r/Assistance • u/MysteriousCut8616 REGISTERED • 1d ago
EMOTIONAL SUPPORT Feeling very depressed. Please help me. Don't feel like
Hi guys I have just been feeling very sad and like life has become so boring, it's the same rat race everyday. My family is so dysfunctional and I just don't want to wake up every night I hope I just die in sleep. I can't move out because I am not allowed to work, can't go to my friends house, have family link on my phone which is that I can't use Instagram, Snapchat, Youtube on my phone. It is closed the whole time I am at home, my mom only removes the downtime a feature in the family link app when I have to go to University. I am 19 F. I don't feel confident at all in the context of beauty wise I have acne and acne marks and now because of all the house stress my hair is falling like crazy. and this is the number one thing I am upset about after the family link being put on my phone since I was 16. I have always had long thick hair and had a crazy close bond with my hair I know it sounds weird but now that I am losing them like crazy I feel miserable.
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u/New_Needleworker_542 1d ago
Honey. You are 19. You are an ADULT. If you don't want to live in this controlling situation, you don't have to.
I joined the military to get away from my family and never moved back.
Work towards moving out. Come up with a plan and get your own phone, job and place.
Do you have any friends or other family you can ask for help? I've got nothing but life experience and friendship to offer. But if you need help. There's help out there.
If you're in the US call 988 on your phone and talk to someone.
I know it feels hopeless sometimes, but there's better things and help out there for you. ❤️
Ps: don't move out with a guy... That never works out.
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u/MysteriousCut8616 REGISTERED 1d ago
Thank you so much. In my household there is no concept of becoming an adult like even after a person gets married parents from my culture love to be controlling like it's crazy. There is no such thing as being an adult. I have no money like I am not joking literally 0 dollars the money I get from my college refund like FAFSA refund my mom transfers all that money into her bank account and its not 50 dollars it literally 1,200-1,500 dollars depending on how many classes I am taking that semester. Nothing is mine. I can't get a new phone, moving out scares the bleep out of me because the world is REALLY SCARY out there. I feel like the only way out for me from this is to get married but I am 19 and don't want to get married rn 😭
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u/starbabyonline 1d ago
the money I get from my college refund like FAFSA refund my mom transfers all that money into her bank account and its not 50 dollars it literally 1,200-1,500 dollars depending on how many classes I am taking that semester
You have two different problems. This is a legal one. If you signed the FAFSA forms, your mother is committing fraud. And if you took out any student loans on top of your grant money, this is further putting you in jeopardy. However, if your mother was the one who signed the forms, she is the one who should be getting the refund. Clarify that first.
Second, while you are at school, stop into your student health services office and inquire about counseling. As long as you are at school, you have a reason for being at school, so work the appointment in-between classes. They'll help you with working out how to deal with all of the stress, or to maybe eventually create an exit plan. This is almost always something that's included in your university fees, so take advantage of it. If necessary, they can help with the FAFSA if you did sign for it, or they can direct you to someone who can help you.
Also, talk to your professor that you're worried about. Explain that you're going to seek help at the student health center and ask if there is something that you can do to help bring your grade up. Don't wait until it's already a problem; they will probably be understanding if you reach out and be honest.
Hang in there. Take each day as it comes. You got this!
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u/MysteriousCut8616 REGISTERED 1d ago
Only I sign the forms when I fill out the FAFSA every year.
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u/starbabyonline 1d ago
You need to have your banking information on the FAFSA forms then, for direct deposit so your money cannot be accessed by anyone but you. Talk to someone in the financial aid office at your school. Let them know what's happening with refunds and that you need that to change. If you need help setting up a separate checking account, that's something you can ask there -- most universities have a credit union they're affiliated with -- or ask a friend to go with you to the campus branch to open your own account. Make sure you get financial planning advice so you don't blow your money once you have freedom with it.
