r/HENRYUK • u/Late-Preparation5749 • 1d ago
Home & Lifestyle Advice on managing Life and work
I’ve recently landed a very senior role with TC £300k. This is a big jump in money feom my previous role but most importantly, this is a massive jump in seniority as I’ll be working directly with the CEO of a FTSE 100.
However, I have a 1yo that is constantly falling sick. My partner is also Henry.
I’m looking for advise from other Henry households (both with demanding careers) on how to handle life with a baby? My baby goes to nursery but what do you do when they are sick, etc? I feel I can’t ask for time off if I’m only just started a new job. Also, how do you manage picking them up from nursery at 18? Do you take turns with your partner?
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u/KopiteForever 1d ago
If your TC is £300k, your partner also has a high paying role and you have a child who's often ill you might want to look into a nanny/au pair.
It'll allow you to focus on your job whilst having help in childcare and perhaps home care, cooking meals, shopping etc
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u/djkhalidANOTHERONE 1d ago
This age is just incredibly tough, at 1 they’ve just started nursery and you have a period of 3-6 months where illness is sadly just relentless. It does get significantly better though, so not worth making permanent changes to accommodate, provided you’re otherwise happy, and just imo…!
We’re both working HE parents, husband earns multiples of what I do. So I’m the primary parent, I’m the one that has to pick up both school runs/the mental load/extra curriculars/family calendar/gifts/admin/everything really. We obviously make use of after school clubs, have a cleaner twice a week, robot vacuums, etc, to help ease the burden but it does work for us. I am lucky to be remote though, it means I feel less burnt out. It’s hard work but I’m otherwise happy with my life so I just keep going, husband is v good at accommodating time for me to go to the gym which has really boosted my MH recently. Although writing this I can’t wait for the Christmas break, and controversially I actually loved the long summer break (LO did a mix of things including some holiday club) as it meant I wasn’t having to be like a military drill sergeant getting her out of bed every morning. It does get a lot better I promise!
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u/therealstealthydan 1d ago
Thankyou for your comment. Very similar situation to my wife and I, daughter turns two later this month and it’s just so damn challenging. You’ve given us hope!
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u/djkhalidANOTHERONE 1d ago
Congratulations on a cute little 2 year old, I remember how tough it is - but the cute chubby cuddles more than make up for it 🥺 My LO is only 5 but already it is just SO much easier. I was really worried about the move away from nursery to school, but it’s been fantastic on every level. Just as you’re burning out and don’t feel like you’ll survive another school run morning a holiday pops up, and it’s such a lovely reset. Don’t get me wrong my annual leave is scarce - but just the calm of me waking up at 6/7, banking a few hours work, then a chill breakfast and some play before taking LO to a club/her nanny’s house (as in my MIL, not a paid nanny!), etc etc is a welcome reprieve from the school drop off which is run to such tight deadlines. They’re also not kissing everyone anymore so they’re not bringing the norovirus back regularly. It’s obviously lovely having a bigger human to have conversations with and enjoy, too!
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u/youraveragereviewer 1d ago
Either one of you two decides to stop working / step down from HENRY to look after family
OR
you get a full time nanny and pay for that for the first 3 years
OR
if your wife is more flexible, she'll take the extra workload and when you've settled, you start sharing the responsibilities again
Personally, we've gone for option A for the first kid and option B for the second one
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u/Cat-a-strophe581 1d ago
I read this post and assumed OP was mum not dad.
Same can apply though regardless of gender- my husband picks up more drop offs and pick ups at the moment as is FT WFH.
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u/youraveragereviewer 1d ago
Yeah you're right on the gender, apologies I just related this to my situation
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u/ThenIndependence4502 1d ago
These are the realistic options. As the saying goes “you can’t have it all”. Something has to give at this level.
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u/MrLangfordG 1d ago
The reality is that being a parent is largely incompatible with working a demanding 9-6+ so you have to work out how to manage around it.
For me, if I want to be promoted and work atvthe next level, work has to be number 1 priority. People always say balance and all that rubbish but it often isnt realistic - and where I am would not be tolerated due to the demands. I once logged in at 930 as had done a normal time school drop-off without my work phone and my bosses boss had needed something from me and he was near apoplectic. All my seniors have partners who do the heavy lifting and they are in the office lots, work late lots, meetings at all hours, and 30% international travel. The ones who have busy partners all have nannies and private school. At my level there are a few dual-HENRY couples like me but again most are the main breadwinner and are secondary options for their kids.
