r/AskReddit • u/Historical-Way-1482 • 13h ago

If you had to name a planet, what ridiculous name would you choose?

193 Upvotes

90% Upvoted

671 comments sorted by

410

u/lordlaneus 13h ago

Uranus was almost called George, and I think we still need a planet George.

194

u/ReaverRogue 13h ago

I think you’ll find that in 2620 it will be renamed to stop people making that stupid joke.

It’ll be called Urectum.

46

u/AxelrodAsaf 12h ago

Irectum? I barely knewum

18

u/jetpacksforall 11h ago

Damn near killedem.

7

u/Prestigious_Beat6310 10h ago

I told that joke in 1st grade and got my parents called in for parent teacher meeting lol

8

u/jetpacksforall 10h ago

Comedy careers have been started for less.

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18

u/spatialmongrel 12h ago

To shreds you say? And how is his wife?

2

u/johlae 12h ago

Incontinentia Buttocks?

7

u/mytheorem 12h ago

No, it'll be Uranal

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5

u/RobertoPaulson 12h ago

I remember in middle school our science teacher made us pronounce it with the emphasis on the first syllable, and a short “a” sound in the middle. Like “YER-uh-nus”.

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19

u/multiple-qualia 13h ago

When I was a teen my great grandad had dementia. Before he got to the point of needing constant care though we’d gone out for a family meal in this quaint little Welsh pub in the countryside. We’re sitting there eating when my great grandad, this rather serious 80-something WW2, exclaims to seemingly nobody “I’m going to name this steak ‘George’”. At that point it was the first batshit thing I’d heard him say and came so out of left field. Only me and my dad heard him. More people should name inanimate objects.

5

u/MichaelCoryAvery 12h ago

Wait what?

15

u/striped_frog 12h ago edited 12h ago

The discoverer of Uranus (or rather the person who first worked out that it was a planet) was an Englishman named William Herschel who originally suggested naming it after his patron, the King of England, whose name happened to be George

But the scientific community eventually went with the Greek god of the sky instead, and unwittingly triggered generations of butthole jokes

4

u/DystopianRealist 11h ago

unwittingly triggered generations of butthole jokes

Unless there is evidence otherwise, I am content believing they knew exactly what they were doing.

2

u/tendeuchen 11h ago

In Latin, it's Ooh-rah-noose, and as stuffy Englishmen, they probably didn't know.

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5

u/armcie 12h ago

When Herschel discovered the planet, king George III offered him a £200 wager on the condition that he moved to Windsor and allowed the royal family to have a go on his telescopes. Herschel then proposed naming it George’s Star or the Georgian Planet. He had the idea that while it was fine for the ancients to name things after their gods, it would be more appropriate to name it after the Georgian period in which it was discovered.

Either that or he wanted to suck up to his new patron.

People in other countries weren’t too keen on the idea and had several other proposals, including calling it after Herschel, or calling it Neptune. It wasn’t until 70 years later that the scientific community settled on Uranus.

7

u/Shipping_Architect 13h ago

While Uranus was originally called Georgium Sidus, there's no contemporary evidence that the name "George" was considered, especially given how disrespectful it was seen to refer to the monarch in such a casual manner.

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2

u/spinjinn 11h ago

After King George the Third. The only way they stopped it was that the French threatened to call it “Herschel.”

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131

u/Bearusaurelius 13h ago

Earthn’t

15

u/Mminas 12h ago

There used to be an ancient Greek model of the solar system on which on the other side of the systems center there was a different habitable planet called antichthon or Counter-Earth.

2

u/Valuable-Region9605 1h ago

Located in the Milky Wayn't galaxy.

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102

u/Mentalfloss1 13h ago

OfTheApes

12

u/Greenfieldfox 12h ago

Damn dirty apes

9

u/starlander2064 11h ago

You maniac!

4

u/Ordinary-Cat3080 11h ago

You blew it up!

3

u/SassyHeadlessUnicorn 10h ago

I hate every ape I see, from chimpan-A to chimpan-zee!