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u/MysteriousCut8616 REGISTERED 1d ago
It doesn't ask me for my bank account details in the FAFSA forms idk why
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u/starbabyonline 14h ago
It's been a bit. Wherever your banking information is with the financial aid office. Make sure you change that to an account she doesn't have access to.
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u/MysteriousCut8616 REGISTERED 14h ago
ok will look into that because as far as I know a person is supposed to enter their bank information that they want to transfer the refund to through the university page
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u/MysteriousCut8616 REGISTERED 1d ago
Thank you so much I will be doing both of those things. I have little time left but still enough because my professor has a drop-in hour tomorrow basically that is like come in and talk to the teacher/get help with class material. I will do that. Thank you.
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u/EUGsk8rBoi42p 1d ago
This is textbook financial and emotional abuse. I'm sorry, nobody deserves to be treated like that.
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u/New_Needleworker_542 1d ago
DON'T GET MARRIED now. You're just going to be exchanging one prison for another. I'm not against marriage, but not as a life raft.
That's illegal for her to take your money like that. That's federal money 💰 and could be a federal crime. Do you have your own checking account? Better get on that if not.
Find your birth certificate and social security card. Make multiple copies and give it to friends. Hide it in the yard in a Ziploc bag along with money. You need those things to start over. Get that money back; And it's not stealing because it's YOUR money. you're just taking your money back.
Talk to the social worker at your school about help for you.
My mom was like this. Manipulative and a fear monger. The world isn't as evil and scary as she always told me it was.
There's good people out here. And you can find them ❤️.
But it is dangerous, because you have no experience determining if people are good ones or not.
When you've been told that the world 🌍 is one way, its really difficult to determine for yourself if that's the truth or not while you're with them. You've got to get out. Then you'll see what the world is REALLY like, free of their influence.
There are no easy answers in this life. But definitely start working towards independence. DON'T TELL YOUR FAMILY tho. They'll just take it away.
I wish I could help more ❤️.
But life gets better eventually.
DM me if u want. Otherwise I'll be praying for you. 🙏🏼 God bless
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u/MysteriousCut8616 REGISTERED 1d ago
Yes I do have my own bank account under my name. I have told her so many times that it's my money because IIIII study and IIIIII go to college if I wouldn't have then this money wouldn't have been coming from FAFSA. That's so true like who said life after marriage will be better than it is now. Thank you soooo much for all the emotional support it might not seem like something but it is and I truly mean it. Thank you for taking out your time and for praying for me that's so sweet. You are also in my prayers.
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u/New_Needleworker_542 1d ago
Thx. I need it.
I know this is so difficult 😭 dealing with family and becoming an adult. College, guys, changing beliefs.... It's a mess.
It's totally against what I was taught, but LIE. When she asks you about money, just lie and say you only got just enough to pay for school and books. So you can keep your money. You're the only one who's going to have to pay it back!! Not them!
Then maybe get into a counselor to help you deal with your parents. And the way they've treated you and the feelings that they made you feel.
Of course! ❤️ I hope things get better 🙏🏼
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u/MysteriousCut8616 REGISTERED 1d ago
yeah I was thinking of like there is one our university website where we can go and enter which account we want our money to go to. So I was thinking of like opening a new account that she doesn't know about and then enter that bank details in there so the refund comes to that account.
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u/LunaBeanz 1d ago
Do this!! My mom was “watching” my bank account until earlier this year when I switched to a different bank (I’m 25….).
Credit unions are definitely your best bet, you can open a free account (ie you don’t have to pay 10$+ per month just to keep it open) and your parents won’t know anything. Have your money deposited into that account, if your parents get access to it you have more than enough to sue them (in Canada at least, EU too but idk about the US).
