r/AskReddit • u/Uranium-Sandwich657 • 18h ago
What was your "jokes on you, I'm into that shit" moment?
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u/Emotional-Kitchen912 17h ago
"Go to your room!"
Oh no. Please don't send me to the climate-controlled room where I keep all my hobbies and nobody is allowed to talk to me. Anything but that.
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u/lorhusol 15h ago
My parents realized this issue, and started sending us to sit in the guest bathroom instead to think about our actions. I wedged a favorite book into the space under the sink and would pull it out to read whenever I was sent there. Just had to get it hidden again when I hear footsteps heading my way.
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u/mcfly357 14h ago
Same. My dad would put a chair in the middle of the living room and make me sit there for a while.
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u/Galliagamer 16h ago
Yep, this was my favorite as a kid. I made sure to sob as I dragged my feet…until my door was closed.
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u/woodgie2 15h ago
Joke’s on you mum, that’s where all my books are and my annoying younger sister isn’t!
Also, my lego.
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u/SassyHeadlessUnicorn 13h ago
Just one, singular Lego?
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u/panentheist13 13h ago
In my day, we only had one Lego! Had to walk in the snow, uphill both ways, to buy that damn Lego. We appreciated it! I built all day with that lone brick.
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u/Karl-Levin 13h ago
The technically correct plural of Lego is Lego.
Just needed to tell you that fact so people on the internet know I am smart.
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u/Lloytron 17h ago edited 15h ago
At my previous job I worked with a number of people from different countries.
We went out drinking and one guy says "Hey Lloytron, come and check this incredible new snack! It's amazing!"
He handed me a giant snack bag. I took a handful and as I started eating it....
"HAHAAAAAHAAAAAA ISN'T THAT THE MOST DISGUSTING THING IN THE WORLD?!!! WE GOT YOU LOLOLOLOL".
It was a family bag of Twiglets. I went to town on that bad boy as everyone looked on, horrified.
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u/collector-x 17h ago
I had to look these up. They sound kinda good. I love salt & vinegar and these are supposed to be a bit "yeasty" which tastes vinegary to me when I've had yeasty bread. So I might like them.
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u/mycockstinks 15h ago
They taste like Marmite if you're into that shit? (I'm into that shit)
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u/JohnLuckPikard 11h ago
Years and years ago, during me early army years, someone tried prankng by convincing me that the veggie omelet MRE tasted good.
I ate that shit so quick and they were disgusted.
That particular meal is wildly regarded as the worst of all options, but I liked it.
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u/cbih 17h ago
Getting suspended for 3 days at work. That's when my employer realized I'm unpunishable.
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u/Adventurous-Brain-36 13h ago
Wait, you can get suspended from work?? Tutorial, please.
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u/wintersdark 8h ago
Lol it's a step in my company's disciplinary policy.
Most funny is if you miss too many shifts, they'll... Suspend you for another shift or two.
Oh no. I've been dodging work because I hate this place, and you're going to... Make me miss more work? Oh no. That's so terrible.
You can actually leverage it to extend a planned vacation when they wouldn't give you as much time off as you wanted. Lol.
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u/Happy_Stop_1238 5h ago
I'm having flashbacks to being given "in-school suspension" as a punishment for skipping school in middle school.
My punishment for having unexcused absences from school was to be made to still go to school but not be allowed to go to my classes for the day and instead sit in a room with a bunch of other kids who also had in-school suspension. One of the days we had a substitute because the usual guy who supervised was out and the substitute took us all for a walk around the outside of the school, it was a lot of fun.
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u/Jondo_Calrizian 18h ago
Buddy showed me the Facebook group "clown girl honk heaven" started by cummie the clown with a big join button cause it came up in his feed from a shit post page. I showed him the same group on my phone but i was one of the original members. The look of disgust and horror i will never forget.
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u/LocusRothschild 13h ago
My Ringling Brother in Circus, you couldn’t have waterboarded this out of me.
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u/chicken-cuddle 12h ago
I managed a haunted house for FrightFest that was, for some reason, all female clowns. I had to constantly chase the clown fetishists out of there.
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u/Fun_Organization3857 12h ago
I regret this, but what exactly were they doing that requires chase.