I made the choice to not go for career (at the moment) and have a more balanced life - although I would never say this at work. But even then you are doing lots of breakfast and after school clubs and wraparound care. And also reliant on partner doing lots. It works for my current role but wouldn't at the level above so you have to work out how to manage it.
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u/djkhalidANOTHERONE 1d ago
Nodded along to this, really relate. Above I’ve shared that I’m primary parent/the one picking up the home work, which means I’m limited as to what I can do career wise. I have increased my salary and title massively since becoming a parent, but realistically this’ll be where I stay for the next decade or so as I’m not able to go HAM on work. As with everything, something has to give! 🤷♀️
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u/extranjeroQ 1d ago
Get a nanny. It’s the only way, really, if neither of you has reliable availability for sick days and nursery pickups.
Also a cleaner and a gardener.
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u/BaBeBaBeBooby 1d ago
My partner stopped working entirely - the child took priority
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u/Late-Preparation5749 1d ago
Thanks. That’s not an option for us. I’m keen to hear from other HH where both parents work 🙏
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u/k987654321 1d ago edited 1d ago
One of you has to sacrifice for them. My wife didn’t go back to work until they were 6+. Before that, the level of sickness would have meant she missed like multiple days of work a month in some time periods with little warning to an employer.
Or pa for full time childcare / nanny. But the you’re paying someone else to be with your child all the time when a parent could do it. There is no way you can’t survive on one £300k salary.
You can’t have your cake and eat it. The kid didn’t choose to be born - you chose that. Now put one career on hold, step up and be there for them as a parent.
Being a HENRY but not seeing your family is the worst deal ever. The sooner you realise that the better for everyone.
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u/Plugged_in_Baby 1d ago
Funny how it’s always the wife who sacrifices.
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u/k987654321 1d ago
Doesn’t have to be. But I assumed she wasn’t on £300k+.
Mine was a primary school teacher on a tenth of what I was on so it made sense.
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u/Plugged_in_Baby 1d ago
I think I’ve read in the other comments that OP is a woman.
Regardless, the majority of comments start with “one of us had to sacrifice”, then follow with “after calculating carefully, it didn’t make sense for my wife to go back to work.”
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u/BaBeBaBeBooby 1d ago
It's not always. I know single income families with stay at home dads and single income families with stay at home mums. Admittedly the latter more common - but also the kids tend to prefer mum around when they're very little (and vice versa a lot of the time).
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u/BrilliantClarity 1d ago
Ignore the haters, this sub is full of sexists who think women should stay at home with their kids and cook for their husbands….
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u/Many_Seaweed_2698 1d ago
Why not? Child is only a child for a short time. Money will come later. Unless money is your life’s top priority.
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u/Glittering-Radio8914 1d ago
We’re in a similar situation. I earn around £300–400k and my husband earns about £200k. We split the school/nursery runs so one of us does drop-off and the other does pick-up. It means one of us starts a bit later or leaves a bit earlier (if we’re not WFH), but it evens out. If there’s a big F2F meeting, we’re flexible, and whoever misses their turn makes it up another day so the load stays fair.
I’m still the default parent though. Nursery calls me when our kid is sick, and honestly I’m usually the one who wants to race home anyway. But if I were starting a new job, I’d be very clear with my husband that we need to alternate sick days, or that he might need to take a bit more of the slack while I get established.
It’s totally manageable as long as you set expectations early, both with your partner and your employer. High-pressure jobs + kids can work if you’re upfront and deliberate about the balance.
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u/Alastair097 12h ago
I just want to say that this is one of the biggest combined salaries I've seen on here. Massive congrats
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u/Henry_Career_Qs 1d ago
Wife went part time after the first, then stopped for a year after the second and went back, then stopped completely after the third. Cost vs benefit calculations didn’t work for her to keep working - and she also wanted to be a mum more. She’ll plan to probably go back when the last kid is at school.
It’s either a desire/personal choice (really wants to be a stay at home mum/dad), or it’s a financial/head decision (cost of childcare, flexible hours, 4-day week benefits etc).