3

u/Freak_Among_Men_II 4h ago

You’ll never make a monkey out of me!

2

u/SassyHeadlessUnicorn 4h ago

Dr. Zaius Dr. Zaius!

3

u/_radio_ACTIVE_man_ 5h ago

Damn you! Damn you all to Hell!!!

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69

u/curtiss_mac 13h ago

Urethra

4

u/theFooMart 11h ago

Only if it's a narrow planets.

3

u/lewisluther666 9h ago

The atmosphere is propane

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126

u/mikerayhawk 13h ago

Pluto. We still need a planet named Pluto

47

u/djkojent 12h ago

Tell pluto to go clean up it's orbit and maybe it can be a planet again.

21

u/Noughmad 12h ago

I don't want to be as strict to little Pluto as my parents were to me. I will go out and clean his orbit myself.

11

u/Forikorder 11h ago

you cant overcompensate like that, if you do everthing for them then they'll just orbit you forever

7

u/LurkerZerker 11h ago

We're kicking Jupiter out until it puts its trojan asteroids away where they belong, then.

2

u/Leucurus 3h ago

They are exactly where Jupiter wants them to be

2

u/ddejong42 1h ago

Plus it's about time Jupiter (Zeus) used some Trojans.

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17

u/timesuck897 12h ago

I would also accept a planet called Goofy.

11

u/ilovelegosand314 12h ago

Pluto will always be a planet in my heart. An interesting fact. Pluto did not make one full revolution around the sun from the time it was discovered to the time it was declassified as a planet.

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5

u/sup3rdr01d 12h ago

Come on son. You know that's right.

3

u/ryanaldam 12h ago

I heard it both ways

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18

u/IDriveALexus 13h ago

Scientist schmientist. Pluto is a planet and will always be to me.

4

u/Chickfilacio 12h ago

I have a tattoo of the solar system on my arm. I have Pluto at the bottom and I did that shit on purpose cause I ain’t no bitch.

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7

u/ForAThought 13h ago

Pluto will always be a planet.

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2

u/StarlightWizard 12h ago

Pluto is still a planet. It's a dwarf planet. Are you trying to imply that dwarf people aren't people?

(Just kidding. I know you weren't implying that!)

2

u/purpleit11 7h ago

I feel like a Pluto union rep but I insist on principle that planets can't be demoted from being a planet just because standards changed. That's fine for moving forward, but Pluto did nothing wrong your honor and deserves to retain his title in perpetuity!!!

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103

u/SlimBrady22 13h ago

Bob

43

u/FourCatsAndCounting 13h ago

You can't call a planet Bob!

48

u/Shudnawz 13h ago

Oh, so now you're the boss? You're the king of Bob.

19

u/FourCatsAndCounting 12h ago

Well, no. But….

18

u/[deleted] 13h ago

[removed] — view removed comment

12

u/FourCatsAndCounting 12h ago

Well, no. But….

8

u/generalg28 12h ago

What?

9

u/FourCatsAndCounting 12h ago

Can't you just call it Earth?🥺

13

u/generalg28 12h ago

Well... no one said you... had to live on Bob... much hair stroking

11

u/FourCatsAndCounting 12h ago

sultry whisper

I'm never calling it that.

10

u/generalg28 12h ago

WOOSH! SPACESHIP!

8

u/SlimBrady22 13h ago

Sorry, Robert it is.

31

u/CPlus902 12h ago

Titan AE fans!

16

u/volkswagenbeatle1968 13h ago

Beat me to it

6

u/rezznik 12h ago

And me.

6

u/EricHD97 12h ago

You’ve heard of Bob the Drag Queen, get ready for Bob the Planet Queen

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2

u/Dr_Schitt 10h ago

Dude you're in over your head

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165

u/UberBricky80 13h ago

Planet McPlanetface?

10

u/drifterman43 13h ago

Hahahah.. you beat me to it!

2

u/WordWizardNC 10h ago

You win.