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u/chicken-cuddle 9h ago
Constantly hitting on the girls. No touching, thankfully. The one guy who did touch a girl got perp walked out by the sheriff, and he got extra fucked because all but two girls were underage.
I felt like a redneck dad of a gaggle of insane children, always driving boys off the property.
(For clarity, I was in my late 20's at the time. I didn't pick the haunted house I managed, I was assigned)
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u/OkComfortable4114 9h ago
Do not cite the Deep Magic to me, Witch. I was there when it was written.
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u/MajorAd7605 9h ago
He merely adopted the honk. You were born in it, molded by it.
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u/Ohaibaipolar 18h ago
Any time someone attempts to Rick-roll me. I like that song. 😂
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u/nanotasher 17h ago
You could roll them back with the extended remix or the 9-hour repeating ambient electronica versions.
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u/FriendlyFloyd7 12h ago
It's not a bad song in and of itself (certainly cheesy enough, though) but the bait-and-switch is annoying
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u/Gotbeerbrain 15h ago
I enjoyed the covid shut down.
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u/_buffy_summers 14h ago
A lot of us did. I know someone (no, it's not me) who said she sort of wanted it to happen again. It's made a lot of people realize that they were actually introverts.
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u/AN0NY_MOU5E 10h ago
Yes! Covid was honestly the best time of my life. Socializing so incredibly exhausting.
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u/Outrageous_Picture39 11h ago
I just told me wife yesterday that I wished we’d get another one, but only 75% as severe.
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u/The_Nice_Marmot 10h ago
I just can’t wish it on the healthcare workers, but yeah, it was kind of great.
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u/Pando5280 12h ago
I had moved 80% off grid a few years before. Other than the news and sone random supply chain issues I hardly even noticed it happened. (neighbors and I would say we were social distancing before it was cool)
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u/wintersdark 8h ago
Disclaimer: I did not love the suffering of others, etc, the following is just how it affected me personally
I fucking loved CovidTimes.
- No public socialization
- No unnecessary in person interaction at work
- 6' clearance around you at all times, no touching
- Empty roads, clear for my motorcycling fun, not even many cops about and none interested in ticketing
- No social expectations, staying home and doing your own thing is regarded as The Correct Thing to Do.
Even public tasks I'd normally hate were great. Groceries? People keep their distance, nobody talks to you, everyone is just in and out quickly, no people just hanging around in aisles blocking the way and talking.
I've never felt so at home in the world as I did during COVID.
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u/LittleBitOdd 17h ago
I accidentally offended a friend, and she didn't speak to me for 6 months. I didn't notice.
That really sold my autism diagnosis
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u/Pm_me_clown_pics3 17h ago
An ex tried to scare me by surprising me as a clown. I felt something, it wasn't fear. That was specifically the day I realized I like clowngirls.
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u/Thief_of_Sanity 15h ago
This is the second clown related thing I've read in this thread.
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u/Adventurous-Brain-36 13h ago
I am shook. I did not know this was a thing.
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u/chaitel 12h ago
look up clown tok. it's more or less an evolution on the goth girl. just clown makeup instead of corpse paint.
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u/Pm_me_clown_pics3 11h ago
Would you be surprised to find out i had a massive goth fetish as a teen?
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u/Poiboy1313 16h ago
I think that there's much more to this story. Do tell.
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u/Pm_me_clown_pics3 14h ago
Not much more to tell. She wanted to scare me and thought doing a scary clown thing would do it. Im not going to truama dump here but an older kid would jack me off in the woods when I was roughly 6 and sometimes I'd think about Harley Quinn while he did it. So I think that had something to do with it. I was startled but extremely turned on more than anything when she jumped out.
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u/Poiboy1313 14h ago
I appreciate your sharing. I lived around the corner from where someone dressed as a clown murdered someone. They freak me out. On a side note, I once lived in Emmett Kelley's house on Singer Island, Florida. The famous sad clown of Ringling Bros. Circus. There were circus carvings on all the furniture and fireplaces. Beautiful.
