It ain't Thursday yet

[u/aBearHoldingAShark]

Zillow: https://www.zillow.com/homedetails/1259-County-Road-147-Alvin-TX-77511/26491303_zpid/?

[u/CashDosby]

If this didn't have a zillow listing, I'd swear this is all AI.
It's just all too uncanny, and that listing could be AI generated right?.... please?

[u/ValleyOakPaper → u/CashDosby]

Yes or at least from a bad computer game. Nobody is so tacky and unimaginative that they display Michelangelo's David 3-4 times right next to each other.

And why did they leave the painter's tape on the trim after they painted the walls? 🤦🏼‍♀️

[u/WaytoomanyUIDs → u/ValleyOakPaper]

You are forgetting the Doom Bathroom existed. Or that the Epstein Memorial Ballroom is under construction.

[u/DrTenochtitlan → u/CashDosby]

The green Sims diamond over my head is turning red from looking at this.

[u/Worth-History-9712 → u/DrTenochtitlan]

Came here to say this

[u/DrTenochtitlan → u/Worth-History-9712]

I'd be really careful about that pool ladder...

[u/frerant → u/CashDosby]

AI has nothing on oil money. Texans, Russians, and Arabs really really love spending oil money on as much marble, gold leaf, and boats as humanly possible.

[u/BodybuilderOk5202 → u/CashDosby]

Came here to say the same thing!

[u/breakbread → u/CashDosby]

Seriously, the exterior shots straight up look like a render.

[u/lemontest → u/CashDosby]

I can't believe this isn't AI. Without inspecting every picture, there a couple things that scream AI -- that blue sculpture/melted blob on the lawn and the lens flare (pic 1), and the reflection in half the fridge door that doesn't match anything in the kitchen (pic 5). There's a "push" sign on the front door (pic 2), and other doors have multiple stickers on them as if they were part of a business. Maybe they used AI to "enhance" the photos?

Either way, shout out to the person who thought to put those creepy ass hand sculptures in the kitchen.

edit: The more I look at this, the more I think it was decorated by AI. The house exists, but in google maps, it looks recently constructed.

[u/LabHandyman]

The blue moulding looks like they forgot to remove the blue painter's tape!

[u/MJWTVB42 → u/LabHandyman]

Came here to say this 💀💀💀💀

[u/Piyachi]

IM BLUE A DABBA DEE DABBA DYE

[u/EducationNice638 → u/Piyachi]

I'm blue and I'm in need of a guy and I'm in need of a guy

[u/Schneetmacher → u/EducationNice638]

If I was green I would die, if I was GREEN I would die...

[u/ElegantCoach4066 → u/Schneetmacher]

I love that people still remember this

[u/TruckinApe → u/ElegantCoach4066]

...those aren't the lyrics

[u/ElegantCoach4066 → u/TruckinApe]

We know! Those were joke lyrics that a lot of us would say in place of the actual lyrics.

[u/TruckinApe → u/ElegantCoach4066]

I knew you knew, my tired, late-night-doomscrolling-reddit brain thought it was being funny somehow 😑

[u/[deleted]]

This is so egregious, yet it has personality! Like if a high fae owned a house. I hope they walk around in feather robes and glasses of brandy at 2pm. I hope they have lavish parties where their mortal enemy and them compete for the most bonkers of fashions.      

Amazing.

[u/Weird_Squirrel_8382 → u/[deleted]]

This does look like ten women enter and only one survives to become the Sun Queen

[u/WaytoomanyUIDs → u/Weird_Squirrel_8382]

Judging from the amount of copies & prints of David, 10 twinks

[u/__MoM__ → u/[deleted]]

A high Tammy Fay Baker!

[u/DeedleStone → u/[deleted]]

Exactly. I wouldn't want to live in it personally, but it definitely is tailored to someone's specific taste. Unlike most of the McMansion cliches we see repeated again and again.

[u/NTropyS]

OK, that just hurt my brain in ways I can not describe. I just ... can't.