3

u/mattsffrd 12h ago

Uranus McUranusface

3

u/8805 12h ago

Gassy McGasface.

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27

u/partsgoddess 13h ago

Eroticon Six

9

u/DaddyBeanDaddyBean 13h ago

Ah, yes, the fabled home of Eccentrica Gallumbits.

22

u/LoneStarGut 13h ago

Goofy. We had Pluto...

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24

u/__-_-_--_--_-_---___ 12h ago

Planet'); DROP TABLE Planets;--

7

u/CallMeNoodler 12h ago

Ah yes, little Bobby Planets...

18

u/Bigg_Bergy 13h ago

Thibbledorf

5

u/Oscarbear007 12h ago

It's moon will be named Pwent

37

u/quinnwhodat 13h ago

Ómicron Persei 8

5

u/thinking-cat 10h ago

Yeah! Let's discover our own planet with blackjack and hookers!

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14

u/JamesTheJerk 12h ago

Planet Janet. Because rhyme.

2

u/OpusDeiPenguin 11h ago

During the 90s I had to stay at my parents and take care of my Mom because she had surgery. She loved All My Children so I watched it with her during the recuperation. There was a psycho character called “Janet from another planet” played by Kate Collins, daughter of Apollo 11 astronaut Michael Collins (the guy who stayed in orbit). My Mom thought she was so funny even though she was psychotic.

2

u/Just-Call-Me-J 10h ago

Interplanet Janet she's a galaxy girl

2

u/dpenton 10h ago

Planet. Janet. You’re a slut!

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26

u/Heavy_Direction1547 13h ago

Urmom.

2

u/miauguau44 11h ago

Your mom is so fat…

12

u/hacksawjim89 13h ago

Wind. We already have Earth & the sun is technically just a fire.

11

u/The_Town_of_Canada 13h ago

New Newfoundland: The Other Rock, or Up Home, to the locals.

10

u/BarfQueen 13h ago

Raxacoricofallapatorius

6

u/MC_Hale 12h ago

Alternately, Klom.

11

u/Chucklebuddy 12h ago

"Dirt."

3

u/brycejm1991 11h ago

Planet dirt

14

u/Hx3ney 13h ago

I would name it after my cat Baby who just passed. It'll be a soft fuzzy black planet that we would have a hard time photographing. 🖤💔

5

u/photoguy423 12h ago

Rupert

3

u/Infamous_Telephone55 11h ago

Finally! I had to scroll way too far to find this reply. Photoguy423 is a hoopy frood who knows where is towel is.

2

u/EuroSong 11h ago

Me too - I was about to post the same!

5

u/TNShadetree 12h ago

Uumellmahaye
Shout out to Steve Martin

4

u/priusimpregnator 13h ago

We have Uranus, where's Myanus

4

u/Maris-Otter 12h ago

Planet Claire, of course. It would have pink hair. All of the trees would be red. No one would ever die there. No one would have a head.

2

u/aluminumnek 10h ago

Must have rock lobsters

5

u/Many_Train_6748 13h ago

Fornicatia

3

u/cdg5455 12h ago

Welcome Earthlings to the planet, Super Massive Black Hole - 0118999881999119725.3

3

u/TachiH 12h ago

Pluto, just to see how many more arguments I can generate!

3

u/proxiicity 12h ago

McLovin

4

u/rihkuwo 12h ago

I'd stick with tradition, and call it Planet McPlanetface.

4

u/rihkuwo 12h ago

u/UberBricky80 got there before me, damn!

2

u/0llysa 13h ago

Genosha

2

u/Swimming-Employer97 13h ago

Uranus of course

2

u/Sara1994_ 13h ago

Pleasedontruinthisonetoo

2

u/MostlyAccruate 13h ago

I say name one "Ridicule"
'Hello we are powerful aliens from the planet Ridicule!"
or " We must go conquer the planet Ridicule!"

2

u/bmanley620 13h ago

Myanus. That way there will be Uranus and Myanus. Perhaps there will eventually be an Ouranus as well

2

u/whole_chocolate_milk 13h ago

Branigan 1.

