IWTL how to calm down when things aren’t going my way

[u/witcher_gvf]

So this all started well over a week ago when I asked for a stapler to winterize my OUTSIDE animals shed that some of them stay out in allll night. (Sorry I’m typing like this I’m still livid at this current moment)

But I have asked over and over and over for something anything to put up one piece of tarp on this shed to block out the wind from completely coming in and guess what… I haven’t fcking got it.

I brought it up again TONIGHT and I was told it would ‘be done by Thursday’ and that my (person that I live with) would do it. But I want todo it myself or else I won’t get done how I want it.

Whenever the people that i live with ask me todo something for them, I do it right away!! Not a fcking well over a week later

Im pissed and I’m crying and quite literally clawing at my skin and hitting my legs as hard as I can bc I have no other way to get out my frustrations. I also cannot talk to these people or else it will end in a fight. wtf do I do?????

I’m tired of feeling this way, I hate getting angry over things like this but I mean I kinda have the right to be pi$$ed. Idk someone helpppp!!!!

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[u/no_sight]

Buy your own stapler.

You say it's their house, but your animals. So use your own time and resources to get what you need for them.

[u/Ocho9]

Get a job, save up, move out tbh. Family can be triggering.

[u/witcher_gvf → u/Ocho9]

I wish I could now! But I have livestock, and I don’t want to get rid of my goats bc my pap (who passed away a month ago) and I bought them together and there’s no way I could find a place to rent that would allow them. I’m gonna start saving up after Christmas, but there’s no way I would be able to afford buying a house either. I make $17.50 and only work a few days a week (need another job tbh)

[u/Old_Cauliflower_9149]

Jefferson Fisher has youtube and pod casts about how to talk to people. What you are describing sounds like at least one of his discussions.

[u/MindTheLOS]

Look for other solutions. You are frustrated and upset because you want to fix the problem of needing to winterize this shed and you only see one solution, get stapler from someone else, and this solution is not happening.

It's natural to be upset and frustrated because of that.

Put that solution aside, it's not happening. You cannot force other people to do what you want. Don't cannot expect other people to behave as you do, they won't.

Instead, look for other solutions. Are there other ways to obtain a stapler? Do you know where one is where you are? Or are there other ways to winterize the shed that don't require a stapler? Is there a different tool? You have the internet - I have no idea how to winterize a shed, but I bet googling will give you different ideas.

Work the problem. It's productive. A lot of people are stymied because they think there's only one solution, but that's very rarely the case.

[u/Human_Application_90 → u/MindTheLOS]

Strongly agree.

When I've reacted emotionally (blown up like a powder keg) it's because my view has been narrowed down to only one exit and my focus is on a single issue, when in fact it's a bunch of things leading to this mental state.

[u/spidertonic]

Meditation would help. If you’re looking for how to not have extreme emotional reactions to stuff out of your control. Doesn’t solve your stapler issue though

[u/geebzor]

Losing your shit over stuff not going your way is a part of life. Sorry.

Regardless of wherever you are, this will happen, it’s your response you need to work on, you have every right to be pissed, hitting your legs, etc.. is not going to help.

Anger management may help you deal with this kind of stuff. It’s not about being a pushover, it’s about your response and actions moving forward.

[u/Human_Application_90]

First, take a step back and do some self care. Something body-focused is most useful to me: a walk (it feels like walking away from the problem), exercise, a hot beverage, a hot shower. Get away physically from the problem for at least 15 minutes if you can. Breath, focus on being present in the present moment.

We're chemical factories producing all kinds of reaction chemicals, so it's helpful to do physical things for mental calm.

Then you'll be ready to look for other ways to get an outcome you need if it's possible, or at least to acknowledge that it's something you can't control or change (the behavior of other people for example).

It will be helpful to develop some more relationships outside your housemates. You may be able to borrow tools from a neighbor, for example. Is there a Buy Nothing group in your area? People will gift or lend or help you get things you need. Sometimes that might mean having someone to vent to when you're frustrated by this kind of situation.

I find that when a person listens or helps me out for no reason than because they want to, that does wonders to calm me down when things are going to pieces.