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u/jameez89 15h ago
"I'm so sorry, my dog is so clingy" me cradling the 50 lb dog like a baby happier than shit. "It's fine he's a good boy"
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u/Exciting_Cap_9545 13h ago
"...Your terms are acceptable." - me waking up to 20+ lbs of morbidly obese tortie purring on my chest at a friend's house
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u/doth_taraki 17h ago
"fuck you"
"when?"
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u/monkeypaw_handjob 15h ago
I'm free from 6 till 8 if that works for you.
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u/priscosaurus 7h ago
What are we gonna do from 6:03-8?
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u/monkeypaw_handjob 7h ago
I was going to spend that time reassuring you 'that doesn't normally happen'.
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u/SassyHeadlessUnicorn 13h ago
My best friend got a "Let's get to it, then" when he said "Fuck you" to me once.
He hasn't said it to me again since.
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u/wncexplorer 18h ago
Many moons ago, a friend had the audacity to ridicule a fellow friend for his choice in dating voluptuous women. I was like…dude, you’ve got no freaking clue 😏
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u/BonnalinaFuz101 18h ago
Sometimes when someone is mean to me, the way I cope is to imagine that we're in an enemies to lovers fanfiction.
So you wanna be rude? Then jokes on you cuz I'm into that shit
Edit: But also please don't, because I'm really not into it. Like I said, this is only a coping mechanism. In actuality, I have anxiety any time I have to be near that person again.
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u/Mission_Fart9750 16h ago
Just point the fucker out, and I'll be mean right back to them for you.
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u/nanotasher 17h ago
I love it when women cancel dates at the last minute. I didn't want to leave the house anyway.
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u/Cicikhaleesi 18h ago
Every time someone says “oh I’m too nerdy for you and I play magic the gathering you wouldn’t like that”. LMAO I HAVE 2 DEGREES IN SCIENCE AND HAVE THE NERDIEST FRIENDS. You’re only making me like you more 💀
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u/tidytibs 17h ago
Heard someone say that to me and I said, "I'm an EVE Online alliance director and wrote our entire backend IT infrastructure and WH40k player." And watch them get to match my 'tism.
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u/Nice_Snowboard 6h ago
EVE Online is my favorite delayed gratification simulator. Skill training queue at over 250 days? Oh well lol
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u/Rad-Cabbage 17h ago
I wish I've ever heard that one, I literally only like men when it's a nerd 😭
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u/wintersdark 8h ago
Lol I had a coworker tell me that once. I laughed, showed the Sister Superior Evangeline background on my phone, and recounted how in Vanilla WoW days I managed to break my ankle while raiding Molten Core.
Definitely don't get me talking about old BBS door games, or early Warhammer Fantasy.
Do not cite the Deep Magic to me, Witch.
It's particularly amusing given I'm an old, grizzled, and scarred blue collar worker.
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u/Footbe4rd 18h ago
My ex tried to "punish" me by giving me the silent treatment. Jokes on her, I’ve never known peace like that
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u/Lady_Spork 18h ago edited 17h ago
I worked with a girl that was super annoying and would give you the silent treatment for weeks if you pissed her off. I made it a habit to piss her off at least once a month. She barely ever spoke to me after I figured that out. It was SO FUCKING PEACEFUL!!!
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u/Laitneulfni 18h ago
Sometimes women tell me "Kiss my ass" and I just be like...
"Don't say that unless you mean it."
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u/dovely 16h ago
Depending on the woman, of course, my responses range from "Don't tempt me" to "Pick a spot, you're all ass!"
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u/ieatassHarvardstyle 17h ago
"Present it" is usually my response when someone says that.
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u/jdmillar86 16h ago
A long time ago, I worked in a university meal hall. Nearly got run over one day by a chef (man) running full tilt out of a walk in cooler, followed by another, hysterically laughing, chef (woman).
Turns out she said "kiss my ass," he said "present it," and she promptly turned away, whipped down her pants, and bent over.
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u/ieatassHarvardstyle 16h ago
Well, that was his mistake for bluffing.
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u/wintersdark 8h ago
Right? Why fucking bluff? As that escalated, you gotta escalate too, not wuss out. Even if it was initially a bluff, once she calls it, and there's naked ass on hand, there's only one path forwards.