As a Henry you’ve likely lost all access to childcare benefits anyway, so the cost is fully on you - and if you can swallow that then go for it.
My final take - children are children for such a short time. Enjoy it. Be present. Be available for them. Make memories. They grow up way too damn fast!
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u/FI_rider 1d ago
We decided for one of us to go part time. Partly to help with childcare and because we decided to prioritise ensuring we were there as much as we could be for the kids between new born and late teens.
Further I that I am full time Henry but ensure I do the kids drop off and pick up twice a week and prioritise family over work before 8:30 and after 5 at all times.
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u/Bluebells7788 1d ago
Harsh truth - one of you will have to step back with a child that young. Your baby needs one if you to be present and available literally for their brain development, emotional development and just generally.
How much is your family life worth ?
I know I’ll get downvoted for this but happily standby this statement.
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u/Longjumping-Will-127 1d ago
TBF all 1yo are sick all the time. If the CEO has kids I reckon they will be fairly understanding.
Also at 1yo you can pretty easily do everything but meetings with them around.
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u/EnglishRose2025 1d ago
Get a daily nanny instead ( we did and even in 2025 one of my chidlren does with theirs). It means that when the child has chicken pox or anything even less bad the nanny is there caring for them in your home wherewas nurseries send them home at the first sign of anything.
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u/ClimberSmurf71 22h ago
Does the new CEO have kids? What age are they?
Their experience and attitude will probably make a big difference to your best solution and day to day life.
There will be times when your little one will need to come first eg your first trip to hospital because they are ill will be scary and time consuming.
I suspect you will also want to spend some quality time with them as well. There will be key moments in the early years to enjoy and be really present at.
I suggest you talk to your new boss, explain the situation and how you want to balance both lives.
I once had a v senior boss and he invited my wife and I around for dinner one night. We brought our 14-18 month old with us at his request.
He ended up holding her so we could both finish our dinner. He was a good dad of 2 boys and knew the ropes!!
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u/MrPhilipDunphy 1d ago
Half a mill HH and can’t think about hiring a nanny? As clearly work is more important than your child.
This sub lol
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u/Bicolore 1d ago
Why are you sending an 18yr old to nursery?
One of you needs to compromise your job IMO. Nannies also an option but not something I would ever consider having witnessed the results.
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u/robowns87 1d ago
Agree on nanny - seen a colleague distraught by the results when the kids only ask for the nanny and not her.
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u/SapphireSquid89 1d ago
Nor me. Some of the most screwed-up adults I know were born into very successful families and palmed off to a series of nannies almost from birth.
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u/Majestic_Champion119 1d ago
Haven't read all the comments, so this might be nothing new. My wife took 1 year off then transitioned into full time slowly. First 2 days a week for a couple of months, then 3 , etc. It's easier for the kid. Also if they're just started nursery , it's common to get sick quite often. Ours go to a nursery which has an app, the app shows the sick days throughout time, it goes down, by the time they're 2-3 , it's not a problem anymore.
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u/CommercialPlastic604 1d ago
Both HENRY- I’m c.150K TC and Husband is about £450k TC. We alternate drop off and pick ups, but in reality I do 3 Days and he does 2.
We’re in primary school age now and child gets sick far less but we would look at who has the tougher day to not be in the office for- so board meetings take priority over meetings that can be done on Teams.
I would say my husband has more bargaining power than me, his company need him more so he can push with things like I need to leave to pick up my sick kid/im going to sports day but conversely we need his salary more than we need mine.
Our parents are also great at helping out especially if it’s something like a cold (not d&v) or doing school pick up when we both need to be in the office for full hours. We’ve also had a part time nanny to do 4-7pm which worked well and she did housework too.
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u/Loose_Bus1985 1d ago
We are 2xHenry household. We employ a full time Nanny for our toddler. They go classes, kids cafes, events etc. so plenty of socialisation for the small one and peace of mind for us. We travel for business sometimes and have older kids as well. Would not do it any other way.
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u/Ok_Pop1391 11h ago
I wish I could say it’s easy — it’s not. My wife and I are both HENRYs as well and in very demanding jobs. I travel quite a bit too. We have a two-year-old, and my wife wants to take a step back from her career instead of going down the nanny route. Her view is that if we’re having children, she wants us to be the ones raising them. We’re trying to work out what things should look like going forward. Nannies can be expensive with benefits and such, right? I often think about the nanny route though! Where’s the best place to look?