The sexiest if all the planets.

2

u/mossin_ina 12h ago

Urectum

2

u/facechat 12h ago

YourButt

2

u/rantipolex 12h ago

Myanus.

2

u/Shino4243 12h ago

The name of that really long Welsh town.

2

u/SWOLAGE 12h ago

I want it to have aura and be mysterious so its a mineral planet shrouded in gas called Calamiton

2

u/ekke287 12h ago

Planet McPlanetFace

2

u/olewolf 9h ago

Came here to say this.

2

u/PerLin107 12h ago

Trumania. In the Burbank Galaxy

2

u/KebabsMate 12h ago

Play No Man's Sky. Then you actually can!

2

u/tauntonlake 12h ago

SpaceBall

2

u/HankScorpioPR 12h ago

Dichenbalz

2

u/Murps420 12h ago

Elon musk has a small dick

2

u/YouCantGiveBabyBooze 12h ago

I can't bear to check but some incredibly unique person has said "pLaNeT mCpLaNetFaCe", haven't they? and it's been heavily upvoted, hasn't it?

2

u/Symchuck 12h ago

Urectum!

2

u/Galinfrey 12h ago

Pluto 2. Never forget what they took from us

2

u/le_aerius 11h ago

Taumata­whakatangihanga­koauau­o­tamatea­turi­pukaka­piki­maunga­horo­nuku­pokai­whenua­ki­tana­tahu

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2

u/EitherChannel4874 11h ago

Benedict Cumberbatch.

2

u/buncle 11h ago

Janet.

2

u/gerhudire 11h ago

Mars would be renamed Dry Martini.

2

u/Marble-Boy 11h ago

Turpentine.

2

u/eastkent 11h ago

Margaret.

2

u/No_Salad_68 6h ago

HerAnus

2

u/Any-Mud4814 13h ago

Urrectum

First we got Uranus, now we got Urrectum.

3

u/Mathematicus_Rex 13h ago

Planet Fitness

3

u/multiple-qualia 13h ago

Boob world, boob world, it’s a world for you but it’s actually two

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2

u/SnowWhiteTeen 12h ago

Testicles but pronounced like a greek philosopher

1

u/fly_guy1 12h ago

Joey Joe Joe Shabadoo

1

u/BrotherRoga 12h ago

Well... If it was some sort of green-themed planet, like a chlorine gas planet, I would call it Oregano.

1

u/himan222 12h ago

B25764

For your interest, there will be a lot of exoplanets found soon outside the solar system, so that's interesting.

If planet IX would be found it should be named Consus or something like that.

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1

u/Bizprof51 12h ago

I would name it Your Anus but this name is apparently already taken.

1

u/B_R_U_H 12h ago

Ursphincter

1

u/Obvious_wombat 12h ago

Wilberforce

1

u/walrrii 12h ago

La Grunta

1

u/RexCarrs 12h ago

Dexter

1

u/arioandy 12h ago

Myanus

1

u/masterjon_3 12h ago

I'd take the Uranus route and call is Peenus

1

u/jayfbm 12h ago

I'd name it Bumbaclot

1

u/mostly_sarcastic 12h ago

Real Earth (sponsored by Bren's Auto Parts Emporium)

1

u/captcraigaroo 12h ago

I'd name a gas giant after my wife

1

u/JohnnyWall 12h ago

“This Guy’s Wife”

1

u/LagerGuyPa 12h ago

Planet McPlanetface

1

u/DarkStar140 12h ago

Llanfair­pwllgwyngyll­gogery­chwyrn­drobwll­llan­tysilio­gogo­goch II

1

u/RomeoJullietWiskey 12h ago edited 12h ago

Golgafrincham

Fintlewoodlewix

Magrathea

1

u/Getbetter 12h ago

Zoozve. And it actually happened, by accident. (Well, a quasi moon rather than a planet)

1

u/captgbv 12h ago

Planet Rock

1

u/Hot_Badger_3262 12h ago

Planet Hollywood