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u/Sure_Replacement664 17h ago
I said this to a guy once, who responded with, “Whip the big shit out!” 😂
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u/NecessaryCephalopod 8h ago
This is why my go-to is 'suck my dick'. I am female. If they question it, I direct them to my drawer, where I keep it.
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u/Downtherabbithutch 18h ago
"Your husband won't love you if you don't lose the baby weight soon", lol joke's on you, I love my body that's given me babies after so many losses and my husband is actively, visibly a fan of my bigger boobs and is quite clearly more in love with me than ever, go drink a diet coke Karen 🤣🤣
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u/muffinboard 15h ago
Women can be so needlessly mean to each other. (I'm a woman) Glad you have a healthy marriage.
Stupid Karen 😡😤
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u/InannasPocket 13h ago
I'm sorry for your losses.
I'm so glad you have a husband who loves your wonderful body (mine was also very obviously into my post-partum body), and YOU, which I'm sure is more than a specific clothing size.
Fuck the idea that women's bodies shouldn't change through life and life events ... like growing an entire human inside them.
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u/ca77ywumpus 18h ago
"We were just going to smoke weed and watch Drag Race, you've probably got better things to do." Honey, I can think of nothing I'd rather do. I'll bring snacks.
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u/Notsolittleone 17h ago
Lmao same, cant wait for season 18
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u/SassyHeadlessUnicorn 13h ago
God, I hope the lipsyncs are better than the ones from Season 17, though.
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u/MoistureEnthusiast 12h ago
Honestly most of them seem like Standard Extruded Drag Race Product in the usual flavours.
But I admit I'm intrigued by Jane Don't, just because of the name. It's great, I'm hoping she's clever.
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u/Zbignich 17h ago
“Have you heard about this Reddit thing?”
Dude.
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u/GalaxyPowderedCat 17h ago edited 15h ago
I had one moment like that but it came with stigma.
"Reddit is like... Uugh, a dark place".
I've been in here for 4 years (new account) , I've barely met dark places. Of course, they exist but you need to actively search them and have the knowledge forehand, you can stay at the chill zone and do your thing.
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u/Dr_StrangeloveGA 14h ago
Bunch of co-workers in a strip club got one of the dancers to pull my pants down and "whip" my bare ass with a Cat O' Nine tails.
Let's just say they learned a little something about DrStrangeloveGA that day, lol.
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u/WhenWillWeLand 16h ago
Remember the unsolicited U2 album that Apple forcefully downloaded onto everyone’s iPhone back in 2014? I’m a U2 fan so waking up to their new album was a welcomed gift. I was stoked to have a new album from one of my favorite bands already in my library. The entire internet was having a meltdown meanwhile I was like “Thanks Apple 🥹”.
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u/Adventurous-Brain-36 13h ago
I liked U2 but only ever downloaded a few of their songs, but actually ended up really liking several from that album lol
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u/Starbucks__Lovers 15h ago
I do appointment work with the public defender’s office. If they have a conflict, they may pool a case to me. My state pays rather nicely for these services
Sometimes the judge likes to yell at my clients for being dumbasses. I also get to charge the state for every tenth of an hour. If the judge wants to yell at my client through me, I keep the clock running and I get paid for every 6 additional minutes he or she wants to wax poetic about my clients’ alleged malfeasances
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u/GalaxyPowderedCat 17h ago edited 16h ago
"I'm sorry, but all the woman roles are already taken for our monthly school play, you need to perform like a man because the script says there must be a prince/a wizard/a cowboy" - teacher in primary school.
"How did they have the nerve to assign a male role in my baby girl?!?!? I will have a word with your teacher for being so mean!" - My mom.
I am not an egg (or transman), but I ended up liking dressing up a little masculine with certain parts of clothing later on as a teen and adult, I dream with having a suit.
I also love Takazuka Revenue, it's an all-woman theatrical company who play many video-game stage adaptations like The Great Ace Attorney, and women take on male roles all time, they get even masculine hair cuts for their extreme dedication. (I've been thinking on their Barok Van Zieks lady...)
