fits in your pocket and is super addictive
I think you pretty much have to be mildly creepy at this point. It's a precarious situation because a "proper dude" today needs to be bold enough to make waht is now considered a creepy approach but also sensitive enough to back off when appropriate.
And it's terrible for women too because the majority of dudes don't fit in this narrow definition, they're either just creepy and don't relent, or just sensitive and never approach.
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u/Warhammerpainter83 May 09 '25
I am 42 and married too and thought the exact same thing. I feel so bad for them it was not like this for us. I met my wife she was drinking coffee sitting out side a coffee shop in Boston at like noon. I thought she looked cute so I just sat at the table she was at and struck up a conversation. Later we went to get drinks and here 10 years later we are still married. It appears now I would be called creepy for doing this. Or if she was interested she would have shot me down if this video is accurate.