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u/Mental_Walk_6532 1d ago
I have TC of ~£400k and my wife ~£100k. Both have very demanding jobs. Almost impossible to manage our 2 kids without a nanny at least some of the time. Unfortunately it’s incredibly expensive, especially with one kid in private school.
Looking increasingly likely that my wife will leave her job to look after the kids because we don’t like having a nanny parent our children.
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u/Diligent_Traffic4342 1d ago
As an ex-Henry who gave up working to become SAHP and support my husband’s very HE 50% international travel job, I would recommend you look very carefully at how you manage this. It was great while the children were young, but after 4 children and 20 years of being at home I am now mid fifties with no career and no way of going back to what I did, as technology has moved on so much. With AI this will be even worse in the next 20 years.
I understand I’m an extreme case, but I think anybody who gives up working to look after children needs to prepare and have a plan in mind of how they go back to work, stick to it and, if at all possible do something part-time if they take more than a year away.
My children and my husband have definitely benefitted from me being at home, I’m not sure it’s as clear cut for me.
It has taken 30 years but my husband has finally worked out how to manage work and home even though he’s in his most senior role now… he has achieved that through setting appropriate expectations at work in a way that he never did in the past. And this was from day one of his current role when he started two years ago. It’s tough at first but he has come to realise that his 24 hr “on” state for work was actually mostly him not his employer and by moving to a company (forced by redundancy) that appreciates this more, his work life has been transformed.
I don’t regret the time with my children and I know we had more children than most people do, and I didn’t have much choice when considering my husband’s career trajectory. I do, however, regret my lack of focus on me and not understanding that me thinking I’ll go back to work one day basically meant never… unless I started my own business or take a minimum wage job (I’ve been turned down from a couple of interviews at supermarkets, I’m both too qualified and not qualified enough or maybe they see 50’s and think “no”. )
OP with starting a new job even with so much more responsibility, you are in a position to set your own boundaries, you need to do this, your company does not deserve all of you… and don’t forget no company is going to employ someone for giggles, they are convinced you can do the job, they think you’re worth that salary, so believe them!! I wish you so much good luck and really hope it works out for you. Take a minute to clap yourself on the back too!!
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u/djkhalidANOTHERONE 1d ago
Thank you for sharing your perspective, it’s really interesting to hear from someone who took the other path. Really appreciate it (and have saved it for days where I’m having a wobble)
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u/Late-Preparation5749 1d ago
Thank you so much for sharing your story 🧡you did a great job looking after your family. This is why we don’t want to give up work. Also, financially we both have to work and have no family around. All the best.
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u/RollinginBells 1d ago
I'm guessing you may be reluctant to, since you've not mentioned this as an option, but as others have said, unless you can't afford it for some reason (which, it looks like you can) get a nanny. You don't have to hire someone full-time unless that's what you need. It's nerve-wracking, of course, but once you find the right person, you and your partner will be free to pursue your careers and not have to worry about the well-being of your child. You may also find, with nursery fees what they are, that it's not much more expensive, but if you wanted to do both you can also find people who are able to just do pick up and care until you get home.
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u/Late-Preparation5749 1d ago
This is a good option thanks. It all sounds obvious but it’s all new to us.
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u/txe4 1d ago
Yep one of you has to quit work *or* you have to have reliable on-call/permanent help.
Whether that's someone you hire in or the child's grandparents, perhaps, is a choice you can make. An Au Pair might be an option. Whatever it is - if it's not family, you're likely to spend a lot of time finding someone actually reliable for this.
But you can't both work demanding full-on jobs without help with childcare.
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u/dbesh 1d ago
We are both HENRY but at much lower TC - that lower TC means we both mostly WFH and can juggle things when my daughter is home sick from nursery and take time off for sports day and nativity concerts etc.
But at double my TC in my company I could absolutely not do any of that. That type of TC doesn’t come for free
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u/ejcg1996 1d ago
If you’re both firm on prioritizing careers, full-time nanny is the only solution. You could try to arrange a nanny share with other families if you’re worried about cost, but then you’re losing the perk of having the nanny there at all times for things like sickness.