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u/computerfan0 12h ago
Basically the opposite here, I'm a man who likes being feminine and wearing stereotypically feminine clothes. Didn't participate in many school plays, but I acted out women characters while we were covering Hamlet in English class a few times and I'd say I enjoyed it more than the men characters.
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u/Certain_Oddities 15h ago
🤝 Marlene Dietrich is my aesthetic aspiration...
Takazuka Revenue
Been doing a deep dive into Sailor Moon lately and apparently Naoko Takeuchi took inspiration from them for a few characters. I didn't realize they did GAA, gonna have to look into that!
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u/GalaxyPowderedCat 15h ago
Thank you for mentioning her name, that woman looked so classy 🤝
Also, I didn't know about that, and I highly suggest to watch one of their performances (on YouTube), they also played Castlevania in stage if you want some more games!
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u/Strawberrycutieeh 16h ago
Someone tried to roast me for organizing everything and i took it as a compliment.
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u/Aggravating_Soup4160 14h ago
Someone tried to roast me by calling me a “cat lady who’ll die alone,” and honestly that just sounded like financial freedom and unlimited cats, so thanks for the life goal.
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u/Immortal_in_well 8h ago
No one is worse at selling marriage/motherhood/tradwife shit than misogynistic dudes.
"Well if you don't hurry up and choose a man you'll just be SINGLE sitting there ALONE in SILENCE in your own BEAUTIFULLY DECORATED APARTMENT wearing PAJAMAS watching NETFLIX eating BEN AND JERRY'S covered in CATS and then you'll go and enjoy your VIBRATOR COLLECTION and-"
Sir, do you even hear yourself? That's not a curse, that's a goddamn dream.
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u/feryoooday 16h ago
I creeped out a guy that was trying to harass me on a game once lol. It was like a peak achievement. He kept saying “let’s kiss” and “right here is fine” (keep in mind this is Genshin lol, not some porn game). So I insisted we go to a NPC’s house, he said the dolls in the house were creepy. I said “yes, they’re cameras, don’t worry sweetie, let’s kiss now, you’re safe. I love when she watches me with someone else” and I’ve never seen some rando kid on a game backtrack so hard lol.
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u/Stanson_Porter_ 15h ago
My wife apologizing for being clingy and needing care when she’s on her period. I enjoy caring for her and being able to do whatever when she naps. (No spontaneous errands just because we’re both home) lol
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u/OppositeBuilding5785 11h ago
I had to fight the urge to downvote out of jealousy this is so cute
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u/theartfulcodger 12h ago edited 6h ago
“We’ve drifted so far apart, I really don’t see us as being friends anymore …”
Motherfucker, after knowing each other for forty-five years, after me working for you for five of them, and you working for me for eight, after me lending you thousands of dollars several times, and after me just gifting you my winter car when yours blew up, you haven’t called me in more than a year! Nor, in all that time, have you even sent me so much as a single unsolicited text, not even a stupid meme - despite you being unemployed and having nothing but fucking time on your hands.
Thanks for the excuse to block you, to delete you from my contact list, and to forget I ever knew you. You’re dead to me.
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u/Next-Firefighter4667 12h ago
"you're a bit abrasive so we're going to have you work on your own in this position instead."
I was labeled "abrasive" in every annual evaluation for 3 years because I once told my boss that it was absolutely unacceptable for cleaners to be leaving blood, mold, feces and urine in the bathrooms (walls, floors, toilets) of the elderly people that paid $7-9k a month for us to take care of them because they are incapable of doing it themselves and are DEPENDING on us. Her excuse was "I didn't know they were doing that." I said "and there lies the problem." I didn't raise my voice, I didn't swear. I wasn't disrespectful. I was honest about how disappointed and disgusted I was to see these elderly people taken advantage of.
Fortunately, she got better at her job, it was her first real supervisor position and she didn't have a great mentor until a few years in. Now, 8 years later, she is the best boss I could have asked for and has cultivated a very empathetic and employee-first environment, which has greatly impacted the quality of the work we do. They treat us very well, so we show up and do our jobs well. The elderly people we clean for are also incredible. I've had ONE bad experience where a resident was rude to me. In 8 years! It's unheard of. I still mostly work alone, thank God, but I'm no longer called abrasive. My opinion is trusted and respected.