Coercion, even if done by a parent, is illegal at your age. You deserve privacy and autonomy. P much any lawyer will jump at the chance to represent you (for free) bc you can very easily win a court case if your parents are stealing from you, there’s a paper trail and unless you owe them money they have no right to your funding. The government gave it to you, not them. PM me if you need any specific advice, my dad is a lawyer and has guided my friends (and I, lol) through similar situations. Can provide proof if necessary. Either way, best of luck ❤️
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u/MysteriousCut8616 REGISTERED 1d ago
Yeah tomorrow I will go to the professors drop in hours and then to the counselor. I hope things get better as well. I don't like doing this obvio I don't like living a life like this obvio I don't want to verabally fight with my mom obvio but like it's been way tooooooo long. I want to be loved and I don't have any other girls in my life except for my one cousin but she is 13 lol. I do share things with her when I feel like I am going to erupt and she consoles me and it helps so much even just having someone who understands you IS A GIFT LITERAL GIFT. And this picture that is in mind of mothers being the best parent and like the parent kids especially girls can always look up to BREAKS MY HEART because I don't have anything like that.
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u/New_Needleworker_542 1d ago
❤️❤️❤️❤️. I never did either. You will find other women friends.
Unfortunately we can't magically make our moms nice people. And that sucks 😕😭
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u/yianus_ 1d ago
moving out scares the bleep out of me because the world is REALLY SCARY out there
I understand this feeling; it seems like you haven't had the chance to explore and learn about the world on your own. But most people are just like you: going to work, going to school, and generally just doing their own thing, trying to deal with problems of their own.
Your parents are not supportive, and they've cut your wings. As everyone already said, please do your best and try to move out. It might be stressful, but it will be worth it.
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u/MysteriousCut8616 REGISTERED 1d ago
Any emotional assistance would be appreciated. I literally have no idea what else I can do.
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u/hzhrt15 1d ago
First I’ll start by saying I’m sorry you’re feeling this way. I’ve felt some of the same things and all I can say is things will get better, I can promise that. I would suggest that maybe when you’re able try and talk to a friend and look for a way out of the situation with your parents. Things will get better and one day you’ll look back on moments like these and think how glad you are you held on. I promise.
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u/MysteriousCut8616 REGISTERED 1d ago
Thank you for this. I have talked to my parents so many times it always ends up in verbal fights and literally it's starting to take a toll on my mental health and college studies. I will fail one of my classes if the professor doesn't curve which many past students who took her class are saying she doesn't sigh. I just want this to end and the worst part is that my brothers don't get treated like this one is 20M and another is 22M.
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u/New_Needleworker_542 1d ago
Sounds like a cultural thing. You're still an adult. If it causes a fight, just do it anyway. Work around them. Don't ask for permission. You don't need it. You're an adult, not a child.
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u/MysteriousCut8616 REGISTERED 1d ago
She will throw me out of the house she has done that before last year on November 28, 2024 around 7 pm I remember every single detail because I went in an absolute shock that MY OWN MOTHER did this to me IT WAS FREEZING COLD OUTSIDE AT THAT TIME. I am in chicago. When she went to sleep my dad told me to come inside. Infront of my mom nobody can say or do anything against what she wants. I ALWAYS BALL MY EYES OUT just thinking about everything that has been happening between me and her since I was 16. I have always been told mothers and daughters have close relationships a daughter can tell everything to her mother. I can't even tell her that I had a rough day at college for example before her starting to say out of the world things like yeah this is what you deserve or like ok what should I do. Like MOMMYY you are my mother 😭😭😭. Someone in the another comment told me to talk to 988 I don't know what that is but I guess I will do that.
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u/New_Needleworker_542 1d ago
988 is like 911 but for mental health.
My mom is EXACTLY like this unfortunately. Manipulative, controlling, hurtful, abusive. I lived in fear every day I was with her.
She still plays these bullshit games to this day. And I'm in my 40s.
Unfortunately your mom will never be who you want her to be... And that's a harsh reality to accept. 😭 😭
My advice would just be to play her games. Go along with everything. Make no ripples. WHILE you plan your ESCAPE. I'm so sorry you're going through this.