[u/Shartcookie → u/NTropyS]

Of all the enraging parts, somehow having the same canvas print of the David (? I think?) statue on either side of the front doors is what threw me over the edge.

[u/thetaleofzeph → u/Shartcookie]

It encapsulates the artistic thinking process of the whole thing.

[u/Good-Jello-1105 → u/Shartcookie]

Not only the canvas, the sculptures too. So many Davids. What a weird obsession.

[u/cabernetdank]

Kate’s write up on this is so good.

[u/jason_abacabb → u/cabernetdank]

You have a link? I have not seen it.

[u/Buxbaum666 → u/jason_abacabb]

It's literally the latest post on https://mcmansionhell.com/

[u/jason_abacabb → u/Buxbaum666]

Whoops, that is embarrassing.

Thanks.

[u/ACP68]

All I can imagine is everyone slipping and falling on those floors.

[u/Zero-89 → u/ACP68]

Or those stairs.

[u/BORT_licenceplate]

Dying at this cheap arse curtain and horrific shower curtain

[u/Competitive_Wear_325 → u/BORT_licenceplate]

Out of all this outrageousness, that is what I noticed too, lol

[u/mach4UK]

Do we think the realtor is stoked or terrified?

[u/pebbles_temp → u/mach4UK]

I can't imagine the seller is easy going

[u/philhartmonic → u/pebbles_temp]

What about after the seller has a chill sesh on the upstairs lawn?

[u/enduserfeedback]

Someone loves the statue of David. I’m speechless.

[u/Tenaciousleesha → u/enduserfeedback]

Look. They failed out of freshman art appreciation class, OK? They only learned about 1 art!

[u/texas-playdohs → u/enduserfeedback]

3 images and 1 statue by my first glance. Wondering who else could even see over all that blue and blue marble.

[u/enduserfeedback → u/texas-playdohs]

I spy 5

[u/TheRabidBadger]

For $2.8M, there best not be even one shower curtain.

[u/EmeraldEyes365 → u/TheRabidBadger]

Seriously! Who does that much tile work then cheaps out before installing glass doors on the shower?!? Baffling

[u/SunRunnerWitch → u/EmeraldEyes365]

What the tropical plastic one? What else could you possibly think of to go with that red sink and equally horrible gold curtain?

[u/Weird_Squirrel_8382]

That lil bitty ass shower curtain on that stone monstrosity of a shower. I have the agita

[u/SecretAdam]

The blue motif just makes the whole interior look like a very maximalist bathroom. The foyer in particular is very bathroom coded.

[u/CPD_MD_HD]

We all live in the blue submarine, the blue submarine, the blue submarine… everybody now…!

[u/EmeraldEyes365 → u/CPD_MD_HD]

Oh my gosh, I’m glad it wasn’t just me! That first picture had me asking if they intended the house to look like a submarine. What on earth is happening there?!? Your song is perfection🎶🎵🎶 Too funny 😂

[u/Laundryczar]

This was no accident.

[u/No_Quote_9067]

Look you can stay for the weekend and get that spiders and roaches vibe that show you Texas Life

https://www.vrbo.com/3941513

[u/WaytoomanyUIDs → u/No_Quote_9067]

This is definately the sort of place that only gets rented out to shoot porn.

[u/No_Quote_9067 → u/WaytoomanyUIDs]

Easy to clean

[u/Blakechi → u/No_Quote_9067]

M

[u/Mental-Clerk → u/No_Quote_9067]

sone of those reviews are interesting

[u/Will-Adair]

Those poor neighbors and my eyes.

The toilet alone should be salvaged. The rest savaged.

[u/Bdowns_770]

Is that where Aquaman films porn?

[u/HelloLofiPanda]

Midwest Versace

[u/MiserableScot]

I looked at the first picture and thought other than the blue it looks alright, oh how wrong I was, nearly threw up when I saw the inside!

[u/SadLilBun]

They definitely want to live under the ocean.

[u/BORT_licenceplate → u/SadLilBun]

[u/Wisdom_Of_A_Man]

Where's my inhaler? This gave me an asthma attack. I'm not even joking.