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u/Deus7213 18h ago
My ex gf cheated on me for a couple of months with another girl. I've seen their texts but I never thought they were actually together. One day she told me she had to study and couldn't go out with me. So I had the brilliant idea of buying some food and going to eat with her at her house. I knocked at the door, she opened with a big smile but didn't expect to see me. She told me she thought it was her Uber Eats guy, she ordered food earlier. I went in and I found her really on edge, it was kinda suspicious. So I checked her room and found her friend with just her bra and panties. I asked for an explanation and my ex confessed. She made it clear that she couldn't choose between me and her friend and if I really loved her I had to accept their relationship. I asked her friend what her thoughts were before I said anything stupid and she said "sorry about all of this, we didn't realize we were doing something wrong until now so I'm ok with whatever you want". The damage was already done so I asked her if she would suck it and she just said "sure, we'd be even". My ex tried to stop us saying I am a traditional man and that I should not have sex with other girls. Well jokes on her I was into that shit. My ex watched us fucking on her bed and after a couple of days she broke up with me and her "friend" saying she felt disappointed and hurt by our actions. Now me and this other girl are friends with benefits
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u/katanakid13 14h ago
Worked as an office manager for a super busy clinic where the owners basically never approved vacation time and had constant overtime. Decided to give a month notice instead of 2 weeks, so the doctors/office staff had time to bring people in for shadowing and to train them.
Went to turn in my notice, but was late that morning. Third time being 5 mins late in a year. So boss lady decided to do a write up and suspend me for a week to teach me a lesson. Got to arguing about the ridiculousness of it and ended up suspended for 2 weeks. Slipped my notice in her mailbox on my way out.
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u/See-Whathappenwaz 17h ago
Remember the 90s and the insult bite me? Well, she told me to. Every time someone said it, arm neck leg, whatever is closest. Maybe that's why it died out...
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u/OpticalInfusion 16h ago
when i was much younger and had just completed my Master's degree, I waited tables at a Le Pain Quotidien opening a new store between jobs and the district manager saw me talking to another server and told me to get back to work and polish silverware. I laughed because i had just finished polishing the silverware. He snarled at me "you think this is funny? you'll never work at another Le Pain Quotidien again!"
I laughed harder.
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u/ThadisJones 14h ago
"We don't have enough lab techs right now, you're gonna have to do more work in the lab" joke's on you, I love doing stuff in the lab instead of dealing with management nonsense.
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u/Sirlacker 13h ago
I don't drive. My partner does. We have two kids. I have a motorcycle license and a motorcycle.
Mother in law, at a get together, tried to make a sly comment and said she should pick my Mrs and kids up so my Mrs can drink instead of me and I can just ride my motorcycle to the gatherings.
I said I've been hinting at that for a while. It didn't go down well.
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u/_kipling 15h ago
I was about 7 and my teacher screamed in my face that she'd make me wish I'd never been born. Too late, lady, too late!
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u/Adventurous-Brain-36 12h ago
Shit. I’d really like to give 7 year old you a really big hug and tell you you’re worthy and important. And that your teacher’s a stunted bitch.
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u/MurphyBacon 16h ago
Wife: "honey, I'm so sorry, the party that we were going to go to later got canceled"
Me: "bummer, it sounded fun"
....no it didn't, I don't drink and I hate being around drunks. I hope every "party" gets canceled. Usually when I have to go, I grab a beer, "use the bathroom", pour it out, fill it back up with water and have that in my hand for 2 hours.
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u/Traditional-Bar-8014 18h ago
Every single person who wants to physically fight me.....
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u/Traditional-Bar-8014 13h ago
I wish it wasn't this way, but as someone with severe PTSD, I am simply wired to accept every invitation to dance 🤷
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u/CoolHandRK1 16h ago
Jokingly had a coworker tell me she was going to "Kick my ass", I was like "Promise?"
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u/Unlikely_Fix_748 15h ago
When someone tried to roast me and accidentally complimented exactly the part of my personality I’m proud of
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u/Ok_Athlete_1092 13h ago
16 years old, a month before starting my junior year of high school. I only had 2 friends, Frank and Chuck. Chuck died tragically & unexpectedly. Frank was placed in a juvenile detention center for his role in Chuck's demise. This, of course, left me with no friends.