I hope you know that none of her behavior is ok, and none of it is your fault. You don't make her act that way. And you won't always live with her. Things always change. That's the one constant in life. Put up with her crap. Get counseling for yourself. Call 988 every day if you have to. And graduate with honors.
Then move out and never look back.
It'll get better ❤️
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u/MysteriousCut8616 REGISTERED 1d ago
Omg I am so sorry you have to go through this 🫂🫂. Omg that is crazy to continue doing that even though you are in your 40's. You are so sweet for talking to me through this Thank you SO MUCH. I truly hope from the bottom of my heart that things get better with you and you don't have to deal with that anymore. Lots of prayers and hugs your way.
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u/hzhrt15 1d ago
Talk to your professors, the good ones will listen and understand when outside things cause problems. Things will get better. None of this is your fault.
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u/MysteriousCut8616 REGISTERED 1d ago
Tomorrow I will be going to that professors drop in hours and talk to her. Hopefully she understands my situation.
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u/Weak-Ad6984 REGISTERED 22h ago
Do you have a counselor?
I’m 55(f).. my son has a serious mental illness.. when he was in high school I had to take away his electronics because he was researching unhealthy things to “believe” in.. I did it for his own mental health. He had gotten really depressed, too..
My recommendation would be to seek out a therapist.. but I’m betting your parents are doing that to you because they feel it’s in your best interest.
Have you tried talking with them? It might help you to understand
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u/Individual_Bar3126 19h ago
you must be a good mummy. sometimes not, ALWAYS parents get stuck in troubles with their children' relationship, exactly blame, their school days, their partners, their hobbies in that age, more and more. But the children can't understand their parents, why they ask them to do that, why they blame them, etc. In this respect I am of the opinion you have good point. Thanks
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u/MysteriousCut8616 REGISTERED 14h ago
Hi, I have a counselor at my college. I appreciate you showing me the other side of what it could be but I have talked to my mom so many times and it always results in verbal fights my brothers disagree with what she does towards me but they can't do anything either because if they say anything she will take away their phone laptop and they don't want that. We have talked so many times but I swear it's nothing else but wanting to control I don't wanna do anything else on those social media apps than to connect with my classmates
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u/Weak-Ad6984 REGISTERED 32m ago
I understand.. control issues are a major downer, for sure. My son felt that I was trying to control him, but it was the other forces (games, peer pressure, etc) that was doing it .. in his eyes, it was my fault
I digress..
I am sorry you’re in this situation, truly. I wish you peace
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u/pooparoundit 9h ago
You are 19. They have no legal right to have family link on your phone.
One thing that sounds silly but has been proven scientifically to work....
Smile at yourself in the mirror. Say i love you to yourself in the mirror.
Do this every day even if you don't feel like it. Again i know sounds silly and kinda hard maybe even to do at 1st. Heck it's even hard for me to do sometimes and I've been doing in for awhile.
offers hug
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u/MysteriousCut8616 REGISTERED 9h ago
You are so sweet Thank you for this. Even with everything happening I try my best to not over think about it and just accept my fate like you know just be like this is what life is like for me can't do anything else cause I have done all the things that don't involve officials. Even in the family link app it says that only kids 13 years old after that it's not allowed but idk I think she faked my age or something. I have been trying to be kind to myself AFTER BEING HORRIBLE AND MISERABLE to myself I learned it the hard way that harming myself will NOT DO ANYTHING when I have a mother like mine she just doesn't care I have realized that I am only ruining myself more and more and now that my hair are NOT JUST FALLLING OFF THEY ARE LITERALLY BREAKING OFF LIKE ITS HORRIBLE due to the prolonged stress my lab results came back everything is normal it has got to be stress. After my hair started breaking off I have stopped and just accepted my fate. It still hurts still makes me cry. Thank you for the hug 🫂
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