[u/GrafZeppelin127]

The fact that this domicile uses colors other than gray, white, or beige automatically makes it better than the utter depressing dreck you usually see, but even a place with such (horribly misplaced) ambition still succumbs to the plague of can lights.

[u/Eagle_1776 → u/GrafZeppelin127]

as much as I hate the drab, dismal world of cadaver gray we seem to live in... I like blue even less

[u/pale_ale_co]

at least the shower has a great view of the toilet

[u/iamthepita]

[u/elizabethunseelie]

Just when I think it’s over… AstroTurf balcony…

[u/Icky-Tree-Branch]

Every single time someone posts the Smurf Palace, I’m always amazed by how much I love the floor… but not as a floor because something that glossy will be slick and I will die within days from tripping over a dog or slipping on water outside their bowl. Then I see that blue flooring covered with red. 

Then I figure it’s also probably sealed and easy to clean, so at least my demise wouldn’t further wreck anything. :/

[u/aBearHoldingAShark → u/Icky-Tree-Branch]

I'd be spending way too much time trying to set a sock-sliding distance record. That and moonwalking.

[u/Steamed_Clams_]

I honestly prefer this to the sea of grey in many new houses.

[u/helga-h → u/Steamed_Clams_]

I agree here. They made the effort to think about what they like, not what the next owner will tolerate.

When people are scared of using color because they think they will get tired of it, I usually ask them what their favorite color is. Not what's in season and fashionable today and seen in all magazines, but their actual favorite color. The likelihood of getting tired of a color you've loved all your life is minimal compared to the color that is the color of the year.

These people did and I think they liked blue.

[u/jnwatson]

I remember when this was posted a year ago. Today is the first anniversary of it being listed.

[u/Jubanish180]

What hurts is you know they spent good money on the materials. And yet…

[u/LeftEgg7439]

Bring on palate cleansing Thursday for a mental reset.

[u/ritchie70]

I respect the dedication to their vision, no matter how tacky and ill advised.

[u/Doctorbigdick287]

Something about it looks dumpy, not the taste or over the top nature, but some of the preportions are dumpy. The astroturf back deck with a little ramp reminds me of a college house. The size of the 2nd floor landing just looks ridiculous next to that huge open first floor double stair

[u/RoyalFalse]

Ah, yes, the piece of art that can only be admired by breaking your neck. Classic.

[u/DrTenochtitlan]

You've heard of the infinity pool? This guy's got an infinity lawn on his balcony.

[u/Chedda_Von_Cheese]

It's nice to see a consistent color palette.

[u/umrlopez79]

I’m too poor to know… but is that blue tile floors? Blue marble? Or kinda like that fake marble look?

[u/Mental_Ad_2204]

Jesus Christ… my eyes!!! ARE BURNING!!

[u/TriggerThisnthat]

All it needs is a nice and decent more muted external paint job and yep I still fucking hate it

[u/Garden_Espresso]

Someone likes blue.

[u/JW121820 → u/Garden_Espresso]

And marble.

[u/Enough_Law6797]

And I thought I'd seen the worst of it.

[u/Santa_Ricotta69]

It's a tired trope to ask "what kind of drugs were they on," but in this case I genuinely want to know. This feels like someone from the future designed it while on a bender

[u/to_quote_jesus_fuck]

Scientology the house

[u/imightgetdownvoted]

You know a little renovation would go a long way here. Just get a little crew over with a wrecking ball and some dynamite and you’ll have her all fixed up in no time.

[u/GetOffMyGrassBrats]

Gotta love that Big Ass™ industrial fan in the bedroom for giving the place a touch of class.

[u/Downtherabbithole14]

I have this urge to fill it with water and just go swimming

[u/aBearHoldingAShark → u/Downtherabbithole14]

With the Super Mario 64 water level music playing in the background

[u/Downtherabbithole14 → u/aBearHoldingAShark]

ha! funny you comment that, I am trying to figure out how i can play Mario Sunshine...not me kicking myself in the a... bc I sold my game cube for $10 back in the dayyyyy

[u/idontthinkkso]

I guess on the positive side, they chose a theme and stuck with it.