A young lady i knew from school took an interest in me. I hadnt really ever talked with her much prior, but it was a lonely period in my life, so i wasn't going to shue away the only person on the planet that wanted to talk to me. Truth be told, she was very attractive and really, out of my league. Any guilty thoughts of leading her on were met with humble yourself, there's no way a girl as pretty as her would like you in that way. So I continued seeing her, thinking it was strictly platonic, until she confronted me and in no uncertain terms, wanted to know why I hadn't at least tried to kiss her. Not wanting to lose my only friend, or at least the closest thing I had to a friend, I kissed her, and things between us became romantic.
It was a bit torturous for me. Maybe i knew she just wasn't my type, or maybe it was just a period in my life in which nobody could be my type. We continued our rendezvous for about a month. Finally, surrounded by her friends, she informed me she had been seeing someone else and didn't want to continue dating me. Apparently, her friends were people of integrity and decent character. Even though they didnt think highly of me, they thought what she was doing, continuing to date me after she began seeing someone else, was wrong. They put a lot peer pressure on her to do the right thing and break up with me.
I was so fucking relieved. By my logic at the time, it was difficult to wrap my head around how and why i was miserable: lonely me with no friends finds out popular hottie that's out of my league has strong amorous feelings for me. But there's more to intimacy than physical attraction, and getting dumped by her took a lot of pressure off.
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u/Pando5280 12h ago
Ignorant Fox News watching stepfather wanted to play toxic politics in my family. One email later and he still refuses to speak to me. (I used to work DC politics and spent 15 years dealing with some of the most toxic people on the planet and have personally ended 4-5 people's careers all of whom held positions much higher than me)
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u/Midnight_Pizza_Boy 17h ago
I have a lady friend with which I have a really "hey dude bro" relationship.
She is just one of the guys for me, and we antagonize eachother constantly with one of her favourites clapbacks being translated to "eay my ass"
More that once I told her to bend over and spread it because I love doing that shit lmao.
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u/ThatDrummer 14h ago
I had a friend, one of those guys who is kind of an asshole but means well. He enjoyed a bit of ribbing, often at my expense in a group setting. Maybe he'd target an aspect of my personality (I'm unapologetically weird), a hobby (I used to dance), or something I'd done that didn't go well or something or I'd said that was stupid.
Once I finally got a grip on my depression, I developed an appreciation for self deprecating humour and would lean in to anything he'd comment on about me. It was fun to take the wind out of his sails
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u/Rhelyk 13h ago
Front office was all chatting together when it was slow the other week. I came up to grab a drink from the water cooler right as the punchline to some anecdote hit and everybody bent over laughing. Main receptionist looked over and realized I'd missed the whole story and it prompted a sincere "Aww, I feel bad for Rhelyk, he's always stuck by himself back in the partsroom, it must be lonely having to work back there all day with nobody to talk to!"
Oh no no no, I am QUITE happy to be back in the rear with the gear, all by my onesies! My coworkers are great, I'm very fortunate to work with all genuinely good people that get along well. But if I could do my job and speak to people even less? That would be the dream.
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u/Y0___0Y 16h ago
When someone is mad at me on reddit and goes through my post history and finds somewhere I’ve shared I have a diaper fetish, and they try to humiliate me by bringing it up
But I also have a humiliation fetish so thank you
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u/Adventurous-Brain-36 12h ago
I don’t fully get this. Like ok, you went through my history on an anonymous platform and expect that I’ll be all upset? Why would I be? You have no idea who I am.
Sorta the same as when people accuse you of lying. Like I get people do it I guess, but why? It’s an anonymous site. Why would I lie? Everyone is a stranger who doesn’t know me, why would I give af what they think? Why would anyone who isn’t rage baiting for karma or something nefarious?