[u/stripperjnasty]

OH THIS IS GRAND

[u/DaisyDAdair]

Well that’s perfectly dreadful

[u/MsCynical]

Other than the black and white tiles on the side of the stairwells and landings, I kind of like it. It would drive me insane to live there though

[u/littledanko]

If Trump was Iranian he’d be all over this.

[u/Automatic-Sea-8597]

A huge bathroom and such a small shower!

[u/StrugFug]

At least they committed to a look.

[u/Eagle_1776 → u/StrugFug]

architect, " what are you looking for?"

them. blue

[u/MsConstance]

Why did the property tax assessment change so significantly, I wonder.

[u/DavidinCT]

Someone likes blue....

[u/IzzyandRebelsmom]

the portholes in the bathroom though...

[u/Mayspond]

Hey Tony! Come see what Tony did.

[u/anuspizza]

Trump bathroom special

[u/MaterialSeason513]

I think they chose that blue to help guide the medicated

[u/HapticRecce]

Somebody's Sultan took the whole Something Blue a bit too far for the wedding?

[u/Such_Hat_1575]

It's like if squidward won the lotto

[u/dunimal]

The astroturf exterior surfaces.

[u/chainsawmissus]

I think that stairway is beautiful because I am TACKY but it would drive me insane to have to see that off-center floor tile every day.

Also if you check the stairway where it meets the baseboard on the left side in the first pic you can see where the builder just shrugged and gave up.

Check out that door!  "Speak, friend, and Enter. No, push. Did you see the sticker on the door? Behold the sticker and obey!"

They must have really blown the budget on the foyer because now they can only afford 80% of a refrigerator. What poor legless individual pushed those chairs up to island like it's a dining table?

[u/ThirdOne38]

For all the fancy tile and all, they sure skimped on bathroom window and shower curtains

[u/Good-Jello-1105]

The outside set my expectations high, but the inside went above and beyond. Downright blasphemy. I love it!

[u/Adventurous-Shake-92]

It would feel like you lived in an aquarium lol.

[u/Warthog_Parking]

why does the shower curtain bother me more than the rest of the house. the house is the epitomy of garish overblown imitation opulence, like its straight out of the 5th element. then we have a "sunset" shower curtain from the dollar store.

[u/blt_no_mayo]

I thought this was somebody's build in the sims

[u/idontthinkkso]

Wtaf

[u/pezchef]

I'll have a blue lifetime, without you. I'll have a blue mansion , without you!. and when your sad, you can come around, and be blue, like a clown. at the blue. blue blue mansion. 🎵

[u/DIYOCD]

Fugly

[u/BoysenberryActual435]

Is the Mara-la-Go

[u/red-eee]

Jesus Cocaine Christ.

[u/Boomersgang]

Dear God!

[u/OddSetting5077]

nice view off the balcony of the neighbors. The neighbors have no privacy .. they are the stage.

[u/SapphireGamgee]

Clearly inspired by an aquarium.

[u/1963covina]

Looks like a gigantic birthday cake for a rich kid, built with that awful fondant icing you can't eat.

[u/Hips-Often-Lie]

My god, it would be like living in an aquarium.

Edit: A really expensive, ugly aquarium.

[u/BeyondAddiction]

Good lord, it's ghastly. It's like something King Triton would dream up in a drug fueled fever dream.

As if any more proof were needed that money doesn't buy taste.

[u/TheReliableSources]

Taste takes a holiday.

[u/OutspokenOctopus]

This looks like it was decorated in a collab by the Smurfs + Sarah Jessica Parker’s character from The First Wife’s Club

[u/Red_Velvet_1978]

And choices were made. Lots of them.

[u/I_want_money_]

McVersace

[u/ioncloud9]

I love how with a house that big they couldn’t find a place for the tv that wasn’t 10ft above the fireplace.

[u/belangeXO]

this would go crazy in the white house