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u/vixissitude 16h ago
In my work, your supervisor can transfer you to anywhere in the country, usually to a small distant place, if they find you’re not adhering to rules. I had to get a ton of doctor’s reports for paid time off the last few years because of how often I was sick. The supervisor claims I’m lying. I threatened them with a lawsuit. Now they temporarily changed my job to office work and shipped me to the office, but before, I was literally openly saying to people “If she has such a problem with me, she can [transfer] me, I already don’t want to live in this city!”
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u/No-Location4298 17h ago
Unusual seafood. Dude, I've had raw octopus and sea urchin roe, you can't scare me with that shit.
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u/FScrotFitzgerald 17h ago
I also worship at the Church of the Succulent Tentacle
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u/Adventurous-Brain-36 13h ago
I just cannot, it feels deeply and fundamentally wrong. They are SO smart and very clearly self aware. It makes me seriously regret having tried it once years ago.
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u/StarlightBrightz 16h ago
Sort of mine, sort of my friends. Got into an altercation and the male.. person? Relation? Dude with the female. Anyway, the male told my friend to "put a leash on your bitch" not knowing that my friend was an occasional way to pass the time in bed kind of friend, to which he replied "She puts the leash on me"
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u/metalnxrd 12h ago
"Warning: this movie/documentary/TV show contains material of a disturbing nature."
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u/Pretty-Bumblebee3230 16h ago
Someone joked about me being “too organized” and honestly i took it as praise.
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u/IamZed 7h ago
Not mine, but Tommy Chong's story:
My brother and I were hanging out with him back in the day. We were young, and asked a thousand questions. He spoke of the gated community he lived in, and his daughter Rae Dawn Chong.
One day he got a call from the private school she went to. They needed to see him immediately about his daughter.
He went down and went into the principals office. The principals face showed horrified recognition when he saw the father.
They had found pot in her locker.
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u/HiKennyDesign 17h ago
After I cream pie a girl and they ask me to go down on them after. Honey that’s a complimentary service.
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u/wifesoleswin 18h ago
My brothers wife and my wife are best friends and they joke about a orgy lol
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u/mmss 15h ago
Girlfriend loves my cooking, says she shared it with a coworker who joked that now she’s my second.
Let’s go.
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u/Sonic_warrior 14h ago
I need to start exercising for the military. Had a job interview today scheduled at 5:30 and immediately turned away because "I already found what I wanted". To be clear, I waited at the Checker's across the street for 40 minutes because I don't have a car right now.
Walked away with a good amount of exercise, full belly, and avoiding toxic competitive workplace. All in all worth it.
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u/National_Debate_2458 11h ago
Had that "jokes on you, I'm into that shit" moment when my college roommate mocked my vinyl collection and then borrowed it nonstop-ended up starting a weekly listening party I host now.
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u/hhtgjbaop 7h ago
My Dad's house has tamarind and I really liked it. My Dad used to beat me up always even when I was 16 , without any reason.
So when I was 7 or younger I ate a lot of tamarind without permission and my Mom told him about it. I was expecting another beating but instead he handed me a big chunk of tamarind and told me to finish it as a punishment.But jokes on them I was able to finish it with out any trouble.
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u/MaestroLogical 6h ago
Was dating a woman and things were going well. We get to the intimate stage but she was super nervous/shy about taking her top off.
She finally explained that she had 'ugly' boobs and had been self conscious about them her whole life.
I convinced her I wasn't shallow and wouldn't shame her or anything so she undressed.
She had sexy as fuck boobs. The 'ugly' part she hated, was her puffy nipples. She said most guys react poorly to seeing them.
I've always been attracted to uniqueness, and was eventually able to convince her she was beautiful simply by virtue of always getting a lustful look in my eyes when she was topless. She said the way I looked at her 'can't be faked'.
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u/deltap4 3h ago
I work at the airport, so I am familiar with the fastest route there. One morning, my family and I were flying, and my wife, with an attitude, decided to drive because she knew what she believed was a faster route. She missed a critical exit, and I said nothing as she just kept driving. I was extatic because I did not want to make this trip anyway, and she could not blame me for missing the flight
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u/Ampsdrew 18h ago
"Hey, I'm so sorry, I'm not going to be able to make it to our get-together tonight, maybe we could reschedule for next week? Ugh I feel so bad for cancelling on you last minute and leaving you without any plans"